Category Archives: Singles

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Christians, Politics, and Voting

It is beyond me why any Christ believer would sit out or not vote in an election. Because if you choose to not vote, you forfeit any right to speak into the governing of your nation, state, or local government or for that matter, enter political issue discussions. Today we can literally see the results of what happens to nations who either lose their vote in the political process or never had one. I have traveled to a number of those nations, and the results are total loss of freedoms, extreme hardship and control, and/or poverty. Why risk that?

Christians are not voting for persons who fully represent Christ; that’s not the point. There is not a perfect politician, but we know what God’s word says about morality, character, and values. When the church votes, we are not becoming political; we’re engaging in backing those who stand with our values and beliefs. It’s a right that has been given to us and it’s right to give God thanks for such a privilege.

I hear Christians and non-Christians bashing those who voted for a candidate who they believe is in the wrong party. I have heard the world claiming that the church should not speak to political issues. There are even certain denominations who look down upon those who enter the political mountain because they feel called by God to be there.

If our government never entered into social issues like abortion, redefining marriage, and going as far as indoctrinating school children with certain moral beliefs, then I would agree with abstaining. That, however, is not the case.

God created the earth and those who live in it and having a say in who governmentally oversees that life on earth is not a political persuasion, but rather a biblical mandate. It is not a certain political platform (for perhaps no political candidate ever holds perfectly to biblical values); it is about personal values and beliefs.

To give you one clear example: If God created marriage, then it is our responsibility to hold to the marriage God created and to protect it from differing definitions created by politicians who think they can redefine God’s creative act. Not one single politician, including a president or a political platform gave definition to marriage–God did.

Those who lead our nation matter. That means elections and your vote matters. We dare not stay silent. Josh Howerton, senior leader of Lakepoint Church in Rockwell, Texas says, “We do not recruit Jesus into our party; we submit every party, candidate, and issue to Him. You are not pledging allegiance to a party; you are stewarding a responsibility on behalf of your King. Your Biblical convictions should shape your vote.”

There have been, there are, and there will be plenty of evil and wicked rulers in our nation(s). Jesus called them “blind guides” (Matthew 15:14). We’re not wrestling with them (Ephesians 6:2); we’re identifying those who follow their father, the devil (John 8:44), and not God. Every option we have is imperfect, but not every option is totally flawed. God can use a flawed leader for good, but a wicked leader is rarely used for good. It’s simply not in their heart.

We do not ignore character in our voting, but where a politician stands on certain policies can outweigh character flaws. There were plenty of flawed leaders in the Bible, but God was able to use even them to bring about His will on the earth.

Prayerfully watch and be on the lookout “For those who guide this people have been leading them astray, and those who are guided by them are swallowed up.” (Isaiah 9:16)

And when you vote remember this:

All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me [Jesus]. (Matthew 28:18)

The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will. (Proverbs 21:1)

When we are given the opportunity to vote for a godly candidate and they can win, the spiritual atmosphere can change. There can be a greater level of peace and prosperity.

Please exercise the privilege and the responsibility you have to vote!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Singles, Women

Serving One Another

Jesus, the Son of God, washed His disciples’ feet. What a humbling thing to do. Why did He do it? What was He modeling? And does this act mean anything for our relationships today?

Years ago, my wife and I were leading a couples’ retreat weekend. On Sunday AM after a time of worship and teaching, we felt led to ask the husbands to wash their wives’ feet. We gave them each a towel and a cup of water. We encouraged them to say and then pray whatever came to mind. We did not expect what would happen next.

Men and women were weeping all over the room. Brokenness was present in a powerful, Holy Spirit inspired way. To me it was simply obeying God as we proceeded in the service, but to those men and women it was a holy moment of repentance, breaking down pride, receiving unconditional love, and serving one another. It was so powerful and anointed you could feel the presence of God in the room. 

How can you serve your wife or husband on a daily basis? What can you do, not to be noticed, but to humbly and unconditionally serve your life mate in a way that has meaning to them? 

Jesus modeled acts of service as the Son of God, meaning we are called to do the same. If our heart is to be shaped into the heart of our Savior, then we will do what He did.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Men, Singles, Women

Playing God by Not Forgiving

Have you ever wondered why forgiveness comes easy when bumping into a stranger and far more difficult when needing to respond to a close relationship? Here’s why: You have far more invested in a close relationship than with a stranger.

When hurt by someone you’re close to or maybe even love, you can become significantly angrier, bent out of shape, defensive, and even prideful. When we refuse to forgive, the anger remains as does the broken relationship. We can fake it for only so long and then things begin to break down. We stop communicating or we simply “unfriend” them. When we withhold forgiveness what are we doing?

We are voicing our objections. We are saying the hurt is bigger than the need for reconciliation. We are saying that even though God can forgive, we cannot, making the cross insufficient for this situation. We are literally saying that the price Christ made for our forgiveness was not enough for our hurt.

When this happens, we are in violation of the scripture. Colossians 3:13 states, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Does this person deserve your forgiveness? Maybe not, but there is a higher law at stake and it’s higher than your feelings. Feelings should not rule our heart–truth should. 

Forgive as you have been forgiven. Don’t let pride get in your way. Your inner peace and your own forgiveness is at stake.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Singles, Training, Women

Does Time Heal?

We often hear the phrase, “Time heals,” but does it? The short answer is “no” it does not. Time in and of itself provides no healing, only distance and/or separation. It gives us a distance between the hurt and our healing from the hurt. Time separates us from the actual incident, but it’s up to us to use that time for seeking personal healing. 

Time allows us to seek forgiveness from the one we hurt or to offer forgiveness to the one who hurt us. Perhaps the depth of the hurt relates to how much time it takes for us to face our emotions or better said, our reactions to our thoughts about the incident. Time allows the intensity of the situation to subside a bit while it gives us a reprieve to think more clearly and to respond more accurately.  Time also creates space for acceptance.

James 1:19 reminds us to be “…slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to become angry.” It’s an easy verse to read, but a difficult one to walk out, especially when you’re nursing a hurt. 

Let’s be honest. We’re not hurt by things or stuff; we’re hurt by people. The closer we are to someone the greater the hurt can be. That’s why family wounds can hurt the most and also why we can carry them the longest. 

Here is some really good news when it comes to carrying hurts:

Our heavenly Father is close to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). He heals our hearts and He binds up our wounds (Psalm 147:3). Jesus told us that blessed are those who mourn, they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4).

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How Good Are You in Bed?

Having recently read through the book Song of Songs, I can’t help but notice all the references to the bedroom. So much of what we read today is how good are we outside the bedroom, leading to a better bedroom experience. But enough of that already; let’s take another look inside the bedroom. 

Marriage intimacy is, from every study I read, better than singles’ intimacy for multiple reasons. Sex outside of a committed marriage creates lots of baggage, lots of pain, regrets, stress, and loss, just to name a few. Hollywood movies do not help with the subject and neither does pornography use. In fact, they top the list at fakeries when it comes to the bedroom. But singles seem to care about bedroom capabilities perhaps more than the married. Why?

Are you good in the bedroom? Not a hard question, but rarely would we ask ourselves such a question. I am thinking what that question is actually asking might be: is sex reduced to something mechanical, something uninspiring, something rote and uneventful? The bedroom for singles is a place to perform, one-up the last sexual experience. Intimacy in a committed marriage union is far deeper, far more spiritual, and far more loving than performance. 

Lust is taking while love is giving. To be good in the bedroom, your first thought is how to be loving to your mate, i.e., a determination to be pleasing, giving, and pleasuring. It’s other-centered and not me-centered. It is not taking our spouse for granted because we have “the right,” but rather faithfulness and choosing only them in exclusive commitment. “My lover is mine and I am his…” (Song of Songs 2:16)

Further, your communication in the bedroom is that of encouragement and affirmation, it’s complimentary and loving and it is taking notice of selfless giving. (See Song of Songs 1:15,16; 4:1-7; 5:10 -16; 7:1-7.) Time is your friend in the bedroom, not your hurried enemy. The bedroom is not a “let’s get this over with” effort. It is an unhurried, peace-filled, quiet, uninterrupted moment of close connection and oneness. The bedroom must be a safe place, emotionally connecting, spiritually connecting, and physically connecting experience for both of you.

God generously gave this gift to you. He is not ashamed of your intimacy, He is thrilled with your lovemaking, love-giving, love-receiving, and love-sharing marriage.

But now I have grown and become a bride, and my love for him has made me a tower of passion and contentment for my beloved. I am now a firm wall of protection for others, guarding them from harm. This is how he sees me—I am the one who brings him bliss, finding favor in his eyes. (Song of Songs 8:10 TPT)

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The Dys-ease of Stress and Anxiety in Our Lives

Disease is a word that describes an illness or impairment. The prefix of the word is actually “dys,” which means “not.” We could say that a disease occurs when the body or the soul is literally “not at ease.” Stress and worry create mental, emotional or physical tension. What occurs when this tension is generated many hours over a course of many days? While some medical practitioners believe our bodies attempt to absorb this tension, the body is simply not built to handle long-term stress and will eventually break down. Proverbs 12:25 rightly reveals that an anxious heart weighs a man down.

Let’s face it, there is very little peace in the world today. Tension is present in politics, families at odds, wars, the state of economies, and multiple personal stressors. This world is full of things to worry about.

Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love said, “When I am consumed by my problems—stressed about my life—I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. Somehow the stuff in my life is exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.”

To simplify this thought, I like the words of Mark Batterson in the book The Circle Maker: “Are your problems bigger than God, or is God bigger than your problems?”

The psalmist David requested the Lord to check his heart for anxiety in Psalms 139:23 with the words, “Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Why did he want God to do this? David must have known that anxiety and stress would limit his ability to trust God.

Seven causes of stress/anxiety

We might not realize it, but we cannot worry and pray at the same time. Worry makes a demand on us to try to change our circumstances. Prayer says, “I cannot change circumstances; only God can.” That’s why the Word of God is so clear in Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

  • A state of worry and a high need for control: In Luke chapter 10, Jesus looked at a woman who was serving Him and expressed, “Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things.” If the Lord looks at you and says your name twice, you know you’re about to hear some “you better change your life” words. I think Jesus was saying, “Relax Martha. It’s okay to be who you are but trust me. I can provide; there is a time for everything.”
  • A lack of faith: We become anxious when we lack faith for our needs. (See Matthew 6:25-30.) Is faith the substance of things we are anxious for? No, it is the substance of things hoped for!
  • The loss of boundaries or loss of control that lead to insecurity: If children feel safe, they will venture out and explore. If children feel insecure, unsafe and worried, they will cling to their parents. Were you trained to be worried or fearful as a child? Were the boundaries unsure? Was your home a safe place or a place full of the unknown and unexpected? It is important to consider our childhood because one’s outlook on life and approach to handling stress could stem from these early experiences.
  • Not knowing the heart of God as our heavenly Father: Psalms 46:10 tells us, “Be still, and know that I am God.” When we do not know the Father’s heart toward us, we will never be able to be still. Until we discover the truth of what our Father is thinking of us, we could have every reason to be in a state of worry.
  • A lack of trusting God: Did you know there is a “Do not worry” command in the Bible? Psalms 37:1-8 commands us to not fret, but to trust, delight, commit, be still and refrain from anger. At the core of anxiety is a lack of trust. This could be learned from a lack of boundaries, lack of loving parents, or lack of revelation of God’s total love and approval. Worry and stress indicate the absence of trust.
  • A lack of protection and security: I was a child in the height of the Cold War when Americans feared the Communists would drop “the bomb” on us at any time. We not only had fire drills, but we also had bomb scare drills. During those drills in school, we learned to place our heads under our desks. If those desks were to protect us from bombs, they must have been mighty powerful! In life, we all need protection. Without it, we will naturally feel insecure. Laws that govern society protect us, and boundaries in the Word of God protect us. For example, when husbands fail to protect, wives will find themselves dealing with anxiety. If we as men are not walking in the governmental authority God has called us to walk in, we just might be a direct cause of anxiety within our family, just like Adam was in his. However, when husbands and fathers act in a scriptural manner of godly authority and covering, our wives and our children will be less anxious, more at peace and more secure. Psalms 112:7-8 reminds us, “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” Why? “His heart is secure; he will have no fear.”
  • Fear that overrides faith: Where fear is present, love is absent. Where love is present, fear is absent. The two do not dwell together in any sense of harmony. I John 4:18 reveals, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Listen to Job describe an actual physical manifestation of fear: “Fear and trembling seized me and made all my bones shake” (Job 4:14).

I am convinced the answer to stress and worry is found in one word: trust. Here are some ways to grow trust in your life.

  • Know and apply God’s Word: God’s Word has a calming effect. Discovering God’s thoughts through meditating on His Word will allow our spirit to transmit His thoughts to our minds. Read and meditate on the truth of God’s Word. It will calm you, reduce stress, and bring life. Scriptures you can meditate on include Jeremiah 17:7-8; Psalms 37:1-8; Psalms 46:1-10; Isaiah 41:10,13; Luke 21:14; Matthew 6:25-34; I Peter 5:7.
  • Realize that anxiety and worry undermine God’s supreme plan: God most assuredly is working out His divine purposes. His plans are higher than our plans. His story is the greater story; ours is the lesser. We tend to become worried when we do not have the finances for a bill that is due—the lesser story. God may be using that present lack of finance to build faith for the greater story of His provision. We might worry and become self-consumed when our car will not start; we begin to imagine that we’ll be late for work and our pay will be docked—the lesser story. But perhaps God is delaying us to protect us from an accident on the highway—the greater story.
  • Pursue obedience: Worry, stress and anxiety are simply disobedience. They are opposed to putting our trust in God. (Remember, worry says, “I trust myself” while faith and obedience say, “I trust God.”) We must come to this conclusion, or we’ll never be serious about overcoming worry.
  • Allow change to move from spirit to mind, not the other way around: Romans 8:5-9 reveals that lasting change is made as God speaks to our spirits, and our spirits reveal truth to our minds. When the truth is received in my spirit by His Holy Spirit, my belief system will begin to change. When my belief system changes, my actions will also change.
  • The Law of Attribution: This law is quite simple: anything we associate with being stressful, anxiety-filled or worrisome—will be! Anxiety is a present feeling or reaction resulting from anxious or untrue thoughts that in turn create anxiety and stress. I once encountered a counselee who was afraid to drive across a bridge. As a child, he and his grandfather had been at the very top of a long, high bridge when traffic came to a dead halt. There they sat in their car, feeling the bridge sway in the wind. Grandfather then said in a fearful tone, “Do you feel that? The bridge is going to collapse, and we’ll end up in the river.” Deep within this counselee’s memory, a fear was planted that bridges should be avoided at all costs. Was it true? No, but that didn’t matter; the anxiety was real. What fears in your life could be due to the law of attribution?
  • Learn to trust: We must settle Romans 8:15 in our hearts, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And we cry ‘Abba, Father.’” Faith draws us away from fear and anxiety and moves us toward our God, knowing He has everything under control and we can trust Him.

Anxiety is up to us. It is our choice. God desires for us to trust Him for our past, our present and our future. There are no anxious ways found within Him or His Kingdom. If He has everything under control and we are His, then at the end of the day we can pray, cast all our worries and anxious thoughts upon Him and go to sleep. I just can’t see God in heaven wringing His hands and mumbling, “Oh my word, what am I going to do now…how can I get through this mess?”

A crazy reality about stress and anxiety is that most stress-filled thoughts and worries never materialize. Allow God to give you His peace that passes all earthly understanding so you can walk away from stress even when it is trying to rage. Putting our trust in our all-powerful Lord, and resting in His love, is the greatest antidote for unwelcome stress.

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Listening is a Skill

We pay counselors $150.00 an hour to listen to us: more accurately, you receive 50 minutes. High schools and colleges offer “public speaking” courses. Have you ever been told about or offered a “public listening course?” I haven’t. But listening is a skill and it’s one taught in any counseling program. 

Listening to someone is honoring. It says they are important enough to be listened to. It relates care and concern; and it shares value to the one being listened to. Listening is an expertise learned as one matures in their communication skills.

We all desire to talk and be heard, but marriage is an exercise in listening. We need to really hear what our spouse is communicating, and sometimes not just the words. Communication is first and foremost body language, then tone of voice and finally content. 

The Bible has a lot to say about listening. For example:

“Jesus called the crowd to him and said, ‘Listen and understand.’” (Matthew 15:10)

“Therefore, consider carefully how you listen.” (Luke 8:18a)

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27)

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” (James 1:19)

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13) 

Are you developing your listening skills? If so, your spouse and your children will appreciate it. Your boss at work or your customers will feel like you care. Your Father in heaven wants to speak with you as well. 

We must stop talking long enough to listen.

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How Married are You?

Are you married 50, 60, or 75 percent? Or are you married 100 percent? Would you give your wife free access to your wallet? Wives, would you allow your husband to rummage through your purse?

Do you walk in 100% of trust with each other? Are there questions about total honesty in your marriage? When we have secrets in marriage, our journey of oneness is challenged. When there are secrets present, intimacy in marriage can go only so far. Secrets inhibit closeness and when closeness is inhibited our marriage will be affected by the loss of honesty and truth telling.

When we coverup, lie, or withhold truth in our marriage because we feel shame or we’re embarrassed, we will impair the intimacy we seek. The more we withhold from our spouse, the more disconnected we become. If we find ourselves using phrases like, “If my wife knew about this, she’d kill me” or “Don’t tell my husband what I am about to tell you,” we are damaging what God desires to build in our marriages and we harm the very reasons we are one.

Choose truth and become totally married–fully one! There is no room in marriage for deception or coverup. Go for broke to create a new level of forthrightness and openness while choosing to be fully honest with one another. The dividends are worth the pain and the humility it takes to be married 100 percent.

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Are You Married to a Faithful Man?

Faithfulness can be a bit subjective I suppose, but the book of Proverbs points us to a “faithful man.” 

The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters,
    but a man of understanding draws them out.

 Many a man claims to have unfailing love,
    but a faithful man who can find?

The righteous man leads a blameless life;
    blessed are his children after him. (Proverbs 20:5-7 NIV)

Men are different from woman. They think differently, feel differently, process differently, and even communicate differently. Men’s priorities are often different from a woman’s. Men’s friends are less judgmental and critical, taking one another at face value. Men love solutions and fixing things, even their wife’s problems. Men often have a backup plan. A man sees work differently than his wife, provision differently, rest differently, and play differently. Men like to conquer, have purpose in their day, and bring resolve through a male-oriented solution.

I am not saying women are none of these things, I am simply trying to help define some of the God-given differences that we need in our relationships. It is why women need men and men need women; they provide the different sides of God to one other. 

Men may define “faithful” differently than women. Men are faithful when they provide for their family. Men are faithful when they work overtime for a few extra dollars. Men are faithful when they put together that swing set in the back yard. Men are faithful when they change the oil in their car. You get the idea? Men see faithfulness in doing, not just in being. Further:

Faithful men do not lack purpose. Men without purpose get into trouble. 

Faithful men do not invest romantic energy outside of their marriage.

Faithful men have their wife as their confidant, not same sex friendships.

Faithful men do not engage in secret habits.

Faithful men are dependable and true to their word.

Faithful men protect their most important relationships with boundaries.

Faithful men act in love and are present, active in the lives of their children.

If your faithful man falls into any of these categories then thank him, affirm him, and be grateful. If he is missing the mark in any area of faithfulness then pray for him, believe in him, and trust him to grow as his Father works in those areas.

“…a faithful man who can find?” God can.

“…righteous men lead a blameless life, blessed are his children after him.” Faithful men are leaving a legacy of blessing to their children.

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 New Seasons; Next Generations

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.(Psalm 71:17-18) 

While my life has been dedicated to writing, teaching, counseling and multiplying myself with others, speaking into the next generation has been one of my greatest joys. Because it is the next generation(s) that will carry on what you and I have begun. 

When we’re young often the thought is, we will live forever and when we’re older, we will minister until our final day on earth. Why? Because the work of the kingdom of God that we pursue is never finished and we’re never too old to participate in it.

One morning in my devotional time I was reading Ecclesiastes chapter 3. This is the chapter where Solomon writes about a time for everything. Having read these verses many times, I found the Lord placing a new emphasis upon them. Reading those verses a second time, I sensed God asked me to count them as “seasons.” There are 28. This thought caused me to reflect upon what season I was in and what season I might be entering. 

If you’re like me, we often believe that while we’re in a certain season, we’ll remain there for years to come. But rarely is that true. Ministries change. Jobs change. Relationships change. Children grow up. If there are 28 seasons to life, what season are you presently in? What seasons have you enjoyed from the past and what seasons do you look forward to?

Are you embracing the season you now live in as from your Father? Will you embrace the next season God is preparing you for? God has new seasons ahead for each of us. Embrace them, grow through them, and complete each season faithfully. And remember, there are those who are following, watching, looking up to you, and will eventually take your place.

…We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done…so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. (Psalm 78:4, 6)

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