Monthly Archives: July 2020

Children, Encouragement, In the news, Parents

He Never Stops Searching for the Kidnapped

It’s an older story now and a Lifetime movie. In 1997, Luzaida Cuevas’ 10-day-old daughter, Delimar Vera, reportedly died in a Philadelphia, Pa row home fire. The mother searched for her baby in her crib and noticed an open window, but could not find her. The fire personnel told ‘Luz’ the fire was so hot it consumed her little body without a trace, but Luz never believed that story and tried to hire a lawyer. She could not afford those expenses, but never stopped believing that her daughter was alive. And then, one amazing day…

 

Six years later on January 24th, Luz was attending a children’s birthday party and she spotted a little six-year-old girl with a pronounced dimple she recognized immediately. She called the girl to her telling her she had gum in her hair. Having seen crime shows on TV, she was able to secure a few strands of the child’s hair for DNA testing.

 

The DNA test confirmed Luzaida’s suspicion, it was her daughter who was kidnapped by a frequent visitor to her home. The kidnapper set her home a blaze as a distraction. A local state politician helped Luz secure the DNA test and connected her with the police. The kidnapper was arrested and eventually Delimar was returned to her biological mother.

 

Reading this story about the never-ending love of a mother, a mother who did not give up believing her daughter was alive reminds me of something. After six years, that same mother just knew her eyes and her soul were connecting with the daughter she had last seen at the age of ten days. It reminds me of God’s love and God’s heart for me, for you and for all of mankind. I could just sense how our Father searches and waits to restore those who are lost, those who have been kidnapped by the world around them.

 

They are your relatives and your neighbors. Even though we may struggle in our relationships with these persons at times, God does not. He is relentlessly pursuing them with His love, His acceptance, His healing and His salvation.

 

 

“God, give us eyes to see them as You see them, to love them as You love them and to pray for them. Help us to not be angry with them, but rather with their ‘kidnapper.’”

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

The Aversion to Counseling

It was not unusual for me to receive a call from a spouse requesting counseling. Often I asked if their marriage partner will accompany them and just as often I would hear something like this: “Oh, they don’t think they need counseling.” I have news for that spouse and every other person alive. We all need counseling at one time or another throughout our existence on this planet.

 

What is the aversion to counseling? There are numerous I suppose, but number one on my list is pride. We pridefully feel that our spouse needs counsel far more than we do. Or, we simply do not desire to admit that we need a counselor in our life.

 

Another is the avoidance of one-on-one confrontation and the fear of having to face the fact that we might be wrong. Again, a derivative of pride.

 

Perhaps another is being married to someone who is forever, chronically seeking counsel, but then never healing.

 

And still another is that proverbial response of, “What can a counselor tell me that I don’t already know?” Great question for the person who doesn’t even know enough to realize there is safety in a multitude of counselors. (Proverbs 15:22; 24:6)

 

Wise counselors are a gift to human kind from God and to be appreciated. One of the names of God’s Son is Counselor. 

 

My wife and I have been to a counselor. I once bribed my whole family with pizza if they would first be willing to share with a counselor how their dad could improve upon being a dad. I have sought out counsel in many forms and fashions from experts who had keen insight into areas like finances, home repair projects, business building, child raising and leadership. God has experts in every category of life and I’ll bet you have access to some of those wise counselors.

 

Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. (Proverbs 11:14)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Perfect—Everything is Perfect

Have you noticed lately when calling your insurance company, your bank or just about any customer service person there has been a change?  When communicating about a problem or an update the word you often hear over and over is “perfect.” Repeatedly I hear, “Yes, perfect;” “That’s perfect;” “Mmm perfect.” When they ask the spelling of my name and then answer, “Perfect,” I feel a little unnerved because now their perfect word actually becomes incongruent to the question. Of course I can spell my last name perfectly. You would think life is just perfect in their world.

 

Are these persons being trained to use this word in their dialogues with customers over and over? What’s so great about this word and who started this nuance? What consultant or training guru first said, “Use one word and one word only over and over—PERFECT.” Did some scientific study or major poll figure out we love to hear the word perfect? Is there some unknown psychology behind this word, “perfect?” Is perfect what every human being has a desire to become so they repeatedly make use of this word? Or, is it the fact that no one is perfect and these persons, no matter how frustrated we the customer become, accept what is being said because of this special, overused and overrated word?

 

I hear parents repeatedly tell their children practice makes perfect, but it does not. Practice makes better, not perfect. If perfection is our goal, then we’re defeated before we even begin. Is anything in this world perfect?

 

Only One. Read below about this Perfection:

 

II Samuel 22:31 – His way is perfect and His word is flawless.

 

Job 36:4 – He is perfect in knowledge.

 

Psalm 18:30 – God’s way is perfect.

 

Isaiah 25:1 – He is perfectly faithful.

 

Hebrews 7:28 – The Son of God, perfect forever.

 

James 1:17 – His gifts are perfect.

 

I John 4:18 – His love is perfect.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership

Being Aware of Life Distractions

Important stuff versus the distractions of just stuff…

 

I seem to have this continual mental battle regarding what is the best use of my time. What builds life and love versus loss and fear? What is a good cause versus a great and godly cause? What is God’s will versus my will? What is secular, of this world, and what is of His kingdom?

 

It takes discernment and wisdom and it reminds me of a story I was reading in the Scriptures just the other day.

 

The disciple Peter was being questioned by Jesus and he was confessing Christ by his repeated answering of the question, “Who do you say I am?”

 

Then Jesus begins to speak of His coming death, how He must be killed. Peter takes Him aside and, get this, “rebukes” Him. Wow, that took some nerve, but I get that it was a desperate plea on Peter’s part. Of course, this is where (and it seems out of character) Jesus tells Satan to “get behind” Him and for Peter to stop being a “stumbling block.”

 

Following this dialogue there is this partial sentence in which Jesus expresses something significant. He said, “…you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” (See Matthew 16:13-23.)

 

Bear in mind, Jesus had just told Peter that he was blessed and that his Father in heaven was revealing things to him. Apparently, this rebuke was not one of them.

 

Struggling with Which Cause to Fight For

 

It seems that every week or two our world has a new cause, a new band wagon, a new catastrophe to jump on depending on the crime or news attention of the day.

 

It is really easy to get caught up on social media with opinion, videos, responses and emotion. Perhaps we need to stop and reflect on Jesus’ words: what do we have in mind, the things of men or of God? Good things might not be God things.

 

And that’s where this word, distraction, comes in. Life is full of causes. Tomorrow and next week will be another headline. But as those who are called to reflect the mind and the image of Christ, we must seek first the kingdom of God and not be distracted by each and every cause of the day.

 

We do not want to be a stumbling block to anyone. Jesus also said that if we wanted to follow Him, we had to first deny ourself and then take up His cross. Many of the bandwagons of our day have no relationship with the cross.

 

Jesus’ final question in this passage concerning distractions was this, “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?”

 

I do not think it’s the world’s gain or approval we are seeking.

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Challenge, Children, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Women

Fatherlessness

According to the Annie E. Casey Foundation approximately 35 percent of U.S. children under age 18 live in a single-parent home as of 2016. These children have a greater risk of drug and alcohol use, incarceration, poverty, dropping out of high school, suicide, running away or homelessness. Here are the statistics to lend support to those greater risks.

*85% of youth who are currently in prison grew up in a fatherless home. (Texas Department of Corrections)

7 out of every 10 youth that are housed in state-operated correctional facilities, including detention and residential treatment, come from a fatherless home. (U.S. Department of Justice)

39% of students in the United States, from the first grade to their senior year of high school, do not have a father at home. Children without a father are 4 times more likely to be living in poverty than children with a father. (National Public Radio)

Children from fatherless homes are two times as likely to drop out from school before graduating than children who have a father in their lives. (National Public Radio)

24.7 million children in the United States live in a home where their biological father is not present. That equates to 1 in every 3 children in the United States not having access to their father. (National Public Radio)

Girls who live in a fatherless home have a 100% higher risk of suffering from obesity than girls who have their father present. Teen girls from fatherless homes are also 4 times more likely to become mothers before the age of 20. (National Public Radio)

57% of the fatherless homes in the United States involved African-American/Black households. Hispanic households have a 31% fatherless rate and Caucasian/White households have a 20% fatherless rate. (National Public Radio)

Children who live in a single-parent home are 2 times more likely to commit suicide than children in a two-parent home. (The Lancet)

72% of Americans believe that a fatherless home is the most significant social problem and family problem that is facing their country. (National Center for Fathering)

75% of rapists are motivated by displaced anger that is associated with feelings of abandonment that involves their father. (U.S. Department of Justice)

Living in a fatherless home is a contributing factor to substance abuse, with children from such homes accounting for 75% of adolescent patients being treated in substance abuse centers. (U.S. Department of Justice)

90% of the youth in the United States who decide to run away from home, or become homeless for any reason, originally come from a fatherless home. (U.S. Department of Justice)

63% of youth suicides involve a child who was living in a fatherless home when they made their final decision. (U.S. Department of Justice)

The median income for a household with a single mother is $35,400. The median income for a home with a married couple raising their children is $85,300 in the United States. (U.S. Census Bureau) (*Note: The above stats are from the Life is Beautiful website.)

Fathers Play a Very Important Role

 Men and women, fathers and mothers are different. They are both vital in the raising of a child, but they parent differently while both add to a child’s development in so many unique ways. The above statistics lend value to the role that fathers play in particular. Too many today are attempting to tell us or show us in film and TV that men do not play important roles in our societies.

 

Perhaps a reason for this is that some men have left their post and sought a self-centered lifestyle. This absence has created a psychological need to “fill in the blank” so to speak by saying, “Are they really necessary anyway?” It obviously takes a male to create a family, but it takes a man to care for and love a family all the days of his and their life.

 

Fathers who are present and committed to their families bring security, provision, discipline, help build identity, can teach respect for oneself and others, especially toward women. Male or female, God says we are equal, but neither are unimportant or unnecessary. I love how our heavenly Father designed things this way. From Adam and Eve to your family today, God has given each of us a responsibility to fulfill. His word reminds us of this when it says, “And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers…” (Malachi 4:6)

 

May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants.

May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace. (Psalms 144: 12-13 NLT)

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