Category Archives: Leadership

Encouragement, Leadership

Ten Things I Learned from a Narcissistic Coworker

imagesA number of decades ago in my more youthful leadership years, I had a young coworker who excelled at being a thorn in the flesh. He was in the wrong employment at the time, because in actuality the only probable employment for him was to work under no one, but himself. He simply could not be lead and neither did he have any grace for being part of a team. His team was made up of one: himself. While he didn’t realize it, he was a teacher, a great one. He taught me so much about what not to do, how not to act and who not to be. It was painful trying to work with him, but to this day I know I walk in lessons learned from this man.

Stories I could tell are too excruciating to relate, but what I do desire to recount is what I learned in working with him.

  1. I learned to become more dependent upon the grace of God to not continually react in the flesh.
  2. I learned that my will did not need to be as strong as his.
  3. I learned that dying to myself was a good thing…no, a God thing
  4. I learned to not take offense from his frequent accusations.
  5. I learned that pent up anger will eventually explode.
  6. I learned that to hurt in kind and in return only reduced me to his level.images-10
  7. I learned that it’s easy to talk about forgiveness and much harder to forgive all too frequent damages.
  8. I learned that revenge and obsessing about revenge destroys my mind, affects my spirit and creates a living torment.
  9. I learned that to be falsely accused, rejected and repeatedly wounded was to identify with Christ in greater measure.
  10. I learned that God’s love transcends narcissism and every wound it dishes out so that God’s love can change my coworker and me. And the more I learned about the love of God, the more my heart was enlarged to love.
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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage

Life and Suffering

imagesAre you experiencing a struggle in your life or your marriage? If your answer to that question is “yes,” then my response is, good. Someone once said that, “Beauty is birthed in struggle.” Most of us have a natural tendency to avoid struggles in life. We dream of the life of ease, but is that life a reality and would we experience personal growth in that environment? Author Gary Thomas wrote, “Few people leave a marriage because it’s too easy.” To never encounter personal struggle and to only have ease and comfort would be to remain immature and walk through life with a lack of depth and character.

Do you desire your marriage, your life for that matter, to be seasoned and to experience growth and maturity? Suffering can be profitable and work toward this end as long as you find the purpose, walk through the process and personally grow because of it. If you think back through your life you will realize that it was the difficult times in which you grew (spiritually and emotionally) the most. imagesJesus suffered, as did many men and women of history. It was/is our Lord’s belief that something would be built in us as we would realize…For our present troubles are quite small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! (II Corinthians 4:17)

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Encouragement, Leadership, Mission Report

Leaders Need Encouragement Too

imagesIn a recent conversation, someone reminded me that leaders need a regular dose of encouragement. Leaders tirelessly work toward maturity in the lives of others. Leaders lead in such a way that they continually put themselves out front, knowing they will take some personal “hits”. Leaders naturally think toward growth of their organization, their ministry, their staff and their own personal lives. True God-given leadership never stops desiring to effect change and make a better tomorrow. And, when these natural desires are not met, leaders can become discouraged.

Many years ago my wife and I assembled a youth mission team together. It was our first effort to do such a project and we had 14 very excited and rambunctious volunteers. We spent months preparing for our outreach, speaking into their lives and praying with them. The team did great and completed their mission beyond our expectations. Recently my wife and I were thinking about those 14 names and we asked ourselves, “Where are they today?” Below, see the answers to that question to the best of our present knowledge.images-4

Team member:

#1. Continues with various short-term mission teams; conducted a small engine repair clinic in Uganda; married a nurse with a mission’s heart

#2. Various other mission teams; serves with a human trafficking organization; went to law school

#3. Various other mission teams; serves an orphanage in Mombasa, Kenya now in co-mission with her husband

#4. Completed Bible school, married and became a fulltime missionary to the Middle East

#5. Serving God by serving youth in a mental health facility

#6. Went to Bible school and is now a fulltime missionary to Germany working in human trafficking

#7. A fulltime YWAM missionary for several years and now a DOVE International pastor’s wife

#8. Completed her social work degree and now a missionary in South Africa youth prisons

#9. Leading a church planting effort to Germany

#10. Various mission teams; a medical doctor (surgeon) today working with medical missions

#11. Away from God?

#12. Away from God? Unknown whereabouts.

#13. Went to college; married; a mother of two children

#14. Incarcerated for murder; has returned to God and lives for Him daily in prison soon to be paroled

images-6There you have the outcome of one youth mission team who are now adults. Obviously, a lot more has happened in their lives than just that first team, but when we as leaders do not stop and think about the results of sowing into the lives of others we can become discouraged. Take the time to consider what your heavenly Father has done through you as His obedient leader. You just might encourage yourself.

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Encouragement, Leadership, NASCAR

The Need for Speed

images-2NASCAR racing is fast and getting faster.  These cars can cover one full mile of oval track with four turns in 24 seconds!  Being up close and up front is exhilarating when feeling the rush of air currents created, smelling the burning fuel and having to wear ear plugs from the “straight through” exhaust noise.  Eight hundred plus horsepower in the engines times 43 cars sends out a vibration of sheer excitement.  These hyper motor cars are moving faster by you than the human eye can concentrate on any one colorful, decal-filled machine.  The driver concentration must be beyond something that most of us can’t even identify with.  And to continually cover this one mile oval for 400 plus laps, maintaining the speeds needed, holding onto a car that won’t turn, but slides at times, being inches or less from the cars around you…well, that’s just a superhuman feat.  Who says these drivers are not athletes?  You better be in the best of physical and mental shape to handle the resistance in the steering wheel, oppressive heat (most times well over 100 degrees) in the cockpit, the possibility of a crash at any moment, all the while, communicating on the radio with your crew chief and listening to your “spotter” (the person informing you where everyone else is on the track).
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Life seems to be moving faster and faster these days.  Sometimes it’s a rush of excitement and sometimes it’s about protecting yourself from crashing and burning.  It seems to take more concentration today to keep our eyes on the mark and to not become distracted by how quickly our world is changing.  At times there is oppressive heat, noise and resistance as we walk out our faith.  We have so many negative voices yelling at us while we are really trying to hear our Spotter (the Holy Spirit) telling us which way to turn and what areas to avoid.  It takes single-mindedness to stay on the track and in the race.  We need to work on our spiritual conditioning on a daily basis and not fall behind.  No matter how hot it gets or pressure-filled, keeping our eyes on the prize, we will run the race to win and receive that final reward.images

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Encouragement, Leadership, Small Groups

A Thirty Six Year Old Prophetic Word

images-3It was May 6, 1979 and I was 25 years old. A young man (who did not know me) left his drum set from the front of the auditorium – mid worship set – and headed to the back of the room where I was standing. He wiggled his way through the pew and came nose to nose to me, a visitor. He then began to speak in King James language, …”For yea I shall stir thee and move thee out. Yea a gift shall come upon thee. Thou shalt exhort with the word and bring forth a rich blessing to my people that thou knew not of. Yea I shall return unto thee a hundred fold, saith the Lord.” There were words before and more after these few statements, but in re-reading them the other day, while on a two-day prayer retreat, I was struck by the boldness and obedience of this young man and by the ways in which this “word” has come to pass.images-5

I loved God with all of my heart, but those words were a huge stretch for me at the time they were spoken. Only God could speak something so truth-filled and yet so far from the days of fulfillment. How could I possibly comprehend that one day I would have the opportunity to travel around the world depositing the “gift” of God’s word through teaching. And, amazingly, some of those words would turn into books.

imagesGive your life fully to God today so that He can grow you and use you to create a different world tomorrow. No one person can affect everyone, but each of us can do our part and reach the world with the truth of the gospel one by one.

 

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Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Pornography and Pursuing Sexual Wholeness in Your Marriage (part I)

imagesA nationally conducted survey among churches over the past five years revealed that 68% of men and 50% of pastors view pornography regularly (Pure Desire Ministries, 2009). But, the most shocking was that 11-17 year old boys reported being the greatest users. Pornography in our country is a 4 billion dollar industry. More money is spent on pornography than pro baseball, pro basketball, pro football and the Super bowl combined per year. Eleven thousand adult films are produced per year, which is 20 times the number of regular media films coming out of Hollywood. The issue is sweeping through the church and with the present younger generation being exposed and involved, it is epidemic.

As the church today, we tell men and women caught up in this issue that it is solely a moral issue, but studies are showing that it is also a brain issue. So telling men and women to study more, pray more and simply to think pure thoughts is like telling a heroin addict to just stop thinking about and pursuing his drug.  Studies are now indicating that when we are involved in sexual activity the brain releases a chemical called Oxytocin, along with other chemicals, it is the glue to human bonding.  When we watch pornography, powerful neurotransmitters such as dopamine are also released and our brain then takes those images and creates a bond, actually interfering with human bonding and sexuality. Dr. Tim Jennings, a neuropsychologist says that any type of repetitive behavior will create trails in our brain that fire on automatic sequence. So men and women who truly love Jesus with all of their heart can be in sexual bondage from the enemy due to viewing pornography repeatedly.images-3

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do… I Peter 1:13-15

God desires us to bond with our life mate sexually while the enemy desires us to be in bondage to sexually explicit material.  We will continue with this subject in future blogs.

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Leadership

Leadership is Influence

images-4Someone once said that leadership is influence – no more, no less. However, leadership and management are not one in the same.  A managers role is to manage, but leaders influence toward change.  Are you doing more management today or more changing of those you influence?  John Maxwell calls it “The law of influence.”   That said, a major issue for nonprofit leaders is that we typically work with volunteers and not paid employees.  Paid employees are leveraged by their income to do what their leader says to do or their job is at stake.  Most local church leaders do not have that ingredient of leverage, only their influence via their relationships.  Volunteers are not forced to follow the vision, they choose to and so much of that choice is connected to their belief in their leaders.  Leadership in a not-for-profit can become more challenging than leadership within the marketplace for these very reasons.

The other day I was asking myself (thinking about), How much leadership (influence) do I have with those whom I serve through leading? It’s a good question because I do not desire to simply manage, I desire to also coach toward change.  Author and pastor Andy Stanley says most parents do their parenting by reward and reprimand, but should actually be coaching their children.  I appreciate this thought in reference to leadership and spiritual parenting.  If spiritual parenting were simply reward when you do well and chastisement when you do poorly, how are you training or leading toward change?  But, if through the process we sit down with those we lead, connecting through our relationship, we can begin to speak into their lives with the appropriate questions, observations, wisdom and prayerful insights.  Again, relationship is the key because there is not an exchange of goods or finances for services. Maybe you know the old leadership proverb: “He who thinks he leads, but has not followers, is only taking a walk.”  So, “Work hard and become a leader…”  Proverbs 12:24

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Encouragement, Leadership, Prayer, Training

The Value of a Sabbatical

images-3Taking a sabbatical is not a new concept. The word Sabbath taken from the Old Testament of the Bible simply means rest. It seems that God understood the concept of cessation and not just for man, but He also included the fields and the animals. (See Leviticus 25:3-4 and Exodus 23:12) Rest is something we are all familiar with, but an extended period of rest (beyond the typical one week to ten-day vacation) to most is thought to be somewhat unreasonable. Cindy Kirschner Goodman in her McClatchy Tribune article on sabbaticals said that, “Among the Fortune 100 Best Places to Work, 22 companies boast of offering fully paid sabbaticals.” She went on to write, “Companies find if they don’t do something, their workers will burn out and leave, or worse burn out and stay.”

Charles Spurgeon once said, “Rest time is not waste time. It is economy to gather fresh strength… It is wisdom to take occasional furlough. In the long run, we shall do more by sometimes doing less.” In my lifetime I have had the privilege of experiencing three sabbatical periods. Each one was unique within itself, but without fail God spoke to me significantly. There is something about detaching and refocusing that allows one to be sharper in the spirit and allows for growth. Perhaps the secret is that a sabbatical is not an extended vacation or a time to pursue a degree, but it is a time set aside for prayer, reflection, listening, and counsel for a healthier future. On that note, I just finished a book titled, The Value of a Sabbatical, Refocusing Your Life for a Healthy Future and I am totally excited about helping others through God’s concept of a Sabbath rest.

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Encouragement, Leadership, Prayer

Listening to God, What’s the Potential?

images-11George Washington Carver was born in 1864, the son of illiterate slaves who were owned by a white couple with the surname of Carver. Because of his “Aunt Susan,” Mrs. Carver, he went to Simpson College and Iowa’s agricultural college. He eventually began teaching agriculture at Tuskegee Institute in Alabama after being invited there by Booker T. Washington in 1896. His research centered on introducing soil-enriching crops like peanuts and sweet potatoes to farmers. Carver accepted Christ when he was ten years old and read the Bible constantly. He taught and believed that nature was one way by which God spoke to man. He emphatically believed that his discoveries and his success were from communing with His heavenly Father.images-12

Imagine what God could reveal to you and I when we take the time to listen and commune with Him. The prophet Daniel recorded that while praying, the angel Gabriel came to him. Gabriel told Daniel that he had come, “…to give [him] insight and understanding.” (Daniel 9:22) What could we accomplish with heavenly wisdom and insight? What is the potential? At the very least, let’s start thinking in terms of expectancy. Perhaps we need to position ourselves for the “words” forthcoming and be ready to write them down. There are songs to be sung, papers to be presented, inventions to be created, businesses to begin, books to be written and wisdom to be spoken as we listen and receive from our heavenly Father. I am convinced that George Washington Carver was not the last person on earth to hear from God.

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Encouragement, Leadership, Uncategorized

A Struggle of Leadership

Many persons are under the impression their leaders do not struggle with everyday life temptations as they themselves do. Somehow, they have projected in their minds, that leaders have risen above the ability to miss the mark. Sadly then, these same leaders can begin to think similar thoughts which can eventually lead to a “pedestal” mentality.   Here’s a key for each and every leader out there: to admit that you as a leader struggle is to admit that you are actually human…is to admit that you do not have it all together. I John 1:8 says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” As a leader, do you walk in any kind of self-deception? Believe me, it’s a fair questions to ask yourself and to expect Holy Spirit to reveal an answer.

images-10Leaders are forgiven persons, but not perfect. You do not need to pretend that your private world is perfect. Recognize your capacity for failure, but also recognize failure is not the problem; it’s what we do with failure. Failure can actually bring you to the end of the performance lie; give yourself permission to fail. Then, allow the failure to launch you into a path of personal healing. Embrace the place you are, while at the same time remembering God is taking you somewhere new in your leadership capacity.

 

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