Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital

Deception in Marriage

Is there room for any form of deception in marriage…lying?  Can we keep some information from our life mate about ourselves, about them or about some other important issue in life?  Do all of us have secrets that no one else knows?  For what reason would we hide something from our mates?  Perhaps we feel that it would be too hurtful to them and there is nothing to be gained by them knowing.  Yes, I suppose there are times when we do not reveal all, but the process of how one makes that decision is perhaps the most important piece.  Do we withhold out of protection and love or out of deception submersed in pride and fear?

One day I was with a friend who spoke a critical word toward my wife.  I was stunned.  While he saw his observation as accurate, I knew that I would never speak these words to my wife; there would be no redemptive factor.  On the other hand, to withhold because we failed in sin is a cover-up.  The protection is of our own pride, fear, and lack of full repentance to be completely honest with our God and then our spouse (Psalm 59:12).  Where there is cover-up, mark my word, there will eventually be exposure.  At that point, the issue will be far greater in impact and devastation to your oneness.  Hosea wrote that if we would sow righteousness we would reap unfailing love and then this verse followed, “But, you have planted wickedness, you have reaped evil, you have eaten the fruit of deception on your own strength…” (Hosea 10: 11, 12).  If there is an ongoing deception you live with, I would encourage you to speak to God about it and then ask Him for the process of how to confess to your mate and trust Him for a deeper marriage relationship void of secrets.


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