Monthly Archives: August 2023

Challenge, Healing, Identity, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Pornography, Women

Refining Our Souls; Pursuing Sexual Wholeness

Our smartphones today are no longer phones, but more so mini computers. Adults are now spending 20 hours per week on digital media. This means most persons will be faced with the option of viewing pornography. 

Similarweb reported that in 2021 the top three porn sites outranked Amazon, Twitch, Zoom and Netflix combined in monthly visitors. 

A nationally conducted survey among churches over the past five years revealed that 68% of men and 50% of pastors view pornography regularly (Pure Desire Ministries).  But, the most shocking was that 11–17-year-old boys reported being the greatest users – 85% and nearly 50% of young girls (From the web site Fight the New Drug).  Pornography in our country is a 4-billion-dollar industry.  More money is spent on pornography than pro baseball, pro basketball, pro football and the Super bowl combined per year.  Eleven thousand adult films are produced per year, which is 20 times the number of regular media films coming out of Hollywood.  The issue is sweeping through the church and with the present younger generation being exposed and involved, it is epidemic.  

Speaking of present generation, this is the generation that is actively fighting sex trafficking more than any other generation; however, this generation is also consuming porn faster than any other generation.

Too often we tell men and women caught up in this issue that it is solely a moral issue, but studies are showing that it is also a brain issue.  So, telling men to study more, pray more and simply to think pure thoughts is like telling a heroin addict to just stop thinking about and pursuing his/her drug – the brain is conditioned.

Studies are now indicating that when we are involved in sexual activity the brain releases a chemical called Oxytocin, along with other chemicals; it is the glue to human bonding. When we watch pornography, powerful neurotransmitters such as dopamine are also released and our brain then takes those images and creates a bond, actually interfering with human bonding and sexuality.  Dr. Tim Jennings, a neuropsychologist says that any type of repetitive behavior will create trails in our brain that fire on automatic sequence. 

Viewing pornography opens the door of our soul and spirit to spiritual oppression, confusion, hopelessness, hurt, control and domination in evil ways.  Women feel betrayed by husbands who use porn – cheated on really.  Women feel as though they cannot compete with the images their husbands are viewing.  It is an illusion that says women will do anything to please their man while no woman in real life lives within that kind of fantasy world.  It brings insecurities to her and can destroy her esteem.  She will question her attractiveness and her adequacy as a lover.  She can eventually think and believe that porn is more important to her husband than she is to him, an ultimate sexual betrayal.  

One thing we know from God, the Creator of sexuality, is that His love is completely satisfying.  One thing we know from the evil one is that lust is insatiable and can NEVER be satisfied.  Pornography and lust are a drive to serve oneself rather than one’s life mate or others. 

By viewing pornography and by going to their web sites, you are supporting the industry and helping it to grow.  You are contributing to the sexual exploitation of victims caught in this world.  You are adding to the sin of human trafficking.  You are saying yes to a multi-billion-dollar industry that feeds and preys on innocent men, women and children and can even lead to their abduction or death.  You are destroying those trapped in this industry (which today includes more teenage girls than ever), your marriage, your own family and yourself.  And then you excuse it and rationalize it.  You tell yourself it’s not that bad; just a quick look; it’s a natural desire; and some of you even change your theology to tell yourself…no, try to convince yourself that it’s actually ok with God.  Maybe even right now you have messages going to your brain saying, “But that’s not me.”

Here are a few things that the porn industry does not tell you:

Viewing pornography is addictive.

Viewing pornography will help to bring destruction to your closest relationships.

Viewing pornography brings feelings of shame.

Viewing pornography can lead to cheating on your spouse.

Viewing pornography can become very expensive.

I Corinthians 6:13 reveals, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord…” and verse 18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”  Ephesians 5:3 also adds, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity.”

Jesus did not come to condemn you, but rather through grace and forgiveness to remove sexual shame from you. In John chapter eight He told a woman who was caught in adultery that He did not condemn her, but then told her to leave her life of sexual sin. 

Our heavenly Father is in love with you, understands you and has a course of purity for you to walk in. Confess your sin to Him, receive His forgiveness and then find accountability and steps of healing. Here is an organization that can help: http://www.Soulrefiner.com.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Parents, Training

Raising Your Children in Church is no Guarantee

Parents mean well, but make mistakes. I know; I am one. Children make mistakes too. So, when I hear the comment, “Raise up a child in the way he should go, he’ll not depart from it…” spoken in a religious, pride-filled, I-got-a-guarantee way, I cringe. 

But, truth be told, we do not raise our children in a church so they can be perfect Christian specimens or simply do not sin and/or make wrong choices, because they do. Kids raised in a local church with their parents have the capacity to follow God or not; parents cannot force that. 

Your local church should be reinforcing your values as a parent, providing a healthy youth group and reinforcing through other like believers what you as a parent are teaching them at home. 

Our desire as parents in showing them the way of faith is to be preventative as much as it is to build eternity in their hearts. We want to give them the purpose and meaning of life so they walk in that purpose for themselves, maintaining the boundaries that God has written in His word. 

As well, when our children do mess up they have an advocate with the Father, His Son. They will know forgiveness and truth that sets them free. When our children fall short of God’s glorious ideal, just as we do as parents, they’ll know Who they can go to. They’ll know His love and His approval along with His love-filled correction. They’ll discover that even when they do wrong their heavenly Father never leaves them or forsakes them. In fact, when being honest with God, He’ll embrace them even more. 

Parents have the choice to offer unconditional love to their children on a daily basis. While the child may know this and take it for granted, it’s only when they mess up that they realize the grace and forgiveness found within true unconditional love. 

The fact remains, nothing can separate us from the love of God. And God’s discipline is a part of that love. When we as parents correctly, respectfully and without anger bring correction to our children, we are modeling the love of God to them. 

As a parent of three 30-40 somethings and four grandchildren, I will never apologize for training my children to love God first so that all good things from God can follow. I will never apologize for taking them faithfully to a local church, to church camp or encouraging them to travel with me around the world to minister to others. I will never apologize for taking the time to have family devotions, teaching my children the practical application of the word of God in their lives. All of these things are collectively fulfilling Colossians 1:28 and Galatians 4:19:

 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.

    My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you.

As parents, our goal is not to build “us” in our children, but rather, to actively and by example build Christ in them.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Women

Couples Who Fight About Money

We were one of those couples! Simply stated, we had extremely differing financial values. Mary called me a “tightwad” and I unappreciatively called her a “spender.” Neither term is endearing and of course settles nothing in the financial realm of marriage. 

It’s a dilemma for sure. We often carry our financial values into marriage from our parents or our family money values. If your family never took a vacation you may not see the value in spending money for a week or two of vacation. If your family overspent and misused a credit card, you may not know how to save for emergencies. 

In our marriage, we came to the point where we needed a strategy to develop a mutual agreement of understanding. James chapter four tells us that we fight and argue because we do not ask God. So, we asked God. When doing so, we discovered that we actually had the best of both worlds.

Mary was not a spender; she was a giver. I wasn’t trying to be a tightwad as much as I was attempting to save for a future investment. Giving and saving for investment. Now that’s a winning combo. 

Here are some points to keep in mind when it comes to family finance:

  1. It’s all God’s. You are simply stewards.
  2. God is your provider. Take a break and let Him be your source.
  3. In Him we lack nothing. When Jesus’ disciples returned from a mission trip He asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag, or sandals, did you lack anything?” (Luke 22:35) 
  4. Pray over your finances rather than fight or demand, i.e., ask God.
  5. Tithe or sow obediently into His kingdom first.
  6. Create a livable, life-giving budget.
  7. Allow for one another to have a reasonable spending allowance.
  8. Be generous with others.
  9. Pay all of your charges on your credit card monthly.
  10. Create an emergency savings account as soon as possible. (Start with $3,000.00 and then work your way up to three months of living expenses.)
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Challenge, Encouragement, History, Issues of the Day, Just for fun

30 Everyday Sayings That You Didn’t Know Originated from the Bible

  1. “Writing on the wall” – Daniel chapter five describes the prophet Daniel interpreting the writing on the wall that appeared to be written by “fingers of a human hand.”
  2. “Let there be light” – “And God said, “Let there be light.”’ (Genesis 1:3)
  3. “By the sweat of your brow” – Genesis 3:19: “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food…”
  4. “Of biblical proportions” – This is a reference to the plagues of Egypt described in Exodus 7 and 11.
  5. “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” – “But if there is a serious injury, you are to take life for a life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth…” (Exodus 21:23-25)
  6. “Man does not live by bread alone” – (See Deuteronomy 8:3.)
  7. “Put words in one’s mouth” – II Samuel 14:3 “And Joab put the words in her mouth.”
  8. “Put your house in order” – In II Kings 20 Isaiah told Hezekiah who was ill that he should, “Put your house in order, because you are going to die…”
  9. “Nothing but skin and bones” – In Job’s distress he complained, “I am nothing but skin and bones…” (Job 19:20)
  10. “By the skin of your teeth” – Again, in the same verse as number 9, Job says, “I have escaped only by the skin of my teeth.”
  11. “Broken heart” – The Psalmist wrote, “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart…” (Psalm 34:18)
  12. “Bite the dust” – Psalm 72:9 reveals “…and his enemies will lick the dust.”
  13. “Wits’ end” – “They reeled and staggered like drunkards; they were at their wits end.” (Psalm 107:27)
  14. “Pride comes before a fall” – “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)
  15. “There’s nothing new under the sun” – Ecclesiastes records that there is “…nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9)
  16. “For everything there is a season” – “For everything there is a season and a time…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
  17. “Eat, drink, and be merry” – Luke 12 states, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy: eat, drink and be merry.” (See also Ecclesiastes 8:15.)
  18. “A little birdie told me” – “For a little bird might deliver your message and tell them what you said.” (Ecclesiastes 10:20)
  19. “Drop in the bucket” – “Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket…” (Isaiah 40:15)
  20. “Rise and Shine” – The prophet Isaiah wrote, “Arise, shine, for your light has come…” (60:1)
  21. “Wolves in sheep’s clothing” – Jesus said, “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” (Matthew 7:15)
  22. “It’s like the blind leading the blind” – Jesus warned us that if the blind lead the blind both will fall into a pit. (Matthew 15:13,14)
  23. “Wash your hands of the matter” – It was Pilot who washed his hands of Jesus and claimed innocence of His blood. (Matthew 27:24)
  24. “The truth will set you free” – We know Jesus to be The Truth, but John wrote, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (8:32)
  25. “It’s better to give than receive” – Acts 20:35 records that Jesus told us that “…it is more blessed to give than to receive.”
  26. “The powers that be” – “…the powers that be are ordained of God.” (Romans 13:11)
  27. “Letter of the law” – “…not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (II Corinthians 3:6)
  28. “Fight the good fight” – The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy saying, “Fight the good fight for the true faith.” (I Timothy 6:12)
  29. “Armageddon” – This word means catastrophic event in many movies but it’s actually from the book of Revelation 16:16, “Then they gathered the kings together to the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon.” 
  30. “Reap what you sow” – The Apostle Paul wrote, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7)

And how about a few quotes in which the Bible is credited, but are actually not biblical.

  1. “God works in mysterious ways” – While it may be true, these words are not found in the Bible, but rather in a poem.
  2. “Money is the root of all evil” – Correctly the Bible actually says, “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” and not money in and of itself.
  3. “God helps those who help themselves” – God helps those who cannot help themselves as well. We are all encouraged to cry out to God for help!
  4. “God won’t give you more than you can handle” – Try to tell this to the person suffering from cancer or those who are in prison for their faith. The scripture actually states, “…God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear…” (I Corinthians 10:13)
  5. “Love the sinner, hate the sin” – These have become some of the most destructive nonbiblical words of our time. Jesus told us to love our enemies and to stop judging your brother when you have an even larger plank in your eye. (Matthew 5:43-48; 7:3,4)

When you hear someone reference one of the 30 everyday sayings above, be sure to let them know of their origin in the Scriptures. Then, also make sure, when quoting the Bible, you are actually quoting the Bible.

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