No matter the length of time we’ve been married there are times we mess up. Maybe we become angry too soon over a small issue or we forget an important date or we fail to show appreciation for that extra special effort shown by our spouse. In any case, in our humanness we do the wrong thing every once in a while.
And then there’s that reoccurring argument that raises its head up every so often. How do we get over that hump?
We may not try it, but we realize as soon as it happens we can’t take it back. Herein lies the problem. We said it, it’s out there and now we have to deal with it.
However, all too often pride gets in the way of simply humbling ourselves and making a quick apology. We just don’t like to admit we were wrong…again.
Here are a few steps to think about incorporating into your marriage so you don’t keep finding yourselves back at that same old issue or repeatedly feeling bad because you messed up once again.
- First, realize that you cannot change history, but you can take responsibility for history and any issues you caused.
- If it’s an ongoing issue we need to repent to God, ask His forgiveness and then ask Him for new patterns.
- When talking about the issue, we need to both admit our failures.
- While we may see things differently, where do we agree?
- We need to both humble ourselves, move beyond the problem and then look for, pray for solutions.
- What is the solution(s)? What can we both live with, agree upon and walk out together? You might start with the question, “If we could start over, what would we do differently in this area?”
- Can we develop a new heart, a new outlook in this area? Can we identify new language to use that would help create a new attitude?
Early in our marriage, I thought Mary, my wife, was a “spender.”” She thought I was pretty “tight.” We didn’t agree on everything financial. Realizing we were stuck, we began to ask God for solutions and suddenly our eyes became open to a deeper truth. Mary was not a spender; she was actually a giver. I was not trying to be tight, but I was concerned about saving for an investment in the future. We were givers and investors. We changed our language as we healed from our financial differences.
Try it. Follow the steps above and ask your heavenly Father to redeem your reoccurring differences and mess-ups.