Category Archives: Encouragement

Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Women

Missing Ingredients in Marriage

Can anyone out there identify with the following scenario?

Early on we really enjoyed our sexual intimacy, the frequency, knowing one another’s likes and dislikes, the freedom that comes from being committed to one person and having the bond of marriage between us. But in time, we lost something. The relationship outside the bedroom began to diminish in multiple ways. We lost the intimacy of conversation, prayer and worship together, and taking walks hand in hand. And yet, one of us still wanted the perk of sexual intimacy. I felt used and even became angry. I remember thinking, “You want me for this, but not for much else in life.” Resentment grew and feelings were hurt. 

I want it back. I want to be madly attracted to him again. I need the intimacy of conversation with each other and with God. I need him to hear my heart and touch my heart as I long to touch his. I want him to lead me and our family toward Christ’s mission for us.

What’s the impasse about? Where exactly does the silent frustration stem from? Is it purely a sexual need? 

What we want and desire most in marriage is connectedness, oneness toward our co-mission, and concern for one another’s spiritual care. How do I know this? Paul wrote in Colossians 1:28-29 that his biggest concern for his fellow believers and disciples was, “…to awaken hearts and bring every person into the full understanding of truth. It has become my inspiration and passion in ministry to labor with a tireless intensity, with his power flowing through me, to present to every believer the revelation of being his perfect one in Jesus Christ.” (TPT)

When we prioritize building Christ in our mate, we will connect in all the ways we as human beings, husbands and wives need and desire that connection to take place. From the yard to the bedroom, this connection hinges on our spiritual connections each and every day.

Are you praying and worshipping together? As you do, you will connect spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

The Power of Fear

I recently posted a quote from my book, Identity: The Distinctiveness of You, onto Facebook that went like this: “Fear can be very real because the consequences are very real.” Not all fear is bad, but not all fear in our lives is filled with truth either. Often a “truth” we carry is not the truth. 

Fear will enable us to carry thoughts, emotions and reactions to beliefs that feel very real, but are based on lies. For example, if we fear snakes, we will be on the lookout for them as we walk a narrow hiking trail in the mountains. When we come across a brown or black crooked object on the ground, we may think, “SNAKE” and run. But when we take a closer look we discover it’s a stick and our heart returns to our chest. Fear is programed in our minds from a past experience in order to keep us safe from the object we fear. 

But the truth is: most snakes are harmless. However, that doesn’t matter when we fear them. We’ll fear all snakes. 

The scriptures remind us that perfect love casts out fear. (I John 4:18, 19) So, the opposite of fear is love. Let’s consider some everyday fears versus the reaction of love.

Fear requires us to perform. When love is present, we desire to do well.

Fear will not maintain a healthy relationship, while love will be what holds a healthy relationship together. 

Fear will impede your responses. Love will bring you the freedom to respond.

Fear will keep you from taking risks or chances. Love allows the freedom to be a risk-taker. 

Fear will hold you back from maturity. Love is an encourager and promotes personal growth.

When in fear, you will hold back. When in love, you will give away more freely. 

Fear will cause you to lack confidence. Love grows confidence.

Fear can be full of self, while love is selfless. 

Yes, fear is real, but love is far more powerful. Ask God for more of His love so that fear is overwhelmed and has to retreat. “For God has not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (II Timothy 1:7)

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Challenge, Encouragement, History, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

When Leaders Marriages Go Awry and Steps to Maintaining Health

It is a well-known fact that John Wesley married late when he married Molly. John was 47 and Molly Vazeille, a widow with four children, was 41. Their courtship was 16 days long.

Wesley preached sermons the day before and the day after his marriage. Within a week, on a Sunday morning, Wesley referred to his marriage as a “cross” that he had to reluctantly bear. 

Wesley believed his ministry came first and that Molly would simply have to adjust what she desired for his call to ministry. 

Repeatedly, Molly complained that John was insensitive, always traveling, never home and not paying her any attention. John then tried to take Molly with him. Molly didn’t care for traveling hundreds of miles on horseback in the rain or having threats made on their very lives. 

John attempted to repair things, but in the end gave up as ministry remained first in his life. They never divorced, but remained separated. Molly disrespected her husband for his treatment of her both publicly and in the home. 

Lessons to be learned

As a leader, your marriage comes before your ministry. Scripture is repeatedly clear about this. When qualifications are mentioned for church leaders, it is one’s character and one’s family relationships that are highly considered. (See Titus 1:6-9.)

When a leader fails at leadership in his or her home, it will not be long until their public ministry fails also. 

What to do

  1. Be accountable in your marriage relationship with an overseer.
  2. Seek first His kingdom and care first for your marriage and family.
  3. Pursue counsel when needed so your marriage stays on course for the test of time.
  4. Repent quickly of wrongdoing in your marriage.
  5. Forgive deeply.
  6. Attend marriage seminars for challenge and growth.
  7. Read marriage books.
  8. Talk to your spouse and ask them how you can better serve and love them.
  9. Talk to your children about how you can better love your spouse, their parent.
  10. Pray together as a couple. Prayer is the most intimate act within marriage.
  11. Have fun together and take time to laugh regularly.
  12. Vacate everything and everyone a few times a year and spend a weekend dedicated to caring for your marriage.
  13. Daily walk out Colossians 1:28 and Galatians 4:19 and “Build Christ in one another.”
  14. Hold no secrets from each other. 
  15. Seek resolve with every disagreement.
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Challenge, Encouragement, History, In the news

A Bible Sells for Thirty-Eight Million Dollars!

In a recent auction, the oldest Bible known to exist, 1,100 years old, handwritten on parchment paper, was sold at auction for 38 million dollars. The Sotheby’s auction specialist said about this Bible that it, “reflects the profound power, influence, and significance of the Hebrew Bible, which is an indispensable pillar of humanity.”

This Bible known as the Codex Sassoon, is believed to have been hand written and leather bound sometime between 880 and 960. It received its name in 1929 when it was purchased by David Solomon Sassoon, a son of an Iraqi Jewish business magnate. Since being sold, it will find itself on display at the ANU Museum of the Jewish People in Tel Aviv, Israel.

It was William Tyndale, an ordained minister from England, who first translated the Bible from the original languages into English. Almost three-fourths of the King James Version of the Bible is the work of Tyndale. It was printed in 1525 and it had to be smuggled into England. It became extremely popular even though church officials attempted to burn every copy they could get their hands on. 

William Tyndale’s reward for his amazing work was to be labeled a heretic, strangled and then burned at the stake. While in prison, awaiting his fate, he asked for two things: a candle and a Hebrew dictionary so he could continue his work. 

If you possess an English Bible today, you can thank William Tyndale who gave his life for the word of God to be given to the world. In the US the sale of Bibles has doubled since 1950 with 20 million Bibles sold per year. There are over 100 million Bibles printed every year. Every day 54,945 Bibles are sold. There are 66 wonderful books in the Bible, 39 in the Old Testament and 27 in the New Testament. Within those books are 31,173 life-giving verses.

According to Guinness World Records, the Bible is the best-selling book of all time with five billion copies sold. The next highest record of a book sale is a measly 500 million copies. The BIble is a book that out sells every book. Why? 

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edge sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12 ESV)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Insecurity, Marriage, Men, Women

Husbands, Love Your Wife and Wives, Love Your Husband (even if they forget the suitcase)

We were all packed and ready to go. I was doing some last-minute email and text message replies while my gracious wife voluntarily packed the car for our five-hour trip to New York. We would be staying at a retreat house and needed to pack lots of extra items. 

With my wife’s assurance, we were ready to hit the road. It was a beautiful drive through the upper Alleghany mountains of Pennsylvania on into New York. After stopping for lunch, for fuel and for a you-know-what-break, we pulled into our destination and began unloading.

It all went smoothly without a hitch. We would meet with the leadership couple soon and begin prepping for our seminar the next day. 

Horrified, my wife came into the bedroom where I was attempting to find a phone signal and declared, no, with panic in her voice loudly stated, “Steve, I forgot to pack our suitcase!” Wow, a whole weekend without a change of clothing and necessary care items. How would we respond to each other? How emotional would we become? What fighting words of anger might follow?

I looked at her and said, “You’re kidding, really?” I began to laugh and attempted to reassure her it was okay and it was as much my fault as it was hers. 

We both started laughing, knowing we just created a memory. A quick trip to Walmart was now being planned.

 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. (Ephesians 5:25-28 The Message)

So, how do we practically walk those specific verses out in our marriage?

  1. Give each other the benefit of the doubt – just as we often give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. We all forget things.
  2. Serve – serving one another can never get old. It keeps our attitudes right toward each other. Serving keeps us from becoming selfish in our relationship. 
  3. Always show compassion – criticism will kill a relationship. Compassion toward your life mate will build relational connection. Be understanding, not just desiring to be understood.
  4. Express love and words of affirmation – be each other’s encourager and build up your mate with life-giving affirmations. Tell her she looks great in that outfit. Tell him he’s as strong as he was the day you met him. Say the words “I love you” daily; never miss a day even if it has to be over the phone or a text message.
  5. Live oneness – in your oneness, realize that what hurts you hurts your life mate. If you speak words of critical judgment, you are as well speaking those words over yourself.

All of these practices will help to build love and security in your marriage. The more security and love you build in your marriage, the more emotional, physical and spiritual oneness you will enjoy.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

I Love Growing Old(er)

I hear people complain all the time about growing older – aging. My 87-year-old aunt repeatedly said, “Don’t grow old; it’s the pits.” 

But I don’t think it’s the pits; it’s rather entertaining at times. I recently ate at a restaurant and asked the waitress if they had a “senior’s discount.” She told me she already gave it to me. I found myself laughing at her honesty and her observation of me.

Older people can get away with things because…well, we’re old. We have an excuse for being forgetful. We have an excuse for tripping over nothing and we have an excuse for just being slower. I actually read a social media meme recently that said, “I may not be that good looking, or athletic, or funny, or talented, or smart…I forgot where I was going with this, but I do know that I love bacon.”

It’s a fact that our hip bones get bigger and our pupils get smaller actually decreasing in size as we age. So, there’s two more excuses. One for gaining weight and one for not seeing everything.  

As I age, I find I have to make my coffee stronger. Is that failing taste buds? And as I age, I have discovered that sometimes senior citizens receive a free pass when it comes to doing something not so bright. People say things like, “Ah, he’s old; let him alone.”

As I age, my signature keeps getting shorter and shorter. Writing out my last name just takes too long. Now it’s Pro————- (illegible).

But honestly, the best thing about getting older? Every day I am closer to my eternal home. Every day I find myself thinking more and more about who I will become reacquainted with, who will approach me and say, “We never met on earth, but I read ________ and it changed my life.” With each passing day there is no fear of tomorrow, no fear of dying and no fear of loss. 

Do I want to leave earth unexpectedly? No. I am not requesting an “early out.” I do want to be able to say “See you later” to everyone. I want to bless my children and my children’s children. I want to be assured of seeing them later. I want to spend every minute that I can with my wife and my loved ones. I want to tell my grandchildren one more time, “Papaw loves you.” Because…

I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of his people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants. (Psalm 116:14,15)

PS I hope that you have enjoyed my 700th blog. I sure have enjoyed writing them and hearing your comments. :)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, Insecurity

Healing Damaged Emotions

When we suffer a deep physical wound, we are rushed off to the emergency room to have that wound receive necessary and immediate attention. It gets anesthetized, then cleaned and finally sown up from the inside out so the healing process can begin. We are administered antibiotics to ward off infection and told to go home to rest and take our pain medicine as prescribed.

But what happens when we receive an emotional wound? Rarely do we treat it with the same attention. We tell ourselves that it will be ok, it’s not too deep and in time it will go away. But what if it doesn’t? What do we do then? I have yet to see an ER for an emotional wound, but I believe God knows just how to administer healing to the wounded soul and spirit.

When discussing healing of emotional wounds, the first question to be asked is, “What are we desiring to heal?” Dr. David Seamands in his book, Healing for Damaged Emotions, states, “As trees have rings hidden under the bark of the tree which help to reveal its history, so we as humans have concealed pain under our protective skin.” Inside we have recorded “rings of our lives.” Dr. Seamands goes on to point out that these rings “…deeply affect our concepts, our feelings, our relationships. They affect the way we look at life and God, at others and ourselves.”

What are some of these damaged emotions? One of the most common is rejection – a feeling of unworthiness and inferiority. Other damages occurred when our security and significance were threatened. A perfectionistic parent can place unattainable expectations upon a child or fears may be handed down from a fear-filled parent or other authority figures.

Healing these areas means we must be willing to crawl down into the trenches of our lives.

There are two scriptures that come to mind concerning this level of healing:

I Thessalonians 5:2: “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”

Romans 8:5-11 (v. 5-6): “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”

God’s Spirit through our spirit longs to heal our minds and emotions. He desires our whole being to be in health. 

There are three very important steps we can take to enter into this level of healing:

1.  Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal areas of deception and denounce them.

2.  Ask for Jesus’ cleansing through an honest and sincere confession to have Him purify them of all unrighteousness.

3.  Maintain humility, hide nothing and confess everything.

All of us have memories—memories of things that happened to us. Memories are real and often factual, but at the core of human pain is often a lie—something that is not true. Memory is a wonderful thing unless there is a lie connected to the memory.

The Lord does not wipe clean our memory banks, but He will bring the truth to any lies we are telling ourselves which perpetuate the wounds. Often people know the truth, but do not apply it to the lie. The pain is not coming from the memory, but the lie within the memory. The significance of believing a lie is that it may as well be the truth: the consequences are the same. 

I can recall a counselee who perceived herself to be overweight. She certainly was not overweight but was now struggling with anorexia, starving herself in order to “be thin and accepted.” Where did this originate from? She had a memory of a boyfriend who frequently reminded her of her weight, telling her that any girlfriend of his had to be thin. Housed within that memory was a lie she accepted that went something like this: “If I am to be loved by him, attractive to him, I need to lose weight and be thin.”

Paul told the Ephesian church they were to “put off” their old and the corrupted desires while “putting on” a new attitude of the mind in order to reflect righteousness in becoming like God. Our Counselor, Jesus, must reveal to us our old self and the lies that support those wounds. He then chooses to be the Truth so that we can put on the new self of His creation, reflecting the likeness and character of our Savior.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Parents, Training

Raising Your Children in Church is no Guarantee

Parents mean well, but make mistakes. I know; I am one. Children make mistakes too. So, when I hear the comment, “Raise up a child in the way he should go, he’ll not depart from it…” spoken in a religious, pride-filled, I-got-a-guarantee way, I cringe. 

But, truth be told, we do not raise our children in a church so they can be perfect Christian specimens or simply do not sin and/or make wrong choices, because they do. Kids raised in a local church with their parents have the capacity to follow God or not; parents cannot force that. 

Your local church should be reinforcing your values as a parent, providing a healthy youth group and reinforcing through other like believers what you as a parent are teaching them at home. 

Our desire as parents in showing them the way of faith is to be preventative as much as it is to build eternity in their hearts. We want to give them the purpose and meaning of life so they walk in that purpose for themselves, maintaining the boundaries that God has written in His word. 

As well, when our children do mess up they have an advocate with the Father, His Son. They will know forgiveness and truth that sets them free. When our children fall short of God’s glorious ideal, just as we do as parents, they’ll know Who they can go to. They’ll know His love and His approval along with His love-filled correction. They’ll discover that even when they do wrong their heavenly Father never leaves them or forsakes them. In fact, when being honest with God, He’ll embrace them even more. 

Parents have the choice to offer unconditional love to their children on a daily basis. While the child may know this and take it for granted, it’s only when they mess up that they realize the grace and forgiveness found within true unconditional love. 

The fact remains, nothing can separate us from the love of God. And God’s discipline is a part of that love. When we as parents correctly, respectfully and without anger bring correction to our children, we are modeling the love of God to them. 

As a parent of three 30-40 somethings and four grandchildren, I will never apologize for training my children to love God first so that all good things from God can follow. I will never apologize for taking them faithfully to a local church, to church camp or encouraging them to travel with me around the world to minister to others. I will never apologize for taking the time to have family devotions, teaching my children the practical application of the word of God in their lives. All of these things are collectively fulfilling Colossians 1:28 and Galatians 4:19:

 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.

    My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you.

As parents, our goal is not to build “us” in our children, but rather, to actively and by example build Christ in them.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Women

Couples Who Fight About Money

We were one of those couples! Simply stated, we had extremely differing financial values. Mary called me a “tightwad” and I unappreciatively called her a “spender.” Neither term is endearing and of course settles nothing in the financial realm of marriage. 

It’s a dilemma for sure. We often carry our financial values into marriage from our parents or our family money values. If your family never took a vacation you may not see the value in spending money for a week or two of vacation. If your family overspent and misused a credit card, you may not know how to save for emergencies. 

In our marriage, we came to the point where we needed a strategy to develop a mutual agreement of understanding. James chapter four tells us that we fight and argue because we do not ask God. So, we asked God. When doing so, we discovered that we actually had the best of both worlds.

Mary was not a spender; she was a giver. I wasn’t trying to be a tightwad as much as I was attempting to save for a future investment. Giving and saving for investment. Now that’s a winning combo. 

Here are some points to keep in mind when it comes to family finance:

  1. It’s all God’s. You are simply stewards.
  2. God is your provider. Take a break and let Him be your source.
  3. In Him we lack nothing. When Jesus’ disciples returned from a mission trip He asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag, or sandals, did you lack anything?” (Luke 22:35) 
  4. Pray over your finances rather than fight or demand, i.e., ask God.
  5. Tithe or sow obediently into His kingdom first.
  6. Create a livable, life-giving budget.
  7. Allow for one another to have a reasonable spending allowance.
  8. Be generous with others.
  9. Pay all of your charges on your credit card monthly.
  10. Create an emergency savings account as soon as possible. (Start with $3,000.00 and then work your way up to three months of living expenses.)
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Challenge, Encouragement, History, Issues of the Day, Just for fun

30 Everyday Sayings That You Didn’t Know Originated from the Bible

  1. “Writing on the wall” – Daniel chapter five describes the prophet Daniel interpreting the writing on the wall that appeared to be written by “fingers of a human hand.”
  2. “Let there be light” – “And God said, “Let there be light.”’ (Genesis 1:3)
  3. “By the sweat of your brow” – Genesis 3:19: “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food…”
  4. “Of biblical proportions” – This is a reference to the plagues of Egypt described in Exodus 7 and 11.
  5. “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” – “But if there is a serious injury, you are to take life for a life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth…” (Exodus 21:23-25)
  6. “Man does not live by bread alone” – (See Deuteronomy 8:3.)
  7. “Put words in one’s mouth” – II Samuel 14:3 “And Joab put the words in her mouth.”
  8. “Put your house in order” – In II Kings 20 Isaiah told Hezekiah who was ill that he should, “Put your house in order, because you are going to die…”
  9. “Nothing but skin and bones” – In Job’s distress he complained, “I am nothing but skin and bones…” (Job 19:20)
  10. “By the skin of your teeth” – Again, in the same verse as number 9, Job says, “I have escaped only by the skin of my teeth.”
  11. “Broken heart” – The Psalmist wrote, “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart…” (Psalm 34:18)
  12. “Bite the dust” – Psalm 72:9 reveals “…and his enemies will lick the dust.”
  13. “Wits’ end” – “They reeled and staggered like drunkards; they were at their wits end.” (Psalm 107:27)
  14. “Pride comes before a fall” – “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)
  15. “There’s nothing new under the sun” – Ecclesiastes records that there is “…nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9)
  16. “For everything there is a season” – “For everything there is a season and a time…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
  17. “Eat, drink, and be merry” – Luke 12 states, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy: eat, drink and be merry.” (See also Ecclesiastes 8:15.)
  18. “A little birdie told me” – “For a little bird might deliver your message and tell them what you said.” (Ecclesiastes 10:20)
  19. “Drop in the bucket” – “Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket…” (Isaiah 40:15)
  20. “Rise and Shine” – The prophet Isaiah wrote, “Arise, shine, for your light has come…” (60:1)
  21. “Wolves in sheep’s clothing” – Jesus said, “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” (Matthew 7:15)
  22. “It’s like the blind leading the blind” – Jesus warned us that if the blind lead the blind both will fall into a pit. (Matthew 15:13,14)
  23. “Wash your hands of the matter” – It was Pilot who washed his hands of Jesus and claimed innocence of His blood. (Matthew 27:24)
  24. “The truth will set you free” – We know Jesus to be The Truth, but John wrote, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (8:32)
  25. “It’s better to give than receive” – Acts 20:35 records that Jesus told us that “…it is more blessed to give than to receive.”
  26. “The powers that be” – “…the powers that be are ordained of God.” (Romans 13:11)
  27. “Letter of the law” – “…not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (II Corinthians 3:6)
  28. “Fight the good fight” – The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy saying, “Fight the good fight for the true faith.” (I Timothy 6:12)
  29. “Armageddon” – This word means catastrophic event in many movies but it’s actually from the book of Revelation 16:16, “Then they gathered the kings together to the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon.” 
  30. “Reap what you sow” – The Apostle Paul wrote, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7)

And how about a few quotes in which the Bible is credited, but are actually not biblical.

  1. “God works in mysterious ways” – While it may be true, these words are not found in the Bible, but rather in a poem.
  2. “Money is the root of all evil” – Correctly the Bible actually says, “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” and not money in and of itself.
  3. “God helps those who help themselves” – God helps those who cannot help themselves as well. We are all encouraged to cry out to God for help!
  4. “God won’t give you more than you can handle” – Try to tell this to the person suffering from cancer or those who are in prison for their faith. The scripture actually states, “…God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear…” (I Corinthians 10:13)
  5. “Love the sinner, hate the sin” – These have become some of the most destructive nonbiblical words of our time. Jesus told us to love our enemies and to stop judging your brother when you have an even larger plank in your eye. (Matthew 5:43-48; 7:3,4)

When you hear someone reference one of the 30 everyday sayings above, be sure to let them know of their origin in the Scriptures. Then, also make sure, when quoting the Bible, you are actually quoting the Bible.

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