Category Archives: Healing

Challenge, Encouragement, Healing

Finding a Sense of Wholeness After Insecurity

As a kid I lived in insecurity.  I was insecure in school, in relationships, in trying new things and in my family relationships.  Insecurity is defined as instability, self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence. That was me.  There were plenty of reasons for my insecurity, but at the time it was just life and trying to grow up.

 

Insecurity takes over your life.  Everything is filtered through those insecure thoughts and beliefs. We reinforce our insecurities through our self-talk every waking hour.  I can remember climbing up the ladder at the local lake to attempt to go down the slide and into the water.  It was high; at least it felt that way.  I reached the top and froze.  I had to go back down the ladder.  Insecurity led to fear and fear overcame my ability to try something new.

 

I suppose we grow out of many of our insecurities, but there are those relational ones that seem to forever stick with us.  Author Les Parrott once wrote, “If you try to find intimacy with another person before a sense of wholeness on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.”  Meaning, insecurity within oneself creates a sense of “un-wholeness,” so we then attempt to find wholeness in others.  Those types of relationships go south quickly because no one on this earth can provide the security and wholeness we are longing for.

 

Jesus once approached a woman at a well that was not married, but He told her she had had five husbands in the past.  Jesus identified the longing in her heart to be whole and He let her know that another husband would not do that for her.  His answer: to draw living water from Him – a spring of eternal life.  His answer to this woman’s insecurities, her longing to find relational fulfillment in men and her insatiable desire for wholeness was met in one encounter with the Messiah.

 

Have you given Him your insecurities and attempts to find wholeness in others?  Here are some truths to help you do just that.

 

You are highly esteemed – Daniel 9:23

You are God’s child – I John 3:2

You are justified from all things – Acts 13:39

You are the righteousness of God – II Corinthians 5:21

You are free from condemnation – Romans 8:1

You are free from your past – Philippians 3:13

You are a new creature – II Corinthians 5:17

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day

Can God’s Creation Create Healing?

I recently read a Reader’s Digest article called, The Nature Cure and was totally intrigued.  I will share some of the information from that article below.  It seemed to verify what I have believed and incorporated into my life, certainly appreciating that this periodical would help to validate this belief.

 

The article actually called nature a “miracle medicine for our mental health.” It seems social scientists are discovering that our brains are not machines which do not tire, but rather become easily fatigued and with as little as three days of rest, creative problem-solving tasks can increase by 50 percent!

 

When architect Fredrick Olmsted looked over Yosemite Valley, he urged the California legislature to, “…protect it from development…. that the occasional contemplation of natural scenes is favorable to the health and vigor of men.”

 

Thousands of years ago gardens were constructed for this very reason — rest and mental relaxation.  It seems most kings mentioned in the Scriptures incorporated them.  The U.S. national park system was created because people like Ralph Waldo Emerson built a case for creating the park system stating that nature had healing powers.

 

Researchers today are discovering that people who live in or near “green spaces” suffer less depression, anxiety and migraines.  A study in Japan found those persons who walk in the forest decrease the stress hormone cortisol.  There is healing in God’s gift of nature and yet less than a quarter of Americans spend 30 minutes or more outside in nature daily.

 

Did you know pediatricians are now telling parents with young families to regularly visit parks so the whole family can de-stress and play? When is the last time you went camping, hiking in the mountains, visited gardens, introduced your child to the wonders of a stick, sat around a campfire, watched a sunset, played in a creek, observed butterflies or sat by a lake?

 Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden in the east, and there he placed the man he had made.  (Genesis 2:8

Later that same day Jesus left the house and sat beside the lake.  (Matthew 13:1)

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Healing, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Pornography, Postmarital, Women

Dealing with Lechery in Marriage

Perhaps lechery is a word you are not familiar with.  If you look into its meaning the dictionary states, “…unrestrained or excessive indulgence of sexual desire.”  I have come across this “desire” within some marriages.  Usually, it is the man who relentlessly pursues an inordinate desire for sexual relations, but this is not always the case.

Let’s be clear by stating that sexuality is something God has said “yes” to within the boundaries of marriage.  It is something we should “desire” and “indulge” in regularly, but who defines “regularly” for you and your life mate and who then defines “excessive?”

Well, you both do.  You find what works for you.  You find what you both can agree to and enjoy.  You find what honors, respects and blesses your spouse sexually and you purposefully and unselfishly pursue that.  You also find what might be the cause of “…unrestrained or excessive indulgence.” We need to discover what is at the core of our lives that promotes something which is bringing harm to our marriage bed. Why? Because God’s gift of sex is never forced or abusive to another.

Let me give you some harmful effects of sexuality that can make their way into marriage.*

 

  • Sex can be harmful if it is demeaning to another.
  • It is unhealthy if it makes another person feel less valuable or used.
  • It is unhealthy when it is purely selfish, used only for physical gratification.
  • It is unhealthy when it shames another.
  • It is damaging when forced or coerced and the law of “love does” not rule.
  • Sex is not healthy when used as a replacement for affection or tenderness.
  • Sex is unhealthy when it violates someone’s conscience.
  • Sex is unhealthy when pornography is involved in any form.

Sexuality within the confines of marital commitment actually increases the marital bond.  It fosters the growth of intimacy. It serves to reduce stress and anxiety by providing a special tone of togetherness and a release of tension.  It provides a private and intimate shared experience and a bond of emotional security.  It promotes a sense of well-being and happiness within the marriage and, of course, it is a gift given to us by our Creator to enjoy through many years of married life together.

(*Some of the above points are adapted from the book, The Sexual Man by Archibald Hart.)

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Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Marriage

God Experienced Divorce

If you have been through a divorce, you know first-hand the devastation and loss that travels with the experience.  There all always more damages than one can possibly be prepared for.  Often, a divorce has been forced against someone’s own personal will, while the state laws favor the breakup of the marriage and leave them no choice or alternative but a divorce.

 

Further, many of the same persons struggle in their relationship with God once they have been through a divorce.  They wonder about His rejection or whether or not they are able to remarry. But there is good news for you if you fall into one of these categories.

 

God experienced divorce and He knows just what you’re feeling, what you’re going through and what you’re questioning.  In Jeremiah chapter three, the prophet Jeremiah writes these words inspired by God, “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries.”  God said He was left with no choice but to divorce an unfaithful love, Israel.

 

However, before this chapter ends, God tells Jeremiah on several occasions to go and share these words of affirmation, “Return, faithless Israel, declares the Lord, I will frown on you no longer for I am merciful…for I am your husband…for I will cure your backsliding.”  He, in his faithfulness, takes an unfaithful people back.  He just can’t stop showing His mercy, His kindness and His forgiveness.  That is the heart of the God we serve.  Even though He experiences unfaithfulness, He remained faithful to Israel.

 

You and I are grafted into that same family through God’s Son.  Even if we were offense-free and divorce was forced upon us, we can be assured of our Father’s love, acceptance and approval. We too can experience His faithfulness and His mercy.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day

I Slept But My Heart Was Awake

I’m not sure if you recognized it, but my title for this blog is actually a verse in the Bible. It’s found in Song of Songs.  I find this verse to be fascinating.  I know scientifically that while I sleep, my mind is awake, but according to this verse my heart can be also.

 

My heart has been described as the center of my personality, my emotions, my intuition, my affections, my spirit.  The heart is also described as the innermost center of things.  My heart can be awakened to love or hate, fear or trust, light or darkness.

 

Jesus said it this way, “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”  Luke 6:45

 

Jesus’ words beg us to reflect on what’s in our heart.  If you honestly desire to know what’s in your heart or another’s, simply listen to what language comes out of your mouth and theirs.  It will reveal the heart.

 

We have the option to store love, generosity, compassion, service, kindness and passion for God’s kingdom in our heart or we can store jealousy, hate, judgement, criticism, comparison and negativity in our heart.  It is truly up to us.  I think I can guarantee each of us one thing.  If it’s the latter, our awakened heart, while we sleep, will not find peace or rest for our soul.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Marriage, Men, Women

Crying, It Does a Marriage Good

My wife cries.  My eyes sweat.  There is a difference!

 

A sad movie, a sad story, repeating a sad story or re-watching a sad movie – my wife cries.

 

My eyes sweat during those times.  I have no idea what comes over me…feelings, I’m guessing.

 

Did you know that God collects our tears? Psalm 56 reveals, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.”

 

Tears are actually a chemical wash to your eyes.  They are designed to help you feel better after a good cry because those chemicals cause a euphoria, so to speak, that helps to release emotion.  In that respect, it’s a healthy response or outlet. Tears have medicinal purpose because God made them that way.

 

So the next time your wife cries and/or your eyes sweat, let it happen; let it out and encourage your spouse to do the same.  Give one another permission to cry and do not attempt to rush in and fix the problem. Maybe all that is needed is a good cry or profuse sweating…whichever the case.

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Healing, Issues of the Day

This Is A Serious Condition; Do Not Take It Lightly

“People die from this infection; this is serious; do not take it lightly,” said the ER doctor to us before discharge.  My wife of 43 years was sick and in pain – bent over pain.  Showing up at the ER just after midnight on a Saturday (Sunday morning really) is a busy, if not overwhelming place to be.  I was so concerned for the woman in my arms who could barely stand up from the excruciating pain she was experiencing in her abdomen.

 

“What’s your birthdate, your phone number, your address?” All seemed to be questions that we really could do without right now.  “Please have a seat, we’re really busy with many trauma situations tonight,” was what we were told while being handed a small round pod as if we were waiting for a restaurant table.  I had the feeling we were going to be placed on a low priority list.  But it wasn’t long until an IV shot strong pain medicine into Mary and then later an antibiotic.  And finally, two hours later, a CAT scan.

 

Meanwhile I began observing the many people around us, none smiling, all needing immediate attention. I found myself not only praying for my wife, but those in the ER rooms we passed.  Sitting with Mary and holding her hand, I heard screams repeatedly. Then I heard a police officer reading someone his Miranda rights.  After that a police officer telling someone they were under arrest for DUI and refusing a blood test.

 

Wow, no wonder hospitals, medical staff, ER’s are so full of compassionate, Christ-filled called ones. Every patient needs immediate attention, medical care and a right diagnosis.  Every ill one needs patience, kind words, an advocate and a smile.  Hospital staff, all treating every human being with love and the very best care they’ve been trained to provide.

 

Wouldn’t it be amazing if human kind treated each other with the same understanding and compassion? No one asked us if we believed in medicine.  No one asked us our political persuasion.  No one asked us our financial status and not one asked us about our theological doctrine. No one was there to argue, just show care, compassionate treatment and kindness.

 

Daily we are faced with persons who are sick in their soul.  How compassionate am I?  How much time am I willing to take with them?  Do they feel accepted, comforted, listened to and important around me? “God, I pray I see the need in the lives of those around me and respond with loving, Jesus-filled care and compassion.”  As it is written, “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.” (I Peter 3:8)

 

Mary is recovering now at home from a severe kidney infection and a kidney stone that needs to exit her body.  Praise God for hospitals, medicine, emergency rooms and those extraordinarily kind and understanding medical personnel who work tirelessly.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day

He Holds All Things Together

Have you ever felt as though you were unraveling?

 

After years of working as a social worker and then a family and marriage counselor, I often used some key scriptures for encouragement and healing. One of those scriptures I have continually appreciated its meaning and life application is found in Colossians chapter one.

 

Verse seventeen states, “He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”  Don’t you just love how our Savior can hold us together?  Going further in verses 21-22 we find some even deeper truth, “Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.”

 

This seems almost unimaginable.  As an alienated one acting in wrong thinking and wrong behavior I have been reconciled.  Not only reconciled (meaning bringing into agreement, harmony and restoration), I am presented in three totally amazing and incomprehensible ways: holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation.  Can we fathom that we are, “Holy in His sight; without blemish and free from accusation?”

 

We look into the mirror and see all the blemishes, often an unholy vessel, but that is not what Jesus sees.  He sees you as holy and without blemish.  What an amazing and glorious truth to tell the one struggling with who they are and their true value.

 

You do not need to listen to the evil one’s accusations today; you are free from all accusations.  That inner voice that condemns is not from God – it’s not His word to you.  As we walk in the freedom of these truth-filled scriptures we will be held together.

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Challenge, Healing, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Women

Married Sex: An Observation (For Singles Too)

I have a theory and I believe the testimony of hundreds of married couples backs up this theory. The theory is the more sex you have outside of marriage, the less sex you have within marriage.

 

My wife and I have the privilege to speak with many couples each year and we have never heard one of them remark anything remotely close to this statement, “We’re so happy that we engaged in premarital sex.”  As well, we’ve never heard, “Premarital sex helped us prepare for marital sex.”  What we have heard is that sex before marriage actually stole intimacy from their marriage.  Sex was no longer special, awaited and neither did it gather the excitement anticipated.

 

Premarital sex is titillating, full of emotion and coated in brain chemicals that run amuck.  It’s also full of the fear of being caught, and overcome by having, no, taking what does not belong to you.  Once married, that anticipation diminishes to the point in which some couples are not engaging in sexual intimacy on their wedding night.  Even further, we often hear the expression that sexual intimacy is rarely occurring now that they are married.  Imagine, this divine gift given to us by God, now stolen from us because of lust-filled desires.

 

Now, hearing from those singles who have waited, saved themselves for the one they will spend the rest of their lives with…never have we heard one single word or expression of regret, bemoaning the fact that they were inexperienced.  To discover this world with one another was a huge part of the gift itself.  Encountering one another sexually, within godly boundaries, literally helps to carry intimacy throughout the marriage, all the while maintaining their vows spoken before God.

 

Anytime we violate God’s principles, we also violate human value, respect and honor.  Sex outside of marriage is a sin against our body (I Corinthians 6:18) and a violation against our future marriage.  Because marriage is sacred, as is the act of marriage, we break covenant with God through immorality (I Corinthians 6:9). We disrupt His desire and design for our future.  When we worship the created more than the Creator, we have convinced ourselves that our will and our desires, not God’s, are best for us.

 

Have you succumbed to sex outside of marriage?  You can be forgiven of your sin and be renewed in your commitment to purity before God. He longs to give to you a fresh start, but you must be serious about that commitment.  His Spirit dwells within the Christian to not sin because, “…you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.”  (I Corinthians 6:19 & 20)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day

8 Reasons Why You Are Not a Victim

I first wrote this and shared it with a victim of rape. She was deeply hurting, feeling victimized and of course dealing with shame.  If the enemy of our soul can keep us in shame and victimization, he will keep us from future effectiveness.  Perhaps something written below will speak to you and help with something you still feel from your past or maybe a friend is in need of it.

  1. You are not a victim. Victims give up influence and assertion.  Victims do not know who they are because victims are lost in insecurity and suffer a loss of identity. But, because the believer’s identity is not in himself, it is already lost to Christ and the power of His resurrection.  (See II Corinthians 12:9 – His power is made perfect in your weakness.)
  2. God’s plan is victory. Sin is a part of the Genesis three world we live in.  Victory means that God takes the evil of this world and turns it into something victorious.  Being a Christian does not mean we do not experience the evil of this world because it rains on the just and the unjust.  It means God has a bigger plan, a greater story.
  3. You are not responsible for someone else’s sin against you. True guilt leads us to repentance. Shame leads us to condemnation. True guilt followed by true repentance leads to life.  Shame leads to death of one’s spirit and soul.  Shame leaves us feeling exposed, injudicious, inadequate or defective in some way. Shame breeds condemnation and condemnation breeds more shame.  Jesus took our shame on the cross, as well as, our sorrows.  He spoke to you from the cross, “Shame off of you.”  We must ask ourselves: What am I responsible for and what am I not responsible for? What is the responsibility of the offender?  What am I learning about myself through this?
  4. What boundaries did I break or do I need to instill in my life? Perhaps we realize that we broke our own boundaries or had not thought through God’s boundaries.  We need to search His word for His boundaries and His values that He gives us for protection. God’s boundaries are not as the world’s boundaries because He has our best interest in mind.
  5. Do not repress your anger. Often we have a tendency to go inward with our anger after severe hurt(s).  Anger can erupt from feeling powerless and out of control, wanting to “make someone pay”. Allow your anger to be a positive force for healing and personal change.  Anger does not make a better athlete or person, but a more careless one.  If pressed down, it leads to bitterness and self hate.  (See Job 7:11 and Ephesians 4: 26-27 where we are told to not allow our anger to cause us to sin.)  Talk through and work through the anger so you are not stuck in its grip.  Keep moving through the sadness so you can reach the acceptance piece of godly grief.
  6. Obsessions of thought. Watch for thought obsessions turning into actual physical obsessive compulsions.  Maintain life balance through prayer, worship, counseling, talking to parents and trusted friends who are confidential.
  7. Forgiveness pursued. Watch for defense mechanisms, e.g., rationalism, denial, unforgiveness, becoming the fixer or the peacemaker. Matthew 18:21 says to forgive continually.  There is a difference between extending forgiveness and complete forgiveness.  Not forgiving or forgiving only partially will initially cause us to feel power over the perpetrator, but it will only punish us in the end.  Take steps to forgive the perpetrator as God gives you the grace to do so.  Forgive yourself; He has forgiven you.  You cannot change what decisions you made, but you can forgive yourself and move on so you can grow from them.  Forgive God rather than allowing bitterness or anger at God.  Because of Jesus, God understands our disappointment.  Remember Jesus said from the cross, “My God, why have you forsaken me?”
  8. Move on and mature in God. Allow a tragedy to become a springboard for a better future. For example, we will never know why we were born into the family we were born into, but we do know that God has used it to make us who we are today.  (Isaiah 43:2)

You cannot change this situation, but you can let it change you to become more secure, more compassionate, a stronger and more loving person used by God to bring healing to others.

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