Marriage, Premarital, Singles

Finding a Life Mate: The Character Traits Worth Looking For #6

This is the sixth in a series of what traits to look for in a life mate.  While the following sets a high standard, one that perhaps few will initially reach, each area identified is an important character trait to look for and inquire about as you consider a lifelong marriage partner.

6. Does this person walk in freedom and pursue greater freedom in all areas of their life?  Or, spoken another way, is he/she pursuing freedom from: substance abuse, religious spirits, soul attachments from prior relationships, anger issues, a need to be in control, stress or excessive anxiety, pornography or sexual addictions, dependent or co-dependent relationships?  Healing is a life-long process; is this person pursuing healing in his/her spirit, soul and body? (Galatians 5:1)

Rarely do we hang out all of our dirty laundry for all to see, especially with the one we just might want to marry.  While “putting our best foot forward,” we are, at the same time, looking for genuine vulnerability as we practice humility.  There is truth about being completely honest in the estimation of ourselves.  If this person did not enjoy a healthy upbringing, are they seeking counsel and reading books on healing or are they blaming others and remaining stagnant in their emotional and spiritual health?  It would seem preferrable to be engaged with the one who knows they need healing and are pursuing that healing, verses the one who is in denial of their history and remains stunted in their personal growth.  My wife, Mary, married an incomplete person for sure, but I was a person on a mission with my God to be whole.  If I wasn’t individually pursuing wholeness, our marriage would not be whole, for two were on the path of becoming one.  And after many years of providing marriage counseling, I have discovered that marriage problems are individual problems first.


One thought on “Finding a Life Mate: The Character Traits Worth Looking For #6

  1. bunmi says:

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom. This comes at a very opportune time for me and encourages me to pursue Jesus wholeheartedly and not compromise in my desire for marriage. Be blessed!!!


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