Category Archives: Issues of the Day

Challenge, Children, Healing, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Pornography, Women

Is Marriage the Answer to Pornography Use?

Many young men and women often believe marriage will be their answer to a porn use problem. If you viewed porn as a teenager, porn use will not stop in marriage. While there may be times of reprieve, it will remain a temptation. 

Having sex in marriage as it was designed by our Creator, provides no guarantee that when you are stressed, when you need a quick fix or when married life is not working out as expected that you will not return to pornography. It’s addictive; highly addictive and it’s a false counterfeit to the real. 

Viewing pornography opens the door of our soul and spirit to spiritual oppression, confusion, hopelessness, hurt, control and domination in evil ways. Women feel betrayed by husbands who use porn – cheated on really. Women often feel as though they cannot compete with the images their husbands are viewing. It is an illusion that says women will do anything to please their man while no woman in real life lives within that kind of fantasy world. It brings insecurities to her and can negatively affect her esteem. She will question her attractiveness and her adequacy as a lover.  She can eventually think and believe that porn is more important to her husband than she is to him, an ultimate sexual betrayal. 

Men, however, often view pornography as innocent, a fix for loneliness or not having a sexual partner that agrees with his desires. Men rationalize and justify their behavior by attempting to call it “normal behavior” of a man who is simply visual. However, the act of viewing pornography is highly addictive in which some psychologist state that it is like a crack cocaine addiction. Over time it does not diminish, but tends to intensify. It can interfere in a man’s ability to function at home with his family, at work and of course in the bedroom.  

Let me say something personal to the casual or the constant viewer. By viewing pornography and by going to their web sites, you are supporting the industry and helping it to grow. You are contributing to the sexual exploitation of victims caught in this world. You are adding to the sin of human trafficking. You are saying yes to a multi-billion-dollar industry that feeds and preys on innocent men, women and children and can even lead to their abduction or death. You are learning to see and treat women as a sex object. You are destroying those trapped in this industry (which today includes more teenage girls than ever), your marriage, your own family and yourself. And then you excuse it and rationalize it. You tell yourself it’s not that bad, just a quick look, it’s a natural desire and some of you even change your theology to tell yourself…no, try to convince yourself that it’s actually ok with God. 

It is not ok with God because it is a counterfeit of what God lovingly gave to you. It is false intimacy and it will steal from you real intimacy. Check out these verses: Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.  As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.  But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do. ( I Peter 1:13-15) 

It is said that 50% of young girls are viewing porn also. All of the above is true for you too. It will have a negative effect upon your marriage and your loving husband. Not only that, but for husbands and wives who struggle you are passing down this sin to your children. 

Repent and confess porn use to God, to your pastor today, be accountable and find resources, counselors and groups that will support you toward freedom.

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History, Issues of the Day, Prayer

Atheism and the Most Hated Woman

It was 1963 and the U.S. Supreme court would vote in an 8 – 1 ruling that it was unconstitutional for public schools to require Bible reading. At the time, there were many states which mandated daily Bible reading and prayer. The infamous Murray vs. Curlett case involved what would become a high-profile woman by the name of Madalyn Murray O’Hair. 

O’Hare’s claim was that her son, William, was “bullied” because he did not want to participate in the daily Bible reading in his school. Having won the case elevated O’Hare to be profiled in Life magazine and then begin TV interviews. She was vocal to criticize any public reading of the scripture like the Apollo 8 astronauts on Christmas Eve in 1968. 

O’Hare stood for sexual freedom for adults and children. She was the head of the American Atheists. As the leader she said she welcomed being the “most hated woman in America.” But that’s far from the end of the story.

O’Hare’s son, William, became a Christian believer. His mother said she would have him committed to an insane asylum for doing so. William told his story in his book, My Life Without God. In that book he described how his mother hated her father and wanted to poison him to death. How she had multiple affairs. How she inflated the member numbers of the American Atheists and many other unscrupulous dealings. 

In 1995 O’Hare disappeared. Her body was later discovered in Texas having been caught up in a financial scam and in an attempt to flee the IRS. It wasn’t a happy ending of a life dedicated to winning converts to atheism and changing U.S. laws to align with her beliefs. 

We will always bear the consequences of the seeds we sow as believers or as nonbelievers. Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature from that nature will reap destruction… (Galatians 6:7,8)

I am reminded on a daily basis of what I say, what I teach, what I write is subject to scrutiny from others, but mostly I am concerned and accountable to God for what I sow, desiring to reap from good seed.

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Challenge, Children, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day, Parents, Pornography, Singles

God, You Love Me and My Sexuality

Every one of us are far more than our sexual desires dreams and feelings. These areas of life do not define us. I have heard plenty of horror stories after twenty plus years of personal counseling. Let me share one of those with you.

I can recall Lisa’s story that resulted in severe anorexia. While her story and her pain were true, she was acting out self-destructive behavior, starving herself to death. If I would have merely affirmed every feeling that Lisa had, it would have been cruel. Further, if I would have commented that her self-perception of being obese was right in an effort to validate her feelings, I would have been both unprofessional and dishonest. 

When our sexuality becomes who we are or how we express our identity, we will be disappointed. It is an expectation that sexuality cannot deliver because our sexuality is only part of our whole being. 

To pursue an identity in our sexuality for the purpose of obtaining self-esteem will also ultimately disappoint. Having the attention of someone sexually may empower for a movement, but that moment will end quickly. It is as well detrimental to look for our identity in the sexual realm because it’s the popular thing to do. Often high school and college age students are pursuing sexuality in this way in an effort to feel popular. 

Every day we choose to either obey God in our sexuality or to not obey Him. It can be a temptation as great as being unfaithful to our wedding vows or a temptation to view pornography. We each have a choice to make. Either God’s grace is sufficient or we determine it not to be. Deciding to pursue our sexuality God’s way and within His boundaries might mean a cross to bear for some, but it will lead us into an eternity of God’s pleasure because of our obedience vs our pursuit of a temporary pleasure.

(For a more thorough look into this topic see the book Identity, The Distinctiveness of You here.)

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun

A Lifetime “Limited” Warranty

I bought a high-end swinging door to access my deck after the last one made of wood rotted. (Apparently, they don’t make wood like they use to.) I mean I pulled out all the stops to purchase the best door money could buy, guaranteed to never need replacement. And to top it off, the new door came with a “Lifetime Limited Warranty.”

I don’t know about you, but “lifetime” seems like a loooooong time to me. Within less than twelve years my new door began to separate and lost its ability to seal out the cold. No worries–I actually saved the receipt and the warranty statement found on the door when purchased new.

I confidently called the so and so company to order my brand new replacement door. She said she would send a representative to look at the damaged door and give me “an estimate on replacement.” This is when I began to feel a bit nervous. Questioning her further I discovered that I completely understood the definition of the word “lifetime” and the word “warranty,” but really had no idea about the meaning of that other little word thrown in there: “limited.”

The nice factory rep lady informed me that “lifetime limited” was ten years. I said, “Saywhaaa? Ten years?” And then in a snarky manner asked her, “Aren’t you happy your lifetime is longer than ten years?” 

Ladies and gentlemen, be careful of that little word “limited.” It’s a disappointment for sure. Most things in this world are limited. In fact, I can recall my son being asked to leave an “all you can eat” breakfast restaurant. Apparently that restaurant found out what I already knew from closely observing my grocery bill.

Here is a wonderful thing: God’s love, His grace and His forgiveness are totally, unconditionally, without a limit clause in fine print, UNLIMITED. And that’s a guarantee into eternity, signed and sealed by the cross.

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Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day

Narratives and Lies

There are narratives that are being promoted these days which are truly “of this world.” The narrative of “what I do privately affects no one” is an example. However, if I choose to be sexually active outside of marriage it can have direct consequences like pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, anxiety, depression, and deep hurts. Every one of these results affect someone other than myself. The narrative that I act alone, it only affects me, is a completely false narrative. All of our actions are in some way or another connected to others. 

But that’s not really my point. False narratives are pushed in our culture today as if they are truth. When pushed long enough, hard enough, marketed, placed in TV and movie lines, written about by the “professionals” as accepted truth, our culture can eventually shift and begin to believe they are actually true. 

A more recent narrative being promoted as compassionate is “love is love.” If love is love then love must include all kinds of self-centered aberrations and still be defined as love. If love is love is a positive message, then call anything love and it passes, even while it hurts one’s self or others. 

There is a truth narrative from God’s word that is completely trustworthy, dependable and of value to believe. Here are some biblical narratives you can trust into eternity:

I Corinthians 1:25 – 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

I Corinthians 3:19 – 19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written: “He catches the wise in their craftiness.”

John 15:18,19 – “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” 

John 18:36 – 36 Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.”

Titus 2:11,12 – 11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.

I John 2:15-17 – 15 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father[a] is not in them. 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

Matthew 5:14-16 – 14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

John 8:12 – 12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Jesus’ narrative and God’s word have a very different take on the world’s narrative. There is no peace, no satisfaction, no agreement and no right way of living within the world’s narrative. It all too often ends in destruction. It poses as ultimate good, but culminates in disappointment and all too often, personal ruin. 

Believe and promote God’s narratives. They lead to life.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Parents

Courageous Parenting

Godly parenting takes courage–plain and simple. If you were to ask someone what is the most courageous thing they have ever done you would most likely receive various answers, but if you ask me that question I would say godly parenting.

Courageous deeds are often associated with heroes; however, if your heart’s desire is to raise godly children in an ungodly and worldly environment, then you are heroic.

When we establish boundaries about certain TV shows, certain music or certain books, we are taking courageous steps.

When we establish biblically guided rules for our children about what’s right and what’s wrong, then we are taking courageous steps.

When we establish rules concerning standards and the opposite sex relationships of our children, we are being courageous. 

When we teach sexual identity and sexual purity that is in stark contrast to what our culture is speaking, we are being courageous.

When we do not conform to the values of other parents, sticking with our specific family values, we are being courageous.

When we as parents are not viewing pornography and then holding our young children accountable to do the same, we are being courageous parents.

When we teach our children what is acceptable dress, acceptable dating relationships, acceptable Internet use, and give them curfews, we are being courageous parents.

The list could go on, but I challenge you today to be a courageous parent because if you want to see a generation of young people who can withstand peer pressure, who can say no to the wrong they will face, and who can say yes to God, it all begins with courageous parenting.

When we take the easy route or the lazy route to parenting, the battle for our children will be lost. 

They will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. (Jeremiah 32:39)

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Children, Encouragement, History, Issues of the Day, Parents, Prayer

The Ache of a Godly Parent

I discovered a long time ago when I worked as a social worker and later as a family and marriage counselor that some good children come from not-so-good homes and some not-so-good children can come from good homes. There simply are no guarantees. 

While we do our best to raise our children to love and to serve God, as they age, it becomes their decision. We hope and pray the seeds sown take root. 

Monica had a son named Augustine. He spent his teenage and youthful adult years seeking sinful desires and rejecting his mother’s Christian faith. Monica asked her bishop to speak with her son and his reply was, “It is impossible that the son of so many tears should perish.” He refused to speak to the young man. 

But one day in his Roman garden, God spoke to Augustine and said, “Take and read.” Suddenly God’s word was opened up to him and he began to see the promises of Christ and his own sinfulness. He shared his radical conversion with his mother and nine days later, with ecstatic joy in her heart, she died. 

Today we all know of Saint Augustine, one of the most influential believers mentioned in church history.

Maybe you can identify with this mother as you sow tears of sorrow and deep prayers of faith. Trust God to speak to your son or daughter in the garden of their life. He will speak. He is speaking.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Women

Longevity in Marriage is a Plus

When we see an advertisement that includes, “Serving the city for more than 25 years” or “Celebrating over 50 years of business” we take notice. While so many businesses are looking for hyped up advertising, those with longevity need only their reputation which has been earned over time. 

Are you committed to your partner for the long haul? Are you sowing seeds into your marriage that will breathe life into it for decades to come? As you faithfully invest you will bear fruit in your marriage that can be noticed by others throughout your lifetime. 

Coming back into the U.S. on an international trip, the customs officer asked what was Mary’s relationship to me. She said, “I am his wife of 47 years.” The customs officer raised his eyebrows, looked at the two of us and said, “Wow, you’re REALLY married!” 

Humorous? Yes. Unusual? Yes. Our longevity caught him by surprise, but at the same time he wished us well and many more years as we moved through the line. 

For by me your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life. (Proverbs 9:11) 

And if you will walk in my ways, keeping my statues and my commandments, as your father David walked, then I will lengthen your days. (I Kings 3:14)

If you’re a young couple reading this, please know that every choice you make matters for today and tomorrow. If you’re an older couple, do not rest on what was, but continue to pursue life and health for your marriage. The more our marriages mature, the more fruitful they are to become. 

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Parents

Controlling the Temperature of Our Homes

We set thermostats to control the temperature in our homes, but as parents we are to maintain a type of temperature control as well. Parents are called to be thermostats, setting the temperature within the environment of their home. What does that mean?

Parents determine if the environment of their home will be fun, full of laughter, peace-filled, quiet, warm or loud, out of control, and lacking grace. They determine if their home will be a refuge or a place to avoid. Parents determine the family interaction, the authenticity of the home and how much time is spent on electronic devises. 

I recently heard a speaker state that our homes are not generating memories because families are staying in the here and now with social media at its center rather than family communication through games, devotions, storytelling and extended family interactions. Parents must control TV-watching, video game-playing, and how often family members isolate themselves in their rooms. 

The pace of the world today is frantic, but you can control that pace within your home and family. Kids do not need to play every sport or participate in every school activity. Your children need to become bored enough at times so they discover their own form of play, imagination, interaction, reading and innovation. Send your kids outside to find a stick, play at the creek, hunt worms, build things, do a work project, play freeze tag or play flashlight tag at night. 

Making memories with your children will be dinner conversations for the rest of their lives around your table and someday around their table. 

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Women

Growing Wealth for Your Future

“She considers a field and buys it…” So says the Proverb about the wife of noble character.

We sat in our warm car with freezing cold temperatures outside just after I ran around looking at some mountain ground acreage. I told my wife we couldn’t afford it. She looked at me and said, “This is it. I say we go for it.” Surprised, I thought of the above scripture so relevant to this very situation.

We did buy it and it did stretch us financially (for years), just as it did with the two properties prior to this one.

We were in the middle of eight years of mission work with no guaranteed income. I felt that I heard God clearly say, “Buy land.” Then I came to MY senses and realized with little to no income how does one buy land? We found fourteen acres near us and discovered the owner was willing to take a chance on us and personally mortgage the property. We needed to believe for $114.01 per month in order to make the payment. We never missed or were late with this faith-filled step.

We sold that land at a profit to purchase a second property. Years later we sold that land, realizing a substantial increase, to help us build our present home. Once again, many years later, we purchased the land mentioned above. While there is no guarantee to see increase, God is not making any more land and we have only seen increase in the three investments we made.

Increase comes with wise investments in assets. It may be years before that increase is realized, but there is another Proverb which states, “For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” (Proverbs 2:6)

God is the best banker, lawyer and real estate agent there is. And with Him, we possess an advantage in our investments.

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