I distinctly remember when each of our children left their family home for good. It is never a matter of will they leave, but rather a matter of when and how they will leave. Be assured, they will one day leave and the test of all that you taught them will begin. 

God instructed the newlywed to “leave and cleave.” It was a pretty clear command to leave father and mother. But it was not a command to lose relationship in the process. More so, it was a command to switch one’s loyalty from their parents to their spouse. 

Have you “left” your parents? And, what boundaries have you set in place? Here are some boundaries that my wife and I agreed to early in our marriage. 

• We would never mention the “D” word–divorce.
• We would not return to our parent’s home and leave or separate from our spouse.
• We would not maintain a dependency upon our parents in anyway, i.e., financially or emotionally.
• We would never speak disrespectfully about our spouse to our parents.
• We would not allow our parents or extended family to speak negatively about our spouse. 
• We would not share our spouses weaknesses with anyone unless we empower that person to help us with that weakness.
• We would establish our own traditions and traditional visits to family.
• We would not expect any kind of inheritance from our families.
• We would not borrow money from our parents unless our parents approached us, we agreed with them and agreed to the terms and conditions.
• We would not allow the influence of a parent to outweigh the influence of our spouse.
• We would always honor our parents, but our first loyalty would be to one another.
• We would always maintain a spirit of respect toward our parents even if we disagreed with them.
• We would listen to their counsel and apply it as we agreed together to do.
• We would care for them together as they aged.

There could certainly be a lot more areas to agree upon, but I think you get the idea. Obviously clear, open and honest communication is necessary to maintain an attitude of honor and affirmation toward your parents while at the same time finding your way as a “leaving and cleaving” couple.