Author Archives: calledtogether

Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Women

Couples Who Fight About Money

We were one of those couples! Simply stated, we had extremely differing financial values. Mary called me a “tightwad” and I unappreciatively called her a “spender.” Neither term is endearing and of course settles nothing in the financial realm of marriage. 

It’s a dilemma for sure. We often carry our financial values into marriage from our parents or our family money values. If your family never took a vacation you may not see the value in spending money for a week or two of vacation. If your family overspent and misused a credit card, you may not know how to save for emergencies. 

In our marriage, we came to the point where we needed a strategy to develop a mutual agreement of understanding. James chapter four tells us that we fight and argue because we do not ask God. So, we asked God. When doing so, we discovered that we actually had the best of both worlds.

Mary was not a spender; she was a giver. I wasn’t trying to be a tightwad as much as I was attempting to save for a future investment. Giving and saving for investment. Now that’s a winning combo. 

Here are some points to keep in mind when it comes to family finance:

  1. It’s all God’s. You are simply stewards.
  2. God is your provider. Take a break and let Him be your source.
  3. In Him we lack nothing. When Jesus’ disciples returned from a mission trip He asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag, or sandals, did you lack anything?” (Luke 22:35) 
  4. Pray over your finances rather than fight or demand, i.e., ask God.
  5. Tithe or sow obediently into His kingdom first.
  6. Create a livable, life-giving budget.
  7. Allow for one another to have a reasonable spending allowance.
  8. Be generous with others.
  9. Pay all of your charges on your credit card monthly.
  10. Create an emergency savings account as soon as possible. (Start with $3,000.00 and then work your way up to three months of living expenses.)
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Challenge, Encouragement, History, Issues of the Day, Just for fun

30 Everyday Sayings That You Didn’t Know Originated from the Bible

  1. “Writing on the wall” – Daniel chapter five describes the prophet Daniel interpreting the writing on the wall that appeared to be written by “fingers of a human hand.”
  2. “Let there be light” – “And God said, “Let there be light.”’ (Genesis 1:3)
  3. “By the sweat of your brow” – Genesis 3:19: “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food…”
  4. “Of biblical proportions” – This is a reference to the plagues of Egypt described in Exodus 7 and 11.
  5. “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” – “But if there is a serious injury, you are to take life for a life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth…” (Exodus 21:23-25)
  6. “Man does not live by bread alone” – (See Deuteronomy 8:3.)
  7. “Put words in one’s mouth” – II Samuel 14:3 “And Joab put the words in her mouth.”
  8. “Put your house in order” – In II Kings 20 Isaiah told Hezekiah who was ill that he should, “Put your house in order, because you are going to die…”
  9. “Nothing but skin and bones” – In Job’s distress he complained, “I am nothing but skin and bones…” (Job 19:20)
  10. “By the skin of your teeth” – Again, in the same verse as number 9, Job says, “I have escaped only by the skin of my teeth.”
  11. “Broken heart” – The Psalmist wrote, “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart…” (Psalm 34:18)
  12. “Bite the dust” – Psalm 72:9 reveals “…and his enemies will lick the dust.”
  13. “Wits’ end” – “They reeled and staggered like drunkards; they were at their wits end.” (Psalm 107:27)
  14. “Pride comes before a fall” – “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)
  15. “There’s nothing new under the sun” – Ecclesiastes records that there is “…nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9)
  16. “For everything there is a season” – “For everything there is a season and a time…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
  17. “Eat, drink, and be merry” – Luke 12 states, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy: eat, drink and be merry.” (See also Ecclesiastes 8:15.)
  18. “A little birdie told me” – “For a little bird might deliver your message and tell them what you said.” (Ecclesiastes 10:20)
  19. “Drop in the bucket” – “Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket…” (Isaiah 40:15)
  20. “Rise and Shine” – The prophet Isaiah wrote, “Arise, shine, for your light has come…” (60:1)
  21. “Wolves in sheep’s clothing” – Jesus said, “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” (Matthew 7:15)
  22. “It’s like the blind leading the blind” – Jesus warned us that if the blind lead the blind both will fall into a pit. (Matthew 15:13,14)
  23. “Wash your hands of the matter” – It was Pilot who washed his hands of Jesus and claimed innocence of His blood. (Matthew 27:24)
  24. “The truth will set you free” – We know Jesus to be The Truth, but John wrote, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (8:32)
  25. “It’s better to give than receive” – Acts 20:35 records that Jesus told us that “…it is more blessed to give than to receive.”
  26. “The powers that be” – “…the powers that be are ordained of God.” (Romans 13:11)
  27. “Letter of the law” – “…not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (II Corinthians 3:6)
  28. “Fight the good fight” – The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy saying, “Fight the good fight for the true faith.” (I Timothy 6:12)
  29. “Armageddon” – This word means catastrophic event in many movies but it’s actually from the book of Revelation 16:16, “Then they gathered the kings together to the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon.” 
  30. “Reap what you sow” – The Apostle Paul wrote, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7)

And how about a few quotes in which the Bible is credited, but are actually not biblical.

  1. “God works in mysterious ways” – While it may be true, these words are not found in the Bible, but rather in a poem.
  2. “Money is the root of all evil” – Correctly the Bible actually says, “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” and not money in and of itself.
  3. “God helps those who help themselves” – God helps those who cannot help themselves as well. We are all encouraged to cry out to God for help!
  4. “God won’t give you more than you can handle” – Try to tell this to the person suffering from cancer or those who are in prison for their faith. The scripture actually states, “…God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear…” (I Corinthians 10:13)
  5. “Love the sinner, hate the sin” – These have become some of the most destructive nonbiblical words of our time. Jesus told us to love our enemies and to stop judging your brother when you have an even larger plank in your eye. (Matthew 5:43-48; 7:3,4)

When you hear someone reference one of the 30 everyday sayings above, be sure to let them know of their origin in the Scriptures. Then, also make sure, when quoting the Bible, you are actually quoting the Bible.

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Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day

Keep the Change

I have spent my fair share of time in airports and on airplanes. 

Did you know that the TSA security checkpoints accrued $900,000.00 in loose change in 2019? And were you aware that around 58 million dollars of loose change is found on airplanes annually? 

How can these figures be so high? In the U.S. alone there are 2,900,000 air travelers every day who take 16 million flights per year. Change falling or forgotten from that many travelers adds up. 

What’s the point and does anyone really care? Have you ever been short-changed by someone who didn’t seem to know how to make change during a purchase transaction? We don’t like it. But we can walk off from TSA and not be bothered about the change we left behind. Why is that? 

To the former, there is a person connected who in our minds just might be ripping us off. We see their motivations as wrong. We’re suspicious. To the latter, we’re in control; we’re making a decision to not be concerned about the loss. We see our intentions as right. When people are involved outside ourselves we tend to react or respond differently. How we view their actions toward us is significantly different than how we view our own actions. Simply stated, we’ll tend to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. 

Perhaps we could work on changing that perspective and give others the benefit of the doubt. God’s word reminds us to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves…looking to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3,4)

You will find that people respond better to positive expectations rather than negative suspicians.

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History, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Premarital, Women

Those Many Wedding Traditions and Why We Do Them

Weddings can be similar around the world, but why is it traditional to have wedding bands, to throw rice at the newly married couple or for the bride to wear something old and something new? These are a few of the wedding traditions we accept, but most likely have no idea of their origination. 

Here are eight of the most popular traditions with an explanation of why they exist.

  1. The couple stays apart the night before and the day of the wedding until the ceremony.

Marrying for love is a relatively new concept. Many marriages of yesteryear were prearranged by the families. Not seeing each other prior to stating their wedding vows was a precaution for one of the two getting “cold feet.”

2. Something old and something new.

In the mid-19th century, the objects shared from others were to bring the bride good luck and also served as a hope for early pregnancy. 

3. White wedding dresses.

It was Queen Victoria who wore a white gown at her wedding in 1840 when most gowns at that time were red. Soon white became the color for brides because white was considered virginal and pure and an emblem of innocence. 

4. Groomsmen and bridesmaids in a wedding party.

It has become a way to honor your friends and family members. But in Roman culture, these persons became the couple’s witnesses, bodyguards, and preventing intruders from intervening in the wedding ceremony

5. “Speak up now or forever hold your peace.”

Have you ever wondered where this phrase originated from? It was a standard question at one time in order to prevent bigamy. Some churches even required the forthcoming wedding plans to be announced three times to be sure that neither bride or groom to be were already married.

6. Sharing wedding rings.

Historically, most couples did not exchange rings so this practice is fairly new. It was more of a custom for the woman to have an engagement ring so that all would know she is “under contract” or betrothed. Jewelers began to popularize men’s rings and by the 1940’s it became socially acceptable that men would wear a wedding band.

7. Tossing rice or birdseed at the newlywed couple. 

The Romans thought it best to toss wheat at the couple as a sign of fertility. In Europe it was thought that rice was that sign. Other cultures use oats, peas and other grains. But contrary to popular belief, throwing rice which is eventually picked up by the birds will not injure the bird. 

And one more…wedding cake.

8. Saving the top layer of your wedding cake.

It wasn’t about celebrating on your first anniversary; it was more about the birth of your first child. Happy couples who were able to be successful at starting a family were to celebrate by using the remaining wedding cake for their first child’s christening. 

There you have it: eight traditions that can be found at most modern weddings and the why of those traditions. So the next time you’re at a wedding, you can share your knowledge around the reception table with people you don’t know!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Women

Why Pre- and Postmarital Counseling?

You’re engaged and on your way to “Happy ever after.” 

Now begins the work of planning a wedding day, a reception and a honeymoon. It is thought that wedding days take up to 200 hours of preparation or more. Think about all that goes into that day: venues, photographer, videographer, flowers, invitations, music, ceremony planning, reception, clothes, and list after list.

Funny thing though, none of these things help to create a better marriage or a more solid foundation. That comes from participating in couple-to-couple premarital counseling. Premarital takes place before you say “I do.” It is foundation building for topics like: communication, conflict, finances, sex, extended family, facing different scenarios, creating tools that help you preventatively.

Marriage is a covenant to a lifetime commitment. We need to receive every possible aspect of prevention that we can. Any investment into your relationship, any seeds sown for personal growth and counsel will be reaped in the years ahead. 

Will you have children, how many, and how will they be educated? Where will you live and will you be able to visit your parents? What are your anxieties concerning marriage? Have you crossed sexual boundaries before marriage and what can we do about that? 

Premarital counseling helps to build a solid foundation and postmarital counseling offers the reality check-ups, reviews, help with present struggles and questions. It should be provocative by nature so that growth occurs and marriage can be embraced in a greater measure. 

Through counseling your love can grow to new heights as you objectively face issues in your relationship. It is an opportunity to be honest, open and vulnerable as you have help offered through your pre- and postmarital counselors.

Finally, if you’re looking for a resource that provokes conversations and gives practical, life-building exercises chapter after chapter, here is our book, Called Together. It asks you the challenging questions before and after you say, “I do.”

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Challenge, Children, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Singles, Women

Allowing Those Around Me to Define Me

Attempting to be who or what others feel we ought to be is dangerous. We have all dealt with thoughts like these or imagined expressions from others. I just recently experienced a 93-year-old person tell me they could no longer go to church because they now need to use a walker. I assured this person that no one would judge them or look down on them for using a walker. In fact, I told her no one would even care, they would be so glad to see her. She looked at me and said, “I would care; I would be embarrassed.” 

Wow, even at that age we care about what others may think of us or how we perceive they may be perceiving us?

Let’s define what I am describing as, “I don’t know who I am, so I’ll allow another to define me.” When we do this either consciously or unconsciously, we are allowing another to define who we are and that definition may not be anywhere near accurate for who we’ve been created to be. 

When we fall prey to this level of self-thought, we are actually inhibiting God from expressing to us how He sees us. We’re missing the mark by giving in to either peer pressure or a negative view of who we are. 

You and I were not created to bear the image of anyone else other than who the Father says we are. Henry Nouwen said it this way, “Spiritual identity means we are not what we do or what people say about us…we are not what we have. We are the beloved daughters and sons of God.”

In the book, Identity: The Distinctiveness of You I wrote, “It is not an option to be an image bearer, but it is an option as to whose image we bear. To bear the image of the One who created us can never be accomplished by mere human thought, balance, personal effort, blood, sweat or tears. It is received. An unworthy human vessel is baptized in the love of God, the truth of God, the Spirit of God and the character of God in order to reveal the image of God.”

We are image bearers. Whose image do you desire to bear?

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Challenge, Encouragement, History, Issues of the Day

Why America Celebrates the Fourth of July

It was a battle for liberty and individual freedom. There was a conviction that government was from God and there was a deep desire for freedom from the largest earthly power of its time, Great Britain. 

The new settlers believed that the Law of Nature and the law of revelation were greater than any human law. The theologian William Blackstone wrote about the establishment of the Law of Nature as, “The doctrines thus delivered we call revealed of divine law, and they are to be found only in the Holy Scriptures…no human law (or government) should be suffered to contradict these.” 

The Colonists agreed and saw that the new laws and restrictions being forced on them by Britain as a hinderance to God’s plan for America. The fight against Great Britain was their belief that America was God’s divine plan and a seven-year war was in belief of an independent America.

Noah Webster said, “The religion which has introduced civil liberty is the religion of Christ and His apostles, which enjoins humility, piety, and benevolence; which acknowledges in every person a brother or a sister, and a citizen with equal rights. This is genuine Christianity, and to this we owe our free Constitutions of Government.”

The 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence suffered greatly. Five signers were captured by the British and tortured before their death. Twelves signers had their homes burned. Several lost sons in the revolutionary war. Nine of them fought and died from wounds in the war. They were lawyers, farmers and merchants dedicated to an independent America.

These men had a new life in a new land with security and wealth, but they valued their liberty. Together and with one voice they pledged, “For the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of the Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.”

Thank you, God, for a republic. I pray we can keep it.

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Challenge, Children, Healing, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Pornography, Women

Is Marriage the Answer to Pornography Use?

Many young men and women often believe marriage will be their answer to a porn use problem. If you viewed porn as a teenager, porn use will not stop in marriage. While there may be times of reprieve, it will remain a temptation. 

Having sex in marriage as it was designed by our Creator, provides no guarantee that when you are stressed, when you need a quick fix or when married life is not working out as expected that you will not return to pornography. It’s addictive; highly addictive and it’s a false counterfeit to the real. 

Viewing pornography opens the door of our soul and spirit to spiritual oppression, confusion, hopelessness, hurt, control and domination in evil ways. Women feel betrayed by husbands who use porn – cheated on really. Women often feel as though they cannot compete with the images their husbands are viewing. It is an illusion that says women will do anything to please their man while no woman in real life lives within that kind of fantasy world. It brings insecurities to her and can negatively affect her esteem. She will question her attractiveness and her adequacy as a lover.  She can eventually think and believe that porn is more important to her husband than she is to him, an ultimate sexual betrayal. 

Men, however, often view pornography as innocent, a fix for loneliness or not having a sexual partner that agrees with his desires. Men rationalize and justify their behavior by attempting to call it “normal behavior” of a man who is simply visual. However, the act of viewing pornography is highly addictive in which some psychologist state that it is like a crack cocaine addiction. Over time it does not diminish, but tends to intensify. It can interfere in a man’s ability to function at home with his family, at work and of course in the bedroom.  

Let me say something personal to the casual or the constant viewer. By viewing pornography and by going to their web sites, you are supporting the industry and helping it to grow. You are contributing to the sexual exploitation of victims caught in this world. You are adding to the sin of human trafficking. You are saying yes to a multi-billion-dollar industry that feeds and preys on innocent men, women and children and can even lead to their abduction or death. You are learning to see and treat women as a sex object. You are destroying those trapped in this industry (which today includes more teenage girls than ever), your marriage, your own family and yourself. And then you excuse it and rationalize it. You tell yourself it’s not that bad, just a quick look, it’s a natural desire and some of you even change your theology to tell yourself…no, try to convince yourself that it’s actually ok with God. 

It is not ok with God because it is a counterfeit of what God lovingly gave to you. It is false intimacy and it will steal from you real intimacy. Check out these verses: Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.  As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.  But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do. ( I Peter 1:13-15) 

It is said that 50% of young girls are viewing porn also. All of the above is true for you too. It will have a negative effect upon your marriage and your loving husband. Not only that, but for husbands and wives who struggle you are passing down this sin to your children. 

Repent and confess porn use to God, to your pastor today, be accountable and find resources, counselors and groups that will support you toward freedom.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Men, Parents

Father’s Day; For Fathers and Men

I received a Father’s Day card from my son that read, “Someday, you’ll thank me – Dad.” Then it followed with these words, “Thank you, Dad! – me.” I love cards for what they say, but mostly for what people write in them. And it’s that written part that often expresses more than the card itself. 

My son went on to add his own words, “Thanks for being a great father and role model. Thanks for teaching me “man” stuff but also how to be a real man – loving my children and wife, working hard and valuing the right things. I am always grateful for you.”

That straight-to-the-heart message of pure gratefulness meant more to me than any card writer at Hallmark could ever come up with. Those were words from someone you spent your life caring for, teaching, training, loving and, yes, even disciplining. You spent thousands of dollars on them with no expectation of return. You stood on the sidelines while they played sports and you sat at concerts while they attempted to play an instrument. You took them on dates to their favorite ice-cream place and you went to a music concert of “musicians” who you didn’t really appreciate. Fathers pray for their children’s safe return late at night and by their bed when they’re asleep.

Fathers believe in their children because too many persons out there in this world do not. Fathers bravely defend their children and frankly would give their lives for their son or daughter. Fathers do not count the cost when it comes to what their children need, and when they can’t provide for that need, they seek out those who can. Fathers sacrifice, work multiple jobs, do what it takes to make family life work. 

But perhaps more than anything, fathers lead the way to faith. If that faith is not working in their life, then fathers know it’s rather difficult to pass on. Children need the love of a father, the provision of a father and the direction of a father. For it is that love, that security and that provision which ultimately helps those children to then trust their heavenly Father.

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History, Issues of the Day, Prayer

Atheism and the Most Hated Woman

It was 1963 and the U.S. Supreme court would vote in an 8 – 1 ruling that it was unconstitutional for public schools to require Bible reading. At the time, there were many states which mandated daily Bible reading and prayer. The infamous Murray vs. Curlett case involved what would become a high-profile woman by the name of Madalyn Murray O’Hair. 

O’Hare’s claim was that her son, William, was “bullied” because he did not want to participate in the daily Bible reading in his school. Having won the case elevated O’Hare to be profiled in Life magazine and then begin TV interviews. She was vocal to criticize any public reading of the scripture like the Apollo 8 astronauts on Christmas Eve in 1968. 

O’Hare stood for sexual freedom for adults and children. She was the head of the American Atheists. As the leader she said she welcomed being the “most hated woman in America.” But that’s far from the end of the story.

O’Hare’s son, William, became a Christian believer. His mother said she would have him committed to an insane asylum for doing so. William told his story in his book, My Life Without God. In that book he described how his mother hated her father and wanted to poison him to death. How she had multiple affairs. How she inflated the member numbers of the American Atheists and many other unscrupulous dealings. 

In 1995 O’Hare disappeared. Her body was later discovered in Texas having been caught up in a financial scam and in an attempt to flee the IRS. It wasn’t a happy ending of a life dedicated to winning converts to atheism and changing U.S. laws to align with her beliefs. 

We will always bear the consequences of the seeds we sow as believers or as nonbelievers. Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature from that nature will reap destruction… (Galatians 6:7,8)

I am reminded on a daily basis of what I say, what I teach, what I write is subject to scrutiny from others, but mostly I am concerned and accountable to God for what I sow, desiring to reap from good seed.

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