A recent survey conducted by CreditCards.com, which included 1,378 adults, discovered that 44% of U.S. adults admit to “…hiding bank accounts or debt and spending more money than their partner is aware of.” I was astounded when I read that statistic.
When asked why they do this, their answers included for “privacy” purposes or “a desire to control their own finances.” Many admitted they spend more than their significant other would like them to or would agree with.
We know money issues are some of the biggest issues in relationships, especially marriage. That is the reason why we dedicate a whole chapter to finance in our premarital book, Called Together and we also discuss it thoroughly in our follow-up book, Staying Together.
Some of the couples in the survey stated that they are keeping “secret accounts” or are carrying “hidden debt.” It was also found that men tend to function in financial infidelity slightly more than women. All of the above is a major sign of mistrust in a relationship, perhaps fear, a longing for independence, the misuse of finances or a sign of financial abuse. It certainly is an indicator of something awry in one party or both.
Have you kept financial secrets from your spouse? Here are a few reasons to never engage in this behavior:
- It will undermine the foundation of your relationship.
- You are living a lie and keeping secrets from a relationship that should have no secrets.
- Secrets always have a way of surfacing, at the poorest of times. It will then become far more difficult to try and deal with the infraction(s).
- Your partner might wonder what other secrets are being kept from the relationship, creating an unhealthy distrust.
And here are some reasons why this may be happening:
- You have an underlying fear of financial loss or separation of the relationship.
- There is something in your personal or family history that needs to be dealt with and healed.
- There is something in your marriage history that needs to be dealt with and healed.
- Money has become an inordinate form of security to you.
- Your spending is out of control and you are attempting to meet emotional needs in a wrong way.
It is interesting that the verse (verse four) before the one I share below is about marriage, and then Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”
How we spend our money, save our money and give away our money says so much about our heart and who we are as a person. Who are you when it comes to money? Integrity begins with the use of one single cent. If you are concealing finance or accounts and keeping secrets from your spouse, please take steps to rectify this. Do not allow personal secrets to invade your marriage relationship.