Watch your in-box for some very special blog posts.
Starting tomorrow for 30 days you will be receiving a daily blog post and exerpt from my new book, Identity: The Distinctiveness of You.
I hope you enjoy this challenge and will take the time to read it each day. I pray you receive much from every post.
Pass it on to others and feel free to add your own comments. See you soon!
We have been lied to. We have been told that marriage is archaic and a dying tradition. We are told that one half of all marriages end in divorce repeatedly and maybe even you have spoken those words yourself. It makes for a very pessimistic outlook to marriage doesn’t it?
Enter Shaunti Feldhahn and her book, The Good News about Marriage: Debunking Discouraging Myths about Marriage and Divorce. She says, “Divorce is not the biggest threat to marriage. Discouragement is.”
In Feldhahn’s eight-year research she found that the divorce rate in America is nowhere near 50% and NEVER has been. And truthfully, she adds that the divorce rate has been on a steady decline since 1980. She writes, “In reality, 71% of women are still married to their first spouse…widowhood reduces the remaining 29%, bringing us to an approximate 25% divorce rate for first time marriages.”
*Further good news is that Feldhahn states that the rate of divorce is even less among Christians. From Barna’s comprehensive research in 2008 there was a “…27% decrease in the number of divorces among those who had been to church in the last seven days.” In a “…National Survey of Families and Households between the years 1987 and 1994 there was a 50% lesser occasion of divorce among those who share the same faith and attend church.” A Family Life Family Needs Survey taken among 50 churches found that only 22% of those ever married had been divorced. (*AFA Journal, January 2015)
What has increased? Cohabitation. There is a significant rise to the incidents of cohabitation in the last 20 years. This provokes and promotes a noncommittal attitude and an open back door to the relationship and when these persons do marry, their incidents of divorce are higher.
There is great hope for marriage. Most married couples are happy. If they are unhappy, but remain committed within five years most couples (eight in ten) find themselves to be very happy in their marriages. It turns out that when a couple is making the effort to remain married and work through their issues, it pays off. Discouragement comes when one spouse is unwilling to work or doesn’t realize the needs of the marriage.
Remarriage statistics, we have been told, have had even more dire divorce results. Once again, Feldhahn found that “…according to the Census Bureau, 65% of women in second marriages are still married to their second spouse. And because second and third marriages tend to occur later in life, the percentage of those marriages ended by death is expected to be higher than first marriages, resulting in a second marriage divorce rate of 30% or less.”
Put the once touted divorce statistics behind you and know there is great hope for marriage and its future. Marriage is a creation act of God and He stands by His word for men and women who either desire marriage or desire to remain faithful until “death do they part.”
Ten years of my working career were spent as a social worker in the foster care field. Then, another fifteen years were given to marriage, family and individual counseling. After 25 years I felt as though I had heard and seen it all or perhaps too much.
In foster care I saw the direct result of youth who had little to no faith training from their biological homes. Perhaps this was not on purpose or to drill secularism into their heads, but more so the lack of faith among parents. This lack of faith came with direct consequences to the child.
In counseling I saw missing fathers or abandoning mothers, divorcing parents, single or single again parents and lost children. These children, with no faith to rely on, often enter into a world of self-blame, depression, emotional upheaval and/or self-destructive behaviors.
When you choose to raise your children without faith you are making a choice to have your children ultimately trust themselves and the adults in their lives who have proven to be trustworthy. At one time or another, we are let down by those adults and we have to return to the single thought of self-trust. This creates a seedbed for selfishness, self-reliance and the possibility of continually letting oneself down when discovering that all of a child’s self-effort is simply not enough.
Without faith also means without a faith community – a local church. That community reinforces your values, provides relationships and amazing activities for children. It gives them a sense of belonging to a larger family that worships together and does life together.
Without faith also means without the word of God, the Bible. These words handed to us from God provide the ultimate spiritual training, reinforcement of sound values, love and a source of daily encouragement. The stories of Jonah and the big fish, the parables of Jesus, the wisdom found in Proverbs and the prophecy about the future are all more current than tomorrows newspaper.
When God and God’s Son are not a part of the picture, we are left with our best thoughts. But when training our children to love and trust God first in their lives, we are preparing them for eternity, we are bringing them hope for today and their future and we are encouraging them to look beyond their personal limits to a limitless God. When children are taught to love God first they will have a greater capacity to love others and to properly love themselves in a healthy way. (See Matthew 22:37-39.)
When a child is taught to act on faith rather than their best thoughts or intentions, they are acknowledging personal limits, a need to trust Someone bigger than themselves, that life with faith in God is a life with meaning beyond what parents and things/possessions can provide. For a child to learn to acknowledge faith, they are acknowledging a need beyond personal limits with a healthy expression of “…seeking first the kingdom of God.” (See Matthew 6:33.)
When a child learns to pray, “Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…” they are learning that ultimately their physical, emotional, spiritual and financial needs are met by a loving heavenly Father first and foremost. They are learning the security of God’s loving boundaries. They are discovering faith in their Creator who has their best interest in mind. They are receiving an affirmation of their existence, a security, an identity and safety in the Protector who watches over them 24/7.
Dads, you are a primary source of faith training to your children. How you live your life and how you share your faith will directly reflect upon how your son or daughter views their heavenly Father. When your children see you serving God, serving their family, serving them and serving others they will identify with a loving heavenly Father. The love and security, affirmation and acceptance from you directly translates into your child’s ability to discover those things from Abba God. And what a joy to hear your children’s prayers, to see their loving acts, to find security in a God they can trust and to watch them follow the God you yourself follow.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
Happy Father’s Day to you!
For reasons beyond my capability to understand, some persons have become extremely cynical, arrogant and engaging in mockery. Let me try to explain.
It seems that once a side is taken, a mind is made up and this is the way they have self-determined it to be, teachableness severely decreases, if it is existent at all. Being able to approach this person with a different thought or view becomes almost impossible. These persons immediately enter into a defensive mode, with raised voices, anger present and a listening ear completely turned off.
What makes anyone think they know it all, are completely knowledgeable and/or need no outside input into their lives? Is it the media, the internet, the mocking podcasts, their peers or their inability to admit they could be wrong? I’m really not sure.
But, I did come across one very poignant and powerful answer. I found it in the book of Proverbs, chapter 9. Consider these words:
If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face;
confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.
So don’t waste your time on a scoffer;
all you’ll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
that’s different—they’ll love you for it!
Save your breath for the wise—they’ll be wiser for it;
tell good people what you know—they’ll profit from it.
Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
insight into life from knowing a Holy God.
It’s through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens,
and the years of your life ripen.
Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;
mock life and life will mock you. (The Message Proverbs 9:7-12)
Wow, “…mock life and life will mock you.” It’s ok to have your opinion, but it’s not ok to close yourself off from learning something new from a trusted relationship. They may be just as sincere as you think you are, but we need to offer more grace to one another in the process.
Most people love their Apple products. What would your bank account look like if rather than purchasing the new Apple product, you would have bought their stock instead–dollar for dollar? Well, in an article written by Yaron Yitschak found in the Plugged newsletter, this is what you would have realized:
The first iPad arrived April 3, 2010 and cost $499.00, but if you would have purchased the same amount of stock at that time you would have $3,000.00, a 500 percent profit.
The first iPhone came out June 29, 2007, cost $499.00 and your profit today would be $5,700.00.
The MacBook arrived in 2006. If instead you bought $1,099.00 in stock you would have accumulated $22,500.00. A 2,000 percent increase.
The first Mac Mini came out in 2005 and cost $499.00. Your stock worth today would be $19, 700.
The iPod debuted October 2001, cost $399.00 and with a 14,500 percent increase your profit today would be $58,000. But wait…
One more. The first Macintosh computer was released on January 24, 1984 and the base model cost $2,495.00. If you would have rather opted to purchase Apple stock verses the computer you would have gained 38, 500 percent on your money and be sitting on $960,000.
Wow, that sure made me think. Unfortunately, I never had that kind of insight. While raising a family in the 80’s, there was no possible way I would have shelled out $2,495.00 for any stock to have possibly lost it all. But, I have been told repeatedly that if you like a certain product or company and think others will as well (think Amazon), then purchase a small amount of stock as an investment, e.g., 100 or 500 dollars.
There is a Proverb that says, “Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow.” When we expect an instant return on our money without any labor invested, we are gambling. Some say that investing in the stock market is like gambling, but publicly traded companies are owned by their investors, you and me. Your retirement account (IRA, 401K) more than likely has a percentage of your funds invested in stock.
What to do with the gain realized? There is another Proverb for that question, “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”
Were you aware that the undergarment company, Maidenform, designed and created 28,500 pigeon brassieres? They were vests really. The vests attached to the pigeon leaving their head, wings, tail and feet exposed.
Using carrier pigeons throughout WWII was a safe, secure and reliable method of communication. The Army Signal Corps sent out 30,000 messages via these homing birds. They traveled at 50 miles per hour and an average of 25 miles per mission. Pigeons were actually capable of 600 miles of travel if needed.
Housed in their vests were messages, maps, photos, reports and even tiny cameras. While the U.S. military utilized 55,000 pigeons, the British used 200,000 feathered messengers. Some even received medals of honor.
Today technology has replaced the pigeon. But this story caught my eye because man has this unique way of discovering the reasons that God created certain animals, plants, bacteria and matter. With bombs dropping and bullets flying these birds, not recognized by the enemy as a threat, flew behind enemy lines to deliver life-saving messages to troops on the ground. Their heroic efforts saved thousands of lives.
Christians carry a message too, and it’s life-saving. The Bible calls it the gospel, i.e., good news. It’s not political, it’s not controversial, it’s not negative and it’s not embarrassing; but it is urgent. The good news of the love of Jesus to all of mankind is life-changing and it is our responsibility to carry this message to the world.
Why do we tend to think that our present location in marriage is where we’ll stay? It isn’t. We will change and our life mate will change – guaranteed.
Why will we change? We’ll realize that the choices we make on a daily basis will affect us in the future. We’ll learn that when we overcharge our credit card, the consequence will show up in 30 days or less. We’ll discover that the fight we had yesterday without resolve will still be in our midst today in some form. We’ll understand that the differences we have in disciplining our children will be identified and we’ll need to work on uniting our approach.
We’ll do this because we realize that for two to walk together there will need to be agreement. (See Amos 3:3.) Agreement is far more powerful than disagreement. To find agreement as a married couple is like discovering a large check that we forgot to cash and deposit into our account. Agreement is a windfall of moving our marriage forward.
Agreement in a marriage means we’re in one accord. If you’re unhappy with your present location in marriage, give it some time. Locate the areas of disagreement and then look for the solutions that will bring you and your spouse into agreement. Agreement will move you from your present location in marriage toward your latter years’ destination.
Picture with your spouse what you desire those latter years to look like. Then dream about the ways and the means to get there. What changes will you need to implement today in order to see tomorrow looking different?
Where your marriage is located today is not your final destination. There are good days, challenging days and amazing days ahead. Stay the course and keep moving forward in one accord.
A number of years ago we were robbed. What a mess with such senseless damage to deal with. There were police reports, insurance company calls and descriptions, pictures taken and more police calls after the individual was caught.
Long after the damage was repaired and we were able to identify what was stolen, we received the following letter from the minor who created this nightmare. It read:
Dear Mr. Prokopchak, I’m sorry for what I did to you and I know it was the wrong thing to do. And if there is anything that I can do for you tell me or write back. And will not ever do some thing like this again. So plz take my apology and I’m really sorry.
We were pleased the probation department of his county required this letter of apology and for him to pay his fines. It was a costly mistake.
I did write him back. I told him how violated we felt. I told him that it was not good for him or for us and I told him that taking responsibility for his mistake was the right thing to do. More importantly, I told him that we forgave him and we would not hold it against him. Finally, I told him that I believed it had matured him and that he would become an amazing young man with a wonderful future who would experience personal growth through all of this.
Then I shared what he could do for me. I wrote, “You could receive God’s forgiveness for what you have done and then forgive yourself and start over. All things could become new in a personal relationship with Jesus.”
My amazing mother was a hardworking hair stylist and worked most Saturdays.* One Saturday, my Russian speaking Ukrainian grandfather was in charge of my care until she returned home from the beauty shop. He loved mushrooms and mistakenly decided to pick some orange ones that were growing beside an old tree stump in our front yard.
You might be able to surmise these were no ordinary mushrooms, nor were they suited for human consumption. They were toadstools, a toxic and highly poisonous mushroom. My grandfather cooked them. They turned green and we ate them. My young body became ill, violently ill. When my mother returned home and identified what “Pop” had cooked for lunch, she gave me warm milk to expel the poisonous contents from my tender stomach. Then she rushed us both off to the doctor.
The doctor told my mother that she saved our lives by creating a way to rid the two of us of the toxins. My trust in my mother increased hugely that day and my dependency on her increased as well. I felt secure with her presence or just knowing she was in the background somewhere. From this and multiple other incidents in my life, she became a safe place to me.
How about you? Was your mother a safe place for you? It’s time to honor her this week for Mother’s Day. “Her children arise and call her blessed…” (Proverbs 31:28)
(*Note: The above story was taken from my book, Identity: The Distinctiveness of You.)
While there are many reasons to pay down debt early and to eventually pay off debt, there is a reason that most financial experts do not include in their advice.
Yes, you will feel a new level of freedom. Yes, you will be able to save more money. And, yes, you will stretch your paycheck much further. But none of these come close to the number one reason to put debt behind you.
Here is the number one reason: you will be able to give more. That’s right. Persons who are debt-free give more to help others. They do not need to consider the question of whether or not they can afford to do so, but rather are waiting to hear about needs they can respond to.
When money is tight due to excessive credit card payments, car payments or that personal loan, you will struggle to give. Your thoughts will center around what you need rather than what others need.
I recently was privileged to hear a story from a young couple in their twenties. They married and between the two of them had a combined $130,000 in college debt and a car loan. Together they developed a plan to retire this debt. As they prayed and stuck to their plan, they actually became (drum roll here) debt-free within three years! Three years may seem like a long time, but they learned so much about debt, about giving and about the discipline of paying off loans early and exactly how much money it saved them in the long run.
Perhaps you haven’t thought about the freedom you might feel if you were able to reduce your debt considerably, but I can personally guarantee that you will find certain freedom and realize the fun it is to be able to sow into the needs of others.
“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” (Acts 20:35)
Steve Prokopchak 