Category Archives: Encouragement

Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital

Ways in which Husbands Hurt Their Wives

IMG_0605Driving home from my office one winter day I heard the question, “When is the last time you thanked your wife for doing the laundry?” I couldn’t remember. There are those many mundane jobs that we as husband and wife accomplish on a daily basis and simply forget to be appreciative of one another’s servant heart. We each need that voice of affirmation from our spouse routinely. While it’s nice to receive a complement from a stranger, it’s far more significant to have your spouse speak or act in a way that simply blesses us. The following are examples of some of the failures that we make as husbands when we all too often take our wives for granted. See if you can identify with any of them and/or perhaps add to the list.  (The picture in this blog is Harold and Betty, my in-laws who are age 93 and 92, married for 74 years still loving Jesus and one another.)

 

 

He fails to thank his wife for all the daily mundane duties she accomplishes in the home without complaint.

He forgets to tell her how amazing and beautiful she really is to him.

He speaks more negative words than he does positive, encouraging and affirming words.

He fails to initiate praying for her and with her.

He puts her down publicly.

He doesn’t hold her hand or be affectionate with her outside times of intimacy.

He often fails to take the time to just listen to her.

He forgets to date her or date nights are too infrequent.

He puts off regular maintenance around the home or fails to help her with inside duties.

He complains about her spending rather than thanking her for spending wisely.

He speaks down to her, insinuating she is clueless.

He fails to accept her as she is without suggesting improvement.

He fails to consistently remember important calendar dates throughout the year.

He does not take responsibility and apologize for his mistakes, as well as, to be forgiving when his spouse apologizes to him.

He stops trying to win her with small gifts for no reason.

…. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28b)

 

 

 

 

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Encouragement, Leadership, Small Groups, Training, Uncategorized

Accountability? We have no Idea

United Airlines was flying me from Chicago to Harrisburg, PA a few weeks ago when I struck up a conversation with the “kid” seated beside me. I found that he was pretty special. He can shoot a gun extremely accurately. I suppose a lot of people can do that, but this 20-year-old has been on the USA Olympic Team since he was 17. He shoots for the International Shooting Sport Federation and gets to participate in his passion all over the world. He told me, “I’m not getting rich but I sure am enjoying what I’m doing in my life right now.” He let me know that there’s only one draw back: accountability. Now that intrigued me as a leader. “Accountability, what ever do you mean?” I asked. He went on to describe accountability like I have never heard of before.

imagesHe responded, “I have to provide every detail of my life and fill out form after form electronically.” “Like what for instance?” I asked. “Well, where I am at; what I am doing; where I am going; what I am eating; my health; my practice schedule; any medication I am taking; how much I’m sleeping; basically, my whole life is an open book,” he revealed. I asked him who required such a rigorous report and he told me the international Olympic federation. “Now that’s some intrusive accountability,” I said in agreement. It caused me to think about my level of accountability to those who oversee me and to my wife. It, as well, provoked some thoughts about how accountable I am to my Lord like, “So, how accountable am I, or even better, how accountable am I willing to be?” Check out these verses from the New Living Translation:

Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable. Obey your spiritual leaders, and do what they say. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they are accountable to God. Give them reason to do this with joy and not with sorrow. That would certainly not be for your benefit. (Hebrews 4:13; 13:17)

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Encouragement, Leadership

When God Speaks, Don’t Laugh

It is recorded in scripture that Abraham and Sarah were barren. Even though God told Abraham his offspring would be as numerous as the sand on the seashore, they were now well past child-bearing age. Abraham was 99 years old when the Lord told him that his wife would become pregnant. His reaction? First Abraham fell over, then he laughed to himself and then he questioned God by asking, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old?” His second question was, “Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?” I am pretty sure that I would have had the same questions along with the out loud laughter piece once I picked myself up off the floor.

pregnant20old20lady20elderly20woman20having20babyNot only was God creating outside of Abraham’s belief system, He was operating outside of natural/biological laws. As Abraham and his elderly bride are still in shock, three unexpected visitors show up in their front yard. Sarah, inside the tent, found herself listening intently to the conversation taking place outside the tent. What she hears is, well… shocking to her and as the news of her impending pregnancy is revealed, she laughs to herself. Sarah’s silent question is, “Will I really have a child now that I am old?” Or, perhaps more believable, her internal questioning went something like this, “Me? Pregnant” Are you kidding?” The Lord heard her laugh and then spoke something beyond their theology, beyond their life experience and beyond their personal comprehension and faith. It was a question, but not really a question. It was that God is about to rock your world to the core statement: “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” (Genesis 17/18)

I am not sure what you’re dealing with today, but one thing I am sure of: nothing is too difficult for your God and that’s not a laughing matter.

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Encouragement, Small Groups, Training

Matching Our Theology with Our Experience II

Last week we asked the question, “Do we match our theology to our life experience or do we match our life experience to our theology?“ Perhaps the answer is neither. If our theology is limited by our experience, we could literally leave God out of the equation. In other words, could not God do something for which we have no theology? Obviously the answer is yes. As pointed out last week, we have alternative options if we live by the belief that our experience must match our theology especially when our experiences disappoint us. For example, I am told from outside my body my blood looks blue in color due to visually observing blue veins. But, my blood in my body or outside my body is red and only red because hemoglobin is mainly made up of red blood cells and their literal color is red. If what I see or experience is the totality of what I believe, I will be missing a whole element of who God is and what He does. By this, I actually place God within my human framework, making Him just another human being. If I live by theology only and discount experiences, then I will never get to know the-outside-of-the-human-experience God and Savior.faith-and-reason

All of those heroes mentioned in Hebrews eleven acted by faith and yet did not see what God had promised (11:13). Further, the scriptures reveal that we live by faith; with a spirit of faith we believe and then speak; we fix our eyes on the unseen and, faith is hoping for what is going to happen even though we do not see it. Then we find this key in Hebrews two: “We do this (putting on faith and taking off that which slows or hinders faith) by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish.” (12:2 NLT) Faith never quits, never gives up and never gives in. Faith does not need experience to be reality. Faith is not hindered by theology because theology never saved or healed anyone. Faith keeps our eyes on Jesus from “start to finish.“ And faith is only found in the experience of encountering Jesus, the One who loves to confound the wise and, at times, act outside of our theology.

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Encouragement, Leadership, Small Groups

Failure, the Pathway to Success

Thomas Watson, the founder of IBM once said, “The way to succeed is to double your failure rate.”  It is said that Thomas Edison worked on 10,000 different experiments to find the right filament for the light bulb.  He started in early 1878 and on October 21, 1879, almost two years later the first incandescent light bulb was born.  Edison understood that failure was the pathway to success. Edison believed that he needed to discover what did not work in order to get closer to what did work.  His theory believed in failure as a part of the process to success. For some reason we tend to see failure as a failing – I do not believe we should – mainly because I do not believe God does.  (Why do I believe this?  Because nowhere in His word did He hide the failures of His children.)

I like what Winston Churchill once said, “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”  And Solomon said it this way, “…for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again.”  (Proverbs 24:16a)  How does this apply to you and me as leaders today?  We can project ourselves as a leader, one who is the ideal.  Without always realizing it, we can become polished versions of the super Christian, the super pastor, or the super marketplace leader.  We then need to project always being happy, always being well-adjusted, always being in faith, always overcoming every temptation or failure.  We must feverishly protect our fragile esteem and our image of leader at all cost.  Whether trying it or not, owning up to it or not we are saying, “be perfect like me, have my faith – and if I am doing it, certainly I can expect you to.”  Take a deep breath and enjoy today along with the mistakes made by yourself and those around you.  Allow them to be lessons learned toward success.

 

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Children, Encouragement

My Heavenly Father is a Gift Giver

It can be overwhelming for me to stop and consider the gifts my heavenly Father has bestowed upon me.  First and foremost there is the gift of my salvation.  Of course the gift of Holy Spirit living within me.  He has generously given me a wonderful and godly wife of almost 39 years.  I have three amazing children who have all gone to college and are now happily married living responsively on their own.  I have had the privilege of working for over 27 years in a ministry I love.  He has given me a home with many possessions.  To top it off, I am now a grandfather.   I am blessed with great health and wealth!

 

stock-vector-vector-set-of-hands-clients-purchasing-work-in-flat-retro-style.html.jpg  Those blessings toward me from heaven have caused me to be a giver.  I love giving gifts.  I usually give Mary gifts before it’s Valentines Day or even Christmas.  I anticipate and can’t wait to see her face when she is surprised with the new flowers on the dining room table.  I just can’t  seem to wait until the proper day to give.  I love giving gifts to my children.  One day we were enjoying a meal together with my adult children on our deck and I handed each of them some money just to bless them – no other reason.  My oldest son asked, “Who died” and provoked a bit of laughter.  When my children were teenagers, I would locate their wallets at random times and place a $20.00 bill in them.  Why?  My heavenly Father is an extravagant giver and I have come to believe that a sign of Christ-centered maturity is found in our ability to be generous.  The scripture states that as we water others we ourselves will be watered.  Has there been any dryness in your life lately? 

 

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Encouragement, Leadership, Marriage, Singles

Doing a One Eighty at Thirty Seven Thousand Feet

Last week I was in the middle of flying out of the country to spend time with several churches that I have the privilege of serving.  We were at 37,000 feet over the Atlantic and almost half way to our destination, having left Charlotte, NC two hours earlier, when the pilot came on the intercom and announced that we would be returning to the states – Miami, in fact.  None of the passengers, including myself, had realized that the plane had already completed its 180-degree turn around and was headed northwest rather than southeast.  This huge plane, a Boeing 757, with every available seat filled to capacity with mostly tourists completely changed directions and no one knew any different.

I got to thinking about that…  Could we be experiencing a 180-degree turn in our marriage and never have a clue?  Could we as believers experience a 180-degree turn in our devotional life or even our faith and not realize it?  Could our nation be experiencing a 180-degree turn away from a biblical truth and we do not know the Word of God well enough to realize what’s happening right before our eyes?  The scriptures tell us that the enemy of our souls…”masquerades as an angel of light.”  He can make something look good or enticing when in fact it is 180 degrees the opposite of the will of God.  Are you headed in the godly direction that you thought you were in every area of life?  “Lord, reveal to each of us the direction of our heart and soul.”

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital, Prayer

Steps to Taking Your Marriage on an Annual Marriage Evaluation and Vision Retreat

You have most likely attended a woman’s retreat or a men’s retreat in your lifetime.  Have you and your spouse considered a personal marriage retreat for the purpose of evaluating the past year and then praying about vision for the forthcoming year?  My wife and I have been doing this for many years and find it to be one of the most helpful annual connections we do together.  It gets us on the same page.  We communicate thoroughly.  We take a hard look at what was and evaluate where we are.  We keep the excitement factor up by looking ahead toward the future.  In the next several weeks, we desire to share with you our process of how we do this.

I book a hotel room for 24 hours.  Yes, we get away from the normal setting because it’s conducive to what we desire to accomplish without the typical interruptions.   We check in as early as we can and begin to settle into evaluating our year after we dedicate our time to the Lord in prayer.  The first thing we do is to connect through prayer.  (We will look at other areas of this time in the coming weeks.)

Praying together as a couple is a key to this time.

Start by giving thanks for God’s provision and protection from this past year.

Pray about this time together concerning this retreat, specifically that you will hear the voice of your heavenly Father.

Pray over your marriage, your family, your employment, your finances; pray about everything and anything.

Give God praise for the positive and the not so positive.  Praise is a key factor to keep our heart attitude correct and open to this time.

Assess your prayer lives together as a couple and as a family.  Are we connecting sufficiently through the discipline of prayer as a couple?

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Encouragement, Prayer

Are You Overconfident in Your “Sinlessness?” III

For over 15 years I worked in the area of marriage and family counseling.  I loved the willingness of the counselee’s to receive God’s principles of relationship in marriage and in family, which would frequently extend to work, local church, etc.  Often the issue was history or a fear of the future.  During that time, I came across some powerful written prayers and recently found myself praying through them once again.  Below are just two paragraphs of those prayers, consider making these words your prayer as we each deal with our own confession of sinfulness.

Dear Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that there is only one true and living God, who exists as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  I recognize Christ Jesus as the Son of the Living God, the Word that became flesh and dwelt among us.  Jesus, You are worthy to receive glory and honor and power, for You have created all things and in You, all things have their being.  Father God, You have proven Your love for me, because when I was still in sin and rebellion, Your Son, died for me.  Jesus, You forgave me all my sins and redeemed me from the kingdom of darkness.  All charges that were against me have been nailed to the cross and cancelled; therefore, the devil has nothing with which to accuse me.  I can do nothing apart from You, Jesus, and I declare my dependence on You.

 Father, I choose to give up all attempts to run my own life, putting no confidence in my flesh and I now submit to You.  I trust myself to Your care, as much as I can at this time.  Holy Spirit please reveal to me every area of my life that has been given over to the enemy.  I chose to crucify my flesh and walk by Your guidance, Holy Spirit, not giving in to the desires of my flesh.  I will present my body as an instrument of righteousness, a living and holy sacrifice, which is my spiritual duty.  I choose to humble myself and ask You to guide me to all truth and empower me to live above sin, in Jesus’ name.  Amen.

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Encouragement

Are You Overconfident in Your “Sinlessness?” II

Recently I have been finishing up reading through the New Testament.  It was actually the book of First John that provoked the topic of “sinlessness” in my life and for this blog.  John, in the first chapter writes, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”  I just sat there thinking, “Am I deceiving myself in any way?”  And then I wondered just how much personal soul/heart searching am I actively involved in?  Verse ten then adds, “If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.”  That’s a scary thought…

I know theologically my sins were forgiven on the cross over 2000 years ago: past, present and future.  It is by the grace of our Lord that we now walk in forgiveness.  That grace, however, does not grant me permission to freely sin.  But, I also know my potential.  I am imperfect.  I am in the world.  I am saved by grace.  These are important things to be reminded of, i.e., our humanness.  Thanks be to God I John also tells us this truth:  We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin, the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him.  We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.  We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true.  And we are in him who is true – even in his Son Jesus Christ. 

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