Note: This thirteen-week blog series will share a snippet from each chapter of our new book, Staying Together, Marriage: A Lifelong Affair by Steve & Mary Prokopchak. This book is now available through House to House Publications.
Before you were married, did anyone advise you that your marriage would need room for failure, forgiveness, loss, brokenness, disagreement, or even sin? If not, a full and honest disclosure was missed, and you may have entered into marriage a bit naïve or ill-advised. Marriages fail because we fail God, each other, and ourselves. We fail to love, we fail to honor, we fail to forgive, and we fail in keeping at bay our own personal struggles with selfishness. And that’s where prayer can come in.
You can be sexually intimate with almost anyone, but you cannot pray with just anyone. In order to really open up our hearts and pray together, we must know we are in a safe place. We must know we are not being judged for our heartfelt prayer. And we must know that the one to whom we divulge our heart will maintain confidentiality and that we can trust them with our deepest, most secret sins and needs. Praying together within marriage is so intimate that if these factors are not present, we will almost always divert ourselves to a same-sex prayer partner for that level of prayer.
Can we not have a conversation with Him together about our marriage, family, business, or life questions? Would we be amiss to entertain for one moment that God has stopped caring for those He created to bear His image after Genesis 3? It is this discussion that takes us to the most intimate act of marriage—prayer.
In chapter twelve of Staying Together, we also discuss growing our friendship and a marriage evaluation retreat.
Other ordering options:
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CBD (Christianbooks.com): https://www.christianbook.com/staying-together-marriage-a-lifelong-affair/steve-prokopchak/9780768414905/pd/414905?event=ESRCG
In 2011 my first twenty-one blogs were titled, “Finding a Life Mate: The Character Traits Worth Looking For.” I loved the idea of starting a blog about something I am passionate about: preparing for marriage. I recently read through all 21 of them once again and did a bit of editing. In doing that, I realized I missed a really important area. That area was spiritual formation through prayer.
When we encounter a difficulty or a bump in the road of marital bliss, our first response is to pray together. The scripture relates that the reason we fight and argue is because we do not pray first. (James 4: 1-2) If we can discover this freedom with the one we are looking at as a life mate, we are well ahead of the game. Why? Because our relationship with Jesus and our ability to pray and look to Him is the most intimate thing we can do together. And, it is by far, the most mature act. Look for a life mate that looks to God first, it will take a lot of pressure off of you.
Saint Patrick, Ireland’s beloved patron saint, has a prayer of divine protection attributed to him which was later made into a hymn. There are different versions, but one goes like this:
One of my favorite New Testament verses states, “That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake.” (Matthew 13:1) I simply love this verse because I crave what it says. Our Lord, while on earth, with just a three-year window, took time to sit by a lake. What was He doing? That’s just it, He wasn’t “doing,” He was being. He took time out to rest, to reflect, to breath in the fresh, moisture-filled air that surrounds the tranquil presence of water. I see Him in this moment as having no “to-do” list, no sermon preparation, no rushed got-to-do-it-now feelings… just rest-filled hanging out with His heavenly Father.
We live in a culture that is noisy and full of time-stealing stuff. We’re always accessible. Can we take time to “sit by the lake” and simply enjoy His presence? Work is a gift from God, but so is rest. How do you like to rest? Remember, life is a balancing act in order to maintain our spiritual, physical and emotional health. Separating and centering ourselves every once in a while is a really spiritual thing to do, just ask Jesus.
From time to time the Wall Street Journal has some fascinating stories to tell. I recently caught one that was titled: U.S. To Rebels: Listen To Mom. The article was a worthy read which shares the story of rebels who steal children from their parents as young as age 5. Such was the case with Obira Julious from Uganda, forced to grow up in the Central African Republic. He was compulsorily inducted into the Lord’s Resistance Army thirteen years ago and is now age 18. Hiding in the brush while a U.S. military helicopter flew over him, he thought he recognized a voice.
It’s a sad story with a great ending as a life was saved through one mother’s voice and the U.S. Army. Thank you to those men and women who through their military service not only protect our nation, but who are saving lives like Obira. This story is a great reminder to us concerning the voices we are listening to and the voices we need to listen to.
Weariness. This morning Mary and I prayed together about “a spirit of weariness.” We felt it at different times throughout the year of 2016. There were multiple illnesses we were battling. There were major concerns in our family with aging parents. There were emotional and spiritual attacks that seemed to come out of nowhere. Of course the elections were within themselves a whole new level of campaign weariness and continually planting seeds that did not appear to take root. It’s a bit hard to describe or put our finger on any one thing, but all together they spelled: W E A R I N E S S.
Press on. 2017 is a whole new opportunity. No matter what is at the root of your weariness, do not give up!
I had spent the last two summers living at the beach in Delaware and found a girlfriend from New Jersey. Somewhere in our second summer together I discovered that she was not just another girl, but in my mind, THE girl. There was this one big, glaring issue however: she kept trying to “witness” to me and according to her I needed to “be saved.” I had no idea how to answer her questions about the second coming of Christ or exactly what salvation even meant. “Being saved” was something most of us teenage guys just weren’t looking for. My tactic became asking her her thoughts of those impossible questions and then simply agreeing. It worked in part.
Jesus was the Perfect Christmas gift that December of 1971. I did bow my knee. I prayed that prayer at the end of the little tract and Christmas with Christ took on a whole new meaning. Has Christmas come into your heart?
Breakthrough . . . after twenty-five years of praying.
Let’s use what has happened in our nation to mature, to pursue loving others and to ask God for His change to take place in every one of our lives. Jesus is the reconciler, it’s what He does and He uses us to help bring reconciliation. Remember who paid the highest price, and proclaim His love to this nation. Reach out to the hurting all around you and share about the One who longs to heal their hurts, disappointments and fears.
Doors provide entry and exit. Doors opening invite access and doors closing speak to seasons coming to an end. Doors set boundaries. Some doors are guarded and others have alarms connected to them. There are doors with windows allowing partial sight access along with light entry and there are those that protect from the light. Some doors open automatically and others are manual. Doors protect from intruders and can be decorated to welcome visitors. Still further there are doors that we are never to open. (See Proverbs 5:8) Then there are doors of hope along with doors of despair. And when something or someone is close we sometimes say, “It’s right at the door.”
Steve Prokopchak 