Category Archives: Encouragement

Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage

Your Marriage Has A Relationship With Money; Five Tips to Contentment

Does it sound odd to say or admit that our marriage has a relationship with money?  There is this amazing verse in the Bible that says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”  Most couples believe that if they had more money they would be more content. From that juncture, we can find ourselves fighting and arguing over money all too often.  But money in and of itself doesn’t bring contentment

Contentment is a state of the heart, mind and the spirit and not our level of income or the amount of savings we have accumulated.  Contentment certainly isn’t generated by the amount of stuff we collect.  Our possessions might bring convenience, but not contentment.  We can purchase a new car, but sure enough a new and improved model is just around the corner, making ours feel old and outdated.

Being content means we are satisfied, we are at ease of mind.  Our relationship as a couple with money can bring contentment or take us to discontent.  In reality, we can become consumed with the need for more.  Contentment, the scripture relates, is generated by godliness. Godliness is conforming to the desires of God.  And when God says He will meet all of our needs according to His riches, we can stop striving, stop living in discontent and begin being at ease with one another and ourselves.

How else can we arrive at contentment over finances in our marriage?  Here are five tips:

  1. Create a budget and follow it.
  2. Have a weekly money date and talk about your finances openly without argument.
  3. Give one another a spending allowance and be generous.
  4. Stop the name calling like “Spender” or “Tight wad.”
  5. Pray over your finances regularly.

If we connect lasting happiness with the accumulation of money or things, our happiness will always be short-lived.  If we connect happiness with godliness we will find ourselves becoming all the more satisfied with where we are financially and trusting God for where He desires to take us.

I just love this wisdom, “Keep yourselves free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13: 5)

Standard
Challenge, Encouragement

Never Say Never To God

Don and Samantha were new acquaintances.  My wife and I were reaching out and getting to know them a bit better when Samantha blurted out her list.  “We will NEVER get married; we will NEVER have children and we will certainly NEVER become Christians, not in this lifetime!” Don agreed.

 

I think God loves those kinds of “never” challenges.  I happen to believe He responds with one big, “Really?”

 

No longer remembering the time frame, I now look back with amazement.  Both Don and Samantha bowed their knees to Jesus.  Following that step they felt God’s conviction to marry; to make it “…official before God. ” Then, even with a vasectomy on Don’s part, two beautiful children followed, a boy and a girl.

 

What big, huge, NEVER problem can you lay out before God today?  He just might take you up on it.

Standard
Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Have You Been Noticed Lately?

My grandson often asks me, “Papaw, did you see me _________?” You can fill in the blank with almost anything he does or desires to be noticed doing.  It can be really small, but he still wants to be observed.  He longs for that voice of approval and praise.  It’s a child thing, right?

 

Actually it’s a people thing.  Do you desire your spouse to notice you?  How about your boss?  Do you like it when your teacher notices your extra effort or when your neighbor compliments you on your landscaping?

 

Here is the troubling thing in longing to be noticed.  If it’s simply all about me, then I can’t be noticed enough. If being noticed connects to my personal need for security or affirmation, I can’t get enough attention.  In my desire to build some level of esteem, my need becomes insatiable.  My being noticed tank will never be full.

 

But, did you know that God notices you?  Why wouldn’t He, He created you.  He longed for your time to be born.  He has always had a plan and a desire for your life.  He has never given up on you and He is continually watching you, noticing you and delighting in you.  All other approval can become lost and we can become deeply discouraged in our self-effort to be noticed, but He waits to show you His love and His approval.

 

No spouse, no child and no parent can satisfy your longing to be noticed. However, God knew you before you were found in your mother’s womb.  He has always taken notice of you.  (Jeremiah 1:5; Ephesians 1:4)

Standard
Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day

He Holds All Things Together

Have you ever felt as though you were unraveling?

 

After years of working as a social worker and then a family and marriage counselor, I often used some key scriptures for encouragement and healing. One of those scriptures I have continually appreciated its meaning and life application is found in Colossians chapter one.

 

Verse seventeen states, “He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”  Don’t you just love how our Savior can hold us together?  Going further in verses 21-22 we find some even deeper truth, “Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.”

 

This seems almost unimaginable.  As an alienated one acting in wrong thinking and wrong behavior I have been reconciled.  Not only reconciled (meaning bringing into agreement, harmony and restoration), I am presented in three totally amazing and incomprehensible ways: holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation.  Can we fathom that we are, “Holy in His sight; without blemish and free from accusation?”

 

We look into the mirror and see all the blemishes, often an unholy vessel, but that is not what Jesus sees.  He sees you as holy and without blemish.  What an amazing and glorious truth to tell the one struggling with who they are and their true value.

 

You do not need to listen to the evil one’s accusations today; you are free from all accusations.  That inner voice that condemns is not from God – it’s not His word to you.  As we walk in the freedom of these truth-filled scriptures we will be held together.

Standard
Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Parents

Have You Been Noticed Lately?

My grandson often repeats, “Papaw, did you see me…” or, “Watch me…” You can fill in the blank with almost anything he does or desires to be noticed doing.  It can be a really small thing, however he still longs to be observed.  He lives for that voice of approval and praise.  It’s a child thing, right

 

Actually it’s a people thing.  Do you desire your spouse to notice you?  How about your boss?  Do you like it when your teacher notices your extra effort or when your neighbor compliments you on your landscaping?

 

Here is the troubling thing in longing to be noticed.  If it’s simply all about me, then I can’t be noticed enough. If being noticed connects to my personal need for security or affirmation, I can’t get enough.  In my desire to build some level of esteem, my need becomes insatiable.  

 

Did you know that God notices you?  Why wouldn’t He, He created you.  He longed for your time to be born.  He has always had a plan and a desire for your life.  He has never given up on you and He is continually watching you, noticing you and delighting in you.  All other approval can become lost and we can become deeply discouraged in our self-effort to be noticed, but He waits to show you His love and His approval.

 

No spouse, no child and no parent can satisfy your longing to be noticed. However, God knew you before you were even found in your mother’s womb. (Jeremiah 1:5; Ephesians 1:4) You have His eye!

Standard
Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Parents

How Often Are You Phubbing?

There’s a new word in town. Have you heard of it?  That word is a combination of two words: phone + snubbing = phubbing.  Do you know a “phubber?”  How would one know if this describes them?  You can start by asking your friends.  Ask your spouse or even better, ask your children.  If people in your life are trying to get your attention while you’re looking down at a small hand-held screen all too frequently, you just might have a phubbing problem.

 

The actual definition goes like this: the habit of snubbing someone in favor of a mobile phone. I’m not kidding. Google it. Seems odd to be writing about this subject, but it is a reality in our technology crazed world today.  Airport travelers run into me while walking and looking down at their phone.  It’s tough getting someone’s attention that actually works in a service department while they’re glued to their mobile screen.  We can forever notice how face-to-face relationships have taken a back seat to an email, a text message or a Facebook prompt.  It’s not unusual to hear bells, whistles, buzzes and other such prompts from mobile devices while in a meeting.

 

But here’s who I really feel for.  I am genuinely concerned for the children of the phubber.  These children are pulling on their parents’ arms, legs, saying “Mommy/Daddy” repeatedly, asking questions, trying to converse and the adults are either not responding or saying, “Wait a minute would you?  I have to finish this text message.”  I just want to scream, “PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN AND LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD!”  You brought them into the world to teach, train, listen to, care for, play with and love. PLEASE put your device aside and interact with your child.

 

Not too long ago I was watching the parents on the sidelines of a younger children’s sporting event. Parents, not too far back in the history of parents attending their child’s sports activity, would actually watch their kids on the playing field, yell and scream words of motivation and affirmation. Today, they’re looking down, addicted to a device that is causing them to miss watching their children grow up. And when that child asks, “Daddy did you see me…?” You can fill in the blank. That parent will lie and say, “Yea buddy, you were great!”

 

One day those same children will have their own device and then the snubbing of a parent will quickly and sometimes, most deservedly take place.

Standard
Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Those Little Irritants in Life

I was awake at 3:30 AM in order to catch an early morning flight.

Almost immediately after boarding the plane, the gentleman behind me started snoring LOUDLY.  About every minute or so, he would catch his breath and then suddenly make a sound like a neighing horse.  This went on for the full 35-minute flight.  So happy he could get some sleep, BECAUSE NO ONE AROUND HIM DID!

 

On my next leg of the journey, the gentleman beside me decided that he needed more and more seat space.  After five and a half hours, I was half way into the aisle getting my elbow hit by the drink cart. 

 

Life can be full of these kinds of little irritants.  They’re inconvenient, uncomfortable and, well, down right uncalled for sometimes.  And yet, it’s not fully the experience as much as it is a test.  It’s a test of what we tell ourselves, our self-talk. It ‘s a test of personal frustration levels.  It’s a test of the amount of compassion in our heart.  And it can be a test of how much grace we walk in.

 

We like things our way – the convenient, comfortable way.  But that’s just not real life is it?  So here’s a tip when one of those life inconveniences comes you way: pray and give thanks.

 

“Thank you, Father, that I can be on this plane to minister Your life to those that You have assigned to me.”

 

It will keep your heart right.  Besides, the next time you become an inconvenience or an irritant to someone, you’ll hope they took the aforementioned advice.

 

PS  On the final leg of my journey, I was given a free upgrade to first class…”Thank you, Father for this comfortable seat.”

Standard
Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

I Catch Only Green Lights

There was a study conducted by professor emeritus Robert Rosenthal of Harvard University in which he told elementary school teachers that some of their students were “intellectual bloomers.”  Then the teachers were told the students names, who had been randomly selected, and also told that those particular students would excel in the forthcoming year.

 

It was all spurious information and those “bloomers” were actually no different from any other student in the class.  The only difference was their teachers’ expectations and because of that expectation those students did significantly better than the other students by the end of the year.

 

Expectations, we all have them.  I was sitting at a red light one day and queried myself as to why I seem to catch all the red lights.  Immediately I sensed a voice asking, “Do you expect to catch all red lights?”  I knew instantly that the message was about expectations and what I speak over myself.  From that point I changed my speech and declared, as well as thought, I receive mostly green lights.

 

I was telling my wife this story the other day while driving back from Massachusetts and we laughed and laughed as I actually received green light after green light.  Now I am not saying there was any divine intervention on the road with traffic lights, but I am saying my expectations changed, my thoughts changed and my speech changed while there was a necessary shift in my life. It may sound trivial, but I really do believe that our expectations can become self-fulfilling prophecy.

What are you speaking over yourself?

Standard
Challenge, Encouragement

What Seeds Are You Planting in Your Field?

My lone tomato plant.

I live in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, USA where springtime is a frenzied time of planting.  It smells really bad in our county, from one end to the other.  It’s that magical manure being applied to help supply the ground with needed nutrients for the soon-to-be-planted seeds.  The farmers are busy as they move their equipment from winter storage to field after field.  Quite honestly there is no such thing as a lazy farmer; he or she is fully expecting a future crop.  It is why they work so tirelessly day and night.  From our home, we can hear the diesel tractors running through the night and catch their lights shining into our windows.

 

Soybeans and corn just surfacing

I have never met a farmer who doesn’t expect to yield a crop.  They work and labor in anticipation of the forthcoming seed growing into a harvest. And all along the way, there are factors the farmer cannot control, e.g., too much rain, too little rain, wind and even varmints eating the crop.  Every time I witness their faith I think of a verse found in II Corinthians nine, “Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”

 

I am “farming” this year as well.  I have one tomato plant on my front porch.  I am expecting a harvest, albeit a small one. I’ve sown sparingly and I’ll reap what I have sown, a little fruit.  But my farming neighbor is going to reap heaps, truck loads that will fill his barn and his grain elevators.  He will feed his livestock and his family for the coming year because he has sown generously.

 

What seeds are you planting and what size harvest are you anticipating?

Standard
Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day

8 Reasons Why You Are Not a Victim

I first wrote this and shared it with a victim of rape. She was deeply hurting, feeling victimized and of course dealing with shame.  If the enemy of our soul can keep us in shame and victimization, he will keep us from future effectiveness.  Perhaps something written below will speak to you and help with something you still feel from your past or maybe a friend is in need of it.

  1. You are not a victim. Victims give up influence and assertion.  Victims do not know who they are because victims are lost in insecurity and suffer a loss of identity. But, because the believer’s identity is not in himself, it is already lost to Christ and the power of His resurrection.  (See II Corinthians 12:9 – His power is made perfect in your weakness.)
  2. God’s plan is victory. Sin is a part of the Genesis three world we live in.  Victory means that God takes the evil of this world and turns it into something victorious.  Being a Christian does not mean we do not experience the evil of this world because it rains on the just and the unjust.  It means God has a bigger plan, a greater story.
  3. You are not responsible for someone else’s sin against you. True guilt leads us to repentance. Shame leads us to condemnation. True guilt followed by true repentance leads to life.  Shame leads to death of one’s spirit and soul.  Shame leaves us feeling exposed, injudicious, inadequate or defective in some way. Shame breeds condemnation and condemnation breeds more shame.  Jesus took our shame on the cross, as well as, our sorrows.  He spoke to you from the cross, “Shame off of you.”  We must ask ourselves: What am I responsible for and what am I not responsible for? What is the responsibility of the offender?  What am I learning about myself through this?
  4. What boundaries did I break or do I need to instill in my life? Perhaps we realize that we broke our own boundaries or had not thought through God’s boundaries.  We need to search His word for His boundaries and His values that He gives us for protection. God’s boundaries are not as the world’s boundaries because He has our best interest in mind.
  5. Do not repress your anger. Often we have a tendency to go inward with our anger after severe hurt(s).  Anger can erupt from feeling powerless and out of control, wanting to “make someone pay”. Allow your anger to be a positive force for healing and personal change.  Anger does not make a better athlete or person, but a more careless one.  If pressed down, it leads to bitterness and self hate.  (See Job 7:11 and Ephesians 4: 26-27 where we are told to not allow our anger to cause us to sin.)  Talk through and work through the anger so you are not stuck in its grip.  Keep moving through the sadness so you can reach the acceptance piece of godly grief.
  6. Obsessions of thought. Watch for thought obsessions turning into actual physical obsessive compulsions.  Maintain life balance through prayer, worship, counseling, talking to parents and trusted friends who are confidential.
  7. Forgiveness pursued. Watch for defense mechanisms, e.g., rationalism, denial, unforgiveness, becoming the fixer or the peacemaker. Matthew 18:21 says to forgive continually.  There is a difference between extending forgiveness and complete forgiveness.  Not forgiving or forgiving only partially will initially cause us to feel power over the perpetrator, but it will only punish us in the end.  Take steps to forgive the perpetrator as God gives you the grace to do so.  Forgive yourself; He has forgiven you.  You cannot change what decisions you made, but you can forgive yourself and move on so you can grow from them.  Forgive God rather than allowing bitterness or anger at God.  Because of Jesus, God understands our disappointment.  Remember Jesus said from the cross, “My God, why have you forsaken me?”
  8. Move on and mature in God. Allow a tragedy to become a springboard for a better future. For example, we will never know why we were born into the family we were born into, but we do know that God has used it to make us who we are today.  (Isaiah 43:2)

You cannot change this situation, but you can let it change you to become more secure, more compassionate, a stronger and more loving person used by God to bring healing to others.

Standard