“In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, then at Rutgers and now at the University of Virginia, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, “You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along.” About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce.” *
Let’s face it, there are lots of Biblical reasons to not live together before marriage, not the least of these being something called fornication. But are there other, more or less “nonreligious” reasons to not live together before marriage?
Here are seven:
1. You will totally rob yourself of the honeymoon phase of marriage. You have lived together which also, most likely, means you have been intimate. You just lost any surprise for the wedding night and a very different, wonderful and intriguing honeymoon.
2. You will not feel like newlyweds once you are married. You lived together and all of that newness will be completely missing.
3. By living together before marriage, there is still a, “This is mine; that is yours.” Why? Because you are not one, you have not committed to “ours.” Further, living together provokes selfishness. How? You have not committed the remainder of your life to this person and you have not spoken any vow of promise, therefore; you are free to live as a single person lives without commitment.
4. You still have a huge, unlocked and open back door to this relationship. Without a ring and a date, what are you working toward? Why hang in there when it gets extraordinarily difficult?
5. It is said that no one should buy a car before test driving it. That is almost laughable. A car is not a major life relationship, it’s a thing. Marriage is so much more than a test drive or a thing or a material item one makes use of.
- What will you tell and what will you pass on to your children someday? Will you desire something different for them or will you recommend this arrangement? I have never talked to anyone who desires to pass this news onto their children and/or will encourage them to do the same.
7. “Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect. Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that cohabiters were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce. As cohabitation has become a norm, however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Research suggests that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself.” (*New York Times: The Downside of Cohabitating Before Marriage)
Marriage is a commitment to a covenant whether one believes in God or not. Marriage is God’s original design and idea, not someone’s good idea or a government idea for society. Ultimately, one does not disobey something God created for mankind and feel good about it.
I am sure there are more reasons, but I hope something of these seven spoke to you if you are thinking about giving yourself to a cohabitation arrangement, please know that you are worth far more!