Category Archives: Small Groups

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The Dys-ease of Stress and Anxiety in Our Lives

Disease is a word that describes an illness or impairment. The prefix of the word is actually “dys,” which means “not.” We could say that a disease occurs when the body or the soul is literally “not at ease.” Stress and worry create mental, emotional or physical tension. What occurs when this tension is generated many hours over a course of many days? While some medical practitioners believe our bodies attempt to absorb this tension, the body is simply not built to handle long-term stress and will eventually break down. Proverbs 12:25 rightly reveals that an anxious heart weighs a man down.

Let’s face it, there is very little peace in the world today. Tension is present in politics, families at odds, wars, the state of economies, and multiple personal stressors. This world is full of things to worry about.

Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love said, “When I am consumed by my problems—stressed about my life—I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. Somehow the stuff in my life is exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.”

To simplify this thought, I like the words of Mark Batterson in the book The Circle Maker: “Are your problems bigger than God, or is God bigger than your problems?”

The psalmist David requested the Lord to check his heart for anxiety in Psalms 139:23 with the words, “Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Why did he want God to do this? David must have known that anxiety and stress would limit his ability to trust God.

Seven causes of stress/anxiety

We might not realize it, but we cannot worry and pray at the same time. Worry makes a demand on us to try to change our circumstances. Prayer says, “I cannot change circumstances; only God can.” That’s why the Word of God is so clear in Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

  • A state of worry and a high need for control: In Luke chapter 10, Jesus looked at a woman who was serving Him and expressed, “Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things.” If the Lord looks at you and says your name twice, you know you’re about to hear some “you better change your life” words. I think Jesus was saying, “Relax Martha. It’s okay to be who you are but trust me. I can provide; there is a time for everything.”
  • A lack of faith: We become anxious when we lack faith for our needs. (See Matthew 6:25-30.) Is faith the substance of things we are anxious for? No, it is the substance of things hoped for!
  • The loss of boundaries or loss of control that lead to insecurity: If children feel safe, they will venture out and explore. If children feel insecure, unsafe and worried, they will cling to their parents. Were you trained to be worried or fearful as a child? Were the boundaries unsure? Was your home a safe place or a place full of the unknown and unexpected? It is important to consider our childhood because one’s outlook on life and approach to handling stress could stem from these early experiences.
  • Not knowing the heart of God as our heavenly Father: Psalms 46:10 tells us, “Be still, and know that I am God.” When we do not know the Father’s heart toward us, we will never be able to be still. Until we discover the truth of what our Father is thinking of us, we could have every reason to be in a state of worry.
  • A lack of trusting God: Did you know there is a “Do not worry” command in the Bible? Psalms 37:1-8 commands us to not fret, but to trust, delight, commit, be still and refrain from anger. At the core of anxiety is a lack of trust. This could be learned from a lack of boundaries, lack of loving parents, or lack of revelation of God’s total love and approval. Worry and stress indicate the absence of trust.
  • A lack of protection and security: I was a child in the height of the Cold War when Americans feared the Communists would drop “the bomb” on us at any time. We not only had fire drills, but we also had bomb scare drills. During those drills in school, we learned to place our heads under our desks. If those desks were to protect us from bombs, they must have been mighty powerful! In life, we all need protection. Without it, we will naturally feel insecure. Laws that govern society protect us, and boundaries in the Word of God protect us. For example, when husbands fail to protect, wives will find themselves dealing with anxiety. If we as men are not walking in the governmental authority God has called us to walk in, we just might be a direct cause of anxiety within our family, just like Adam was in his. However, when husbands and fathers act in a scriptural manner of godly authority and covering, our wives and our children will be less anxious, more at peace and more secure. Psalms 112:7-8 reminds us, “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” Why? “His heart is secure; he will have no fear.”
  • Fear that overrides faith: Where fear is present, love is absent. Where love is present, fear is absent. The two do not dwell together in any sense of harmony. I John 4:18 reveals, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Listen to Job describe an actual physical manifestation of fear: “Fear and trembling seized me and made all my bones shake” (Job 4:14).

I am convinced the answer to stress and worry is found in one word: trust. Here are some ways to grow trust in your life.

  • Know and apply God’s Word: God’s Word has a calming effect. Discovering God’s thoughts through meditating on His Word will allow our spirit to transmit His thoughts to our minds. Read and meditate on the truth of God’s Word. It will calm you, reduce stress, and bring life. Scriptures you can meditate on include Jeremiah 17:7-8; Psalms 37:1-8; Psalms 46:1-10; Isaiah 41:10,13; Luke 21:14; Matthew 6:25-34; I Peter 5:7.
  • Realize that anxiety and worry undermine God’s supreme plan: God most assuredly is working out His divine purposes. His plans are higher than our plans. His story is the greater story; ours is the lesser. We tend to become worried when we do not have the finances for a bill that is due—the lesser story. God may be using that present lack of finance to build faith for the greater story of His provision. We might worry and become self-consumed when our car will not start; we begin to imagine that we’ll be late for work and our pay will be docked—the lesser story. But perhaps God is delaying us to protect us from an accident on the highway—the greater story.
  • Pursue obedience: Worry, stress and anxiety are simply disobedience. They are opposed to putting our trust in God. (Remember, worry says, “I trust myself” while faith and obedience say, “I trust God.”) We must come to this conclusion, or we’ll never be serious about overcoming worry.
  • Allow change to move from spirit to mind, not the other way around: Romans 8:5-9 reveals that lasting change is made as God speaks to our spirits, and our spirits reveal truth to our minds. When the truth is received in my spirit by His Holy Spirit, my belief system will begin to change. When my belief system changes, my actions will also change.
  • The Law of Attribution: This law is quite simple: anything we associate with being stressful, anxiety-filled or worrisome—will be! Anxiety is a present feeling or reaction resulting from anxious or untrue thoughts that in turn create anxiety and stress. I once encountered a counselee who was afraid to drive across a bridge. As a child, he and his grandfather had been at the very top of a long, high bridge when traffic came to a dead halt. There they sat in their car, feeling the bridge sway in the wind. Grandfather then said in a fearful tone, “Do you feel that? The bridge is going to collapse, and we’ll end up in the river.” Deep within this counselee’s memory, a fear was planted that bridges should be avoided at all costs. Was it true? No, but that didn’t matter; the anxiety was real. What fears in your life could be due to the law of attribution?
  • Learn to trust: We must settle Romans 8:15 in our hearts, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And we cry ‘Abba, Father.’” Faith draws us away from fear and anxiety and moves us toward our God, knowing He has everything under control and we can trust Him.

Anxiety is up to us. It is our choice. God desires for us to trust Him for our past, our present and our future. There are no anxious ways found within Him or His Kingdom. If He has everything under control and we are His, then at the end of the day we can pray, cast all our worries and anxious thoughts upon Him and go to sleep. I just can’t see God in heaven wringing His hands and mumbling, “Oh my word, what am I going to do now…how can I get through this mess?”

A crazy reality about stress and anxiety is that most stress-filled thoughts and worries never materialize. Allow God to give you His peace that passes all earthly understanding so you can walk away from stress even when it is trying to rage. Putting our trust in our all-powerful Lord, and resting in His love, is the greatest antidote for unwelcome stress.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Small Groups, Women

Listening is a Skill

We pay counselors $150.00 an hour to listen to us: more accurately, you receive 50 minutes. High schools and colleges offer “public speaking” courses. Have you ever been told about or offered a “public listening course?” I haven’t. But listening is a skill and it’s one taught in any counseling program. 

Listening to someone is honoring. It says they are important enough to be listened to. It relates care and concern; and it shares value to the one being listened to. Listening is an expertise learned as one matures in their communication skills.

We all desire to talk and be heard, but marriage is an exercise in listening. We need to really hear what our spouse is communicating, and sometimes not just the words. Communication is first and foremost body language, then tone of voice and finally content. 

The Bible has a lot to say about listening. For example:

“Jesus called the crowd to him and said, ‘Listen and understand.’” (Matthew 15:10)

“Therefore, consider carefully how you listen.” (Luke 8:18a)

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27)

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” (James 1:19)

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13) 

Are you developing your listening skills? If so, your spouse and your children will appreciate it. Your boss at work or your customers will feel like you care. Your Father in heaven wants to speak with you as well. 

We must stop talking long enough to listen.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Small Groups, Women

Building Trust

It is said that trust is built on a thin thread. I have no idea where that belief comes from, but for many of us I am sure it is true. 

All relationships are built on trust; it is foundational. Once trust is broken, it is difficult to repair. It takes significant time to build trust, but it takes very little time to lose it.

I have heard people say, “I trust no one.” That must be a difficult way to live. To trust only yourself must be entirely lonely. 

What helps us build trust? Consider the following:

  • Integrity – who we are when no one is looking. Integrity is holding onto a consistent life of honesty in any environment with all our relationships.
  • Honesty – being truthful in all things. Building trust requires, no, demands being truthful.
  • Reliability – are you consistent and reliable? Trust is built when we follow through with our commitments and promises. The more inconsistent we are the less we will be trusted. 

How are you doing in these three areas? Is your marriage full of complete trust? Are you integral in all things and ways? Do you tell the truth even when it hurts to do so? Can others rely upon you and do you hold to consistency?

We all desire to be trusted, to be believed in. That means our intentions are trustworthy and we are transparent when we miss the mark in our relationships. As we earn trust, our relationships will deepen. 

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,
    but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out. (Proverbs 10:9)

The integrity of the upright guides them,
    but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity. (Proverbs 11:3)

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Holding Our Peace

Have you ever felt as though you faced something impossible–like really daunting? No matter what or how you thought about the situation you felt anxious, helpless, maybe even fearful. 

It was just like that for the Israelites when they found themselves fleeing Pharoah and his army. Exodus chapter 14 relates this familiar story. There they were sandwiched between the uncrossable water of the Red Sea and behind them Pharoah’s chariots with their earth-pounding horses coming closer and closer.

What was Israel’s response to Moses? They cried loudly, “Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians?’ It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”

Moses told the people to “stand firm” as the Lord would fight for them. But catch the whole verse recorded in Exodus 14:14:

The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest. (AMPC) 

God told Moses to tell the people to “Hold your peace…remain at rest.”

Anxiety, feeling doom and being overwhelmed by the impossible is appropriate when we’re not realizing we can trust the Lord. It’s natural to feel just as the Israelites did. But God reminds us He has this; He’s in control. 

God stopped the sun for Joshua. God closed the mouths of the lions for Daniel. Joseph was released from prison and became second in command. Paul and Silas were singing while incarcerated when the prison doors opened miraculously for them. God can handle your situation as you give it over to Him, rather than finding yourself in anxiety and fear. 

He will fight for you, hold your peace and remain at rest.

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Shame: A Tool of God or the Enemy?

Many of us, if not all of us, are well acquainted with the emotional upheaval of shame. Since almost the beginning of our existence on earth, shame has been present. 

Does shame serve a purpose? Is there a biblical or spiritual reason for shame? Is shame always considered something bad? Can shame motivate us? Should Christians ever accept feelings of shame?

Where it all began

God created a perfect world and placed mankind into a perfect garden – His garden. With the fall of man, came what is known today as the emotion of shame. The Lord God called to Adam and asked him where he was. God couldn’t find him? Not so. God could not find the Adam that previously faced Him without shame and fear. 

“He [Adam] answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid. And he [God] said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” (Genesis 3:10-11)

Fear and shame of Adam’s nakedness filled his heart, and the separation from his Maker began. Then, in response to the shame they felt, what does God do for Adam and Eve? By verse 21, God was handcrafting garments for Adam and Eve. Why? To cover their nakedness and to remove shame.

Just what is shame?

Because we as humankind are so full of pride when we fail or we sin, our pride creates a desire to hide just as Adam did. We failed and we don’t know how to deal with the feelings we feel. As God’s creation who desired to be like God, we fail to live up to our own expectations, the expectations of others, and/or what we feel God expects. And that is enough to bring about feelings of shame and disappointment. 

Shame creates false thinking like: I am a bad person because of my failure. I will never be good enough. I deserve to feel bad because I constantly come up short. I am worthless. I’ve been such a fool. Shame is something we place upon ourselves when we have thoughts like these.

I dealt with shame

As a child growing up in the 1950’s and 1960’s, parents often used shame as a means of attempting to correct wrong behavior. They thought they could shame us into better or more appropriate responses. They did this through words like, “You should be ashamed of yourself, acting like that.” Or we often heard this one, “What are you, stupid?” And then there was this one, “How could you be so dumb?” Shame-filled words do not administer correction, they create a defeated self-concept of oneself that can eventually lead to a very low esteem or even self-punishment.

Our Lord does bring discipline and correction to us, but He does it in a life-giving, loving way. His goal is not to crush our spirit with the use of shame, but to correct in a spirit of hope and encouragement to change our beliefs, thoughts and actions. 

Why then do Christians struggle with shame?

For many of us who have trusted in Jesus for our salvation, shame can still plague us. The enemy of our soul wants to remind us of our past deeds, sins, mistakes and then bring back the familiar feelings of shame. Often there are voices and scenes stuck in our heads with old video messages of shame-filled words that multiple people spoke over us. We often give in to those false messages and we allow these persons and their voices to have power over us.

It’s interesting that we are told in the scriptures our heavenly Father does not hold shame or sin over us. Why? Because it is not a motivator for becoming shame-free. In fact, God’s word says, “Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.” (Isaiah 61:7) Instead of shame…everlasting joy.

Also, through divine inspiration, the prophet Isaiah wrote these power-filled words: “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of your widowhood.” (54:4)

As Christians, we can still struggle with shame because we do not realize the price that our Savior paid for that shame. How can I be so confident of that? Listen to what Paul wrote to the Roman church, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” (Romans 10:11) The more we believe God’s word (His promises and not the tapes in our head from our former misbeliefs), the more truth that we store in our spirit, and the more faith and hope we have in the penalty Jesus paid. Consequently, the freer we become of shame.

Again, Peter harmonizes with Paul and writes, “For in Scripture it says: ‘See I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.’” (I Peter 2:6)

Stop hiding

Adam and Eve hid, and we’ve been hiding from God ever since. There is only one place that we are called to hide, only one place where we can rid ourselves of shame, and only one place where there is no longer any fear that leads to shame: “…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

Jesus was led like a sheep to the slaughter, arrested, mocked, spit on, beaten, insulted, given a crown of thorns – all a picture that was full of shame and humiliation. Jesus chose to obey His Father as He bore our shame and our guilt through a torturous and agonizing death.

There is no other place to go for freedom, for atonement, and for cleansing of our shame. Shame always says we’re guilty, but from the cross Jesus said that guilt and shame were paid for. He died for shame-filled sexual sin, theft, out of control anger, abuse, and anything else you can name from your life. When we repent of our sin and receive Him as our Savior, He pronounces over us that the penalty for our sin, the guilt, the shame, the menicing weakness we feel is covered by His blood and sacrifice on the cross. And from that cross He says, “Shame off of you!”

Jesus is the only one that we can trust to deal with our shame. He helps us to flee from the sin-filled choices we once made and lifestyles we once lived. In desiring to please Him, we can turn over those old video files and request that they be erased – permanently. We no longer need to feel ashamed.

“In you oh Lord, I put my trust; let me never be ashamed; deliver me in your righteousness.” (Psalm 31:1)

“In you, Lord, I have refuge; let me never be put to shame.” (Psalm 71:1)

“I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame,  nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.” (Psalm 25:2,3)

Choose a life of joy, free of condemnation

As we confess our sin, our fear, and our shame, believe God to release you of those burdens. Forgive those persons who spoke words of shame over you. Often those persons spoke out of their own shame-filled souls. Make use of the scriptures in this article to counteract the lies and the misbeliefs of your past. Remember that it is not what others think of you, it’s what your heavenly Father thinks of you and what Christ has done for you on the cross. Finally, live out the truth of this verse, “There is, therefore, now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1)

“Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.”(Psalm 34:5)

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A Marriage Mentoring Group is Born

Multiple younger couples were either coming to us or we were having them over to our home for a meal. It seemed apparent they were looking for marriage mentors, a spiritual mom and dad to walk with them and share some helpful marriage principles. 

And so, it began. Ten groups and ten years later we are still excited about marriage mentoring. We grab four couples, hand picking them to invite to our group. They should not be on the verge of divorce or in desperate need of counseling. This is not a counseling group. This is a group that receives care, concern and input, but also gives it to the other couples. It is their group, not ours. My wife and I are the facilitators. 

We use our book Staying Together, Marriage: A Lifelong Affair and go through it chapter by chapter. We begin in February and end the following January on a weekend retreat together. We meet once per month on a Tuesday evening with dinner together; everyone helps with the meal. 

That first hour around the table is full of reporting about the last month, prayer requests, jokes and laughter, fun and fellowship. The following two hours are in our living room sharing our experiences and questions in marriage provoked by the reading assignment. We laugh, we cry and we pray. We talk, we get passionate and we get real about our lives as married couples. 

Mary, my wife says, “This is my very favorite group all month. We love these ‘kids’ and we love their authentic, truth-filled responses.” If you are a happily married, seasoned couple with a heart for marriage, you can duplicate this very group. Young couples are just waiting to be asked. They are a hungry generation looking for help to succeed in their marriages. They long for parents who will encourage them, tell them they’re wrong at times and provide loving examples to them. The book will help you and guide you with plenty of questions, but it will take a back seat to the relationships that are built. 

Do you want the divorce statistics to decrease? Then take my challenge and start your own marriage mentoring group. Meet consistently once a month for one year and you will change lives and build memories for a lifetime. 

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Ten Words of Wisdom for the New Year

In case you haven’t noticed, my blogs for the month of January are committed to making personal change and incorporating wisdom for the New Year. Find words of wisdom from the writer of the book of Proverbs found in the Old Testament of the Bible. 

This book is filled with wisdom and I love to read it annually. Solomon, the author, begins by reminding us we are not to forget these teachings and commands because in obeying them they will “prolong life and bring us prosperity” (Proverbs 3:1-2). Now there is a promise to hold on to. Here are ten more wise sayings to incorporate into your life.

  1. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) How easy is it to fall back on our own understanding, but our wisdom is so limited. We will quickly come to the end of ourselves and our knowledge. We must integrate the knowledge of God’s understanding.
  2. “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” (Proverbs 11:3) Integrity will guide you; deceitful ways will destroy you. Walk in high moral character and integrity. It takes a lifetime to build integrity and only minutes to lose it.
  3. “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” (Proverbs 11:25) Generosity will prosper you! Jesus said to give and you will be given unto to. It’s simple, it’s true, and it’s life-altering.
  4. “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” (Proverbs 12:25) Anxiety, fear of the future, (mostly unfounded) will weigh us down. Kind words and truth-filled thoughts will cheer us up.
  5. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) When someone is arguing with us, raising their voice, and we use the same volume, anger will be continue. But when we can give a gentle response, it will lower the volume and keep the discussion more friendly.
  6. “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18) Humility is one of the godliest traits one can embrace in life. Pride will keep us from changing because it keeps us in a defensive, self-justifying mode.
  7. “He who answers before listening–that is his folly and his shame.” (Proverbs 18:13) Listening is an acquired skill. Practice listening with your spouse and with your children. Before answering, make sure they are finished with what they need to say. Listening is showing honor.
  8. “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7) Remember before you borrow money, you will become a servant to the lender. The lender has that power over you. Throughout your life, make every effort to become debt-free and use credit responsively.
  9. “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13) Do you want to prosper? Be honest; be accountable to God and with a spiritual leader about your sin. Do not try to conceal your sin because your heavenly Father loves you enough to reveal it. And don’t just confess it; renounce it–cut if off!
  10. “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” (Proverbs 29:25) It seems the scripture repeatedly reminds us that we have two choices: fear of man or trust in the Lord. You can’t have it both ways. Do not be ensnared in the fear of man (the pleasing of man versus the pleasing and the pleasure of trusting God). 

There you have it–ten wonderful, life-giving words of wisdom for 2024. Pass them on to your family, your friends, your co-workers, and your neighbors.

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Change Is Hard: The Law of Constant Use

Have you set goals for 2024? Do you know what you desire to accomplish and when you desire to accomplish it? Maybe you have some goals left over from 2023. I know I do. 

But what about personal life goals? How do we see growth and change in our personal lives? Dealing with oneself is often a bit more challenging.

First and foremost, let’s remember God changes the heart. He brings His truth to us with His request for change. So, change begins with a heart to obey God and make the changes He is requesting of us. In fact, His word reveals that we show Him how much we love Him by how willing we are to obey Him. (See John 14:15.)

From the conviction in our heart, the scriptures give us a pattern for change and I like to refer to it as The Law of Constant Use.

The Law of Constant Use provides a three-part scriptural process for change from what we are accustomed to doing to what God desires of us. How does it work and how do we start the process of change?

Jeremiah 13:23 reveals, “Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots? Neither can you do good who are accustomed to doing evil.” What are you “accustomed to” doing? We become so accustomed to our actions and our thoughts that we often go through life without asking ourselves whether what we think, what we believe and what we do is correct.

The second verse in this process of change is, “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” (Proverbs 14:23) It is hard work to change. Don’t let anybody fool you or tell you it’s easy. This verse reminds us that true change is not just talking about change. We all have known those persons who have promised change, but yet never deliver. Why?

When we have programed ourselves to think a certain way or act a certain way, the reprograming part takes effort. We all have believed things that are simply not true about ourselves or others. And yet, we continued in those beliefs until we were confronted with the truth. However, even then we may have struggled to believe something different. We tend to always give ourselves and our beliefs the benefit of the doubt.

There is a third step in this process. Hebrews 5:12-14 wisely records, “In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

The Spirit of God wants to bring forth a new reality, that which you may not be accustomed to. He wants to take you from the milk of His word to the meat, a maturation process of change. He is letting us know that past experience is not necessarily present reality. God in our spirit is retraining us to be accustomed to His voice, His reality and His will. And by “constant use” we can experience change that becomes permanent!

Yes, change is challenging, but when God is at the center of the desired change, He makes a way for correcting our course. He provides a path for change. When we constantly incorporate His truth, His thoughts and His ways, enduring change will take place in our lives.

What do you (or perhaps better asked, what does God) desire to change in you in this brand-new year He has given?

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Choosing Obedience

Maggie is a fornicator. And yet, she has never been acquainted with sin. Some tell me she is not really responsible for her actions. After all, I am told, “It’s only natural.” It is a funny thing, though. She does not even claim to be a victim—a victim of her parents, her younger years, her friends, her boyfriend, her family, her environment, or any of the cards that have been dealt to her in this life. I have never heard her blame anyone for what happened. In fact, I have never heard her blame anyone for anything that has come her way in the last 56 years. 

Maggie was our 8-year-old yellow Labrador retriever (that’s 56 people years)! While my friends have encouraged me that Maggie was just being a dog, I am not convinced. Since six weeks of age, she has resided with our family. She has been trained to not stray into the neighboring yards. No matter how many children are playing and having a riotous time down the street, she knows it is “off limits” for her. Maggie was given boundaries to follow. She chose not to follow those boundaries. The lure of playful attention was too much for her—she chose to cross the line.

When I set a limit for one of my children, it was because I loved him or her and had their best interests in mind. Does God set limits for us because He desires to control us or because He loves us? His love for us is not in question; our love for Him is what is in question. Do you love Him enough to obey Him or, when the limit is “uncomfortable” for you, do you desire to rewrite the already written Word of God? This is the most crucial issue when dealing with obedience.

In today’s world, the scripture, “I am the Lord, I change not” is viewed more like, “I am an understanding, benevolent, vacillating God who may or may not be upset with you and your sin.” Has God lowered His standards because His creation cannot maintain a standard of holiness? 

One goal of a healthy, mature Christian is to obey God readily on the outside while our hearts are resting in a trust of God’s concern for our welfare on the inside. Our love for God, as well as knowing God’s love for us, draws us to obedience. That is our motivational factor. However, there are some negative forces motivating us to obey God.

Unhealthy fear: Fear is a great motivator, for sure. But our God chooses to motivate out of love. I do not walk in an unhealthy fear of my heavenly Father because I know His unconditional love. Fear of punishment is an inappropriate reason for obeying God. 

The difference between a healthy fear and an unhealthy fear is clear. A healthy fear recognizes God’s love for us and is life-giving. “The fear of the Lord leads to life; then one rests content, untouched by trouble” (Proverbs 19:23). An unhealthy fear is connected to punishment. While we may deserve God’s wrath and punishment for our sin, He placed it upon our crucified Savior. (See Romans 5:6-11.) 

Legalistic rules and regulation: We choose to obey God out of having a healthy relationship with God and not because He maintains a little black book. In the midst of the regulations of the Old Testament, it was Samuel who told King Saul, “Obedience is better than sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22). Sacrifice came out of regulation; obedience comes out of love. Obedience is doing all God wants me to do, while sacrifice is doing what I want to do for God in my way. Paul stated it so succinctly when he wrote about the law and obedience in Romans 2:13, “For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.”

To earn favor from God: We don’t fool God. After all, He knows our hearts. He knows what we’re really thinking. He is not a politician running for office. He doesn’t care if you vote for Him or not. He is Grace. You do not need to somehow get into His “good grace.” You may fool some people with whom you relate, but you’ll never fake out God. You cannot earn God’s favor. You already have God’s favor, if you are a believer. We cannot earn something that has already been given to us!

There was an unnamed woman in Luke eleven who blurted out some words about Jesus when He was teaching one day. She said of Him, “Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you” (verse 27). Was this a reason to follow and obey the Savior? Jesus’ response was interesting: “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it” (verse 28). 

Obedience is connected to love. How do I know my children truly love me? It is by their obedience to me. How does God know we truly love Him? It is by our obedience to Him. 

This is love for God: to obey his commands (1 John 5:3). And this is love that we walk in obedience to his commands (2 John 6). If you love me [Jesus said], you will obey what I command (John 14:15). Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me (John 14:21). 

Note: The above was adapted from the book, In Pursuit of Obedience, by Steve Prokopchak and can be ordered at this link: https://www.amazon.com/Pursuit-Obedience-Deepening-Love-Through/dp/1886973644/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+pursuit+of+obedience+prokopchak&qid=1634649430&qsid=140-0506088-5706866&sr=8-1&sres=1886973644&srpt=ABIS_BOOK

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Insecurity, Issues of the Day, Small Groups, Training

Healing Our Insecurity II

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 5

I am forgiven all my sins. Ephesians 1:7

I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. Jerimiah 33:6

To die to ourselves as C.S. Lewis penned does not come easy.  We fight it, wrestle with it, deny it, defend ourselves, project onto others our shame and guilt, and feverishly attempt to coverup our inadequacies.  To die means to face them head on, acknowledge them, confess them to God in order to eventually lay them at the cross.

Why do we hold onto something that inwardly is hurting us?  We find it enormously difficult to be honest about ourselves.  We can barely entertain the thought of looking into a mirror and saying, “You have deep insecurities and you have to stop covering them up.”  For some of us, letting go is more difficult because it demands living another way.  It requires change and sometimes change, even for the good, is more problematic than staying the same, even when it is unhealthy to do so.  

Catch these verses found in Proverbs, “He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise, He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.”  (Proverbs 15:31, 32) 

Are you aware the Bible tells us that God, like a loving parent, initiates discipline and correction?  Do you know why?  He loves us enough to encourage life changes.  “…God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.”  (Hebrews 12:10)  God wants us to change through correction in order to grow and gain something good—to be like Him, holy.  

It is imperative that we renounce the idol of worshipping oneself.  To renounce means to give up a claim or to disown voluntarily.  Even if we seem unable to pinpoint any of our self-protecting insecurities, we can still take a step of faith and renounce anything in our life that looks like, smells like or acts like insecurity.  There is only one God to worship and it is Him alone.

But if we can label our insecurities, now is the time to confess them.  Perhaps along the way many of those insecurities have come to mind.  It is now time to confess them to God, renounce them and break off any unhealthy dependency or unhealthy attachment with them.  It is time to confess any fear of man that exceeds your fear of God.  It is time to break off inordinate relationships that have become a source of security for you.  It is time to lay down your excuses and justifications for negative behavior which actually stem from your insecurities.

“What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?  For we are the temple of the living God.  As God has said: ‘I will live with them and walk among then, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.’  Therefore, ‘Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.  Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.’  And, ‘I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.’”  (II Corinthians 6:16-18)

All of us have sinned. (See Romans 3:23.)  We all fall short of God’s plan, and the wages of “missing the mark” (which is the definition of sin) is death, but Romans 6:23 states: “The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  God has given us a free gift, without any effort on our part.

When the Bible speaks of being justified or having received justification (See Romans 5:1.), there is a threefold definition to this word.  To be justified means that I am forgiven of my sin, I am free from my guilt, and I am in right standing with God.  To be forgiven, free of the guilt I feel for sinning, and then to actually be in right standing with God in my human state is simply astonishing and yet true, based on what Jesus, the Just One, did for me.

Through Him I am forgiven of all my sin, in right standing with God and can enjoy peace and security in my life.

Question for reflection:

Can you take a minute to once again identify your insecurities, confess them and break off their power over your life?

To order the book for yourself, a friend, your family or a group click here.

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