Have you heard the newly coined phrase, “Starter marriage?” It comes from a book authored by Pamela Paul as she discovered many persons divorcing before age 30. It’s a sad phenomenon. 

Psychologists say it takes 5-7 years for a marriage to “settle.” Many of these couples are not even allowing for that time period. Being settled in my definition is that I am no longer trying to change you to be like me. I accept you for who you are. You accept me for who I am and we’re both changing for the better as we grow emotionally. 

So, what are the causes of marriages breaking up before age thirty? Here are a few reasons in no certain order:

1. When individuals do not take responsibility to mature, grow up and ensure personal growth habits toward change. 
2. When individuals or couples do not learn financial principles. They do not take the necessary time to acquire knowledge of how to follow a budget, use credit cards properly or save.
3. When couples are involved in premarital sex. Premarital sex inhibits personal growth because it gives to (or takes from) another what belongs within the boundaries of committed love.
4. Pornography use. Porn is addictive and usage will not stop after one says the words, “I do.” Porn addiction stunts personal growth and is an example of using another through lust vs giving love to another.
5. There is nothing in their tool belt that helps them to resolve conflict. Many know how to have conflict, but few know how to resolve conflict. Learning to resolve conflict through premarital counseling is vital and can be a marriage lifesaver.
6. They have not learned how to handle unmet expectations. Marriage is full of unmet expectations and disappointments. Facing them maturely and honestly takes wisdom and patience. 
7. When one is unable to leave their “old hangout friends” in order to put first one’s spouse. In other words, they’re still acting single. 

You can plan the perfect wedding day, but without premarital and following up with postmarital you may struggle severely in that all important and foundation building first year of marriage. Check this book out.