Tag Archives: love

Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Women

Passing

The only noise in the room is the quiet hum of the oxygen machine. Holding her hand, I receive a semi-opened eye of pure love. She says a word or two occasionally. The best of late were, “I love you” and “goodbye.” 

My mother is 96 years old and has been the Eveready Bunny most of my life. She could work circles around anyone. Lying in a bed in a hospice unit must be extremely difficult and tormenting to her normally active self. And for the number of years under her belt, she can recall most anything. Her mind has stayed uncannily sharp.

Even while in assisted living, a place my wife and I jokingly refer to as “unassisted living,” she caught five med errors. That’s something to boast about at her age!

With my father preceding her to heaven, one feels the oncoming loss of both parents. But these last days are not about me as a son; they’re about caring for a mother who loved me, fought for me, and lovingly raised me. She was protective, but not overly protective. She corrected me but never overcorrected. Most times, as a misbehaving son I could make her laugh and then she’d forget about why she was disciplining me. I’d quickly be off the hook.

Laughing came easy to her, but she did not tolerate what she called “stupid humor.” The movie Elf was in that category for her. One of her nurses also falls within that category and she just rolls her eyes at her. Honestly, I’d have to agree with her on that one. 

Last night we prayed and I released my mother to her heavenly home. It was sweet, but without response from her. I know she agreed. Billy Graham once said there are two days in a person’s life that they do not control–the day they are born and the day they die. Everything in between is a choice. My mother made good choices during those in-between years. 

How does one say goodbye? When the one passing is a lover of Jesus you do not; you say, “See you later.” It is that hope we hold as Christians. The reason? Jesus did not stay in the grave. After the third day He arose from that tomb the enemy thought would hold Him, while the Romans believing no one could roll a huge stone away. He gloriously became the resurrection and the life.

I love how Matthew describes the scene at the tomb Sunday morning. He writes, “The angel went to the tomb and rolled the stone away from the entrance. Then he sat on top of the stone.” (28:2-5) That was one tough and totally cool angel! He sat on top of the stone waiting for the first arrivals to the empty grave.

End of life with our parents is not an easy time, but it can be a good time when our relationship is whole and full of love. If you’re out of relationship with a loved one, do all you know to do to make it right, forgive, and humble yourself. You only get one set of parents in this life and none of them are perfect, not even you. 

My mother is still with us this Easter, but unfortunately, she won’t be able to join the rest of us around our celebration table. We’ll miss her at the meal, but then we’ll gather around her bed celebrating her life until she enters her eternal home.  Meanwhile, she is holding onto a soft bear companion that my granddaughter is sharing with her.

I love you, Mom! One of these days we’ll be saying, “See you later” and it will be okay.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Men, Parents, Women

The Humor in Reaching Your 70’s

Guessing I never really could visualize what being in my 70’s looked like; I didn’t think about it much. I could observe my parents, but then they were parents and parents are supposed to be “old”. I remember Ralph from when I was in my 30’s, a butcher friend of mine, who was in his 70’s at the time. He seemed really old to me. Ralph often had a runny nose. You know, that clear liquid dripping off the tip and into the sausage he was grinding. I can also recall my step grandfather, who seemed old, smoking a pipe. I remember thinking, “Maybe when I am old like him, I’ll smoke a pipe.”

I don’t think you’re old when you’re in your 30’s or 40’s. But when you reach 50, most people will at least view you as old-er. Sixties though, that’s a different story. Those senior discounts kick in. I recall asking a waitress if her restaurant provided a senior discount and she said, “I already gave you the discount.” I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or sad. 

The medical profession says colonoscopies should begin in your 50’s. I have no idea where this revelation came from, but I have now had enough of those to know what I’m talking about. Today they even have medical centers strictly dedicated to these tests. I picked up my prep bag at the front desk and was asked, by the YOUNG girl behind the desk, what flavor I like for the “exit” fluid they give you. You know, the fluid that causes everything you’ve eaten in the last 24 hours to exit. I looked in the bag and asked her if there was a seatbelt issued. She looked back at me dumbfounded and then it hit her what I was talking about. I could still hear her laughing as I exited the building. 

When you’re in your 70’s all kinds of foods are taken off the list. I’m told that red meat is to be significantly reduced or eliminated. Is bacon red meat? I eat more bacon these days because I can afford to buy it now. I do believe bacon comes from “the other white meat.” At least that’s what I tell myself.

I’m told to eat more vegetables, especially dark green ones. I love vegetables–any color. That’s not a problem. But I’m not to have fried food, processed food, dairy products, sugar, high cholesterol foods, saturated fats, or salt. What’s left beside bran flakes?

I used to laugh at how many pills older people in my life would take. I now have my own fist full. My wife, a retired nurse, makes sure I take my daily vitamin, a pill for my joints, one for keeping my hair and nails, one for my blood to pass more easily through my heart, one for my prostate, one for arthritis, some kind of nasty fish oil, and I am sure I’m missing one or two. 

Bathrooms. I can recollect telling my kids to “Get in the car and forever hold it; we’re not stopping.” It’s good my kids don’t ride with me these days because we make that stop all too regularly. 

When you’re in your 70’s all the professionals in your life are younger than you and many are younger than your own children. My dentist is so young that when he told me I needed a crown and asked if I have had one, I replied, “Yes, I have had one, have you ever done one?” My youthful medical doctor told me my A1C was “high normal.” I asked him to repeat that second word. In my book, “normal” is normal. He’s too young to realize some other physician smarter than him changed the numbers so more meds could be sold to unsuspecting “old” people.

Reaching this milestone has its benefits though. You can say things that you couldn’t say when you were younger because most people might have been offended. I told my dentist once that he had his fingers in my mouth and my wallet all at the same time. He agreed. When you’re in your 70’s they just look at you, give you a pass by concluding, “He’s old and doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” 

I asked a teenager recently how she got those holes in her jeans. She said she bought them that way. I told her I earned the holes in my jeans by working. I’m not about to buy jeans with holes already in them.

Being gray-haired is honorable in the scriptures. The Bible relates it to wisdom. “Gray hair is a crown of glory… (Proverbs 16:31.” And “… the splendor [or wisdom] of old men is their gray hair (Proverbs 20:29).” There are years of experience to life under that gray haired belt. We’ve been around the block, maybe a little slower these days, but still getting around.

“They [the righteous] will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green. (Psalms 92:14).” It’s not a time to quit. It’s time to gain new vision and direction, keeping in mind that the next generation needs what you can give to them. If the next generation will honor that hoary head, there is much to learn from us.

Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come. (Psalms 71:18)

Instead of anxiously running around that old-er person the next time they’re holding you up, try asking them if they need your help or if they have any wisdom to pass on to you. I’m pretty sure you’ll be better for it and then, perhaps, find yourself in your 70’s one day. 

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Challenge, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Women

Getting Married is Easy…

Getting married is easy, staying married takes a bit more effort. 

Have you ever heard someone say, “I just want to be married?” If that is the only goal, it can happen in a matter of days and then a ceremony only takes a few hours. Simply getting married is far easier than maintaining a marriage that lasts a lifetime. 

We have heard that awful statistic touted from academic broadsides, from pulpits and from our politicians that half of all marriages are ending in divorce. It’s not true! It was never true!

So, where did those specious figures come from? It all started with the 1981 census questions. The 1981 U.S. National Center for Health Statistics recorded 2.4 million marriages that year and also recorded 1.2 million divorces.  What was omitted was an extremely important fact that 54 million marriages remained committed. And since that census, the incidents of divorce are actually decreasing. That is certainly good news! 

The most recent stats are, sadly, one in four marriages ending in divorce; a figure which is still way too high. Imagine one in four planes crashing! How many planes would you jump on?

But divorce statistics are not my point in this blog. My point is that it takes work and commitment to remain married. It takes tenacity to remove the “D” word from your vocabulary. I’ve heard several boomers say, “When we said, ‘I do,’ we were also saying ‘We won’t’ ever consider divorce.” That meant those couples would have to, no, be forced to work through every disagreement to a satisfactory solution. Sounds tough? You bet!

I realize there are divorces that become difficult to avoid, but I also realize there is a healthy position that can be taken to fight for the marriage. We’re told to never give up in any sporting effort. You know, fight to the bitter end kind of language. We are encouraged to not give up when facing certain illness and to not give in to defeat. Why, then, throw in the towel so quickly with our marriage?

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

(I Corinthians 13:7)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Women

Ten Essentials to Keep Your Marriage Thriving

As my wife and I celebrate our fiftieth year of marriage, we have learned there are seasons to this union—those that are celebratory, those that seem boring, and those that are gasping for air. From our perspective, here are ten essentials to keep your marriage on track and thriving. I call them the Ten Commandments of marriage.

1. Love God above All Else

To love your spouse, your children, or yourself above God is simply incorrect. Jesus said we are to love God with all of our heart, mind, and soul and then love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:37). We could say that your “closest neighbor” is actually your spouse. Note, however, that loving our neighbor comes after— “and then…”—loving God.

Did you catch that “as you love yourself” part? To be able to love another deeply, we must first know the love of God for ourselves. Unless we know and fully understand that He is madly in love with us, that we are fulfilled in His acceptance and know His approval, we will lack in our love toward our spouse.

Paul says it this way: “No one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church” (Ephesians 5:29). You cannot hate yourself while at the same time claim to love your mate. You and your spouse are one.

2. Do Not Be Self-Consumed or Walk in Selfish Ambition

Selfish ambition leads one to focus on his or her own interests, needs, and desires, often at the expense of others. It reflects immaturity and will kill a marriage faster than almost anything else. Selfish ambition is defined in the Bible as acting on your own for your own greater good, being interested only in yourself, being filled with vain conceit, and not walking in humility.

To the contrary, we are strictly commanded to be like Christ, who became a servant. Even though He was God, He did not chase after that equality but gave up His divine privileges by taking the human nature and giving of Himself to the point of death on the cross (Philippians 2:3-8).

Are you looking for ways to serve your spouse every day? Marriage is not a fifty-fifty deal. It requires a 100% devotion to serve and care for the other first. Marriage exposes how self-centered we are. This reality has the potential to destroy our relationship but also exposes our need to change. Marriage is not about me or having my needs met but rather asking God to help me partner with Him in blessing my spouse.

3. Love Her or Him and Make Your Partner Holy

Did you know that you could help make your spouse holy? It is explained right there in the Bible. 1 Corinthians chapter 7 says that a believing spouse can sanctify an unbelieving one.

You can only imagine how a believing spouse can bless, sanctify, and edify his or her believing spouse. When we become our spouse’s cheerleader, even when they feel as though they are losing the game, we help build them up to increase their faith for a better future. Far too many individuals see themselves as their spouse’s critic. This destroys their emotional connection. Criticism does not motivate; love does. We are called to speak the truth in a love-filled manner and ensure that our speech is full of grace (Ephesians 4:15).

Because of the Proverbs 31 woman and who she was, her husband found himself sitting at the gate, a respected elder of his city. As you reflect God to one another, you will build holiness in one another.

4. Play Together

Can you remember all the fun things you did while dating? Are you still laughing together—really laughing? Marriage must be fun. If it was not meant to be fun, then God would not have created it.

What has happened with humor in your relationship? Where did it go since children came along or all the medical bills came due? Boredom is simply unacceptable within marriage. If we can predict a daily routine, then we have lost spontaneity and excitement. We have allowed tedium, dullness, and monotony to set in.

Break that cycle by bringing home flowers, sending a card to your spouse’s workplace, turning the stove off and running out for Chinese food or playing a game that is not too competitive. Watch one of your favorite funny movies and laugh again. Regularly search for local happenings that you can attend together—just for fun. Recently, Mary and I attended a local “bridge bust” and then laughed the whole way home about how it truly was a “bust.”

Finally, make a list of fun and creative things to do together and prioritize them; you will never regret it. Proverbs reminds us that a merry heart has medicinal purposes, so make fun a priority (Proverbs 17:22).

5. Honor One Another

Honor one another… now that’s a tough one! Perhaps the number one way to show honor to your mate is to freely give him or her your time. That requires giving your spouse priority over yourself, your work, and your children.

Honor is saying that, next to my relationship with God, you are the most important person in my life. We need to continually honor with our words and back those words up with actions and respect. We must regularly tell our spouse we love them and then demonstrate that love through honor. If we do not demonstrate honor, our words will fall to the ground, meaningless.

In honor, we pray for and with our spouse regularly. To communicate with God together is the most intimate thing you can be involved in. To honor God by bringing your marriage requests before Him will build more honor, admiration, and affirmation into your relationship.

6. Maintain Your Sexual Love

Love does not come as natural for men as it seems to for women. Women excel in this area, while men grow into this area. However, men would see themselves as excelling in sex. But sex without the love factor… well, it is just sex. And sex without relationship is lust.

God planned the boundaries of sex to be within marriage. The enemy of our soul has planned for all sex to be outside of marriage. Pornography has turned sexual intimacy into something we take while God’s plan has always been that sex is something we give. Which one provides the most satisfaction? Which one is the most love filled? Which one comes with commitment?

Maintaining our sexual love is another way to honor God and one another. Within marriage, we need to be reminded that our body is not ours; it belongs to our spouse (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). A healthy sexual life flows out of a healthy love life. Your sex life as a couple is often a picture of the rest of your marriage. Life is birthed out of our sexual intimacy as a couple.

7. Change Yourself First 

Very few people like the word “change.” It conjures thoughts of having to give in, give up, or surrender to the will of another. Our thinking might go something like this, “If I change first, then he/she will change, and that is what I really want to see.”

I can assure you, it does not work that way. We change because God is asking us to change, showing us a deficit in our life. We change because it’s best for our relationship. We change because we are motivated for our own reasons to make that change. However, if we change solely based upon what another desires, it will not be a lasting change. In the end, we will resent the one who has required change from us.

Growing up, growing closer as a couple, and growing closer to God requires our openness to change for the better. As I take responsibility for personal change, my marriage will change for the better.

8. Ask God Rather Than Fight 

Learning this one can take years of marriage practice. Once again, it is connected to prayer.

All too frequently, especially when we are in the early years of marriage, we “know” that we are right. And, if we are right, it automatically follows that our spouse is wrong. And, if our spouse is wrong, we win the fight, right? Wrong! If one of us loses, we both lose. Why? Because we are one.

If we are one in spirit, then it’s no longer “you” against “me.” In other words, Steve is Mary and Mary is Steve. Only one person came back down the aisle after you spoke your vows. If you are fighting and arguing to win, then you are already losing. James asks the question, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” (James 4:1). Fortunately, James also provides an answer. He wisely says, “You do not have because you do not ask God” (James 4:2).

Yes, it is really that simple. The choice is ours: fighting and arguing or praying and walking in agreement.

9. Engage in Co-Mission Together

How is God’s wisdom seen in the bringing of you and your spouse together? What are the redemptive purposes for your marriage relationship? What is your “why?”

These questions should lead you to discover what we call our marriage co-mission. More than likely, your workplace or local church place has a clearly stated mission. Why wouldn’t the first institution God created—marriage—also have a mission?

Knowing your co-mission is not difficult. Think about all the things the two of you are involved in and write those things down. Now combine the items that you are involved in together, like raising your children, teaching the youth group, or owning and maintaining your home. Begin to write your mission paragraph with your co-mission items, dreams, and visions for the future. This co-mission statement might change over the years, but it will continually give you the purpose of your call together.

A marriage mission statement provides the why of your marriage. It is the glue of your calling as a couple and provides commitment to a long-term marriage promise.

10. Use the Nine Most Important Words in Marriage

The nine most important words of marriage can take years of maturing to find and even longer to say. These words mean business. They are free of pride. They require a humble spirit. They require us to release our ego and admit wrong.

The nine most important words of marriage have instant medicinal effect. They bring healing. These words can initiate change, help you start over, and keep you from going back to an old pattern. When thoughtfully and truthfully communicated, these words are some of the most powerful words in the marriage relationship. If you will learn them, practice them, and speak them to one another, they will be a lifeline of healing and wisdom.

What are these nine most important words in marriage?

I am sorry; I was wrong. Please forgive me.

An apology, admitting we are wrong, and asking for forgiveness is an act of humility. It involves taking responsibility for mistakes. Forgiveness is s gift of God we desperately need to participate in frequently. There is too much at stake in a marriage relationship to not seek and offer genuine, heart-felt forgiveness.

There you have it: ten commandments to a lasting, prosperous, forgiving, loving, honoring, and fun-filled marriage. What a great gift God has given you in your spouse! Thank God and thank your spouse for that gift of love daily.

Learn More about Marriage: a lifelong affair

What’s next for your marriage? Staying Together is a unique book that’s been written by authors Steve and Mary Prokopchak. Whether it’s communication, trust, or sex; money, loss, or mission; kids, jobs, or insecurities, Staying Together has insight on how to navigate waters when they’re rough and better enjoy them when they’re smooth. Now is the time to make sure you’re in a marriage that’s not just surviving, but thriving.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Training, Women

The Power of a Kiss

You’re married and I’m optimistic that you’re still kissing and hugging. If you’re not, can you remember back when that’s all you desried to do while dating or engagement? How frequently are you connecting with an embrace and a kiss?

The Gottman Institute conducted a study on how long it takes the brain to release the chemical oxytocin initiated by a kiss or a hug. Here are the results:

A kiss – held six seconds

A hug – held twenty seconds

That’s it. Now try it. Yes, give it a whirl. Go ahead; give it a try and test the study!

That’s a long kiss and a lengthy hug, but something happens. Perhaps you laughed. Maybe you smiled inside or initially found it uncomfortable. Whatever the feeling, this study proved that couples who continue to kiss, hug and be affectionate live four years longer than those who do not. What follows are some additional facts from their study.

What the six second kiss can do for you

  • It can build a ritual of connection. 
  • It can be a physical connection.
  • If your partner has initiated, then it’s turning toward your partner.
  • It boosts fondness and appreciation.
  • It builds appreciation between you.

And it can:

  • add to your emotional bank account.
  • boost your positives ratio’s.
  • lead to sexual attraction.
  • be self-soothing.
  • reduce cortisol (the “stress” hormone) and boost oxytocin (the “love” hormone).

Sometimes words fail us. At other times, we’re just missing each other. The six second kiss and the longer hug will reconnect us. It says, “I still love you, am attracted to you and need you.” You can say more to one another in six seconds of silent kissing, than you can in hour of argument.

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Challenge, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Premarital, Singles, Training, Women

From the First Date to Marriage!

Imagine I tell you that I met the woman of my dreams and on our first date we spent a full day together. We went for coffee, and we talked as we strolled the park. Then we found the perfect lunch spot along the canal front. By late afternoon we had talked constantly and are now holding hands. As a result, over dinner we decided to get married, tie the knot, get hitched!

What are you thinking of me and my first date? What is your immediate reaction, “You’re crazy?” To which I respond, “But you weren’t there; you have no idea of the love we feel.”

Obviously human bonding, relationships toward marriage, cannot occur from one date. It takes time to build a relationship that leads to a lifetime marital commitment.

Now suppose I tell you that I have been dating a young lady for five and a half years without any engagement or promise to marry. What are you thinking? I know I would be wondering if there is any reality for the future of this couple or are they wasting their precious time?

Just because something feels good does not mean it is good. That’s like gambling or playing the lottery. It takes time to build a sustainable relationship toward marriage, in the workplace with a boss or with your neighbor. How do you know that relationship has been built? Trust is at its core.

Without trust, relationships will always feel suspect, tentative or iffy. I cannot say how long it takes to build a trustworthy relationship, but I do know it is longer than a one-day date. We must discover core values, similar or complementary missions and dreams. 

If you’re wondering about your future and marriage, we have a resource to recommend to you. It will walk you through multiple questions to consider, a budget, co-mission, and much, much more. You can find that resource here.

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Challenge, Healing, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Bringing Laughter into Your Marriage

My wife and I love to laugh. We’ll catch Funniest Home Videos whenever we can. I take the time to show her funny YouTube videos or share memes that cause a chuckle. Why? 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
    but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

Laughter brings joy to a marriage. It breaks down tension and relaxes the atmosphere. Laughter is medicinal to the soul, the spirit and the body. Laughter is physically, emotionally, and spiritually good for your marriage. 

Have you ever asked your spouse these questions? “What made you laugh today?” Or how about, “What’s the funniest memory you have in our marriage?” Bringing laughter into your marriage can help move us from a stale place, an angry place or a disappointed place to a place of smiles and positive emotions. 

Mary and I recently recalled one of the funniest times in our marriage. It was years ago when our kids were teenagers and we had just dropped off our daughter for a church activity. We noticed that all the lights were on at the brand-new Burger King in our town. There was traffic and people were inside eating. We decided on a hamburger dinner. It was strange though…

As we entered, the new manager offered us champaign. We made our way to the line to order and the kids behind the counter offered anything we wanted, any menu item for FREE. I said, “Free, are you sure?” “Yes” said the attendant. She then countered, “Order all you want, even dessert; it’s all free!” I immediately leaned over and whispered in my wife’s ear, “We need to call our boys; they’ll show them how to do free.”

Mary went for our drinks while I grabbed a table. Within minutes she came running to find me. Looking straight at me with this horrid face of doom and speaking rapidly, but very quietly, said, “Steve, every person here is a parent of a kid who’s going to work here. It’s free because they are giving them opportunity to serve in real time to their families.” And then she added, “We have got to get out of here before someone asks us which of our kids will be working here!”

We gobbled our food down and hightailed it out of there. We found ourselves laughing for the next thirty minutes. We even woke up our sleeping daughter that night as we lay in our bed laughing out loud.

Laughing together will bring you closer; you’ll touch more and talk more. A conversation full of laughter is more intimate and will bring down your guard, creating an atmosphere of more openness.

Laughter– it’ll do your marriage good!

Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.” (Psalm 126:2)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Women

I Want to Make It Difficult for My Wife…

We’re often reminded that woman live longer than men. And in the possibility of my wife outliving me, there is a chance that she could remarry. Given that thought, let me finish my title to this blog: 

I Want to Make It Difficult for My Wife’s Next Husband

What on earth do I mean? Well, I try to keep up with all the maintenance around our house, fixing things as they break. I try to keep the lawn mowed and the weeds pulled. I do my best to stay after the leaves in the fall. I like to leave her notes around the house when I depart for a weekend or longer. I like to vacuum and help with the dishes and cleaning difficult places. Suffice it to say, I try to make life easier for her.

But here’s the thing… If she does remarry, my goal is to make that poor guy sweat drops of blood trying to keep up with her “first” husband. I want to leave an impression that causes her to remember me–the big and small things I did just to please her. I want to be the hardest worker she’s ever known. 

I desire to be the godliest leader that I can be, serving my King first and then her. I desire to love her children and grandchildren. I desire to speak words of affirmation and give gifts of praise. I desire to pray with her and over her daily. I want to make her laugh muiltiple times a day. I want to hold her hand often. I desire to tell her that I love her daily.

All these things and more might cause her next husband, who may have never met me, to never forget me!

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Challenge, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Singles, Training, Women

Time or Money, Which is More Valuable?

Do you value money over time or time over money? Perhaps an illustration would help.

Let’s say you are building a new home, and a generous friend offers you $5,000.00 toward the cost of the house build. Then let’s say someone says to you, “I don’t have money to give you, but I can help you build your new home.” Which offer are you more inclined to take, the one who offered financial help or the one who offered free labor?

Someone who offers us their time and talent speaks of a willing commitment toward you and your personal goal. We tend to find that level of commitment of greater value than someone handing us funds. Why? Because money is of relative value. For example, if I offer a twelve-year-old $100.00, they’re going to think they won the lottery. If I offer a wealthy businessperson $100.00, they might laugh at me. 

If we waste our money we can always earn more but having only 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week, we cannot get that back. When we waste time, we waste a valuable commodity that cannot be returned to us, i.e., we simply cannot create more time. 

I have the privilege of attending my grandchildren’s baseball, football, and soccer games and I often observe parents on the sideline with their eyes glued to their cell phones. When their children see them do you think those kids feel valued? That time for the child and the parent is wasted, and they’ll never get it back.

It is said that you can’t buy love. Money won’t and gifts won’t. Love grows because you are investing time into a relationship. Giving our time to serve others is far more meaningful and relationship building than giving our money. While it’s valuable to support a mission team with finance, it’s far more valuable to you and others to actually go and serve on that mission team. 

Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. (Matthew 25:40)

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. (Hebrews 13:16)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Women

Marriage: Have You Left Your First Love?

Found in the book of Revelation chapter two, there is a scripture written to the church confronting His loved ones. The issue? They have forsaken their first love, and He encourages them to return to the first works of their faith.

What if we took this same thought and brought it into marriage? Have you in any way left your marriage in your heart, mind or emotions? Have you grown cold or bored or lazy in your relationship? Have you given up on your marriage changing? Then return to your first works.

What are those first works? Think back to dating and then engagement. What did you do to grow, maintain and secure your love? How did you appreciate one another? What were your conversations like? What fun was found in your relationship? What were you prioritizing during that stage of life? How were you caring for one another? It is in answering these questions that you will find your acts of first love.

My wife, while I was in the military, wrote me a letter every day. I returned that loving action and wrote to her often. We sent cards that lifted our hearts and caused us to think about one another in positive ways. When together we did lots of fun things: talked, were silly, talked, asked questions, talked, complimented one another and talked. No question and no conversation was off the table. We gave one another complete freedom to share our hearts. Nothing was too unimportant to discuss or process. 

We actively sought ways to grow our relationship toward marriage by reading books, pursuing wise counsel, honoring one another, thinking of the other first and serving one another. We complimented freely and often. We held hands as much as we could. We kissed and we prayed together. We fell more and more in love.

Repent of your coldness and return to your first works that lit the fire of your relationship. It is well worth the effort!

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