Category Archives: Encouragement

Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Insecurity, Issues of the Day, Parents, Small Groups

The Presence of Insecurity in our Lives II

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 2

I have eyes to see God’s eternal purpose. II Corinthians 4:18

The Spirit Himself intercedes for me. Romans 8:26

Several years ago my mother visited our home, bringing with her a handful of report cards.  She had kept every report card from kindergarten on—every one. Wondering what I would do with them, I set them aside.  

A few weeks later I began to peruse through them.  My grades were quite good, especially in grade school and middle school (high school might have been a different story with certain subjects…just saying.).  However, it was a comment that my kindergarten teacher placed on my report card that caught my eye.  It read, “Steve has difficulty using a scissors.”  I failed scissors cutting!  Really?  Yes, really.  (But honestly, could those dull, blunt-nosed scissors cut anything?)

Truthfully, I was nervous and apparently when placing a scissors into my four-year-old hand, I could not cut paper.  It was an outer expression of an inner insecurity.

Insecure persons struggle with relationships.  We walk out life with certain fears and ongoing feelings of failure.  We struggle with our esteem and can retreat within ourselves.  We become nervous around persons who we see as secure or we feel an inner judgement coming from them.  Some of us would claim shyness, but the truth be told, we lack social confidence stemming from our own misbeliefs.  

Going deeper, we can become emotionally dependent on others to be our security or find persons or substances that help to create or foster a false sense of security.   It seems as though there is no end to our negative self-talk and repetition of neediness when it comes to insecurity.  How can something that each and every human being needs so deeply be so difficult to acquire?  What makes security so elusive?

Working with a drug addict for many years has given me a new appreciation of what these persons suffer, not to mention what their love ones suffer along with them.  Drugs can take on a life of their own.  One can be a drug addict and work, earn a living, be many things, but that will not be their focus or define their purpose in life.  They can have a family, go to church, pay their bills, but those things will not capture their ultimate attention.  What will?  Drugs, and the need for more drugs.

Drug addicts can eventually take on the identity of a drug addict because their lifestyle requires it, or should I say, forces it.  At the end of the day, all else takes a back seat to the most important thing in their life—drugs.  Please hear me, I am not saying for a minute that this life is chosen or preferred by them or that they are just trying to be totally selfish, but the addiction now leads them.  It takes any worth or esteem they might have, any identity or security, and forfeits it all for the next high.

In your insecurities have you gripped onto idols or stuff of earth that continue to promote insecurity?  It’s a vicious cycle that ends in even more insecurity. According to our knowing who you are in Christ verses for today, God has already established eternal purposes for you and has given you the eyes to see those purposes, as the Holy Spirit intercedes for you.

Question for reflection:

Can you identify idols or “stuff of earth” that continue to promote insecurity in your life?

To order the book at a significant discount for yourself, your family or for a group study click here.

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Challenge, Encouragement

The Presence of Insecurity in our Lives

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 1

I am not condemned; I have everlasting life. John 5:24

I am free from my past. Philippians 3:13

The presence of insecurity in our lives fights with the human need of identity.  

What are some of your insecurities?  What triggers insecure feelings in you?  Write them down or at the least make a mental list. 

Once you do this you might notice many of our insecurities are fear-based, but most tend to connect to some life experience from our past.  From those life experiences we arrive at a decision to fear, be anxious or feel inadequate and our security level suffers.  Insecurities focus on what we feel we cannot do or on becoming anxious about what we might do in the future.

You are not alone in your insecurities; we all have them.  Comedian Ray Romano once said, “It’s my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.”  And famous Hollywood actor Ben Affleck has been quoted as saying, “I’m always described as ‘cocksure’ or ‘with a swagger,’ and that bears no resemblance to who I feel like inside.  I feel plagued by insecurity.”

In today’s culture we are faced with an abundant supply of self-worship opportunities.  A key to identify this is to look at how many decisions are being based on feelings rather than factual truth and information.  For example, to some people it is more important how they feel about a certain political candidate than what that candidate actually stands for.  How we feel about math class and the teacher can trump what grades we are receiving or how hard we are working.  

The idol of self is to be more preoccupied with your image, your own self-concerns, your needs of affirmation and attention from others.  It is an inordinate preoccupation with yourself, your feelings, your thoughts and your opinions.  In the book my wife and I co-authored, Staying Together, Marriage: A Lifetime Affair we wrote concerning the idol of self, “When our identity becomes intertwined with our insecurity, we can become steeped in self-adoration.” 

Each of us long for security, but gravitate to the stuff of earth—the things we can touch and see.  Joyce Myers said concerning insecure persons, “…[They] derive their sense of worth and value from the acceptance of others rather than from who they are…, becoming approval addicts, always needing the approval of others to be happy and secure.”

The gospel of self in looking for comfort for one’s soul and purpose for one’s life will all too often end in self-hate, self-destructive behavior, loneliness, anger and a slow death of one’s emotional and spiritual being.  It is mentally fatiguing needing to think ahead of what others might be thinking or how others might be reacting to you.  It is wearing to one’s physical being and exhaustion can set in, eventually leading to a “who cares anyway” attitude.  Insecurity will allow the enemy of our souls to take us where we do not desire to go.

Proverbs rightly records, “The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts the Lord is kept safe.”  (Proverbs 29:25)

Insecurity is self-condemning, but in knowing who you are in Christ, you are not condemned, rather free from your past.  You have already inherited eternal life.

Question for reflection: 

As you discover some of your insecurities, how can you relate them to this statement: “Insecurities focus on what we feel we cannot do or on becoming anxious about what we might do in the future”?

To order the book at a significant discount for yourself, your family or for a group study click here.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Parents, Training

Starting Tomorrow for Thirty Days!

Watch your in-box for some very special blog posts.

Starting tomorrow for 30 days you will be receiving a daily blog post and exerpt from my new book, Identity: The Distinctiveness of You.

I hope you enjoy this challenge and will take the time to read it each day. I pray you receive much from every post.

Pass it on to others and feel free to add your own comments. See you soon!

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Is There Hope for Marriage and What Is the Actual Divorce Rate?

We have been lied to. We have been told that marriage is archaic and a dying tradition. We are told that one half of all marriages end in divorce repeatedly and maybe even you have spoken those words yourself. It makes for a very pessimistic outlook to marriage doesn’t it?

Enter Shaunti Feldhahn and her book, The Good News about Marriage: Debunking Discouraging Myths about Marriage and Divorce. She says, “Divorce is not the biggest threat to marriage. Discouragement is.” 

In Feldhahn’s eight-year research she found that the divorce rate in America is nowhere near 50% and NEVER has been. And truthfully, she adds that the divorce rate has been on a steady decline since 1980. She writes, “In reality, 71% of women are still married to their first spouse…widowhood reduces the remaining 29%, bringing us to an approximate 25% divorce rate for first time marriages.”

*Further good news is that Feldhahn states that the rate of divorce is even less among Christians. From Barna’s comprehensive research in 2008 there was a “…27% decrease in the number of divorces among those who had been to church in the last seven days.” In a “…National Survey of Families and Households between the years 1987 and 1994 there was a 50% lesser occasion of divorce among those who share the same faith and attend church.” A Family Life Family Needs Survey taken among 50 churches found that only 22% of those ever married had been divorced. (*AFA Journal, January 2015)

What has increased? Cohabitation. There is a significant rise to the incidents of cohabitation in the last 20 years. This provokes and promotes a noncommittal attitude and an open back door to the relationship and when these persons do marry, their incidents of divorce are higher.

There is great hope for marriage. Most married couples are happy. If they are unhappy, but remain committed within five years most couples (eight in ten) find themselves to be very happy in their marriages. It turns out that when a couple is making the effort to remain married and work through their issues, it pays off. Discouragement comes when one spouse is unwilling to work or doesn’t realize the needs of the marriage.

Remarriage statistics, we have been told, have had even more dire divorce results. Once again, Feldhahn found that “…according to the Census Bureau, 65% of women in second marriages are still married to their second spouse. And because second and third marriages tend to occur later in life, the percentage of those marriages ended by death is expected to be higher than first marriages, resulting in a second marriage divorce rate of 30% or less.”

Put the once touted divorce statistics behind you and know there is great hope for marriage and its future. Marriage is a creation act of God and He stands by His word for men and women who either desire marriage or desire to remain faithful until “death do they part.”

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents

Raising Your Children Without Faith

Ten years of my working career were spent as a social worker in the foster care field. Then, another fifteen years were given to marriage, family and individual counseling. After 25 years I felt as though I had heard and seen it all or perhaps too much. 

In foster care I saw the direct result of youth who had little to no faith training from their biological homes. Perhaps this was not on purpose or to drill secularism into their heads, but more so the lack of faith among parents. This lack of faith came with direct consequences to the child. 

In counseling I saw missing fathers or abandoning mothers, divorcing parents, single or single again parents and lost children. These children, with no faith to rely on, often enter into a world of self-blame, depression, emotional upheaval and/or self-destructive behaviors. 

When you choose to raise your children without faith you are making a choice to have your children ultimately trust themselves and the adults in their lives who have proven to be trustworthy. At one time or another, we are let down by those adults and we have to return to the single thought of self-trust. This creates a seedbed for selfishness, self-reliance and the possibility of continually letting oneself down when discovering that all of a child’s self-effort is simply not enough.

Without faith also means without a faith community – a local church. That community reinforces your values, provides relationships and amazing activities for children. It gives them a sense of belonging to a larger family that worships together and does life together.

Without faith also means without the word of God, the Bible. These words handed to us from God provide the ultimate spiritual training, reinforcement of sound values, love and a source of daily encouragement. The stories of Jonah and the big fish, the parables of Jesus, the wisdom found in Proverbs and the prophecy about the future are all more current than tomorrows newspaper.

When God and God’s Son are not a part of the picture, we are left with our best thoughts. But when training our children to love and trust God first in their lives, we are preparing them for eternity, we are bringing them hope for today and their future and we are encouraging them to look beyond their personal limits to a limitless God. When children are taught to love God first they will have a greater capacity to love others and to properly love themselves in a healthy way. (See Matthew 22:37-39.)

When a child is taught to act on faith rather than their best thoughts or intentions, they are acknowledging personal limits, a need to trust Someone bigger than themselves, that life with faith in God is a life with meaning beyond what parents and things/possessions can provide. For a child to learn to acknowledge faith, they are acknowledging a need beyond personal limits with a healthy expression of “…seeking first the kingdom of God.” (See Matthew 6:33.)

When a child learns to pray, “Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…” they are learning that ultimately their physical, emotional, spiritual and financial needs are met by a loving heavenly Father first and foremost. They are learning the security of God’s loving boundaries. They are discovering faith in their Creator who has their best interest in mind. They are receiving an affirmation of their existence, a security, an identity and safety in the Protector who watches over them 24/7. 

Dads, you are a primary source of faith training to your children. How you live your life and how you share your faith will directly reflect upon how your son or daughter views their heavenly Father. When your children see you serving God, serving their family, serving them and serving others they will identify with a loving heavenly Father. The love and security, affirmation and acceptance from you directly translates into your child’s ability to discover those things from Abba God. And what a joy to hear your children’s prayers, to see their loving acts, to find security in a God they can trust and to watch them follow the God you yourself follow. 

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Happy Father’s Day to you!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Trying to Reason with a Mocker

For reasons beyond my capability to understand, some persons have become extremely cynical, arrogant and engaging in mockery. Let me try to explain.

It seems that once a side is taken, a mind is made up and this is the way they have self-determined it to be, teachableness severely decreases, if it is existent at all. Being able to approach this person with a different thought or view becomes almost impossible. These persons immediately enter into a defensive mode, with raised voices, anger present and a listening ear completely turned off. 

What makes anyone think they know it all, are completely knowledgeable and/or need no outside input into their lives? Is it the media, the internet, the mocking podcasts, their peers or their inability to admit they could be wrong? I’m really not sure.

But, I did come across one very poignant and powerful answer. I found it in the book of Proverbs, chapter 9. Consider these words:

If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face;
    confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.
So don’t waste your time on a scoffer;
    all you’ll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
    that’s different—they’ll love you for it!
Save your breath for the wise—they’ll be wiser for it;
    tell good people what you know—they’ll profit from it.
Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
    insight into life from knowing a Holy God.
It’s through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens,
    and the years of your life ripen.
Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;
    mock life and life will mock you. (The Message Proverbs 9:7-12)

Wow, “…mock life and life will mock you.” It’s ok to have your opinion, but it’s not ok to close yourself off from learning something new from a trusted relationship. They may be just as sincere as you think you are, but we need to offer more grace to one another in the process.

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Challenge, Encouragement

Pigeons Carried Messages that Saved Thousands

Were you aware that the undergarment company, Maidenform, designed and created 28,500 pigeon brassieres? They were vests really. The vests attached to the pigeon leaving their head, wings, tail and feet exposed.

 

Using carrier pigeons throughout WWII was a safe, secure and reliable method of communication. The Army Signal Corps sent out 30,000 messages via these homing birds. They traveled at 50 miles per hour and an average of 25 miles per mission. Pigeons were actually capable of 600 miles of travel if needed.

 

Housed in their vests were messages, maps, photos, reports and even tiny cameras. While the U.S. military utilized 55,000 pigeons, the British used 200,000 feathered messengers. Some even received medals of honor.

 

Today technology has replaced the pigeon. But this story caught my eye because man has this unique way of discovering the reasons that God created certain animals, plants, bacteria and matter. With bombs dropping and bullets flying these birds, not recognized by the enemy as a threat, flew behind enemy lines to deliver life-saving messages to troops on the ground. Their heroic efforts saved thousands of lives.

 

Christians carry a message too, and it’s life-saving. The Bible calls it the gospel, i.e., good news. It’s not political, it’s not controversial, it’s not negative and it’s not embarrassing; but it is urgent. The good news of the love of Jesus to all of mankind is life-changing and it is our responsibility to carry this message to the world.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day

My “Victim Awareness Letter of Apology”

A number of years ago we were robbed. What a mess with such senseless damage to deal with. There were police reports, insurance company calls and descriptions, pictures taken and more police calls after the individual was caught.

 

Long after the damage was repaired and we were able to identify what was stolen, we received the following letter from the minor who created this nightmare. It read:

 

Dear Mr. Prokopchak, I’m sorry for what I did to you and I know it was the wrong thing to do. And if there is anything that I can do for you tell me or write back. And will not ever do some thing like this again. So plz take my apology and I’m really sorry.

 

We were pleased the probation department of his county required this letter of apology and for him to pay his fines. It was a costly mistake.

 

I did write him back. I told him how violated we felt. I told him that it was not good for him or for us and I told him that taking responsibility for his mistake was the right thing to do. More importantly, I told him that we forgave him and we would not hold it against him. Finally, I told him that I believed it had matured him and that he would become an amazing young man with a wonderful future who would experience personal growth through all of this.

 

Then I shared what he could do for me. I wrote, “You could receive God’s forgiveness for what you have done and then forgive yourself and start over. All things could become new in a personal relationship with Jesus.”

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Men

Our Remarkable Mothers

My amazing mother was a hardworking hair stylist and worked most Saturdays.* One Saturday, my Russian speaking Ukrainian grandfather was in charge of my care until she returned home from the beauty shop. He loved mushrooms and mistakenly decided to pick some orange ones that were growing beside an old tree stump in our front yard.

You might be able to surmise these were no ordinary mushrooms, nor were they suited for human consumption. They were toadstools, a toxic and highly poisonous mushroom. My grandfather cooked them. They turned green and we ate them. My young body became ill, violently ill. When my mother returned home and identified what “Pop” had cooked for lunch, she gave me warm milk to expel the poisonous contents from my tender stomach. Then she rushed us both off to the doctor.

The doctor told my mother that she saved our lives by creating a way to rid the two of us of the toxins. My trust in my mother increased hugely that day and my dependency on her increased as well. I felt secure with her presence or just knowing she was in the background somewhere. From this and multiple other incidents in my life, she became a safe place to me.

How about you? Was your mother a safe place for you? It’s time to honor her this week for Mother’s Day. “Her children arise and call her blessed…” (Proverbs 31:28)

(*Note: The above story was taken from my book, Identity: The Distinctiveness of You.)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Parents

A Crochety Old Store Owner

Down the street from where my mother worked as a beautician was a candy store with every child’s dream of sweet delights. So many kinds of candy imaginable and most of it was one cent per piece. However, on this particular day, I was after an ice cream cone. The problem was, there were too many flavors to choose from. The elderly store owner was growing impatient with me, but I just struggled to decide. Finally, she barked, “WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” I looked at her, the flavors, the ice cream, fiddled with the change in my hand and then shrugged my shoulders.

 

The next thing I knew she told me to, “GET THE H*** OUT” until I could decide. I was so scared, I ran for the door, ran down the street and ran into my mom’s beauty shop. Through my tears, I told my mother what happened. She marched me right back to that store, letting the crochety old lady know the little boy hiding behind her was her son. Man, did that store owner ever change her tune in a hurry. With ice cream in hand, my mother taught me a few lessons that day.

 

The first lesson was to not be afraid of confronting my fears. My mother was not afraid or intimidated by that store owner. She pursued what her son was too fearful to complete. Believing my story, she refused to allow her son to be treated in such a harsh, unpleasant way. Parents protect. She taught me that I could stand up for myself and it wasn’t wrong to do so. There was no love in that store owner’s expression to me, only fear-filled words. My mother, on the other hand, spoke only words of love.

 

Joshua 23:10 expresses that God would be with Joshua and fight for him. I believe He fights for you and me. Like a loving parent, He sees how His children are treated and responds in love to each of us. You are protected by Him and with His voice of love, encouraged to face your fears.

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