Some years ago I was meeting with a young married man for various counseling issues. I really cannot remember what they were, but I do remember one thing from that time. He inadvertently mentioned that he enjoyed “breaking and entering.” I said, “You what?” He shared that for years he and his friends would break into garages and sheds and steal small items simply for, “The thrill of it.” I shared, “You do know that stealing is against the law, not to mention one of the Ten Commandments, right?” He assured me that he did, but added that no one has been hurt by his actions and that he enjoyed the dare and the challenge. “Further,” he said, “I find nothing wrong with it.” I added, “But I thought you told me you were a Christian.” He assured me he was.
A counseling plan: During his history statement he shared that he and his wife had a young son who was five years old. I had a plan. I looked straight at him and with boldness said, “I recommend you take your five year-old son along with you and the gang the next time you decide to break into a place.” He said, “What?” “Yea,” I continued, “Take your son, he’s small and you can put him through a window and then he can unlock the door for you to enter.” With a wrinkled face he replied, “I thought you said you were a Christian counselor.” “I am,” I told him. “But here’s the thing…start your son out young and train him thoroughly in thievery so he can be just like his dad.” I went on to say, “In commonality the two of you can have some real father/son bonding time breaking into sheds and garages.” I went on to say, “You’ll be so proud when he becomes just like you!”
He committed all the sins his father had done before him; his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God… (I Kings 15:3)
It’s pretty rare to attend a wedding today where the bride and groom are under age 25. More often, it’s a couple who are approaching their mid 30’s. The reasons? There’s college and then there’s college debt. Then a career to help pay that debt and perhaps even graduate school – more debt. The pervasive attitude becomes waiting until all the stars align, i.e., school, jobs, housing, money, etc.
Grandparents can pass on or become too old to relate in healthy and fun ways with their grandchildren. And when that happens, something very, very important and essential is lost in our culture.
Those of us who fly tens of thousands of miles a year barely endure the whole experience. We’ve lost our youthful vigor when it comes to flying. It has become something we tolerate rather than embrace with excitement.
can see everything…it’s getting smaller down there…I love flying!”
I’ve noticed some things about women and men and their wonderful differences. The women in our lives need to hear from us as men. They need to hear about our lives, our ambitions, our emotions, our issues and they really long to hear our thoughts about them. There is something internal in most women that connects with their spouse’s words, expressions, eye contact, touch and truthfulness about themselves. Women want to hear from their men in order to connect with them. It’s an internal connection and it can be difficult for men who would, more or less, rather have external connections.
In Genesis chapter one we are told that God created both male and female and it is recorded that we, as men and women, are made in His image, in God’s likeness. Our Creator represents both male and female. He certainly knew what He was doing when He created us as image bearers. He did not miss a thing or forget to add something in order for us to connect. Genesis two records that we are bone of bone and flesh of flesh. We are connected and that connection is God-created. We were meant to work together and we were meant to become a single flesh.
Our younger son, following graduation from college, spent seven years traveling the USA in a rock band, recording two albums in Nashville, getting married, having a son himself all the while also working at a local law firm, has recently graduated from Weidner Law School as valedictorian. He has worked so hard and we are so proud of him as any parent would be. But there’s more to the story and it is this ‘more’ part that causes us to be especially proud – his speech delivered at graduation before his classmates, his professors, guest speakers and the many family members gathered there that day.
My son and I were on a fishing outing, enjoying the day of catching trout and cooperative warm spring weather. That is, all except for, one disturbing situation close by us. That situation was a dad with two small (elementary age) children, a boy and a girl. It was just great that he was taking his youngsters fishing and we applaud him for that. But that was the only positive thing we can say about him. What we continually observed was disheartening and troubling and we can only imagine that those two small children would rather not have been by the stream at all. It was painful to watch and difficult to not comment. Never once did those kids laugh or excitedly yell, “I got one,” even though they did catch fish. Here’s why.
For eight years, Mary and I were foster parents of adjudicated teenage boys. Over that eight-year period we fostered 25 different youth. We loved those kids and longed to instill the love of our heavenly Father within them. No state program compared to godly, affirming and accepting foster parents who loved unconditionally. Daniel was with us for over two years, went to Bible College for four years and continued to be in relationship with us until one dreadful day. This is what I learned from loving Dan.
Father’s can’t meet all of their children’s needs. After a failed marriage and many failed same-sex relationships, we received a call that Daniel ended his, all-to-young, 45-year-old life. I wish it could be different, but I am so grateful for what he taught me about life, pain and love without conditions. I know his struggle was real and I just hope he felt real love and acceptance from a temporary foster Dad.
Far too many parents train their children to view mom and dad as having all power over them. We don’t necessarily try this, but somehow it comes across fairly often. For example, have you ever heard a parent say this, “Because I said so?” And then there is this one, “Just do this one more (fill in the blank) and then you can go and play.” Neither of these examples empowers your children; they actually train your child into thinking that you are more powerful and it’s that power they need to resign themselves to. I have news for you; the use of power is often void of relationship. One day that power will be resisted, tested or simply ignored. Where does it lead?
Steve Prokopchak 