It is a well-known fact that John Wesley married late when he married Molly. John was 47 and Molly Vazeille, a widow with four children, was 41. Their courtship was 16 days long.

Wesley preached sermons the day before and the day after his marriage. Within a week, on a Sunday morning, Wesley referred to his marriage as a “cross” that he had to reluctantly bear. 

Wesley believed his ministry came first and that Molly would simply have to adjust what she desired for his call to ministry. 

Repeatedly, Molly complained that John was insensitive, always traveling, never home and not paying her any attention. John then tried to take Molly with him. Molly didn’t care for traveling hundreds of miles on horseback in the rain or having threats made on their very lives. 

John attempted to repair things, but in the end gave up as ministry remained first in his life. They never divorced, but remained separated. Molly disrespected her husband for his treatment of her both publicly and in the home. 

Lessons to be learned

As a leader, your marriage comes before your ministry. Scripture is repeatedly clear about this. When qualifications are mentioned for church leaders, it is one’s character and one’s family relationships that are highly considered. (See Titus 1:6-9.)

When a leader fails at leadership in his or her home, it will not be long until their public ministry fails also. 

What to do

1. Be accountable in your marriage relationship with an overseer.
2. Seek first His kingdom and care first for your marriage and family.
3. Pursue counsel when needed so your marriage stays on course for the test of time.
4. Repent quickly of wrongdoing in your marriage.
5. Forgive deeply.
6. Attend marriage seminars for challenge and growth.
7. Read marriage books.
8. Talk to your spouse and ask them how you can better serve and love them.
9. Talk to your children about how you can better love your spouse, their parent.
10. Pray together as a couple. Prayer is the most intimate act within marriage.
11. Have fun together and take time to laugh regularly.
12. Vacate everything and everyone a few times a year and spend a weekend dedicated to caring for your marriage.
13. Daily walk out Colossians 1:28 and Galatians 4:19 and “Build Christ in one another.”
14. Hold no secrets from each other. 
15. Seek resolve with every disagreement.