When two individuals say “I do” and start the process of becoming one, a battle begins. It’s a battle to save individuality, self-identity and pride. The latter goes away with the most difficulty. After many years of marriage and marriage counseling, I have come to the belief that most marriage issues are not really marriage issues at all. By that I mean the marriage is not the issue, the individual is. We bring our assumptions and expectations, our individual desires and dreams, our needs and wants into this relationship with barely a thought of the needs and desires of another. Do you remember when you first discovered that this person whom you chose to spend the rest of your life with cannot meet your needs? Shocking. Typically, we then force our way and demand our needs to be met. We fight and argue, push and pull, scream threats and walk out, but nothing changes.
Throughout all of this we hear a quiet voice coming from our spirit that says, “It’s you who needs to change, not her/him.” Two becoming one can bring the worst out of us and He uses the person that we are madly in love with to do it. Since we don’t like seeing our worst, we demand change of our mate – a selfish move on our part. Immaturity always wants its needs met, while maturity desires to meet the needs of the other. Listen to these words of wisdom, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others (your spouse) better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others (your spouse).” (Philippians 2: 3, 4) Now there’s a great idea.