Author Archives: calledtogether

Uncategorized

Have It Your Way ?

Many believe that it is “their freedom in Christ” which allows them the opportunity to set their own standards for living in any way they deem appropriate.  Even when the word of God has set a clear precedence or standard, these same persons enjoy having it their way.  While I have the “personal freedom” to eat at McDonald’s three meals a day, every day, I choose not to because I believe the health risks far outweigh my personal freedom.  It may be personal freedom and my right, but if I desire to live any length of time, I will need to make better choices – healthy choices.

Actually, I suppose I can call anything “my truth,” but that does not make it true or anywhere close to factual.  Regardless of how much independence we claim, there are certain ways to accomplish things and specific practices for most of life.  I am pleased that the pilots who fly the huge jets I am a passenger on follow a certain standard set for them by the Federal Aviation Association.  I am grateful for the boundaries and guidelines our laws create and for those who are paid to reinforce them.  Independence does not give me the freedom to create my own truth.  Why then when it comes to the direction of the scriptures do many persons believe them to be optional?  I am so grateful that our Lord gave up His freedom and His independence to leave heaven and come to earth to die for us.  I am so pleased that He chose to take on the nature of a servant for you and for me rather than claiming His right as God.  Our freedom came as Jesus chose to give His up.

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Children, Encouragement

My Heavenly Father is a Gift Giver

It can be overwhelming for me to stop and consider the gifts my heavenly Father has bestowed upon me.  First and foremost there is the gift of my salvation.  Of course the gift of Holy Spirit living within me.  He has generously given me a wonderful and godly wife of almost 39 years.  I have three amazing children who have all gone to college and are now happily married living responsively on their own.  I have had the privilege of working for over 27 years in a ministry I love.  He has given me a home with many possessions.  To top it off, I am now a grandfather.   I am blessed with great health and wealth!

 

stock-vector-vector-set-of-hands-clients-purchasing-work-in-flat-retro-style.html.jpg  Those blessings toward me from heaven have caused me to be a giver.  I love giving gifts.  I usually give Mary gifts before it’s Valentines Day or even Christmas.  I anticipate and can’t wait to see her face when she is surprised with the new flowers on the dining room table.  I just can’t  seem to wait until the proper day to give.  I love giving gifts to my children.  One day we were enjoying a meal together with my adult children on our deck and I handed each of them some money just to bless them – no other reason.  My oldest son asked, “Who died” and provoked a bit of laughter.  When my children were teenagers, I would locate their wallets at random times and place a $20.00 bill in them.  Why?  My heavenly Father is an extravagant giver and I have come to believe that a sign of Christ-centered maturity is found in our ability to be generous.  The scripture states that as we water others we ourselves will be watered.  Has there been any dryness in your life lately? 

 

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Encouragement, Leadership, Marriage, Singles

Doing a One Eighty at Thirty Seven Thousand Feet

Last week I was in the middle of flying out of the country to spend time with several churches that I have the privilege of serving.  We were at 37,000 feet over the Atlantic and almost half way to our destination, having left Charlotte, NC two hours earlier, when the pilot came on the intercom and announced that we would be returning to the states – Miami, in fact.  None of the passengers, including myself, had realized that the plane had already completed its 180-degree turn around and was headed northwest rather than southeast.  This huge plane, a Boeing 757, with every available seat filled to capacity with mostly tourists completely changed directions and no one knew any different.

I got to thinking about that…  Could we be experiencing a 180-degree turn in our marriage and never have a clue?  Could we as believers experience a 180-degree turn in our devotional life or even our faith and not realize it?  Could our nation be experiencing a 180-degree turn away from a biblical truth and we do not know the Word of God well enough to realize what’s happening right before our eyes?  The scriptures tell us that the enemy of our souls…”masquerades as an angel of light.”  He can make something look good or enticing when in fact it is 180 degrees the opposite of the will of God.  Are you headed in the godly direction that you thought you were in every area of life?  “Lord, reveal to each of us the direction of our heart and soul.”

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Marriage, Postmarital

Steps to Taking Your Marriage on an Annual Marriage Evaluation and Vision Retreat III

 

Mary and I really look forward to this time every year because we feel as though we connect in the spiritual realm, the emotional realm and in the practical stuff of life realm.  We leave this weekend having a greater sense of oneness, direction and knowledge toward the year ahead of us.  Thus far we have covered prayer and finances.  Today, let’s take a look at employment, schedules and vision.

Employment:  Review and evaluate your year of employment.  Are you still called to this job or business?  Are you meeting your financial obligations through this employment?  Is there a possible change within this area of employment?  Are there possible changes to your employment?  What are your employment dreams?  We often ask ourselves this question, “If we could do anything that we desire to do without thought of finances, what would it be?”  Is there a side business you have or are interested in creating?  In all of this we are attempting to discover if our heart is still in our employment or if God is calling us to some kind of change.

Schedules:  Review your activity level from the past year.  Were you gone from home too often with employment or hobbies?  Did you enjoy a sufficient number of dates with each other and your children?  Did you have weekends away?  Did your family take a vacation?  Assess children’s activities and their schedules.  Share your anticipated schedules for the coming year.  Project time away together and family vacation.  Project this evaluation time for next year.

Vision:  Review any written or verbalized goals from the previous year.  Review your marriage mission statement and make any necessary changes.  Review any scriptures that you had recorded from the past year.  Write your new goals and vision (spiritual, financial, social, emotional and physical).  Finalize this time by dreaming ahead.  Pray and record what you see and allow your mate the freedom to project into the future because…”faith is the substance of things hoped for.”  We strongly feel this time can radically change the atmosphere of your marriage.  Take us up on this challenge and schedule it now.  You’ll be glad you did!

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Marriage, Postmarital

Steps to Taking Your Marriage on an Annual Marriage Evaluation and Vision Retreat II

In part two of taking your marriage on a retreat we want to consider finances.  Because we have laid down a foundation of prayer for this time, it will be easier to talk about money and financial decisions.  The use of finances is something that most couples struggle with and for many it is their most difficult area to find agreement.  That’s because we often come into marriage with differing financial values.  For example I was a “saver” and Mary was a “spender.”  In an earlier blog I wrote about how those were actually gifts once we began to appreciate and discover what the other person’s way of thinking brought into the marriage.  But for the sake of this weekend, we want to first review our prior year financially, give God thanks and then move on to the coming year in order to make necessary changes.  Below, I have encapsulated our process for this time.

Take time to review your budget from the prior year.  Where was your budget accurate and where did it miss the mark?  Review each of your accounts, checking and savings.  Review your giving, e.g., tithe, missions, first fruits and offerings.  Review your investments, e.g., life insurance, money market, IRA’s, etc.  Review your debt and your plan to be clear of debt.  Are you in agreement with your spending, credit card charges and purchases?  Are you in agreement with your saving, life investments and giving?  Are you meeting your financial goals in all the above areas?

After evaluation turn toward the future:  What are our future financial goals?  What are we saving toward?  How are we handling our children’s higher education?  When do we update our vehicle?  What projects do we need to consider in our home in order to address ongoing maintenance and improvements?  In other words, what is our financial plan?  Most couples do not incorporate a budget or a financial plan.  It is an extremely helpful way to be in agreement and to reach those financial goals.

Why do all this?  Proverbs 3:9 tells us to honor the Lord with our wealth.  I truly believe and have experienced God’s blessing when we are operating in financial oneness.

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital, Prayer

Steps to Taking Your Marriage on an Annual Marriage Evaluation and Vision Retreat

You have most likely attended a woman’s retreat or a men’s retreat in your lifetime.  Have you and your spouse considered a personal marriage retreat for the purpose of evaluating the past year and then praying about vision for the forthcoming year?  My wife and I have been doing this for many years and find it to be one of the most helpful annual connections we do together.  It gets us on the same page.  We communicate thoroughly.  We take a hard look at what was and evaluate where we are.  We keep the excitement factor up by looking ahead toward the future.  In the next several weeks, we desire to share with you our process of how we do this.

I book a hotel room for 24 hours.  Yes, we get away from the normal setting because it’s conducive to what we desire to accomplish without the typical interruptions.   We check in as early as we can and begin to settle into evaluating our year after we dedicate our time to the Lord in prayer.  The first thing we do is to connect through prayer.  (We will look at other areas of this time in the coming weeks.)

Praying together as a couple is a key to this time.

Start by giving thanks for God’s provision and protection from this past year.

Pray about this time together concerning this retreat, specifically that you will hear the voice of your heavenly Father.

Pray over your marriage, your family, your employment, your finances; pray about everything and anything.

Give God praise for the positive and the not so positive.  Praise is a key factor to keep our heart attitude correct and open to this time.

Assess your prayer lives together as a couple and as a family.  Are we connecting sufficiently through the discipline of prayer as a couple?

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Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital

Finding Our Co-mission as a Couple

This past weekend, Mary and I had the privilege of installing a godly couple into the position of lead pastors at a church in Massachusetts.  As little as a year ago, they might not have seen themselves in this position, but that’s the “amazing race” our Father can have us on if we are listening to Him.  They are so excited to see what God will bring about through their leadership together.  Up to this point, they have served in numerous roles within this same local church for many years in whatever area of service they could.  Imagine if they would have refused serving in a co-mission capacity along the way.  Would they have been given the greater responsibility now before them?  As we are faithful in little…

Marriage is a oneness that trumps personal selfishness.  Agreement in our mission together is vital to a long-term, successful and fulfilling marriage.  While I am not called to everything my wife is, we have found specific areas where we serve together in our co-mission.  We have written those areas down in our “marriage mission statement.”  And for 2014, this past weekend was a part of fulfilling our mission together.  How about you and your spouse?  Do you have a written marriage mission statement?  It may help you to discover the reason(s) you are married.  Next week we will look at how to build your very own personal marriage mission statement.  Until then, begin making a list of all the things you are presently involved in as a couple.

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Marriage, Postmarital, Uncategorized

Marriage, It’s a Team Effort

God loves teams.  The very first team was the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.   Adam and Eve were created to be a team of two and then as children were born, a family team.  God encouraged teams to help Moses of tens, hundreds and thousands.  Jesus had a team of twelve and an even closer team of three.  Many of us love team sports.  Teams work together for a common goal through common values, common methods and a common plan.

When a team begins to fight with or pick on one another, they defeat themselves.   Something I call the Terrell Owens Syndrome is when a team member begins to see himself as more valuable than his teammates.  These types of thoughts eventually lead him to feeling superior by thinking the team needs him, but he doesn’t need the team.  Team members watch each other’s backs. (Think Michael Oher when he was learning the game of football portrayed in the movie Blind Side.)   All teams have their internal differences, but they cannot hold on to these or use them against team members or they will eventually defeat themselves.

If your marriage were a professional doubles tennis team, what would need to change in order for you to be in sync on the court?  If you were a professional dance team, how would you anticipate your partner’s next move in order to move with him?  Surely two minds are better than one and couples who have successfully incorporated common values, methods and plans will realize a greater sense of team.

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Encouragement, Prayer

Are You Overconfident in Your “Sinlessness?” III

For over 15 years I worked in the area of marriage and family counseling.  I loved the willingness of the counselee’s to receive God’s principles of relationship in marriage and in family, which would frequently extend to work, local church, etc.  Often the issue was history or a fear of the future.  During that time, I came across some powerful written prayers and recently found myself praying through them once again.  Below are just two paragraphs of those prayers, consider making these words your prayer as we each deal with our own confession of sinfulness.

Dear Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that there is only one true and living God, who exists as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  I recognize Christ Jesus as the Son of the Living God, the Word that became flesh and dwelt among us.  Jesus, You are worthy to receive glory and honor and power, for You have created all things and in You, all things have their being.  Father God, You have proven Your love for me, because when I was still in sin and rebellion, Your Son, died for me.  Jesus, You forgave me all my sins and redeemed me from the kingdom of darkness.  All charges that were against me have been nailed to the cross and cancelled; therefore, the devil has nothing with which to accuse me.  I can do nothing apart from You, Jesus, and I declare my dependence on You.

 Father, I choose to give up all attempts to run my own life, putting no confidence in my flesh and I now submit to You.  I trust myself to Your care, as much as I can at this time.  Holy Spirit please reveal to me every area of my life that has been given over to the enemy.  I chose to crucify my flesh and walk by Your guidance, Holy Spirit, not giving in to the desires of my flesh.  I will present my body as an instrument of righteousness, a living and holy sacrifice, which is my spiritual duty.  I choose to humble myself and ask You to guide me to all truth and empower me to live above sin, in Jesus’ name.  Amen.

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Encouragement

Are You Overconfident in Your “Sinlessness?” II

Recently I have been finishing up reading through the New Testament.  It was actually the book of First John that provoked the topic of “sinlessness” in my life and for this blog.  John, in the first chapter writes, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”  I just sat there thinking, “Am I deceiving myself in any way?”  And then I wondered just how much personal soul/heart searching am I actively involved in?  Verse ten then adds, “If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.”  That’s a scary thought…

I know theologically my sins were forgiven on the cross over 2000 years ago: past, present and future.  It is by the grace of our Lord that we now walk in forgiveness.  That grace, however, does not grant me permission to freely sin.  But, I also know my potential.  I am imperfect.  I am in the world.  I am saved by grace.  These are important things to be reminded of, i.e., our humanness.  Thanks be to God I John also tells us this truth:  We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin, the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him.  We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.  We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true.  And we are in him who is true – even in his Son Jesus Christ. 

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