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In Defiance to God!

It was cold outside, but I was HOT! I briskly walked behind the barn on our ministry property and defiantly raised my fist to God. It was a valiant effort to somehow express my frustration with the place He had me, my personal defeat, anger and my very loud challenge spoken directly to God Himself. 

My expression went something like this, “I challenge You, God, to bring a job down this driveway for me. See if You can do THAT!” 

I was coming to the end of eight years of faith ministry, although I didn’t know it was the end. I had been asking God for a job outside the ministry facility so I could raise my family in a safe place; a place where I knew they could be provided for. Every prospective employer said “No, you’re under- or overqualified.”

Immediately feeling a bit foolish, mortal and embarrassed, almost straightaway I could hear that still small voice, a voice that is not brash or bold. It was that voice which never feels like, “You got to do it now whether you like it or not or die!” That voice I knew from previous encounters was a loving, understanding and slow to anger God. 

He whispered, “You are privileged.” And just what does that mean? “You are privileged to have gone through what you have gone through; not all My leaders can endure what you have.” You mean, I am privileged to have suffered here in this place? “Yes.” So, I am not the idiot leader who has to suffer greatly to understand what You’re saying? “No, you’re not an idiot leader.” I’m privileged, huh? “Yes, you have passed the test and I can move you on and, yes, I can bring a job down the driveway.”

To understand an actual job, possible employment, coming down the driveway you must know we lived in a very rural county with a population of only 12,000 total people. And, there were very few jobs as it was the mid 1980’s, not a wonderful time for job hunting. 

Within two weeks a social worker from Pittsburg, PA drove down the driveway and asked me to help him start a nonprofit child welfare agency in Harrisburg, PA. I looked at him like he was from outer space and said, “Do you see where I live? No, I am not moving to Harrisburg, PA.” He drove back out the driveway.

My wife kindly reminded me of my conversation and my challenge to God. I hung my head in shame, but rather than call him back, I boldly asked God to do it one more time. It was kind of like a fleece. After all, if He really wanted us there, He could send a second person down the same driveway. 

And He did. About two months later a second social worker from Pittsburg, PA showed up and proceeded to tell me the first person did not accomplish the task and he was replacing him. He said, “I am not going unless you go with me.”

I said, YES.

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Challenge, Encouragement, History, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

When Leaders Marriages Go Awry and Steps to Maintaining Health

It is a well-known fact that John Wesley married late when he married Molly. John was 47 and Molly Vazeille, a widow with four children, was 41. Their courtship was 16 days long.

Wesley preached sermons the day before and the day after his marriage. Within a week, on a Sunday morning, Wesley referred to his marriage as a “cross” that he had to reluctantly bear. 

Wesley believed his ministry came first and that Molly would simply have to adjust what she desired for his call to ministry. 

Repeatedly, Molly complained that John was insensitive, always traveling, never home and not paying her any attention. John then tried to take Molly with him. Molly didn’t care for traveling hundreds of miles on horseback in the rain or having threats made on their very lives. 

John attempted to repair things, but in the end gave up as ministry remained first in his life. They never divorced, but remained separated. Molly disrespected her husband for his treatment of her both publicly and in the home. 

Lessons to be learned

As a leader, your marriage comes before your ministry. Scripture is repeatedly clear about this. When qualifications are mentioned for church leaders, it is one’s character and one’s family relationships that are highly considered. (See Titus 1:6-9.)

When a leader fails at leadership in his or her home, it will not be long until their public ministry fails also. 

What to do

  1. Be accountable in your marriage relationship with an overseer.
  2. Seek first His kingdom and care first for your marriage and family.
  3. Pursue counsel when needed so your marriage stays on course for the test of time.
  4. Repent quickly of wrongdoing in your marriage.
  5. Forgive deeply.
  6. Attend marriage seminars for challenge and growth.
  7. Read marriage books.
  8. Talk to your spouse and ask them how you can better serve and love them.
  9. Talk to your children about how you can better love your spouse, their parent.
  10. Pray together as a couple. Prayer is the most intimate act within marriage.
  11. Have fun together and take time to laugh regularly.
  12. Vacate everything and everyone a few times a year and spend a weekend dedicated to caring for your marriage.
  13. Daily walk out Colossians 1:28 and Galatians 4:19 and “Build Christ in one another.”
  14. Hold no secrets from each other. 
  15. Seek resolve with every disagreement.
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Challenge, Encouragement, History, In the news

A Bible Sells for Thirty-Eight Million Dollars!

In a recent auction, the oldest Bible known to exist, 1,100 years old, handwritten on parchment paper, was sold at auction for 38 million dollars. The Sotheby’s auction specialist said about this Bible that it, “reflects the profound power, influence, and significance of the Hebrew Bible, which is an indispensable pillar of humanity.”

This Bible known as the Codex Sassoon, is believed to have been hand written and leather bound sometime between 880 and 960. It received its name in 1929 when it was purchased by David Solomon Sassoon, a son of an Iraqi Jewish business magnate. Since being sold, it will find itself on display at the ANU Museum of the Jewish People in Tel Aviv, Israel.

It was William Tyndale, an ordained minister from England, who first translated the Bible from the original languages into English. Almost three-fourths of the King James Version of the Bible is the work of Tyndale. It was printed in 1525 and it had to be smuggled into England. It became extremely popular even though church officials attempted to burn every copy they could get their hands on. 

William Tyndale’s reward for his amazing work was to be labeled a heretic, strangled and then burned at the stake. While in prison, awaiting his fate, he asked for two things: a candle and a Hebrew dictionary so he could continue his work. 

If you possess an English Bible today, you can thank William Tyndale who gave his life for the word of God to be given to the world. In the US the sale of Bibles has doubled since 1950 with 20 million Bibles sold per year. There are over 100 million Bibles printed every year. Every day 54,945 Bibles are sold. There are 66 wonderful books in the Bible, 39 in the Old Testament and 27 in the New Testament. Within those books are 31,173 life-giving verses.

According to Guinness World Records, the Bible is the best-selling book of all time with five billion copies sold. The next highest record of a book sale is a measly 500 million copies. The BIble is a book that out sells every book. Why? 

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edge sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12 ESV)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Insecurity, Marriage, Men, Women

Husbands, Love Your Wife and Wives, Love Your Husband (even if they forget the suitcase)

We were all packed and ready to go. I was doing some last-minute email and text message replies while my gracious wife voluntarily packed the car for our five-hour trip to New York. We would be staying at a retreat house and needed to pack lots of extra items. 

With my wife’s assurance, we were ready to hit the road. It was a beautiful drive through the upper Alleghany mountains of Pennsylvania on into New York. After stopping for lunch, for fuel and for a you-know-what-break, we pulled into our destination and began unloading.

It all went smoothly without a hitch. We would meet with the leadership couple soon and begin prepping for our seminar the next day. 

Horrified, my wife came into the bedroom where I was attempting to find a phone signal and declared, no, with panic in her voice loudly stated, “Steve, I forgot to pack our suitcase!” Wow, a whole weekend without a change of clothing and necessary care items. How would we respond to each other? How emotional would we become? What fighting words of anger might follow?

I looked at her and said, “You’re kidding, really?” I began to laugh and attempted to reassure her it was okay and it was as much my fault as it was hers. 

We both started laughing, knowing we just created a memory. A quick trip to Walmart was now being planned.

 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. (Ephesians 5:25-28 The Message)

So, how do we practically walk those specific verses out in our marriage?

  1. Give each other the benefit of the doubt – just as we often give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. We all forget things.
  2. Serve – serving one another can never get old. It keeps our attitudes right toward each other. Serving keeps us from becoming selfish in our relationship. 
  3. Always show compassion – criticism will kill a relationship. Compassion toward your life mate will build relational connection. Be understanding, not just desiring to be understood.
  4. Express love and words of affirmation – be each other’s encourager and build up your mate with life-giving affirmations. Tell her she looks great in that outfit. Tell him he’s as strong as he was the day you met him. Say the words “I love you” daily; never miss a day even if it has to be over the phone or a text message.
  5. Live oneness – in your oneness, realize that what hurts you hurts your life mate. If you speak words of critical judgment, you are as well speaking those words over yourself.

All of these practices will help to build love and security in your marriage. The more security and love you build in your marriage, the more emotional, physical and spiritual oneness you will enjoy.

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Challenge, Children, Identity, Insecurity, Marriage, Men, Parents, Women

Providing Security for Your Children

What is the number one security need of a child? The answer is an intact family. Expressed or not, children whose parents remain together are more secure children. A close-knit family, regardless of personal family income or status, will give their children a sense that all is good in the world. 

As parents express affection in front of the children on a daily basis, it just might cause some initial reactions of “gross,” but on the inside they’ll be smirking with delight. 

Are you holding hands in front of your children, kissing or expressing love to one another? Are you praying together, going out on dates and verbalizing out loud to one another how important you each are? Do your children witness your uncompromising love, commitment and personal connection? Do your children hear you thank and appreciate one another for all you do to make this family work?

These are expressions of security to your children. Incorporate them on a daily basis and watch their reactions. They may tell you to “Go get a room,” but their security meter will be on the rise.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

I Love Growing Old(er)

I hear people complain all the time about growing older – aging. My 87-year-old aunt repeatedly said, “Don’t grow old; it’s the pits.” 

But I don’t think it’s the pits; it’s rather entertaining at times. I recently ate at a restaurant and asked the waitress if they had a “senior’s discount.” She told me she already gave it to me. I found myself laughing at her honesty and her observation of me.

Older people can get away with things because…well, we’re old. We have an excuse for being forgetful. We have an excuse for tripping over nothing and we have an excuse for just being slower. I actually read a social media meme recently that said, “I may not be that good looking, or athletic, or funny, or talented, or smart…I forgot where I was going with this, but I do know that I love bacon.”

It’s a fact that our hip bones get bigger and our pupils get smaller actually decreasing in size as we age. So, there’s two more excuses. One for gaining weight and one for not seeing everything.  

As I age, I find I have to make my coffee stronger. Is that failing taste buds? And as I age, I have discovered that sometimes senior citizens receive a free pass when it comes to doing something not so bright. People say things like, “Ah, he’s old; let him alone.”

As I age, my signature keeps getting shorter and shorter. Writing out my last name just takes too long. Now it’s Pro————- (illegible).

But honestly, the best thing about getting older? Every day I am closer to my eternal home. Every day I find myself thinking more and more about who I will become reacquainted with, who will approach me and say, “We never met on earth, but I read ________ and it changed my life.” With each passing day there is no fear of tomorrow, no fear of dying and no fear of loss. 

Do I want to leave earth unexpectedly? No. I am not requesting an “early out.” I do want to be able to say “See you later” to everyone. I want to bless my children and my children’s children. I want to be assured of seeing them later. I want to spend every minute that I can with my wife and my loved ones. I want to tell my grandchildren one more time, “Papaw loves you.” Because…

I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of his people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants. (Psalm 116:14,15)

PS I hope that you have enjoyed my 700th blog. I sure have enjoyed writing them and hearing your comments. :)

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Challenge, In the news, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Singles, Women

Starting a Marriage That Lasts

Have you heard the newly coined phrase, “Starter marriage?” It comes from a book authored by Pamela Paul as she discovered many persons divorcing before age 30. It’s a sad phenomenon. 

Psychologists say it takes 5-7 years for a marriage to “settle.” Many of these couples are not even allowing for that time period. Being settled in my definition is that I am no longer trying to change you to be like me. I accept you for who you are. You accept me for who I am and we’re both changing for the better as we grow emotionally. 

So, what are the causes of marriages breaking up before age thirty? Here are a few reasons in no certain order:

  1. When individuals do not take responsibility to mature, grow up and ensure personal growth habits toward change. 
  2. When individuals or couples do not learn financial principles. They do not take the necessary time to acquire knowledge of how to follow a budget, use credit cards properly or save.
  3. When couples are involved in premarital sex. Premarital sex inhibits personal growth because it gives to (or takes from) another what belongs within the boundaries of committed love.
  4. Pornography use. Porn is addictive and usage will not stop after one says the words, “I do.” Porn addiction stunts personal growth and is an example of using another through lust vs giving love to another.
  5. There is nothing in their tool belt that helps them to resolve conflict. Many know how to have conflict, but few know how to resolve conflict. Learning to resolve conflict through premarital counseling is vital and can be a marriage lifesaver.
  6. They have not learned how to handle unmet expectations. Marriage is full of unmet expectations and disappointments. Facing them maturely and honestly takes wisdom and patience. 
  7. When one is unable to leave their “old hangout friends” in order to put first one’s spouse. In other words, they’re still acting single. 

You can plan the perfect wedding day, but without premarital and following up with postmarital you may struggle severely in that all important and foundation building first year of marriage. Check this book out.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, Insecurity

Healing Damaged Emotions

When we suffer a deep physical wound, we are rushed off to the emergency room to have that wound receive necessary and immediate attention. It gets anesthetized, then cleaned and finally sown up from the inside out so the healing process can begin. We are administered antibiotics to ward off infection and told to go home to rest and take our pain medicine as prescribed.

But what happens when we receive an emotional wound? Rarely do we treat it with the same attention. We tell ourselves that it will be ok, it’s not too deep and in time it will go away. But what if it doesn’t? What do we do then? I have yet to see an ER for an emotional wound, but I believe God knows just how to administer healing to the wounded soul and spirit.

When discussing healing of emotional wounds, the first question to be asked is, “What are we desiring to heal?” Dr. David Seamands in his book, Healing for Damaged Emotions, states, “As trees have rings hidden under the bark of the tree which help to reveal its history, so we as humans have concealed pain under our protective skin.” Inside we have recorded “rings of our lives.” Dr. Seamands goes on to point out that these rings “…deeply affect our concepts, our feelings, our relationships. They affect the way we look at life and God, at others and ourselves.”

What are some of these damaged emotions? One of the most common is rejection – a feeling of unworthiness and inferiority. Other damages occurred when our security and significance were threatened. A perfectionistic parent can place unattainable expectations upon a child or fears may be handed down from a fear-filled parent or other authority figures.

Healing these areas means we must be willing to crawl down into the trenches of our lives.

There are two scriptures that come to mind concerning this level of healing:

I Thessalonians 5:2: “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”

Romans 8:5-11 (v. 5-6): “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”

God’s Spirit through our spirit longs to heal our minds and emotions. He desires our whole being to be in health. 

There are three very important steps we can take to enter into this level of healing:

1.  Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal areas of deception and denounce them.

2.  Ask for Jesus’ cleansing through an honest and sincere confession to have Him purify them of all unrighteousness.

3.  Maintain humility, hide nothing and confess everything.

All of us have memories—memories of things that happened to us. Memories are real and often factual, but at the core of human pain is often a lie—something that is not true. Memory is a wonderful thing unless there is a lie connected to the memory.

The Lord does not wipe clean our memory banks, but He will bring the truth to any lies we are telling ourselves which perpetuate the wounds. Often people know the truth, but do not apply it to the lie. The pain is not coming from the memory, but the lie within the memory. The significance of believing a lie is that it may as well be the truth: the consequences are the same. 

I can recall a counselee who perceived herself to be overweight. She certainly was not overweight but was now struggling with anorexia, starving herself in order to “be thin and accepted.” Where did this originate from? She had a memory of a boyfriend who frequently reminded her of her weight, telling her that any girlfriend of his had to be thin. Housed within that memory was a lie she accepted that went something like this: “If I am to be loved by him, attractive to him, I need to lose weight and be thin.”

Paul told the Ephesian church they were to “put off” their old and the corrupted desires while “putting on” a new attitude of the mind in order to reflect righteousness in becoming like God. Our Counselor, Jesus, must reveal to us our old self and the lies that support those wounds. He then chooses to be the Truth so that we can put on the new self of His creation, reflecting the likeness and character of our Savior.

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Challenge, Healing, Identity, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Pornography, Women

Refining Our Souls; Pursuing Sexual Wholeness

Our smartphones today are no longer phones, but more so mini computers. Adults are now spending 20 hours per week on digital media. This means most persons will be faced with the option of viewing pornography. 

Similarweb reported that in 2021 the top three porn sites outranked Amazon, Twitch, Zoom and Netflix combined in monthly visitors. 

A nationally conducted survey among churches over the past five years revealed that 68% of men and 50% of pastors view pornography regularly (Pure Desire Ministries).  But, the most shocking was that 11–17-year-old boys reported being the greatest users – 85% and nearly 50% of young girls (From the web site Fight the New Drug).  Pornography in our country is a 4-billion-dollar industry.  More money is spent on pornography than pro baseball, pro basketball, pro football and the Super bowl combined per year.  Eleven thousand adult films are produced per year, which is 20 times the number of regular media films coming out of Hollywood.  The issue is sweeping through the church and with the present younger generation being exposed and involved, it is epidemic.  

Speaking of present generation, this is the generation that is actively fighting sex trafficking more than any other generation; however, this generation is also consuming porn faster than any other generation.

Too often we tell men and women caught up in this issue that it is solely a moral issue, but studies are showing that it is also a brain issue.  So, telling men to study more, pray more and simply to think pure thoughts is like telling a heroin addict to just stop thinking about and pursuing his/her drug – the brain is conditioned.

Studies are now indicating that when we are involved in sexual activity the brain releases a chemical called Oxytocin, along with other chemicals; it is the glue to human bonding. When we watch pornography, powerful neurotransmitters such as dopamine are also released and our brain then takes those images and creates a bond, actually interfering with human bonding and sexuality.  Dr. Tim Jennings, a neuropsychologist says that any type of repetitive behavior will create trails in our brain that fire on automatic sequence. 

Viewing pornography opens the door of our soul and spirit to spiritual oppression, confusion, hopelessness, hurt, control and domination in evil ways.  Women feel betrayed by husbands who use porn – cheated on really.  Women feel as though they cannot compete with the images their husbands are viewing.  It is an illusion that says women will do anything to please their man while no woman in real life lives within that kind of fantasy world.  It brings insecurities to her and can destroy her esteem.  She will question her attractiveness and her adequacy as a lover.  She can eventually think and believe that porn is more important to her husband than she is to him, an ultimate sexual betrayal.  

One thing we know from God, the Creator of sexuality, is that His love is completely satisfying.  One thing we know from the evil one is that lust is insatiable and can NEVER be satisfied.  Pornography and lust are a drive to serve oneself rather than one’s life mate or others. 

By viewing pornography and by going to their web sites, you are supporting the industry and helping it to grow.  You are contributing to the sexual exploitation of victims caught in this world.  You are adding to the sin of human trafficking.  You are saying yes to a multi-billion-dollar industry that feeds and preys on innocent men, women and children and can even lead to their abduction or death.  You are destroying those trapped in this industry (which today includes more teenage girls than ever), your marriage, your own family and yourself.  And then you excuse it and rationalize it.  You tell yourself it’s not that bad; just a quick look; it’s a natural desire; and some of you even change your theology to tell yourself…no, try to convince yourself that it’s actually ok with God.  Maybe even right now you have messages going to your brain saying, “But that’s not me.”

Here are a few things that the porn industry does not tell you:

Viewing pornography is addictive.

Viewing pornography will help to bring destruction to your closest relationships.

Viewing pornography brings feelings of shame.

Viewing pornography can lead to cheating on your spouse.

Viewing pornography can become very expensive.

I Corinthians 6:13 reveals, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord…” and verse 18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”  Ephesians 5:3 also adds, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity.”

Jesus did not come to condemn you, but rather through grace and forgiveness to remove sexual shame from you. In John chapter eight He told a woman who was caught in adultery that He did not condemn her, but then told her to leave her life of sexual sin. 

Our heavenly Father is in love with you, understands you and has a course of purity for you to walk in. Confess your sin to Him, receive His forgiveness and then find accountability and steps of healing. Here is an organization that can help: http://www.Soulrefiner.com.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Parents, Training

Raising Your Children in Church is no Guarantee

Parents mean well, but make mistakes. I know; I am one. Children make mistakes too. So, when I hear the comment, “Raise up a child in the way he should go, he’ll not depart from it…” spoken in a religious, pride-filled, I-got-a-guarantee way, I cringe. 

But, truth be told, we do not raise our children in a church so they can be perfect Christian specimens or simply do not sin and/or make wrong choices, because they do. Kids raised in a local church with their parents have the capacity to follow God or not; parents cannot force that. 

Your local church should be reinforcing your values as a parent, providing a healthy youth group and reinforcing through other like believers what you as a parent are teaching them at home. 

Our desire as parents in showing them the way of faith is to be preventative as much as it is to build eternity in their hearts. We want to give them the purpose and meaning of life so they walk in that purpose for themselves, maintaining the boundaries that God has written in His word. 

As well, when our children do mess up they have an advocate with the Father, His Son. They will know forgiveness and truth that sets them free. When our children fall short of God’s glorious ideal, just as we do as parents, they’ll know Who they can go to. They’ll know His love and His approval along with His love-filled correction. They’ll discover that even when they do wrong their heavenly Father never leaves them or forsakes them. In fact, when being honest with God, He’ll embrace them even more. 

Parents have the choice to offer unconditional love to their children on a daily basis. While the child may know this and take it for granted, it’s only when they mess up that they realize the grace and forgiveness found within true unconditional love. 

The fact remains, nothing can separate us from the love of God. And God’s discipline is a part of that love. When we as parents correctly, respectfully and without anger bring correction to our children, we are modeling the love of God to them. 

As a parent of three 30-40 somethings and four grandchildren, I will never apologize for training my children to love God first so that all good things from God can follow. I will never apologize for taking them faithfully to a local church, to church camp or encouraging them to travel with me around the world to minister to others. I will never apologize for taking the time to have family devotions, teaching my children the practical application of the word of God in their lives. All of these things are collectively fulfilling Colossians 1:28 and Galatians 4:19:

 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.

    My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you.

As parents, our goal is not to build “us” in our children, but rather, to actively and by example build Christ in them.

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