Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Men, Parents, Politics, Singles, Small Groups, Women

Christians, Politics, and Voting

It is beyond me why any Christ believer would sit out or not vote in an election. Because if you choose to not vote, you forfeit any right to speak into the governing of your nation, state, or local government or for that matter, enter political issue discussions. Today we can literally see the results of what happens to nations who either lose their vote in the political process or never had one. I have traveled to a number of those nations, and the results are total loss of freedoms, extreme hardship and control, and/or poverty. Why risk that?

Christians are not voting for persons who fully represent Christ; that’s not the point. There is not a perfect politician, but we know what God’s word says about morality, character, and values. When the church votes, we are not becoming political; we’re engaging in backing those who stand with our values and beliefs. It’s a right that has been given to us and it’s right to give God thanks for such a privilege.

I hear Christians and non-Christians bashing those who voted for a candidate who they believe is in the wrong party. I have heard the world claiming that the church should not speak to political issues. There are even certain denominations who look down upon those who enter the political mountain because they feel called by God to be there.

If our government never entered into social issues like abortion, redefining marriage, and going as far as indoctrinating school children with certain moral beliefs, then I would agree with abstaining. That, however, is not the case.

God created the earth and those who live in it and having a say in who governmentally oversees that life on earth is not a political persuasion, but rather a biblical mandate. It is not a certain political platform (for perhaps no political candidate ever holds perfectly to biblical values); it is about personal values and beliefs.

To give you one clear example: If God created marriage, then it is our responsibility to hold to the marriage God created and to protect it from differing definitions created by politicians who think they can redefine God’s creative act. Not one single politician, including a president or a political platform gave definition to marriage–God did.

Those who lead our nation matter. That means elections and your vote matters. We dare not stay silent. Josh Howerton, senior leader of Lakepoint Church in Rockwell, Texas says, “We do not recruit Jesus into our party; we submit every party, candidate, and issue to Him. You are not pledging allegiance to a party; you are stewarding a responsibility on behalf of your King. Your Biblical convictions should shape your vote.”

There have been, there are, and there will be plenty of evil and wicked rulers in our nation(s). Jesus called them “blind guides” (Matthew 15:14). We’re not wrestling with them (Ephesians 6:2); we’re identifying those who follow their father, the devil (John 8:44), and not God. Every option we have is imperfect, but not every option is totally flawed. God can use a flawed leader for good, but a wicked leader is rarely used for good. It’s simply not in their heart.

We do not ignore character in our voting, but where a politician stands on certain policies can outweigh character flaws. There were plenty of flawed leaders in the Bible, but God was able to use even them to bring about His will on the earth.

Prayerfully watch and be on the lookout “For those who guide this people have been leading them astray, and those who are guided by them are swallowed up.” (Isaiah 9:16)

And when you vote remember this:

All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me [Jesus]. (Matthew 28:18)

The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will. (Proverbs 21:1)

When we are given the opportunity to vote for a godly candidate and they can win, the spiritual atmosphere can change. There can be a greater level of peace and prosperity.

Please exercise the privilege and the responsibility you have to vote!

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Identifying Healthy Sons and Daughters of Faith

Building leadership in others has been a long-term goal of mine. It is the only effective way of multiplying ourselves and growing future generations of leaders that hold to similar values. Like values does not necessarily denote like methods, but they do hold to similar core beliefs.

Thinking through the process, certain aspects come to mind. I have experienced those who truly desire to be sons and daughters by not only words, but actions and I have experienced those who say they want to be trained or accountable, but their actions did not line up with their request. So, how do you know when someone is serious about becoming a leader in training? How do you recognize those persons who are serious about following you and observing your leadership? Here are a few guidelines that will help you in your discernment:

Identifying Sons and Daughters:  

  • Those who are willing to be corrected.
  • Those who are willing to be disciplined.
  • Those who are willing to stick it out and not “run away” prematurely, especially as time progresses.
  • Those who understand and absorb the vision and are in alignment with that vision.
  • Those who agree with your core beliefs.
  • Those who hold the same or similar values.
  • Those who hear and/or know your heart. They know who you are, similar to Jesus’ question of His disciples, “Who do men say that I am?”
  • They know they are not your peer and therefore do not compete, or if a peer they understand your fatherhood position in their life.
  • They know you have the “words of life,” but at the same time there is no unhealthy control taking place in the relationship.
  • They are accountable.
  • They are open to your questions and they ask lots of questions.
  • A son/daughter realizes a father’s/a mother’s love enough to know you have their best interest in mind.
  • They trust your judgement, but not blindly.
  • They are not without opinion and conviction but walk in humility and submission.
  • They are free to disagree, respond or react with emotion, while maintaining a position and ongoing posture of respect.
  • Sons and daughters find ways to acknowledge, show appreciation, express gratitude, and honor spiritual mothers and fathers.

Perhaps these observations are not all inclusive, but you get the idea. Just as we walk in submission to our heavenly Father, we are His sons and daughters. 

“‘I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty.” (II Corinthians 6:18)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

The Sanctuary of Marriage

Marriage was not some culture’s good idea or the government’s; it was God’s idea. God created this thing we call holy matrimony. From the beginning He said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

If God gives us a gift, it is astounding, inexpressibly perfect and sanctified. Marriage is a generous and holy gift from God. Marriage is a sanctuary of God’s goodness to you and to me. Nothing else in life can match it. It produces family, another gift from God and the backbone of every culture on earth. It produces love and at the same time it produces a mirror to show us ourselves. 

Daily we come face to face with our selfishness, our lack of humility, our need for control, and our uncontrolled emotions. And that’s why marriage helps to sanctify and purify our hearts. It is a process of maturation and it highlights the real us!

At the same time, it’s a safe place. When love is at the center of this union judgment is not, critical spirits are not, and mean-spirited words diminish. Marriage is a place of growth because iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). Marriage is a place of no secrets and nothing hidden so that truth and honesty become our integral position of oneness. 

Change is challenging, but when God is at the center and our mate is praying with us and supporting us in that change, we find comfort. Marriage is transformational to our lives, our families and our futures. Most persons in our lives will not be truthful enough to confront our self-righteousness, but God gave us a spouse to reflect His truth, His love and His healing. 

Marriage helps us to admit we are wrong and that we need forgiveness. Marriage teaches us kindness, patience, gentleness and how to love sacrificially. It provokes a servant’s heart and forces communication to resolve issues. Marriage is a sanctifier that God uses to make us more like Him.

Marriage is a daily opportunity to become more like the Creator of marriage, but it’s our decision to take up that challenge!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

How Do You Define Your Spouse?

My wife and I recently completed another six sessions of premarital counseling with a couple. They’re excited about their future. They have a gleam in their eyes. They are full of anticipation for what’s ahead. And there’s one other special thing we notice frequently. 

This couple tends to define each other with passionate praise. For example, “He’s so observant of my needs.” Or “She compliments me often.” We admire this trait and encourage it.

Meeting with couples in counseling or at marriage seminars we lead, we notice those expressions or definitions seem to change. After some marriage years under their belts, we hear things like, “I have to pick up after him all the time,” or “He doesn’t do this…” The men use language like, “Where did those compliments go?” or “I just wish she would appreciate me for who I am and not who she thinks I should be.”

Where did those attractions, compliments, and praises go? Why does the focus seem to change once we’re married? Are we called to the construction crew of marriage or the destruction crew? Yes, we have faults, idiosyncrasies, unhelpful habits, but we are also maturing, growing, learning about ourselves, and becoming who God calls us to become. This process is lifelong, not immediate.

Perhaps we could begin to pray for our mate while they are in this process. Perhaps we could be reminded that we are also in that same process of change and maturation. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, desired, and anticipated. (Hebrews 11:1) By faith we see our mate as God sees them. By faith we ask our heavenly Father to see our love, appreciation, and praise increase toward our life mate. 

By faith focus more on what we can do and say rather than allowing our minds to be consumed with what we’re not seeing in our spouse. 

Discover that praise motivates far more than criticism.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Prayer, Training

Every Prayer I Have Ever Prayed: Answered

Would it surprise you if I said that God has answered every prayer I have ever prayed since I surrendered my heart to Him in 1971? I was a 17-year-old teen, brand new to faith, but enthusiastic to begin this new and exciting walk. I was being mentored by a group of teenage men who took an interest in my newfound faith. They taught me about my heavenly Father who sent His Son for my salvation, my healing, and the One who would hear and answer my prayers. 

It seemed in those early days I saw immediate answers to my prayers. It was as if God was building faith in this young heart for an exciting future. It felt like all I had to do was pull the request lever and from heaven out came the answer. 

Gradually the speed of those answers began to change because the requests became bigger and bolder. Was God holding out? Was He being slow to answer on purpose? 

And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? (Luke 18:7,8)

He was still answering, but not in my time. The answers were and would come in His time. Fifty-five years have passed since I first came to know Him, trusted Him, and made Him Lord of my life. I can truthfully and confidently claim that He has answered every one of my prayers. 

So many of those answered prayers have been “yes, wait, maybe, or no,” but all are answered. All my petitions have been heard and recorded. Each one categorized, filed, and acted upon. In my maturation process I have learned that the best timing for answered prayer is His timing, not mine. I have learned that every request is already provided for. I have discovered that He desires those answers even more than I do. 

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. (Mark 11:24)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Singles, Small Groups, Training, Women

The Dys-ease of Stress and Anxiety in Our Lives

Disease is a word that describes an illness or impairment. The prefix of the word is actually “dys,” which means “not.” We could say that a disease occurs when the body or the soul is literally “not at ease.” Stress and worry create mental, emotional or physical tension. What occurs when this tension is generated many hours over a course of many days? While some medical practitioners believe our bodies attempt to absorb this tension, the body is simply not built to handle long-term stress and will eventually break down. Proverbs 12:25 rightly reveals that an anxious heart weighs a man down.

Let’s face it, there is very little peace in the world today. Tension is present in politics, families at odds, wars, the state of economies, and multiple personal stressors. This world is full of things to worry about.

Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love said, “When I am consumed by my problems—stressed about my life—I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. Somehow the stuff in my life is exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.”

To simplify this thought, I like the words of Mark Batterson in the book The Circle Maker: “Are your problems bigger than God, or is God bigger than your problems?”

The psalmist David requested the Lord to check his heart for anxiety in Psalms 139:23 with the words, “Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Why did he want God to do this? David must have known that anxiety and stress would limit his ability to trust God.

Seven causes of stress/anxiety

We might not realize it, but we cannot worry and pray at the same time. Worry makes a demand on us to try to change our circumstances. Prayer says, “I cannot change circumstances; only God can.” That’s why the Word of God is so clear in Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

  • A state of worry and a high need for control: In Luke chapter 10, Jesus looked at a woman who was serving Him and expressed, “Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things.” If the Lord looks at you and says your name twice, you know you’re about to hear some “you better change your life” words. I think Jesus was saying, “Relax Martha. It’s okay to be who you are but trust me. I can provide; there is a time for everything.”
  • A lack of faith: We become anxious when we lack faith for our needs. (See Matthew 6:25-30.) Is faith the substance of things we are anxious for? No, it is the substance of things hoped for!
  • The loss of boundaries or loss of control that lead to insecurity: If children feel safe, they will venture out and explore. If children feel insecure, unsafe and worried, they will cling to their parents. Were you trained to be worried or fearful as a child? Were the boundaries unsure? Was your home a safe place or a place full of the unknown and unexpected? It is important to consider our childhood because one’s outlook on life and approach to handling stress could stem from these early experiences.
  • Not knowing the heart of God as our heavenly Father: Psalms 46:10 tells us, “Be still, and know that I am God.” When we do not know the Father’s heart toward us, we will never be able to be still. Until we discover the truth of what our Father is thinking of us, we could have every reason to be in a state of worry.
  • A lack of trusting God: Did you know there is a “Do not worry” command in the Bible? Psalms 37:1-8 commands us to not fret, but to trust, delight, commit, be still and refrain from anger. At the core of anxiety is a lack of trust. This could be learned from a lack of boundaries, lack of loving parents, or lack of revelation of God’s total love and approval. Worry and stress indicate the absence of trust.
  • A lack of protection and security: I was a child in the height of the Cold War when Americans feared the Communists would drop “the bomb” on us at any time. We not only had fire drills, but we also had bomb scare drills. During those drills in school, we learned to place our heads under our desks. If those desks were to protect us from bombs, they must have been mighty powerful! In life, we all need protection. Without it, we will naturally feel insecure. Laws that govern society protect us, and boundaries in the Word of God protect us. For example, when husbands fail to protect, wives will find themselves dealing with anxiety. If we as men are not walking in the governmental authority God has called us to walk in, we just might be a direct cause of anxiety within our family, just like Adam was in his. However, when husbands and fathers act in a scriptural manner of godly authority and covering, our wives and our children will be less anxious, more at peace and more secure. Psalms 112:7-8 reminds us, “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” Why? “His heart is secure; he will have no fear.”
  • Fear that overrides faith: Where fear is present, love is absent. Where love is present, fear is absent. The two do not dwell together in any sense of harmony. I John 4:18 reveals, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Listen to Job describe an actual physical manifestation of fear: “Fear and trembling seized me and made all my bones shake” (Job 4:14).

I am convinced the answer to stress and worry is found in one word: trust. Here are some ways to grow trust in your life.

  • Know and apply God’s Word: God’s Word has a calming effect. Discovering God’s thoughts through meditating on His Word will allow our spirit to transmit His thoughts to our minds. Read and meditate on the truth of God’s Word. It will calm you, reduce stress, and bring life. Scriptures you can meditate on include Jeremiah 17:7-8; Psalms 37:1-8; Psalms 46:1-10; Isaiah 41:10,13; Luke 21:14; Matthew 6:25-34; I Peter 5:7.
  • Realize that anxiety and worry undermine God’s supreme plan: God most assuredly is working out His divine purposes. His plans are higher than our plans. His story is the greater story; ours is the lesser. We tend to become worried when we do not have the finances for a bill that is due—the lesser story. God may be using that present lack of finance to build faith for the greater story of His provision. We might worry and become self-consumed when our car will not start; we begin to imagine that we’ll be late for work and our pay will be docked—the lesser story. But perhaps God is delaying us to protect us from an accident on the highway—the greater story.
  • Pursue obedience: Worry, stress and anxiety are simply disobedience. They are opposed to putting our trust in God. (Remember, worry says, “I trust myself” while faith and obedience say, “I trust God.”) We must come to this conclusion, or we’ll never be serious about overcoming worry.
  • Allow change to move from spirit to mind, not the other way around: Romans 8:5-9 reveals that lasting change is made as God speaks to our spirits, and our spirits reveal truth to our minds. When the truth is received in my spirit by His Holy Spirit, my belief system will begin to change. When my belief system changes, my actions will also change.
  • The Law of Attribution: This law is quite simple: anything we associate with being stressful, anxiety-filled or worrisome—will be! Anxiety is a present feeling or reaction resulting from anxious or untrue thoughts that in turn create anxiety and stress. I once encountered a counselee who was afraid to drive across a bridge. As a child, he and his grandfather had been at the very top of a long, high bridge when traffic came to a dead halt. There they sat in their car, feeling the bridge sway in the wind. Grandfather then said in a fearful tone, “Do you feel that? The bridge is going to collapse, and we’ll end up in the river.” Deep within this counselee’s memory, a fear was planted that bridges should be avoided at all costs. Was it true? No, but that didn’t matter; the anxiety was real. What fears in your life could be due to the law of attribution?
  • Learn to trust: We must settle Romans 8:15 in our hearts, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And we cry ‘Abba, Father.’” Faith draws us away from fear and anxiety and moves us toward our God, knowing He has everything under control and we can trust Him.

Anxiety is up to us. It is our choice. God desires for us to trust Him for our past, our present and our future. There are no anxious ways found within Him or His Kingdom. If He has everything under control and we are His, then at the end of the day we can pray, cast all our worries and anxious thoughts upon Him and go to sleep. I just can’t see God in heaven wringing His hands and mumbling, “Oh my word, what am I going to do now…how can I get through this mess?”

A crazy reality about stress and anxiety is that most stress-filled thoughts and worries never materialize. Allow God to give you His peace that passes all earthly understanding so you can walk away from stress even when it is trying to rage. Putting our trust in our all-powerful Lord, and resting in His love, is the greatest antidote for unwelcome stress.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Women

Secrets Have Consequences in Marriage: Confess

Secrets among marriage partners can be devastating. Secrets also have a way of surfacing at just the wrong time and place. 

I was in a meeting some years ago when a husband confessed to an affair in front of others who really did not have a need to know his secret. The wife was embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, completely taken off guard and noticeably angry, but what was she going to say in front of the others? Apparently, her husband thought it to be a safe place in which her response had to be navigated carefully. She was wounded in more ways than one. 

When our spouse approaches us cautiously and says the words, “I have a confession to make” you know the next words out of their mouth are going to be difficult to hear. While confession is important, so is the timing of it. Confession in marriage is necessary and important because we continue to deal with our fallen natures and we make plenty of mistakes. But the timing of those confessions and the word choice used is of utmost importance.

Our confession might already be harmful, so there is no need to compound it with an inopportune time and place. When you do confess, add a full disclosure with complete honesty. Be sure to ask for forgiveness as you apologize and NEVER excuse your behavior. It is not, “I’m sorry, but if you…” When we take full responsibility for our behavior and tell the truth we just might keep trust in the relationship. When we make excuses for our behavior or lie about it, we will most assuredly do damage to the trust we have built. 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. (James 5:16)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Demanding Change from Our Spouse

Can you demand change of your marriage partner if the issue is not a sin? 

One of you flies by the seat of your pants and the other takes their time in a methodical manner. One of you stays up late watching TV and the other is in bed reading. One of you needs the details and the other wants the bottom line. 

In our premarital material, we ask couples before marriage how they are different. They actually have to record those differences. It’s funny to see how those differences play out when we get together for our postmarital sessions. Often the differences grow in number. 

These dissimilarities, small and large, can cause frustrations and underlying tensions that build over time in our marriage. But should they? And what would God have to say about these differences that are not sin-related?

Proverbs 19:11 states, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” And Proverbs 10:12 reminds us that love covers over wrongs. 

Demanding change from our spouse is tricky because we must decide whether this is something we can overlook, is it something that love can cover;,or is it sin? If it’s not sin, one can request change but not demand change. 

What’s the secret? Coming to terms with those differences is the place to start. Accepting that we each bring a unique piece to the marriage and both pieces are necessary. Becoming frustrated is my problem and I must own it. Stop insisting on change; you’ll be miserable. Ask God for the necessary change in your life and in your mate’s life (James 4:1- 3). Finally, realize that some things will not change.

One final and favorite scripture that speaks to relationships and change is Romans 15:7: 

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Singles, Women

Are You Married to a Faithful Man?

Faithfulness can be a bit subjective I suppose, but the book of Proverbs points us to a “faithful man.” 

The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters,
    but a man of understanding draws them out.

 Many a man claims to have unfailing love,
    but a faithful man who can find?

The righteous man leads a blameless life;
    blessed are his children after him. (Proverbs 20:5-7 NIV)

Men are different from woman. They think differently, feel differently, process differently, and even communicate differently. Men’s priorities are often different from a woman’s. Men’s friends are less judgmental and critical, taking one another at face value. Men love solutions and fixing things, even their wife’s problems. Men often have a backup plan. A man sees work differently than his wife, provision differently, rest differently, and play differently. Men like to conquer, have purpose in their day, and bring resolve through a male-oriented solution.

I am not saying women are none of these things, I am simply trying to help define some of the God-given differences that we need in our relationships. It is why women need men and men need women; they provide the different sides of God to one other. 

Men may define “faithful” differently than women. Men are faithful when they provide for their family. Men are faithful when they work overtime for a few extra dollars. Men are faithful when they put together that swing set in the back yard. Men are faithful when they change the oil in their car. You get the idea? Men see faithfulness in doing, not just in being. Further:

Faithful men do not lack purpose. Men without purpose get into trouble. 

Faithful men do not invest romantic energy outside of their marriage.

Faithful men have their wife as their confidant, not same sex friendships.

Faithful men do not engage in secret habits.

Faithful men are dependable and true to their word.

Faithful men protect their most important relationships with boundaries.

Faithful men act in love and are present, active in the lives of their children.

If your faithful man falls into any of these categories then thank him, affirm him, and be grateful. If he is missing the mark in any area of faithfulness then pray for him, believe in him, and trust him to grow as his Father works in those areas.

“…a faithful man who can find?” God can.

“…righteous men lead a blameless life, blessed are his children after him.” Faithful men are leaving a legacy of blessing to their children.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Men, Women

 New Seasons; New Opportunities

When God began speaking to me about “semi-retirement” I questioned His timing, until He showed me this verse found in II Samuel 5:

David was thirty years old when he became king, and he reigned forty years. (v. 4)

I would turn 70 in several years, just as King David. While that timing is different for everyone, I knew it wasn’t quitting time, but rather time to raise up the next generation and to open seats at multiple leadership tables. And then these verses spoke to me specifically about this new season I would enter:

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.(Psalm 71:17-18) 

William Vanderbloemen in his book, Next, states that from the day we take a new position we should be looking for our successor. For me, it wasn’t until we began the succession process for our international director.

While my life has been dedicated to teaching, helping and multiplying myself to others, it hasn’t been my first priority to think about my replacements. When you’re young the thought is, you’ll live forever and when you’re older, you’ll minister long term.. Why? Because the work we do is never finished and we’re never too old to do it. 

One morning in my devotional time I was reading Ecclesiastes chapter 3. This is the chapter where Solomon writes about a time for everything. Having read these verses many times, God was placing a new emphasis upon them. Reading them a second time, I sensed God asked me to count them as “seasons.” There are 28. This reflection caused me to think about which season I was in and which season I was entering. 

How about you? Do you know the season you now live in? Do you know and embrace the next season God is preparing you for? God has new wine and fresh oil for you and it’s available to everyone of us!

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