Before we said, “I do” we diligently worked at not having or experiencing differences with one another, at least not out loud. We wanted to be argument free and not allow anything to inhibit our communication. But not long after saying “I do,” for many of us that changed. We trusted our marriage vows to hold us together while experiencing differences, even when they became heated. What changed?
Nothing changed other than we gave ourselves permission to be freer at being ourselves. No longer held back by what the other may think, we let our emotions and our words find freedom of expression even if those expressions were hurtful. If you have observed this in your relationship, you’re not alone. Let me share a rich truth that my wife and I have discovered along the way.
After we marry a new reality sets in and we realize differences really do need to be dealt with. While we have to acknowledge some of our differences as purely selfish, a few are simply a different view or opinion. Not wrong, just a different perspective. If we stay in immaturity, we will not listen to or make any attempt to understand our mate’s different view. We will perceive them as wrong and it will be our goal to convince them our way is the right way.
However, that is not the goal and such an approach will lead us to greater frustration. As we grow in maturity, love and understanding, we begin to realize God gave me this person to be different, to see another perspective and to strengthen our relationship through our differences. When we can embrace this truth, we will discover a greater whole, a more complete oneness and a healthier appreciation for those differences. In other words, one of us see’s what the other does not and in the end we’ll make a better decision and be able to embrace a more complete understanding.
Allow God to use your differences to strengthen your marriage!