Category Archives: Issues of the Day

Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, History, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

Healing A Damaged Soul’s Identity

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 17

I am the head and not the tail. Deuteronomy 28:13

I am forgiven. I John 2:12

Regardless of what has happened to you in your past, those things do not define who you are today.  Your pain-filled memories, your losses, rejections, embarrassments and shame are all a moment in time.  They are moments that fill you with heartache, unforgiveness and bitterness or they have worked to create a better you.  You have either embraced them as truth and told yourself your worth and value are determined by those things or you have embraced the experience of them, sought healing through them and grown tremendously by allowing them to grow you into a deeper, more forgiving, more grace-filled and more loving, genuine person.

You have been given one life to live on this earth and it’s up to you how you will live it.  If you allow anyone else on earth to determine how you will live, then you have sold yourself to another.  It is God who has given you life and breath, not anyone else. 

Every day people are born and every day people die.  You have been given a gift of life and it’s up to you what you make of it.  You can live in history, the present or in constant hope of a better future; it’s up to you.  

If you choose to live in history, then you most likely are choosing to live in unforgiveness. Unforgiveness gives birth to brokenness, being stuck in life, the loss of freedom, physical illnesses, depression, bitterness, anger, self-pity, self-torment and the like.  Living in unforgiveness is an anguishing way to live life.  It holds us in bondage to others. I believe it was author and speaker Joyce Meyer who said that to hold onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison in hopes that the one who you cannot forgive dies.  It only hurts you.  Unforgiveness is certain death to any sense of wholeness and identity.

Counselees would often say to me, “You have no idea what I have been through” and they were right.  But you will not move forward if you stick with that excuse.  You will be stuck forever in history.  Listen, it is not about what we have been through; it’s about who He is in you for yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Does that mean we are in denial of our past?  No, it does not.  But if you are waiting for an apology from that person who hurt you, you might be waiting all of your life.  That confession may never come. Those tears of sorrow for hurting you might never surface.  Then what?  If you keep waiting, placing your life on hold, you have become a captive of the person or persons who hurt you.  You have empowered them to control your life and your emotions.  You have made them more powerful than yourself and more powerful than God.  You are allowing them to determine who you are and what you are.  

Jesus is as concerned about your future as He is your past and the Holy Spirit desires to move you on.  No one created by God was designed to live life looking backwards, constantly filtering everything that happens today through what happened to them yesterday.

Jesus said that we were to forgive as we have been forgiven.  Have you ever needed forgiveness?  How many persons have you hurt, have you damaged?  Every one of us are in desperate need of forgiveness. We are commanded to live in forgiveness. 

Question for reflection:

Are you in any way stuck in the past, bound to people who have hurt you?

You can order your new book here or start a small group and study the book together.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

Testing Our Identity II

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 16

I am an heir, a son of God. Galatians 4:7

I am a new creature in Christ. II Corinthians 5:17

In today’s devotional, we see four revelations all important to the establishment and growth of our identity in Christ. 

Romans chapter eight speaks over each of us with these deeply compelling words, “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.  Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ…”  

Revelation number one: We are heirs, the children of God.  We know this by revelation because this revelation is given to us from our spirit to our minds and not from our minds to our spirits. 

Revelation number two: We are a new creation.  The verse found in II Corinthians 5:17 is revelation when it comes to our new self – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”  You are a new creation in Christ.  A new creation has a newly developing mind because of the Spirit of Christ within us. Elsewhere in Corinthians we are told that we have the mind of Christ.  (See I Corinthians 2:16.)  To have the mind of Christ is a revelation because we are thinking His thoughts and then speaking His words from our spirit.  

I was in my counseling office one day, ready to reprimand a counselee for not completing his reading assignments when I heard the voice of the Spirit say, “Ask him if he struggles with reading.”  I thought, “What? Who can’t read in this day and age?”  But I obeyed and asked Mike if he struggled with reading.  Immediately he dropped his head as if to say, “You found me out.”  He then told me that he was unable to read and could barely write. Thankfully, I acted on what God revealed to me through His Spirit and not my feelings.

Revelation number three: We are overcomers.  Jesus told us in this world we would have trouble and tribulation, but that we were not to be discouraged, He has overcome the world.  (See John 16:33.)  We are overcomers in Him by revelation!

Further in Romans chapter twelve we are admonished to live life this way: “Hate what is evil;” “Be devoted to one another;” “Love one another;” “…be patient, be joyful, be faithful in prayer, practice hospitality, live in harmony with one another, do not repay evil for evil, live at peace with everyone, do not take revenge and overcome evil with good.” 

Mother Teresa was once asked by the press in the United States if she ever felt like a failure.  Her answer to them was by revelation.  She said, “No, because I am not trying to be a success, only obedient.”  Mother Teresa was not a failure, neither did she described herself as one; she was an overcomer.  

Revelation number four: The purpose of identity is not about me.  Tying this all together is revelation number four.  It is the ‘why’ of identity.  For God to reveal this revelation to us, we, our flesh, must get out of the way.  We have to receive a revelation of why He chooses to live within us.  He chooses this path in order to equip you to live out His story on the earth for the season that you exist on this earth.  

Acts chapter seventeen has some verses that I love to share with people in order to receive this revelation.  It states, “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands.  And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.  From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.” 

God determined your birth for this time, this season.  God saved you for this time, for this season.  God lives in you for this time and this season. You live where you live because He determined the “exact places” for you to live out His story on the earth.  

Questions for reflection:

In what ways can you say that you are becoming a new creation in Christ?

You can order the new book here.

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Challenge, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

Testing Our Identity

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 15

Jesus has overcome the world and I am an overcomer. John 16:33

I am partaker of the divine nature of God. II Peter 1:4

One of the biggest tests of our identity is the test of approval from others.  We long for positive attention to justify our very existence.  But what if it could be different, far different?

Jesus had just been baptized in the Jordan river, filled with the Spirit of God and spoken over by His heavenly Father, calling Him His beloved Son.  Jesus knew who His Father was, therefore: knowing who He Himself was.  (See John 5:17-48) Almost immediately following this heavenly affirmation comes a repeated test of His identity. 

From the Jordan river Jesus is led by the Spirit to the desert, where He will be tested and tempted for forty days by the devil.  The first words out of the devil’s mouth were, “If you are the Son of God…”  This phrase is repeated several times.  We might paraphrase this line of questioning by saying, “So, you think you know who you are, let’s see about that…” or, “If your identity is in the One you say it is, then…”

We now see how important those words were that Jesus’ Father spoke over Him while in the Jordan river during His baptism.  He now faced the biggest test of His miraculous abilities, His very life and His very purpose for coming to earth.  Jesus passed the tests and in the end told the devil, “Away from me, Satan!  For it is written: “Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”  (See Matthew 4:1-11.)

Jesus would not worship the devil and neither would He be tempted to worship Himself.  Can we pass these tests of identity when the evil one lies to us with a similar phrase like, “Who do you think you are?” or “So, you’re claiming your identity in Christ, we’ll see about that.”  Tests are just that—a test.  They are not necessarily life or death, but if we do not know who we are and our identity is not solidly found within the Father’s love for us, then we most likely will not pass the test of identity.

When we do pass the test of identity we can be assured there will be another test forthcoming.  The devil is relentless when it comes to attacking us in this manner.  Why?  If he can get us to doubt our identity in God’s love and approval, then he can also get us to doubt our salvation, our relationship with God or whether or not we are loved by God.  

Peter wrote it this way, “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people.  You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s own possession.  As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into wonderful light.”  (I Peter 2:10 NLT)

When you look into the mirror, what do you see?  Do you see the one who is not swayed or is not constantly looking for the approval of men, like Jesus?  Do you see the one who can pass the tests of identity?  If you are just not quite there yet, then let me share with you four revelations that are needed to pass those tests.

As you face tests in life that connect to your identity, rest assured as a son of God, you can pass those tests and overcome the world through His divine nature living within you.

Question for reflection:

Have you considered your need for the approval of certain others and how that affects your security and your identity?

Purchase your very own Identity book here.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

Created to be an Image Bearer III

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 14

Christ is being formed in me. Galatians 4:19

I am being conformed into the likeness of His Son. Romans 8:29

Jesus was surrounded by deception, by false prophets, by religious ones who had selfish goals in mind, by political ones, by criminals and by many persons who only wanted a miracle from Him, but didn’t want Him.  How did He handle all of this pressure and yet maintain who He was?  

One day the disciples were discussing among themselves with Jesus present what it must be like to see God, the Father.  Jesus then began telling them that He needed to go away and they would be unable to come with Him at this time.  He revealed to them that He was going to prepare a place where they could come. Then Thomas asked Him, “…How can we know this way?”  Jesus said those wonderful words in reply, “I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.”  He added, “If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well.”  (John 14:5-7)

The disciple Philip then inquired of Jesus to show them the Father.  Jesus’ reply was pretty firm, “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time?  Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father…I am in the Father and the Father is in me.”   (John 14:9, 11)  From this dialogue, we are reminded there was only one image the Son was reflecting— that of the Father.  

Paul the Apostle confirms Jesus’ very words when he writes, “He [Jesus] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.”  (Colossians 1:15) Perhaps the disciples struggled to comprehend this level of image/identity building, but Paul did not.  Paul was a trained Pharisee and he understood having his security, his esteem, his image and his identity built within a religious system that failed to show him who he really was.

For Paul, it took an encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus where he received a vision and heard the voice of Jesus himself.  Just after this amazing and personal encounter, the Lord said to Ananias, another disciple, concerning Saul, “This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings.”  (Acts 9:15, emphasis mine)

Up to this point in time, Saul was carrying his given name and his authority in his Pharisaical beliefs.  While this character was powerful and ended the lives of Christians, God had a different name, or different mission and a different identity for Saul.  He would become Paul, a chosen vessel that would carry a much more powerful mission, identity and name.

We carry that name today as well.  This name is above every other name on this earth.  This name represents the image of our God within us.  

It is estimated by astronomers within our Milky Way galaxy alone, there are 100 thousand million stars.  The web site Space.com tells us the Hubble telescope has uncovered 100 billion galaxies and speculates this number will increase as telescope technology increases.  While all of this seems unfathomable, God, the creator of the universe, of every galaxy and every star also knows the name of every galaxy and every star.  

Truthfully scientists can’t tell us how many stars actually exist within our vast universe, but God knows each one and He knows you.  He knew you before you were in the womb of your mother.  He knows your name and He calls you by name.  He loves your name, the sound of your name, the sound of your voice, because He loves you.  Your name represents your existence on the earth and His call to you to follow Him.  Just as the disciples questioned, He wants to show you Himself and in actuality show you His Father.  Just like Paul, He has chosen you to carry His name, His identity and who He is to the world around you.  

Question for reflection:

How are you carrying His name to others?

You can purchase the book Identity: The Distinctiveness of You here.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

Created to be an Image Bearer

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 12

Christ is being formed in me. Galatians 4:19

I am being conformed into the likeness of His Son. Romans 8:29

When my younger son was living at home with us as an older teenager, he was frequently told by others that he sounded like, looked like and walked like his father.  While that was not pleasing to him at the time, it was true.  Marc, without trying to, bore the image of his biological father.  Truthfully, it’s not something that we, as sons and daughters, can control due to the fact that God created us to be image bearers.

In Genesis chapter one, it is revealed that God created man in “…his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”  David, the Psalmist, wrote, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalms 139:14) We were made, created, breathed into to bear the image of God, our creator.

Perhaps you have lived life long enough to realize that you did something, said something or thought something that reminded you of one of your parents.  You told yourself at that moment, “Wow, did that ever sound like my dad.”  You might have been reminded by a sibling that a certain look, raised eyebrow, laugh or gesticulation reminded them of your mother.  It’s inescapable actually.  We were created to be image bearers.

For those of you who are fortunate enough to now have children of your own, you may already see images in your children that remind you of yourself.  It’s uncanny how it happens, but it happens for one reason only.  When God first created man, he created him to bear an image and the first image that we are to bear is the image of our heavenly Father.  Make no mistake, our created self has the DNA of our family, but traced back to the book of beginnings, Genesis, it is one image and one image only that we were fashioned after–the image of God.

It is not an option to be an image bearer, but it is an option as to whose image we bear.

We carry within us the things that that have helped to shape us.  We can choose to bear the image of a “mere human” or we can choose to move toward that which we were created to be.  In I Corinthians chapter three, Paul is sharing with the Corinthian church that they too had a choice.  He wrote that who they were acting like, the image they were bearing/reflecting was challenging his desire for them to be persons who “live by the Spirit.”  He revealed to them they were still acting worldly (or of this world) with petty jealousies and the like.  His admonishment to them was to stop acting like “mere humans” and start acting like God’s temple.

How often have we acted as mere humans with our petty differences, jealousies, offenses, snarky replies and the like?  Mere human thoughts are thoughts connected to our earthly existence only and do not reflect God’s kingdom on earth.  Mere human thoughts are self-centered, self-absorbed and self-protecting.  These thoughts stem from our minds and not our spirits.  They are full of earthly wisdom and bear the fruit of that wisdom.  (See James 3:13-16.) A key verse concerning the foundation of our identity is this truth, “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?”  (I Corinthians 3:16)  

You are being conformed into the likeness of the Son of God, because you were created to bear His image.

Question for reflection:

How are you an image bearer of your earthly family, of Jesus?

You can purchase the Identity book here. Use it for yourself, your family or study the book with a small group.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

The Loss of Identity and the Prison of Self

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 8

I can do all things through Christ. Philippians 4:13

I am born of God and I overcome the world. I John 5:4

Christ’s truth has set me free – John 8:32

In what, in whom do I find my identity?

Is my identity found in my heritage or in my nationality or in my ethnicity?  Is it found in my political persuasion or my education?  Can my identity be found in my sexuality or my gender?  Is it found in my wealth, my work, my success, my abilities or my possessions?  Can I find my identity in who I know or in the approval of significant others?   

Is my identity found in my past losses, my past environment or my past mistakes?  And if I have a sordid past, how is my identity played out in my present life?  Have I used men or women to define me?  Have I used poverty or wealth to define me?  Have I used sickness to describe who I am or have I given in to multiple lies about myself and completely lost any sense of who I am?

For eight years of our lives, my wife and I ran a foster group home for adjudicated teenage boys.  In those eight years, we had many different placements (young men and a few young women).  Some of them truly changed and succeeded and some of them conformed.  What do I mean?

If a foster child simply conformed to the requested set of rules, they were not changing.  They may have succeeded in meeting their court mandate, but they’ll be back in foster care placement in the future.  How do I know that?  Conforming to something does not change one’s heart or one’s identity.  

In the city of Jerusalem there was a pool called Bethesda.  A great number of disabled people were there, the blind, the lame and the paralyzed.  There was a man who was an invalid for thirty-eight years at the pool and Jesus approached him one day.  Jesus, knowing his history, asked him an interesting question: “Do you want to get well?”  Jesus didn’t assume anything.  He knew this man was a long-term resident of this place and perhaps received daily care with a meal or two.  It wasn’t the greatest place, but it was a place to live, sleep, eat, have friends and hang out.  

If Jesus heals this man and makes him well, the man will have to pick up his mat and walk out of that place.  You say, “That would be cool.”  Yes, but there is far more to this story than healing.  That same man who was provided for because of his condition will now have to provide for himself.  He’ll have to find a job, leave his friends, cook for himself and, perhaps, provide for his family.  Jesus was asking him the question, “Do you want to be well,” because what he was really asking was, “Do you want to leave this place, provide for yourself by getting a job and leave what you have come to know as a long-term living situation?”

We can change. We can leave the pool because we can do all things through Christ, changing versus just conforming. When Jesus comes into our life to make us well, He does a complete job and His truth will always set us free.

Question for reflection:

As you consider your identity, do you find yourself in the process of change or merely conforming?

To order the book you can click here.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

Have You Been Noticed Lately?

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 6

You will be secure, because there is hope. Job 11:18

I am chosen by Him. I Thessalonians 1:4

One of the ways we focus on ourselves is through comparison.  Quite a few years ago while my children were still young, I wrote a leaflet that began with the following paragraph:

Maggie has never had a problem with her self-image.  She loves life and makes the best of every minute.  She loves people and believes that they all love and accept her unconditionally.  Maggie has never stared into a mirror and felt hopeless.  She’s never even desired to look at herself in a mirror and make any kind of judgement.  She is perfectly content with who she is, what she wears, the shape of her body, the color of her eyes, the size of her nose and the shape of her ears.  Maggie blindly trusts in her Creator.  She is content to be who she is.  You see, Maggie is our yellow Labrador Retriever.

The Bible tells us that comparison is unwise.  “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves.  When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”  (II Corinthians 10:12) How so?  When we compare ourselves to someone else, we typically come up short or proud—in other words, feeling insignificant or feeling better than another.  Both of these outcomes are unproductive and self-deprecating, not to mention possibly hurtful to others.  

Comparison does not build security in our lives.  Paul the Apostle told Timothy, his spiritual son, to watch his life…closely (I Timothy 4:6).  He did not say to compare your life to others.  

Here is a truth: The more self-focused we are, and comparison is a form of self-focus, the more insecure we will be.  Being self-focused stunts our growth and essentially inhibits our security.  

The Scripture expresses that the fear of man will prove to be a snare.  (Proverbs 29:25) What does that mean?  It will trip you up, it will steal your direction, it will keep you from following God’s voice, it will keep you stressed and it will steal your joy.  The fear of others’ opinions of us is as old as time.  Every life lived on this earth has dealt with this fear which can be all-consuming.  

Paul the Apostle was writing to the Galatian church about this very subject.  In chapter one, he was saying how astonished he was that they would so quickly be deserting the One who had called them and they would be following a false gospel. He related it to a false gospel that others were speaking to them.  He then writes this, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?” 

You are chosen by Him; you need not compare yourself to anyone! You are uniquely created by your heavenly Father and there is great hope in His security. He notices you every day of your life!

Question for reflection:

If you find that you compare yourself with others, how can God’s approval of you bring an end to your comparison?

To order the book for yourself, a friend, your family or a group click here.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Insecurity, Issues of the Day, Small Groups, Training

Healing Our Insecurity II

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 5

I am forgiven all my sins. Ephesians 1:7

I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. Jerimiah 33:6

To die to ourselves as C.S. Lewis penned does not come easy.  We fight it, wrestle with it, deny it, defend ourselves, project onto others our shame and guilt, and feverishly attempt to coverup our inadequacies.  To die means to face them head on, acknowledge them, confess them to God in order to eventually lay them at the cross.

Why do we hold onto something that inwardly is hurting us?  We find it enormously difficult to be honest about ourselves.  We can barely entertain the thought of looking into a mirror and saying, “You have deep insecurities and you have to stop covering them up.”  For some of us, letting go is more difficult because it demands living another way.  It requires change and sometimes change, even for the good, is more problematic than staying the same, even when it is unhealthy to do so.  

Catch these verses found in Proverbs, “He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise, He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.”  (Proverbs 15:31, 32) 

Are you aware the Bible tells us that God, like a loving parent, initiates discipline and correction?  Do you know why?  He loves us enough to encourage life changes.  “…God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.”  (Hebrews 12:10)  God wants us to change through correction in order to grow and gain something good—to be like Him, holy.  

It is imperative that we renounce the idol of worshipping oneself.  To renounce means to give up a claim or to disown voluntarily.  Even if we seem unable to pinpoint any of our self-protecting insecurities, we can still take a step of faith and renounce anything in our life that looks like, smells like or acts like insecurity.  There is only one God to worship and it is Him alone.

But if we can label our insecurities, now is the time to confess them.  Perhaps along the way many of those insecurities have come to mind.  It is now time to confess them to God, renounce them and break off any unhealthy dependency or unhealthy attachment with them.  It is time to confess any fear of man that exceeds your fear of God.  It is time to break off inordinate relationships that have become a source of security for you.  It is time to lay down your excuses and justifications for negative behavior which actually stem from your insecurities.

“What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?  For we are the temple of the living God.  As God has said: ‘I will live with them and walk among then, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.’  Therefore, ‘Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.  Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.’  And, ‘I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.’”  (II Corinthians 6:16-18)

All of us have sinned. (See Romans 3:23.)  We all fall short of God’s plan, and the wages of “missing the mark” (which is the definition of sin) is death, but Romans 6:23 states: “The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  God has given us a free gift, without any effort on our part.

When the Bible speaks of being justified or having received justification (See Romans 5:1.), there is a threefold definition to this word.  To be justified means that I am forgiven of my sin, I am free from my guilt, and I am in right standing with God.  To be forgiven, free of the guilt I feel for sinning, and then to actually be in right standing with God in my human state is simply astonishing and yet true, based on what Jesus, the Just One, did for me.

Through Him I am forgiven of all my sin, in right standing with God and can enjoy peace and security in my life.

Question for reflection:

Can you take a minute to once again identify your insecurities, confess them and break off their power over your life?

To order the book for yourself, a friend, your family or a group click here.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Parents, Singles, Small Groups

The Trap of Emotional Dependency

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 3

I am now God’s child. I John 3:2

I am highly esteemed. Daniel 9:23

When we solely look to another for our purpose, our meaning, our significance and our security, we might find ourselves in an emotionally dependent relationship.  

Everyone needs to know they are loved and approved of. Our first recognized source of love and approval is the family. Often, in dysfunctional homes, children may grow up with parents who are harsh, too strict, unable to be pleased, and critical. They control their children through shame and blame. These children can become guilt-ridden, confused about authority, overly responsible or compulsive. They frequently try to please their parents but seem to never quite measure up. In severe cases of this emotional roller coaster, self-identity problems emerge and an esteem crisis ensues. 

The second source of love, acceptance and approval is from God. I say “second” source because we recognize it after we recognize the need for a family’s love and approval. 

We need others. I am convinced relationship with God and with others is the most important thing in life. Jesus taught this principle when one day a Pharisee raised the question, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?” Jesus then replied that we were to love the Lord our God with all our heart…soul…and mind…and love our neighbor as our self. (Matthew 22:36-39) However, our need for relationship cannot be allowed to become the center of another person’s life. The emotionally dependent person feels as though he or she cannot exist or function without this relationship. Mistakenly, this association is an attempt to meet the need for intimacy and security. 

We become vulnerable or susceptible to dependent relationships when we focus on our needs rather than the Word of God. When we lean too heavily upon one particular person, the emotional attachment can begin, causing us to lose our objectivity in the relationship.

Does the Bible speak to emotional dependency?  Not directly. But throughout the Scriptures, we are admonished to be self-controlled. Paul wrote in the book of Titus 2:1-8 about sound doctrine. Let’s see how they apply: 

You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God. Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. 

You are first God’s child. In a healthy way you are dependent upon Him and interdependent with others. No one other than Jesus can satisfy your need for relational connection. It is He who highly esteems you!

Question for reflection:

Are you dealing with any emotional dependency in your life that you need to turn over to Jesus?

To order the book at a significant discount for yourself, your family or for a group study click here.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Insecurity, Issues of the Day, Parents, Small Groups

The Presence of Insecurity in our Lives II

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 2

I have eyes to see God’s eternal purpose. II Corinthians 4:18

The Spirit Himself intercedes for me. Romans 8:26

Several years ago my mother visited our home, bringing with her a handful of report cards.  She had kept every report card from kindergarten on—every one. Wondering what I would do with them, I set them aside.  

A few weeks later I began to peruse through them.  My grades were quite good, especially in grade school and middle school (high school might have been a different story with certain subjects…just saying.).  However, it was a comment that my kindergarten teacher placed on my report card that caught my eye.  It read, “Steve has difficulty using a scissors.”  I failed scissors cutting!  Really?  Yes, really.  (But honestly, could those dull, blunt-nosed scissors cut anything?)

Truthfully, I was nervous and apparently when placing a scissors into my four-year-old hand, I could not cut paper.  It was an outer expression of an inner insecurity.

Insecure persons struggle with relationships.  We walk out life with certain fears and ongoing feelings of failure.  We struggle with our esteem and can retreat within ourselves.  We become nervous around persons who we see as secure or we feel an inner judgement coming from them.  Some of us would claim shyness, but the truth be told, we lack social confidence stemming from our own misbeliefs.  

Going deeper, we can become emotionally dependent on others to be our security or find persons or substances that help to create or foster a false sense of security.   It seems as though there is no end to our negative self-talk and repetition of neediness when it comes to insecurity.  How can something that each and every human being needs so deeply be so difficult to acquire?  What makes security so elusive?

Working with a drug addict for many years has given me a new appreciation of what these persons suffer, not to mention what their love ones suffer along with them.  Drugs can take on a life of their own.  One can be a drug addict and work, earn a living, be many things, but that will not be their focus or define their purpose in life.  They can have a family, go to church, pay their bills, but those things will not capture their ultimate attention.  What will?  Drugs, and the need for more drugs.

Drug addicts can eventually take on the identity of a drug addict because their lifestyle requires it, or should I say, forces it.  At the end of the day, all else takes a back seat to the most important thing in their life—drugs.  Please hear me, I am not saying for a minute that this life is chosen or preferred by them or that they are just trying to be totally selfish, but the addiction now leads them.  It takes any worth or esteem they might have, any identity or security, and forfeits it all for the next high.

In your insecurities have you gripped onto idols or stuff of earth that continue to promote insecurity?  It’s a vicious cycle that ends in even more insecurity. According to our knowing who you are in Christ verses for today, God has already established eternal purposes for you and has given you the eyes to see those purposes, as the Holy Spirit intercedes for you.

Question for reflection:

Can you identify idols or “stuff of earth” that continue to promote insecurity in your life?

To order the book at a significant discount for yourself, your family or for a group study click here.

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