Challenge, Encouragement, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Women

Ten Essentials to Keep Your Marriage Thriving

As my wife and I celebrate our fiftieth year of marriage, we have learned there are seasons to this union—those that are celebratory, those that seem boring, and those that are gasping for air. From our perspective, here are ten essentials to keep your marriage on track and thriving. I call them the Ten Commandments of marriage.

1. Love God above All Else

To love your spouse, your children, or yourself above God is simply incorrect. Jesus said we are to love God with all of our heart, mind, and soul and then love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:37). We could say that your “closest neighbor” is actually your spouse. Note, however, that loving our neighbor comes after— “and then…”—loving God.

Did you catch that “as you love yourself” part? To be able to love another deeply, we must first know the love of God for ourselves. Unless we know and fully understand that He is madly in love with us, that we are fulfilled in His acceptance and know His approval, we will lack in our love toward our spouse.

Paul says it this way: “No one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church” (Ephesians 5:29). You cannot hate yourself while at the same time claim to love your mate. You and your spouse are one.

2. Do Not Be Self-Consumed or Walk in Selfish Ambition

Selfish ambition leads one to focus on his or her own interests, needs, and desires, often at the expense of others. It reflects immaturity and will kill a marriage faster than almost anything else. Selfish ambition is defined in the Bible as acting on your own for your own greater good, being interested only in yourself, being filled with vain conceit, and not walking in humility.

To the contrary, we are strictly commanded to be like Christ, who became a servant. Even though He was God, He did not chase after that equality but gave up His divine privileges by taking the human nature and giving of Himself to the point of death on the cross (Philippians 2:3-8).

Are you looking for ways to serve your spouse every day? Marriage is not a fifty-fifty deal. It requires a 100% devotion to serve and care for the other first. Marriage exposes how self-centered we are. This reality has the potential to destroy our relationship but also exposes our need to change. Marriage is not about me or having my needs met but rather asking God to help me partner with Him in blessing my spouse.

3. Love Her or Him and Make Your Partner Holy

Did you know that you could help make your spouse holy? It is explained right there in the Bible. 1 Corinthians chapter 7 says that a believing spouse can sanctify an unbelieving one.

You can only imagine how a believing spouse can bless, sanctify, and edify his or her believing spouse. When we become our spouse’s cheerleader, even when they feel as though they are losing the game, we help build them up to increase their faith for a better future. Far too many individuals see themselves as their spouse’s critic. This destroys their emotional connection. Criticism does not motivate; love does. We are called to speak the truth in a love-filled manner and ensure that our speech is full of grace (Ephesians 4:15).

Because of the Proverbs 31 woman and who she was, her husband found himself sitting at the gate, a respected elder of his city. As you reflect God to one another, you will build holiness in one another.

4. Play Together

Can you remember all the fun things you did while dating? Are you still laughing together—really laughing? Marriage must be fun. If it was not meant to be fun, then God would not have created it.

What has happened with humor in your relationship? Where did it go since children came along or all the medical bills came due? Boredom is simply unacceptable within marriage. If we can predict a daily routine, then we have lost spontaneity and excitement. We have allowed tedium, dullness, and monotony to set in.

Break that cycle by bringing home flowers, sending a card to your spouse’s workplace, turning the stove off and running out for Chinese food or playing a game that is not too competitive. Watch one of your favorite funny movies and laugh again. Regularly search for local happenings that you can attend together—just for fun. Recently, Mary and I attended a local “bridge bust” and then laughed the whole way home about how it truly was a “bust.”

Finally, make a list of fun and creative things to do together and prioritize them; you will never regret it. Proverbs reminds us that a merry heart has medicinal purposes, so make fun a priority (Proverbs 17:22).

5. Honor One Another

Honor one another… now that’s a tough one! Perhaps the number one way to show honor to your mate is to freely give him or her your time. That requires giving your spouse priority over yourself, your work, and your children.

Honor is saying that, next to my relationship with God, you are the most important person in my life. We need to continually honor with our words and back those words up with actions and respect. We must regularly tell our spouse we love them and then demonstrate that love through honor. If we do not demonstrate honor, our words will fall to the ground, meaningless.

In honor, we pray for and with our spouse regularly. To communicate with God together is the most intimate thing you can be involved in. To honor God by bringing your marriage requests before Him will build more honor, admiration, and affirmation into your relationship.

6. Maintain Your Sexual Love

Love does not come as natural for men as it seems to for women. Women excel in this area, while men grow into this area. However, men would see themselves as excelling in sex. But sex without the love factor… well, it is just sex. And sex without relationship is lust.

God planned the boundaries of sex to be within marriage. The enemy of our soul has planned for all sex to be outside of marriage. Pornography has turned sexual intimacy into something we take while God’s plan has always been that sex is something we give. Which one provides the most satisfaction? Which one is the most love filled? Which one comes with commitment?

Maintaining our sexual love is another way to honor God and one another. Within marriage, we need to be reminded that our body is not ours; it belongs to our spouse (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). A healthy sexual life flows out of a healthy love life. Your sex life as a couple is often a picture of the rest of your marriage. Life is birthed out of our sexual intimacy as a couple.

7. Change Yourself First 

Very few people like the word “change.” It conjures thoughts of having to give in, give up, or surrender to the will of another. Our thinking might go something like this, “If I change first, then he/she will change, and that is what I really want to see.”

I can assure you, it does not work that way. We change because God is asking us to change, showing us a deficit in our life. We change because it’s best for our relationship. We change because we are motivated for our own reasons to make that change. However, if we change solely based upon what another desires, it will not be a lasting change. In the end, we will resent the one who has required change from us.

Growing up, growing closer as a couple, and growing closer to God requires our openness to change for the better. As I take responsibility for personal change, my marriage will change for the better.

8. Ask God Rather Than Fight 

Learning this one can take years of marriage practice. Once again, it is connected to prayer.

All too frequently, especially when we are in the early years of marriage, we “know” that we are right. And, if we are right, it automatically follows that our spouse is wrong. And, if our spouse is wrong, we win the fight, right? Wrong! If one of us loses, we both lose. Why? Because we are one.

If we are one in spirit, then it’s no longer “you” against “me.” In other words, Steve is Mary and Mary is Steve. Only one person came back down the aisle after you spoke your vows. If you are fighting and arguing to win, then you are already losing. James asks the question, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” (James 4:1). Fortunately, James also provides an answer. He wisely says, “You do not have because you do not ask God” (James 4:2).

Yes, it is really that simple. The choice is ours: fighting and arguing or praying and walking in agreement.

9. Engage in Co-Mission Together

How is God’s wisdom seen in the bringing of you and your spouse together? What are the redemptive purposes for your marriage relationship? What is your “why?”

These questions should lead you to discover what we call our marriage co-mission. More than likely, your workplace or local church place has a clearly stated mission. Why wouldn’t the first institution God created—marriage—also have a mission?

Knowing your co-mission is not difficult. Think about all the things the two of you are involved in and write those things down. Now combine the items that you are involved in together, like raising your children, teaching the youth group, or owning and maintaining your home. Begin to write your mission paragraph with your co-mission items, dreams, and visions for the future. This co-mission statement might change over the years, but it will continually give you the purpose of your call together.

A marriage mission statement provides the why of your marriage. It is the glue of your calling as a couple and provides commitment to a long-term marriage promise.

10. Use the Nine Most Important Words in Marriage

The nine most important words of marriage can take years of maturing to find and even longer to say. These words mean business. They are free of pride. They require a humble spirit. They require us to release our ego and admit wrong.

The nine most important words of marriage have instant medicinal effect. They bring healing. These words can initiate change, help you start over, and keep you from going back to an old pattern. When thoughtfully and truthfully communicated, these words are some of the most powerful words in the marriage relationship. If you will learn them, practice them, and speak them to one another, they will be a lifeline of healing and wisdom.

What are these nine most important words in marriage?

I am sorry; I was wrong. Please forgive me.

An apology, admitting we are wrong, and asking for forgiveness is an act of humility. It involves taking responsibility for mistakes. Forgiveness is s gift of God we desperately need to participate in frequently. There is too much at stake in a marriage relationship to not seek and offer genuine, heart-felt forgiveness.

There you have it: ten commandments to a lasting, prosperous, forgiving, loving, honoring, and fun-filled marriage. What a great gift God has given you in your spouse! Thank God and thank your spouse for that gift of love daily.

Learn More about Marriage: a lifelong affair

What’s next for your marriage? Staying Together is a unique book that’s been written by authors Steve and Mary Prokopchak. Whether it’s communication, trust, or sex; money, loss, or mission; kids, jobs, or insecurities, Staying Together has insight on how to navigate waters when they’re rough and better enjoy them when they’re smooth. Now is the time to make sure you’re in a marriage that’s not just surviving, but thriving.

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Rituals Can Be Healthy

I love coffee. Every morning I brew three cups of the darkest roast I can find and I drink every drop. It’s warm, it’s familiar, it’s representing a new day as a part of my morning ritual. 

My Bible is next. I love God’s word as my first meal. It’s nourishing, it’s encouraging, it’s familiar, it’s life-giving, and it’s all truth. 

When God speaks to me through His word, I find it satisfying, reassuring, life-changing, and rich. There is always life application from His word and something to meditate on for the day. 

The next part is prayer. I have two prayer cards. One is filled with daily requests for healing, protection, or restoration attached to a name; one of those important people in my life. The second card is divided into seven days, and each day represents a different prayer need. 

The final part of my morning ritual is prayer with my wife. We cover our children and our grandchildren, those who are struggling with illness, the issues of our week and, of course, one another. 

Only after these important steps will I move to the breakfast table. 

There was a commercial that went something like this: “The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.” While I like coffee and I will not apologize for that, it is not the best part of my morning. The best part is God’s word and prayer. I have my favorite conversations of the day with my King and I trust He with me as I take time to listen for his voice. 

The word of the Lord is flawless – Proverbs 30:5

We can live according to His word – Psalm 119:9

We can hide His word in our hearts – Psalm 119:11

His words are sweet – Psalm 119:103

It is a lamp unto our feet – Psalm 119:105

All His words are true – Psalm 119:160

His words will never pass away – Matthew 24:35

In His words are eternal life – John 6:68

The word is living and it is sharp – Hebrews 4:12

Perhaps your morning routines are different from mine and that is certainly ok. But there is a ritual that is life itself: God’s word and prayer. Engage in them today and it will be the best part of waking up!

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The Power of a Kiss

You’re married and I’m optimistic that you’re still kissing and hugging. If you’re not, can you remember back when that’s all you desried to do while dating or engagement? How frequently are you connecting with an embrace and a kiss?

The Gottman Institute conducted a study on how long it takes the brain to release the chemical oxytocin initiated by a kiss or a hug. Here are the results:

A kiss – held six seconds

A hug – held twenty seconds

That’s it. Now try it. Yes, give it a whirl. Go ahead; give it a try and test the study!

That’s a long kiss and a lengthy hug, but something happens. Perhaps you laughed. Maybe you smiled inside or initially found it uncomfortable. Whatever the feeling, this study proved that couples who continue to kiss, hug and be affectionate live four years longer than those who do not. What follows are some additional facts from their study.

What the six second kiss can do for you

  • It can build a ritual of connection. 
  • It can be a physical connection.
  • If your partner has initiated, then it’s turning toward your partner.
  • It boosts fondness and appreciation.
  • It builds appreciation between you.

And it can:

  • add to your emotional bank account.
  • boost your positives ratio’s.
  • lead to sexual attraction.
  • be self-soothing.
  • reduce cortisol (the “stress” hormone) and boost oxytocin (the “love” hormone).

Sometimes words fail us. At other times, we’re just missing each other. The six second kiss and the longer hug will reconnect us. It says, “I still love you, am attracted to you and need you.” You can say more to one another in six seconds of silent kissing, than you can in hour of argument.

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It’s Christmas!

Christmas is that wonderful time of year when we celebrate the birth of Christ with our families and the world. This season is celebrated around the world in different forms and fashions, but the holiday is dedicated to remembering and rejoicing in the birth of our Savior and Redeemer, Christ.

Here are some fun facts about Christmas gathered for your family enjoyment:

  • The tallest Christmas tree ever displayed was in Seattle, Washington. It measured 221 feet tall.  
  • The top six Christmas tree producing states are Oregon, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Washington and Wisconsin.
  • Buying all the gifts from the “12 Days of Christmas” song would cost you a ton of money. The most expensive being “Swans a Swimming.”
  • When the candy cane was created in Germany, it was made into a “J” for Jesus. The red                 stripes symbolize His blood and the white His purity. 
  • It is a tradition in Japan to eat KFC for Christmas. Orders must be placed two months in advance.
  • 1 in 3 men wait until Christmas Eve to do their shopping.
  • Christmas trees usually grow for close to 15 years before they can be sold. 
  • Bing Crosby’s version of “White Christmas” is the highest-selling single of all time.
  • Christmas lights were so expensive that they used to be rented rather than sold. An electrically lit tree was a status symbol in the early 1900’s.
  • The first Salvation Army collection kettle took place in San Francisco’s Oakland Ferry at the foot of Market St. It was a large crab pot with a sign that read “Keep the Pot Boiling.”  
  • In 2012 there were more than 15,000 holiday decorating injuries during November and December. The most common being falls, 34% of all injuries.  
  • The word “Merry” in Merry Christmas was not always accepted because being merry used to signify slight intemperance.  
  • The Charles W. Howard Santa Claus School in Midland, MI hosts 130 Santas each year where they gather and learn about the history of St. Nick, popular toys and Santa etiquette.  
  • In 1980, the highest selling Christmas toy was a Rubik’s cube for $1.99. It now retails for $10.
  • The abbreviation X in X-Mas is not an abbreviation. It stands for “Chi,” meaning Christ in Greek.  
  • The reason we give presents during Christmas is to symbolize the gifts given to Jesus by the three wise men.

There you have a few facts about Christmas, some rather strange. I pray that your Christmas season is full of fun, family, love, and of course CHRIST!

For a child is born to us,
    a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
    And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor,[a] Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7 His government and its peace
    will never end.
He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David
    for all eternity.
The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies
    will make this happen! (Isaiah 9:6, 7 NLT)

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Finding Your Happy Pace

It is said that not everyone is a goal setter. There are those who live day-by-day; what will come will come and somehow get away with it. They specialize in not having a plan, being primarily spontaneous, and perhaps generally lacking or maybe even avoiding order. 

Then there are those who not only have a plan and goals, but they also have a list–a daily list. They love their list and especially enjoy crossing off those tasks completed. They feel productive and useful. And when they complete their list, only then can they rest. 

I personally fall into the latter group. I have lists for daily jobs, blogs I want to write, work I want to accomplish, and sermon messages I want to share. Checking off an accomplishment from my list gives me certain satisfaction. At the same time, I feel like I’m not missing things I should not miss. My lists are a reminder. While I am not driven by them, they help me find my pace.

If I don’t get through my list, then the items simply go to another day–no worries. I do not fret over my list if not every line item is accomplished. But I have a secret that I am going to let you in on. 

I start every day with God. I do not begin any list before I spend time with my Friend, my Savior, my Boss, and my Pace Setter. I want my list to honor Him first. And I want Him to be honored before my list. My priority is to “seek first the kingdom of God” and then knowing He will help me accomplish my list. 

The only way to really know someone is to spend time with them. The only way to have true direction is to hear your Father’s voice. He’s waiting to spend time with you, to speak to you, to love you and to share His thoughts so that your daily pace is directed by Him. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is a time for everything.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

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From the First Date to Marriage!

Imagine I tell you that I met the woman of my dreams and on our first date we spent a full day together. We went for coffee, and we talked as we strolled the park. Then we found the perfect lunch spot along the canal front. By late afternoon we had talked constantly and are now holding hands. As a result, over dinner we decided to get married, tie the knot, get hitched!

What are you thinking of me and my first date? What is your immediate reaction, “You’re crazy?” To which I respond, “But you weren’t there; you have no idea of the love we feel.”

Obviously human bonding, relationships toward marriage, cannot occur from one date. It takes time to build a relationship that leads to a lifetime marital commitment.

Now suppose I tell you that I have been dating a young lady for five and a half years without any engagement or promise to marry. What are you thinking? I know I would be wondering if there is any reality for the future of this couple or are they wasting their precious time?

Just because something feels good does not mean it is good. That’s like gambling or playing the lottery. It takes time to build a sustainable relationship toward marriage, in the workplace with a boss or with your neighbor. How do you know that relationship has been built? Trust is at its core.

Without trust, relationships will always feel suspect, tentative or iffy. I cannot say how long it takes to build a trustworthy relationship, but I do know it is longer than a one-day date. We must discover core values, similar or complementary missions and dreams. 

If you’re wondering about your future and marriage, we have a resource to recommend to you. It will walk you through multiple questions to consider, a budget, co-mission, and much, much more. You can find that resource here.

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Thankfulness is Contagious

In the USA, today is the day after the national day of giving thanks – Thanksgiving. It was the day that President Abraham Lincoln in 1863 set aside for this nation to celebrate its thankfulness to God. It was to be celebrated annually on the last Thursday of the month of November. Today it continues to be celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November to foster a sense of unity and gratitude during a very difficult time of history. 

Thanksgiving is a celebration that had its start in Plymouth, Massachusetts in 1621 after a harsh winter and lots of loss. This first Thanksgiving was inspired by the Biblical holiday of Sukkot, or The Feast of Tabernacles. Around 90 Wampanoag Indian warriors joined 53 surviving Pilgrims.

Thankfulness is an attitude of the heart. The Bible reminds us to give thanks in everything (I Thessalonians 5:18). The actual Greek meaning of this phrase is to have a thankful heart. But why?

Because thankfulness begets thankfulness; it’s contagious. Someone rightly stated if we lose our thankfulness to God our focus will become on what we feel God is not doing for us. Wow, that’s unsettling. 

Giving thanks lightens our heart. It helps us to keep our focus on what God IS doing in our lives. And if we’re serious about giving thanks every day and not just Thanksgiving, we’ll become a contagion of thankfulness. 

Further, thankfulness reduces stress, increases happiness, improves our mood by increasing dopamine and serotonin in our brains, it builds resilience, and even enhances our relationships. 

Let’s be encouraged to practice a spirit of thankfulness each and every day of our lives!

Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Psalm 106:1

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Bringing Laughter into Your Marriage

My wife and I love to laugh. We’ll catch Funniest Home Videos whenever we can. I take the time to show her funny YouTube videos or share memes that cause a chuckle. Why? 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
    but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

Laughter brings joy to a marriage. It breaks down tension and relaxes the atmosphere. Laughter is medicinal to the soul, the spirit and the body. Laughter is physically, emotionally, and spiritually good for your marriage. 

Have you ever asked your spouse these questions? “What made you laugh today?” Or how about, “What’s the funniest memory you have in our marriage?” Bringing laughter into your marriage can help move us from a stale place, an angry place or a disappointed place to a place of smiles and positive emotions. 

Mary and I recently recalled one of the funniest times in our marriage. It was years ago when our kids were teenagers and we had just dropped off our daughter for a church activity. We noticed that all the lights were on at the brand-new Burger King in our town. There was traffic and people were inside eating. We decided on a hamburger dinner. It was strange though…

As we entered, the new manager offered us champaign. We made our way to the line to order and the kids behind the counter offered anything we wanted, any menu item for FREE. I said, “Free, are you sure?” “Yes” said the attendant. She then countered, “Order all you want, even dessert; it’s all free!” I immediately leaned over and whispered in my wife’s ear, “We need to call our boys; they’ll show them how to do free.”

Mary went for our drinks while I grabbed a table. Within minutes she came running to find me. Looking straight at me with this horrid face of doom and speaking rapidly, but very quietly, said, “Steve, every person here is a parent of a kid who’s going to work here. It’s free because they are giving them opportunity to serve in real time to their families.” And then she added, “We have got to get out of here before someone asks us which of our kids will be working here!”

We gobbled our food down and hightailed it out of there. We found ourselves laughing for the next thirty minutes. We even woke up our sleeping daughter that night as we lay in our bed laughing out loud.

Laughing together will bring you closer; you’ll touch more and talk more. A conversation full of laughter is more intimate and will bring down your guard, creating an atmosphere of more openness.

Laughter– it’ll do your marriage good!

Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.” (Psalm 126:2)

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Holding Our Peace

Have you ever felt as though you faced something impossible–like really daunting? No matter what or how you thought about the situation you felt anxious, helpless, maybe even fearful. 

It was just like that for the Israelites when they found themselves fleeing Pharoah and his army. Exodus chapter 14 relates this familiar story. There they were sandwiched between the uncrossable water of the Red Sea and behind them Pharoah’s chariots with their earth-pounding horses coming closer and closer.

What was Israel’s response to Moses? They cried loudly, “Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians?’ It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”

Moses told the people to “stand firm” as the Lord would fight for them. But catch the whole verse recorded in Exodus 14:14:

The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest. (AMPC) 

God told Moses to tell the people to “Hold your peace…remain at rest.”

Anxiety, feeling doom and being overwhelmed by the impossible is appropriate when we’re not realizing we can trust the Lord. It’s natural to feel just as the Israelites did. But God reminds us He has this; He’s in control. 

God stopped the sun for Joshua. God closed the mouths of the lions for Daniel. Joseph was released from prison and became second in command. Paul and Silas were singing while incarcerated when the prison doors opened miraculously for them. God can handle your situation as you give it over to Him, rather than finding yourself in anxiety and fear. 

He will fight for you, hold your peace and remain at rest.

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Maintaining Sexual Boundaries Within our Marriages and Ministries

It’s easy to cross a line today that should not be crossed, but has anyone ever sat you down and told you what some of those lines are? Most likely not. 

This blog is directed toward the male* leader who finds it confusing when complimented on his looks, clothes, his message or his ministry. Or who is responsible to provide counsel and input to such persons? How does one respond to such persons that offer compliments, especially if they are coming from an attractive woman? How can you not be drawn toward or read more into those words that are so flattering and meant specifically for you? 

(*Note: If you are a female pastoral leader to whom these principles will also apply, feel free to substitute the opposite gender references in this article.)

Let’s discuss some boundary lines that will provide wisdom and direction for you.

  1. Meeting alone with a woman in your office: I do not care how professional you think you are, no one is above being tempted by the evil one. Your heart and the heart of your counselee may be perfectly pure, but the enemy of your soul is fully impure. And for the other side of things… all she needs to do is leave your office and claim inappropriateness. You’ll fully understand the saying, “Guilty until proven innocent.” It can end your ministry. Require your female counselee to bring a friend, a female leader in her life or grab a coworker from your office (that she is comfortable with) to sit in with you.
  2. Do not ready yourself for that appointment. This means how you are dressed, how much cologne you wear, and what language you’ll use. All of these can be subtle messages.
  3. Touch means something. Do not hold her hand, stroke her arm or hug her to “comfort” her. Even teenage woman can be confused by your touch. Yes, people need touch and yes, they need hugs, but not in this environment of vulnerability. 
  4. Do not allow yourself to be cornered in a building or a room alone for a private conversation with the opposite sex. This too is dangerous for you and her. Make sure others are around and you both are visible. 
  5. Do not visit an opposite sex congregant alone. If visiting and you discover her husband or her roommate is not there, do not enter the threshold of that house.
  6. Do your best to not ride alone in a car with a woman who is not your wife or your relative.
  7. Watch your compliments. Compliments about hair, clothing, her recent diet and/or her appearance (especially her shape) in general should be refrained from. Compliments to a child or a senior can be appropriate.
  8. Do not fantasize or dream about woman who you have contact with. These imaginary contacts can actually prepare you for your next connection in a very unhealthy way. 
  9. When you are approached and complimented by that certain woman politely thank her and move on from the conversation. Do not probe further into why she is complimenting you or how she feels about you. When that compliment turns into something like, “Oh, pastor, you’re looking good today” or “Have you been working out lately?” laugh it off and change the subject as soon as you can. Do not acknowledge her compliment or agree with her. 
  10. If you find yourself attracted or see signs of attraction, move away from the situation spiritually, emotionally, and physically. As a leader, you are more than your feelings and thoughts; you are committed to righteousness. Maintain an accountability partner that you can confess to and pray with. Pursue integrity and a proper fear of God. 

Psalm 19:14 is your prayer. “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

You are complete in the Lord (Colossians 2:10) and do not need another opposite sex relationship in your life to bring security or esteem to you. 

You have a two-fold focus when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex: God and your wife (if married). The book of Proverbs reminds us to drink water from your own cistern (Proverbs 5:15). 

As we walk in the proper fear of God, we will only desire to obey Him and be faithful to our spouse. 

  • Proverbs 1:7:

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

  • Proverbs 9:10:

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

  • Proverbs 14:26:

“In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge.”


I’ve told you this ahead of time, before it happens, so that when it does happen, the confirmation will deepen your belief in me. I’ll not be talking with you much more like this because the chief of this godless world is about to attack. But don’t worry—he has nothing on me, no claim on me. But so the world might know how thoroughly I love the Father, I am carrying out my Father’s instructions right down to the last detail. “Get up. Let’s go. It’s time to leave here. (John 14:30 The Message)

I love how in this passage Jesus was confident that the enemy “has nothing on me.” May the enemy of your soul have nothing on you as you determine to walk in integrity, high moral character, accountability, the fear of the Lord and eyes only for one woman–your wife!

(Thanks to Joe McKeever for inspiration on some of the thoughts above.)

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