We were flying all day and came to a pause in our conversation when I decided to start asking my bride of 49 years a few questions. She played along politely. We started with these two queries:

• What are you enjoying about our marriage relationship in our present season?
• What is not so enjoyable or a challenge in our present season of marriage?

It provoked some really good and interesting responses. I don’t know about you, but I thoroughly enjoy these types of questions and I think our long-term marriage deserves them. I tend to think long term marriages take way too much for granted and simply fail to dig into the issues at times. For some of us, we’d rather avoid such questions for fear of the answers and what might follow honest responses. 

But for those secure marriages that are deep, communicative and safe, the challenge is welcomed. It’s refreshing to take a break and talk about us, our hopes and our dreams. 

Two more questions that followed were:

• What are you looking forward to in the next season of marriage?
• What gives you pause concerning our next season of marriage?

Because we do dream about a “next season,” it is fun to project some thoughts, some “what ifs” and some hopes. If there is a pause or two, then we can discuss that and begin to work our way through it as preventatively as possible. 

One last question we dug into at 35,000 feet:

• What is on your marriage bucket list?

That was fun! I learned a thing or two. I know her better. I heard her thoughts. I care about our present and our future. 

Try it. There are still things to learn from a long- term marriage.