Category Archives: Encouragement

Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Failure: One of the Positives in Life

images-6I read a true story about a company vice president who had a very close personal assistant. This personal assistant was trusted implicitly, exposed to every level of information that his boss, the vice president was exposed to. Their relationship was tight, full of trust and full of integrity. This personal assistant would do anything for his very kind and generous boss. They seemed inseparable. The VP repeatedly told his assistant he was being groomed for greater and one day he would see the reality.  However, the day came when the president of the company experienced a major difference with his VP. It took some time, but eventually the president began to tell lies about his VP to the board of directors. He was slowly and methodically working toward the firing of the VP, even though every accusation was false. The only one who could stand up for the integrity of the VP was his personal assistant.

That dreaded day arrived when the board of directors would call upon the personal assistant to testify and the very real rumor was that if the VP was fired, the only way the assistant could maintain a position with the company, and not lose his employment, was to side with the president. The personal assistant didn’t realize that on the day he would be called into the boardroom, both the president and his boss, the VP, would be present as well. In his heart, the assistant was prepared to stand up for and defend his boss, but out of his head and through his lips came only words that aligned themselves with the president. Call it what you will, but at the very least it was self-preservation. His boss slowly turned his gaze toward his long time friend and looked deep into his eyes. They both seemed to drop their heads in disbelief at the same time. Pain struck the assistant in his gut and chills ran down his spine, his face became flush red, his heart pounded with disbelief and his palms were sweaty and stuck to the table where he was seated.

Immediately he knew he failed his long time friend, his family and himself. He still had a job, but he lost all incentive with the company and one day, not long after this very meeting, he just walked away, returning to his prior profession as a commercial fisherman.images-7

What was the name of the personal assistant? How can you and I identify with him?  (See Matthew 26:69-75)

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital

Husbands, Stop Trying to Fix Your Wives

images-5Sorry guys, but your wife does not desire you to fix her like you fix the car or repair the broken dryer. But what she does desire is for you to attentively listen to her. I learned this lesson late one evening after a long day at the office counseling couples and individuals. Still in my “counseling mode,” Mary was running her day by me while I kept interrupting her with what she should have said or what she should have done in each case. Finally, in exasperation she quipped, “Oh, you’re the GREAT counselor swooping in to fix me and others!” What…? I was thinking, “She didn’t just respond that way when I was simply trying to help her did she?”

From that point in time and after that rebuke I learned that my wife simply wanted me to listen to her and not counsel or correct, fix or repair her. Listening is a developed skill and a wise husband will learn when to use it. I now ask her if she desires my input before opening my mouth. Do I understand this concept? No, not really, but then I don’t have to understand as much as I have to be understanding.images-4

Read this:  Proverbs 12:15   Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen others.

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital

Wives, Stop Trying to Change Your Husbands

images-15Some women get into relationships thinking they will change him – they will not. Some women get married thinking they will change their husbands – they will not. Ladies, here is what you can do. You can affirm him, encourage him, speak life to him, honor him and esteem him. If your husband just mowed the lawn, find him and tell him, “You mow better than anyone I know.” You will turn a boring, mundane job into a lawn to conquer. When he cares for the children while you grocery shop, let him know he’s the greatest dad ever. When he comes home from work tired and feeling all used up, let him know he is one great provisionary. When you see him praying, reading his Bible or serving the Lord in some way, let him know how important that is to you and how secure you feel when he does those things.

Your man will respond to those words of affirmation before any word of criticism. He will feel better about himself and be drawn closer to you. He will want to spend time with you and maybe even take you on a special date. Your man is geared and created for compliments from his wife. You are the most important person to him on this earth and you have the power of building him up or tearing him down.

And, if in the end you still feel the need to change him, follow James 4: 1-2 – pray.

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Children, Encouragement, Parents

Family Meal Time; Don’t Miss It

images-11Have you ever wondered about what can be the best times to communicate as a family? Never wonder again, as you rediscover your children by insisting on a family meal together.   It is the perfect time to share about your day, to laugh together at a humorous story, to communicate a need or a prayer request. Family mealtime gives you the perfect opportunity to teach your children how to give thanks to God and how to be thankful for daily provision.  Family mealtime is a time for the parents to be vulnerable and share about the good and not so good parts of their day. As parents do this, it will encourage the children to speak up and share their difficulties also.

images-8Some families end with a short devotional time and others discuss their plans for the evening or the next day schedules. Simply start by prioritizing mealtime together. Turn off the computer, the radio, the hand-held games and the TV. Then initiate discussion by sharing something from your day followed by asking others to share. If no one opens up, perhaps pose a question like, “What was the best part of your day today?” or “What was your least favorite activity today?” Remember, as parents open up about their day it will provide an example for the children and teens. Dads and moms do not have perfect days and talking about that sets the stage for more openness among the family.images-10

We still look forward to and enjoy those family meal times around our table with our adult children and their spouses. It’s amazing what we hear from those childhood years – things that we enjoy hearing and being reminded of and things that we wish we just didn’t know.

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Encouragement, Small Groups, Training

The Four P’s

images-5 Have you ever heard of the four P’s? If not, here they are:

People of risk; Places of risk; Possessions of risk; Processes of risk

Those who are in Christ are called a new creation (II Corinthians 5:17) and in order to fight the forces of our past, God will give us wisdom and insight into how to resist the pull of finding ourself off course.images-6

There once were people in our lives who helped us to sin. I call them people of risk. These were the ones who always knew where the party was. As we are learning to walk a different way, people of risk should be avoided. Further, quite often people of risk are found in places of risk. These are the places that you now realize are places of darkness. We, through the discernment of the Holy Spirit, need to steer clear of these places so as to not be tempted to re-enter our former life, at least until we are strong enough to handle the temptations of that former life style.

images-7Possessions of risk are those items that enabled us to disobey God or at the very least did not draw us toward our Savior. An example of one of those items might be inappropriate books. In the book of Acts, chapter nineteen, the new believers actually conducted a book burning. They burned their possessions of risk. In this case, they were books of sorcery.

The last one is processes of risk. This one is a bit difficult to define, but can you think of a time when God spoke to you and revealed that your present way of thinking was a part of your old mindset? The scriptures reveal that we have been given the mind of Christ (I Corinthians 2:16). So, a process of risk might be a return to anger or jealousy in order to get what you want. The Father wants to give you a new process in order to arrive at what He desires for you.images-2

There you have it, the four P’s. How can they help you walk differently today and when can you share them with another?

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Encouragement, Marriage

How to Change Your Husband

images-3 Wives, did you know that you could change your husband without even opening your mouth? Impossible you say? Let me share my reference. In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior. (I Peter 3: 1, 2) Peter, by inspiration wrote “behavior,” not your strong rebukes, your forceful messages, your threats or your ultimatums. It is your behavior the scriptures state your spouse will observe and then consider change. This Bible verse requires an attitude check for every woman who thinks her Christianity is to be worn on her sleeve rather than in her heart.IMG_0605

Peter continues,” You should be known for the beauty that comes from within…a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” I know a woman like this. She found new levels in her spirituality through the Holy Spirit, but never competed with her husband who did not claim the same experience. She prayed at new levels of depth and saw miracles, but never threw those signs and wonders up for comparison with his faith. I watched her go through the loss of a teen child, grieve and then keep serving her many other children and grandchildren. And, I have watched her quickly fading and now heading toward her heavenly home still holding hands with her one and only man of 75 years. She has fought the fight and held onto her life-changing godliness. Her husband has watched, observed, changed and loved the…”beauty that comes from within…”

(I know a woman like that, my mother-in-law, age 93…who early one morning this past week did leave this earth for her heavenly home still loving her husband through a gentle and quiet spirit.  We’ll miss you, mom.)

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Encouragement, Leadership, Mission Report

Leaders Need Encouragement Too

imagesIn a recent conversation, someone reminded me that leaders need a regular dose of encouragement. Leaders tirelessly work toward maturity in the lives of others. Leaders lead in such a way that they continually put themselves out front, knowing they will take some personal “hits”. Leaders naturally think toward growth of their organization, their ministry, their staff and their own personal lives. True God-given leadership never stops desiring to effect change and make a better tomorrow. And, when these natural desires are not met, leaders can become discouraged.

Many years ago my wife and I assembled a youth mission team together. It was our first effort to do such a project and we had 14 very excited and rambunctious volunteers. We spent months preparing for our outreach, speaking into their lives and praying with them. The team did great and completed their mission beyond our expectations. Recently my wife and I were thinking about those 14 names and we asked ourselves, “Where are they today?” Below, see the answers to that question to the best of our present knowledge.images-4

Team member:

#1. Continues with various short-term mission teams; conducted a small engine repair clinic in Uganda; married a nurse with a mission’s heart

#2. Various other mission teams; serves with a human trafficking organization; went to law school

#3. Various other mission teams; serves an orphanage in Mombasa, Kenya now in co-mission with her husband

#4. Completed Bible school, married and became a fulltime missionary to the Middle East

#5. Serving God by serving youth in a mental health facility

#6. Went to Bible school and is now a fulltime missionary to Germany working in human trafficking

#7. A fulltime YWAM missionary for several years and now a DOVE International pastor’s wife

#8. Completed her social work degree and now a missionary in South Africa youth prisons

#9. Leading a church planting effort to Germany

#10. Various mission teams; a medical doctor (surgeon) today working with medical missions

#11. Away from God?

#12. Away from God? Unknown whereabouts.

#13. Went to college; married; a mother of two children

#14. Incarcerated for murder; has returned to God and lives for Him daily in prison soon to be paroled

images-6There you have the outcome of one youth mission team who are now adults. Obviously, a lot more has happened in their lives than just that first team, but when we as leaders do not stop and think about the results of sowing into the lives of others we can become discouraged. Take the time to consider what your heavenly Father has done through you as His obedient leader. You just might encourage yourself.

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Encouragement, Leadership, NASCAR

The Need for Speed

images-2NASCAR racing is fast and getting faster.  These cars can cover one full mile of oval track with four turns in 24 seconds!  Being up close and up front is exhilarating when feeling the rush of air currents created, smelling the burning fuel and having to wear ear plugs from the “straight through” exhaust noise.  Eight hundred plus horsepower in the engines times 43 cars sends out a vibration of sheer excitement.  These hyper motor cars are moving faster by you than the human eye can concentrate on any one colorful, decal-filled machine.  The driver concentration must be beyond something that most of us can’t even identify with.  And to continually cover this one mile oval for 400 plus laps, maintaining the speeds needed, holding onto a car that won’t turn, but slides at times, being inches or less from the cars around you…well, that’s just a superhuman feat.  Who says these drivers are not athletes?  You better be in the best of physical and mental shape to handle the resistance in the steering wheel, oppressive heat (most times well over 100 degrees) in the cockpit, the possibility of a crash at any moment, all the while, communicating on the radio with your crew chief and listening to your “spotter” (the person informing you where everyone else is on the track).
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Life seems to be moving faster and faster these days.  Sometimes it’s a rush of excitement and sometimes it’s about protecting yourself from crashing and burning.  It seems to take more concentration today to keep our eyes on the mark and to not become distracted by how quickly our world is changing.  At times there is oppressive heat, noise and resistance as we walk out our faith.  We have so many negative voices yelling at us while we are really trying to hear our Spotter (the Holy Spirit) telling us which way to turn and what areas to avoid.  It takes single-mindedness to stay on the track and in the race.  We need to work on our spiritual conditioning on a daily basis and not fall behind.  No matter how hot it gets or pressure-filled, keeping our eyes on the prize, we will run the race to win and receive that final reward.images

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Encouragement, Leadership, Small Groups

A Thirty Six Year Old Prophetic Word

images-3It was May 6, 1979 and I was 25 years old. A young man (who did not know me) left his drum set from the front of the auditorium – mid worship set – and headed to the back of the room where I was standing. He wiggled his way through the pew and came nose to nose to me, a visitor. He then began to speak in King James language, …”For yea I shall stir thee and move thee out. Yea a gift shall come upon thee. Thou shalt exhort with the word and bring forth a rich blessing to my people that thou knew not of. Yea I shall return unto thee a hundred fold, saith the Lord.” There were words before and more after these few statements, but in re-reading them the other day, while on a two-day prayer retreat, I was struck by the boldness and obedience of this young man and by the ways in which this “word” has come to pass.images-5

I loved God with all of my heart, but those words were a huge stretch for me at the time they were spoken. Only God could speak something so truth-filled and yet so far from the days of fulfillment. How could I possibly comprehend that one day I would have the opportunity to travel around the world depositing the “gift” of God’s word through teaching. And, amazingly, some of those words would turn into books.

imagesGive your life fully to God today so that He can grow you and use you to create a different world tomorrow. No one person can affect everyone, but each of us can do our part and reach the world with the truth of the gospel one by one.

 

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Children, Encouragement, Parents

On Being a Father

IMG_1128Now that I am a grandfather (Papaw is the name my grandson has bestowed upon me), it is easier to recall the decades of raising two sons and a daughter. I loved fathering, almost everything about it. I say ‘almost’ because there were those times of confusion, disorientation and exhaustion. But I would not trade one single day because I chose to love every age period my children went through, even the ‘terrific two’s’ and the teen years of learning through natural resistance.

Everyday was a gift from God to hold them, tuck them in at night, pray over their “bad” dreams, kiss them and listen to their pure hearts. Even during pregnancy, I would talk to my children almost every night. Mary and I would lie in bed and I would read them stories from the story books we were collecting. We sang songs to them and we prayed over them. We prayed perfect health and development, joy and acceptance into our family. With our second and third child, we introduced them to their siblings and together we would speak words of anticipation, waiting upon their birth (Psalm 139:13-16).

From conception we wanted our children to know they were accepted, approved of and loved unconditionally. We wanted them to know this was their time to be fashioned and formed to reflect the image of their heavenly Father who was the One bringing them into existence (Acts 17: 24-26). It was He who chose to place them into our lives to be their parents. We knew they were created before the foundation of the earth and we knew our time with them was only for a season (Jeremiah 1:5; Ephesians 1: 4-5). They were never a mistake or an afterthought. They were always wanted, never rejected. Did we have perfect children? No. Were we perfect parents? No, never.

As a father of adult children now, may I pass some advice on to you?images-6

 

  • Enjoy and embrace everyday; you’ll never get it back.
  • Value your children in every way you can. Show them honor and respect.
  • Do not speak down to them.
  • Do not make fun of them or compare them to others; always be the encourager, all the while, speaking truth.
  • Teach them; impart to them everything you can. Remember that every moment is a teachable moment. Mentor them in how to work, how to care for possessions, how to handle finances and, mostly, how to give.
  • Read to them. Play with them. Date them.
  • Never speak words of power over them, but rather empower them to make right decisions.
  • Don’t try to be their friend; be their parent and discipline them.
  • Create healthy boundaries for them and enforce those boundaries.
  • Turn the TV and the computer games off and have family time regularly.
  • They do not need a lot of stuff, things or possessions, but, rather, teach them to explore and discover, to use their imagination and creativity. (The #1 favorite toy of children around the world is a stick and #2, a box.)
  • Share in a family devotional time that relates to them, not you.
  • Discover their natural gifts and celebrate their personality traits and then provide the necessary reinforcement.
  • Teach them to love and obey God, to pray and place Him first in their lives.images-5
  • Pray for and with them daily. Take the lead in apologizing when necessary.

And lastly, always reinforce to them there is nothing that will ever change the fact that they are your son or daughter and that no matter what they do or say, you are committed to them and will forever love them.

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