Category Archives: Encouragement

Challenge, Encouragement, Leadership, Men, Singles, Training, Women

Raising Your Pain Tolerance (Knee Surgery Part II)

Experiencing the replacement of a knee cannot be lightly categorized as a simple, in-and-out procedure. It has meant being out of commission for a season. It has meant unrivaled pain. It has meant disciplining oneself to faithfully do physical therapy (aka, “personal torture”) exercises. And, it has meant having to be patient with the healing process.

If you are listening to your thoughts about what you are experiencing while you are experiencing it, you can learn something about yourself and you can learn some things about life. What follows are some life lessons I learned while in the recovery process that have also become life applications. 

I can’t count how many people said to me, “No pain; no gain.” I told my wife one day that if one more person says those words to me, I think I am going to give them some pain. But that old saying is literally true. Recovery from surgery can be painful and it’s why some patients give up. Simply put, it just hurts too much.

I was listening to a teaching about how pain in our lives – all pain – produces something: a higher pain tolerance. I felt that those words were directly from God for me. He was asking me to develop a higher pain tolerance physically, yes, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You see, the higher our tolerance, the less offended we can become, the less offensive we will be. With a higher pain tolerance, we can return good for evil, we can love in greater measure and we can tolerate far more irritants (or irritating persons). 

Speaking of irritants, when someone is experiencing pain, it is difficult to be ones normal self. Small irritations can become enlarged rather quickly. However, pain can grant God permission to show me, me. When in pain, inhibitions are lowered and what’s really inside is allowed to surface. Overall, not a bad thing. 

Here’s another saying we often have to endure post surgery, “Push through the pain.” Yes, it hurts, but you must push through the hurt so you can become stronger. Who on earth elects to do that? How many of us relish inflicting pain upon ourselves no matter the results? I can quickly throw the desired results out the window if it includes suffering. Funny that Jesus told us in this world we would suffer pain, we would have trials and tribulation, but He has overcome the world. (See John 16:33.)

I could have blamed my smiling therapist for the hurt she inflicted. But the reality was my mindset had to change to how the hurt, the pain was actually good for me. Said another way: it hurts for my good. The therapist is inflicting pain, but for my personal strengthening, which ultimately brings healing.

Imagine actually going back to someone who deeply hurt you and saying to them, “Thanks for the hurt you inflicted upon me. Because of it, I have grown in my walk with Christ and I am learning patience and discipline as my pain tolerance increases.” But that is exactly what is happening as you suffer. Hebrews twelve reveals, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

How has personal pain helped to grow you?

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Prayer, Women

Praying for Our Adult Children

It was one thing to have prayed for our children as they were growing up in our home under our direct influence, but it is another praying for our adult children, especially if they no longer hold the same values we as parents do. We may have raised them with one set of values and they may choose to live by another set of values. 

Our children grew up in our home with the consistent example of seeing, hearing, and experiencing faith-believing prayer. We prayed for and about everything. We wanted them to know that even though their parents could not meet all of their needs, there was Someone who could. Children need a model of prayer which causes them to “seek first the kingdom of God.”

Today, as we pray for our adult children and their children, we still desire to see changes in their lives. As minor children, we could force some changes; we had that level of control. As adults we can only influence change through prayer and any open door they will give us. Very few persons desire our advice without them first asking for it, including our children. 

Praying for our adult children is our first line of defense and offense. It is not inaction. Prayer is not secondary; it is not lacking any other answer; it must be our go-to move first and foremost. Prayer is our lifeline to our Father as He works on behalf of our children. Prayer helps to keep the focus off of what we can do or feel the need to do and places it upon what Holy Spirit is doing in our lives and theirs. Prayer, giving our cares over to God, helps to keep our hearts at peace and free from anxiety.

We pray for them and we let them know we are praying for them. If you have opportunity, you can even let them know what and how you are praying. So, how do we pray?

Ask your Father to place the right person(s) in their lives at the right time. 

Ask Him to be in their dreams, in the music they listen to and in the media they watch. Ask Him to show up in multiple ways.

Pray for their workplace, their families, their finances, and their safety.

Pray scriptures over them. God’s word sent in prayer is a powerful tool. Pray peace over them.

Pray for God’s purposes to be fulfilled and the passions He placed on their hearts to be realized. 

Pray for their spiritual ears to hear His still small voice. 

If your children are asking for prayer, no request is too small or too large. If your children are not asking for prayer, maybe even are antagonistic toward prayer, choose not to be offended. Don’t back away from loving and accepting them. Do not choose hurt; choose the relationship any way you can get it, even if it feels shallow. Surface or fragile relationships are better than no relationship or broken relationships. Continually, in every way you can, reinforce your unconditional love as their parents. 

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16) Your prayers make a difference.

I thank you, heavenly Father, that You are working in my son/daughter’s life each and every day. I thank You that Holy Spirit does not leave them or forsake them. I am grateful that You are loving them in a way that I cannot right now. I am grateful that regardless of what they’re saying or doing, You are drawing them to Yourself. Father, You gave them birth, they are Yours and You love them in far greater measure than I can. I commit them to Your love, to Your care. In Jesus’ name.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

Fear vs. Faith

Fear will steal from you;

   Faith will bring increase and enlarge you.

Fear pushes for a retreat;

   Faith pushes for an advance.

Fear brings doubt;

   Faith brings answers.

Fear will keep us from finding our identity;

   Faith moves us toward our identity.

Fear causes us to forget God’s promises;

   Faith causes us to remember God’s promises and then act on them.

Fear delays;

   Faith is now.

Fear brings defeat;

   Faith brings hope.

Fear holds us back;

   Faith moves us ahead.

Fear questions;

   Faith confirms.

Fear brings loss;

   Faith brings gain.

Fear hesitates and vacillates;

   Faith moves us to victory.

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

Conquer your fears with a spirit of faith!

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Identity, Marriage, Parents

The Primary Role of Parents

Parents do a lot of things day in and day out and are some of the busiest persons on the face of the earth. Few envy the parent of a toddler or the parent of a wayward teen. Parents give more than most humans in any relationship; it’s how we’re built. 

Could we establish one thing from the onset and a truth that bears repeating to others? God gave children to parents. He did not ask school teachers, counselors, the local church or government to parent those we give birth to. That role was given to two select persons, a mother and a father.

As mothers and fathers, we’re teachers, therapists, nurses, singers, coaches, and disciplinarians. It is a never-ending and grueling job that calls for faith, patience, energy and lots and lots of unconditional love. 

But what is the primary role of a parent? Of the necessary and endless things we teach our children and the thousands of dollars we spend to feed, cloth, educate and care for our kids, what is priority number one? 

My wife and I spent 25 years raising children and we loved it. We embraced each and every year. We determined that there were no “terrible twos” or necessary rebellious teenage years. It was our goal to raise happy, healthy, obedient kids who knew Whose they were and who they were. Everything we did with and for our children we did intentionally with God’s direction and help.

Discovering the number one area came to me after a major mistake I made in my parenting. My son wanted to watch a certain TV show that we felt was dishonoring of family, especially fathers. We told him that we would not participate in that program and why. He then told us when he would leave our home he would watch it and furthermore, he couldn’t wait to leave!

Now I knew why I wanted to leave my parents, but why on earth would he want to leave his? He had his own room. We loved him. We loved God. We loved each other. For heaven’s sake, we bought him Nike sneakers and Levi jeans!

God whispered in my ear, “I gave him to you to leave you one day. It’s not a matter of will he leave, but HOW he will leave. And, by the way, I didn’t give him to you so that you could build you in him. I gave him to you so that you could build Me in him.”

I thought I was a pretty good guy. Why wouldn’t my son want to be like me? 

Herein is the primary role when parenting your children, “He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone (our children) fully mature in Christ.” (Colossians 1:28) 

Stop building yourself in your child and start building Christ. It is our primary role as a parent. Your child can do all things through Christ, but our parenting has its limits.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Are You Following Your Heart? Don’t!

I am unsure where the phrase “follow your heart” came from. I have certainly used it on occasion and perhaps you have too. But should we be using that phrase with our children or our spouse or our close friends? 

Here’s my challenge from the book of Jeremiah: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” (17:9)

Yikes, the Bible actually says that? Yes, in fact it does. 

So, what are we to follow? The Holy Spirit, God’s still small voice (I Kings 19:12). Here are some additional words of advice from God’s word:

Isaiah 30:21
“And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.”

Jeremiah 33:3
“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

Psalm 119:105
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

Mark 4:24
“And he said to them, ‘Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you.’”

John 5:30 – From Christ.
“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.”

John 10:27
“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.”

John 14:26
“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

I am not sure of my heart or yours, but I am totally sure of God’s heart toward you.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Marriage, Parents, Prayer

Praying for Our Children

If you are a parent, you realize you can come to the end of yourself very quickly. While parents have huge capacity levels, there is no way any parent has all the vitality, all the answers and all the correct responses for their children’s inquisitive minds and endless energy. 

My wife and I quickly realized the older our children became the more complicated parenting became. It just doesn’t get easier with age. 

However, we never believed in the “terrible twos” or the “rebellious teen years.” We simply didn’t accept that it was guaranteed we would go through those times. In fact, we decided to have the “terrific twos” and the “compliant teen years.”

Being totally honest, raising children is the most rewarding job while at the same time, the most difficult and challenging job. It is not for the faint of heart. A parent must never give up or tire of keeping the boundaries straight. Parents must remain parents at all times and not peers. 

So, what’s the secret weapon in growing happy, healthy, productive, focused and disciplined kids? Wow, that’s a million-dollar question. I do have one answer. PRAYER!

Yes, faith in Someone much more capable than you; Someone more loving and patient than you and Someone far more knowledgeable than you are a must as a parent. That’s why I wrote the Praying for Your Children prayer tract. It is filled with scriptures to pray over your children at multiple stages of their lives. 

Praying God’s word builds faith for your children. It builds your faith. God’s word has so much to say about children–as the first Parent should–and who they are becoming. And when praying the scriptures over your children, your prayers can’t miss. They will hit the target and your children will respond. 

Our adult children are still requesting prayer from us as parents, mostly for their children. Why? Because they know we prayed and we pray for them. 

Here are a few example scriptural prayers:

Even when I am old . . . do not forsake me, my God,

till I declare your power to the next generation: …………. Psalm 71:18

My children shall be mighty on the earth, wealth 

        and riches are in my house…………………………………… Psalm 112:2-3

My son shall be like a well-nurtured plant and my daughter 

        like a pillar carved to adorn a palace………………….. Psalm 144:12-13

God will give my children a heart to know Him—they will 

        return with all their heart……………………………………….. Jeremiah 24:7

There are 65 more scriptures just like these. Where can you locate this valuable prayer tract? Right here.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

The Value of Kissing

Kissing. Who knew its scientific value? Who could imagine that this form of affection actually brought comfort, security, emotional satisfaction and even released feel good endorphins?

In a Psychology Today article from 2023, key lessons were explored when it came to kissing. There were obvious, predictable and emotionally boosting improvements discovered in the relationships that prioritize kissing. 

First, what does a kiss do? It is a sensual connection within marriage that communicates affection and even deepens the relationship. Kissing reduces stress, tension and anxiety. Kissing boosts our immune systems through the trading of saliva. Kissing releases dopamine to improve one’s mood and foster more contentment. It is a non-verbal form of communication that speaks volumes, especially on the romantic side of marriage. 

The article went on to share, “A skilled kisser is more likely to be in sync with their partner’s needs…and it promotes higher levels of relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction.” Why? Because kissing is not just a physical connection but it also connects us emotionally. It is being in the moment with your mate. When we kiss, we are continuing to build a healthy relationship, an emotional charge and a physiological enhancement to our marriage. 

These are all psychological benefits that improve our overall marriage satisfaction and should never be underestimated as a powerful tool for keeping the flame burning. Regardless of how long you are married, don’t lose the art, the connection and the value of a kiss.

Kiss when you leave the house.

Kiss when you return.

Kiss when praying together.

Kiss as you retire for the evening.

Kiss in front of the children and kiss for no reason at all.

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Challenge, Encouragement, History, Men, Parents, Women

Growing Creative Ideas and Inventions

I have never seen myself as an artist or very creative. That is, until people began commenting that some of my hobbies are very artistic and creative. It actually surprised me, in a good way of course. 

The lightbulb has become a symbol of creativity or ideas. Creativity with invention symbolizes ingenuity. 

A friend of mine quilts scenes from a picture.The headboard is my design.

Thomas Edison was a record-setting creative inventor who has 1,093 different inventions. On one single day in 1888 he recorded 112 different ideas. He patented something every eleven days. When he died, it is said that 15 billion dollars of the national economy was a result of his innovations alone. He employed thousands of people who became known as his “muckers.” 

We use many of the items, or variations thereof, that Edison invented to this day. Items like: the phonograph, the kinetoscope (an early motion picture device), the dictating machine, the alkaline battery, the electric meter, a sap extractor, a talking doll, rock crushers, electric pens, and a tornado proof house. 

The Creator of our world gives us the ability to create. His gifts are given to us to use for the benefit of others, for income to feed our family, for teaching and instructing others (multiplying our gifts), but ultimately for His glory and His purposes.

A baseball bat headboard created by my son-in-law for my grandson.

Exodus 35:35 reveals, “He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as engravers, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers–all of them skilled workers and designers.” 

We each have a level of creativity and design because we each have a Designer. We are created in the image of the Designer. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10)

Funny thing though, Edison did not invent the lightbulb. Incandescent lights began in 1761. Edison prided himself in making things better–perfecting them. His first patent did not come until 1869, an electronic vote recorder. But Edison did create a lightbulb that would burn for hours, prolonging daylight on the street and in the factories.

What are those gifts He has deposited within you that others confirm in your life? Make your world a better place by using those gifts for His honor and His glory.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Parents, Pornography

Children and Pornography – It’s Traumatizing Effects

According to the research, most children are exposed to pornography by age 11. Many are exposed accidentally on the internet and many are exposed by coming into contact with their parents’ pornographic material. Those who are sexual predators specifically target young children via porn for the purpose of exploitation. 

A friend of mine told me he was only nine years of age when a friend shared his grandfather’s stash of porn with him found in their barn.

The Effects of Seeing Pornography as a Child

Children do not possess the emotional or cognitive capacity to assimilate pornography in any form. Children report feeling embarrassment, shock, fear, anger, overwhelming sadness and repulsion after being exposed to porn. Young children who view pornography are more likely to sexually assault their peers and siblings. 

According to the American College of Pediatrics, “Consumption of pornography is associated with many negative emotional and psychological…outcomes. These include increased rates of depression, anxiety, acting out and violent behavior…sexual promiscuity…and a distorted view of relationships between men and women. For adults, pornography addiction results in an increased likelihood of divorce which is also harmful to children.”

When my friend was around age 12 he and his friends hid pornographic magazines in their tree house. He said, “We would invite girls into our tree house so we could act out what we saw in the magazines.”

Pornography use as teenagers distorts their view of healthy sexuality and seriously affects, in multiple negative ways, personal relationships. Pornography use fosters the belief that sexual promiscuity is normal and that sexual abstinence is abnormal. Teenagers involved in pornography have difficulty forming lasting, healthy opposite sex relationships which results in higher rates of poor self-images. 

How is Pornography Harming Our Children?

Children viewing pornography are severely harming their brain development. Young, developing minds are hypersensitive to stimuli. That means children can form habits, both positive and negative, very quickly. 

A child’s view of sexuality as normative between husband and wife is ruined by pornography. Pornography presents anything but normality. For young boys, it makes girls an object. Children are taught that sexuality is all about them. It can be violent in nature and it teaches that sex should be expected in a relationship.

Pornography use creates a secretive lifestyle which promotes hiding, lying, and denial. Viewing pornography removes the child from necessary play activities. It can be sleep disruptive. It will reduce scholastic performance by stealing time from school work. 

Viewing pornography increases other unhealthy, abnormal behaviors like sexting. Children learn and grow by mimicking the behavior they see and experience. While children are naturally inclined to explore their bodies, pornography will take them far beyond any natural exploration. 

What You Can Do

  • Talk to your children about pornography. Ask lots of questions. Be persistent.
  • Place a program on your computer that aggressively withholds access to pornography. 
  • Remove data access on their smartphones.
  • Talk to your children about their peers and what they might be exposing your child to.
  • Be calm about discussing the topic and reassure your child of your love no matter what they say.
  • If your child confesses use to you, thank them for their honesty.
  • Work at not placing more shame or judgement upon them. 
  • Find resources to help you as the parent and your child. Talk to your pastor and your local church counselor. Ask for recommendations to help your child and yourself. 

Please see a comprehensive article I wrote on pornography here.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Pornography, Women

View It; Just Don’t Do It?

There is not one alcoholic who ever thought their first drink would lead to alcoholism and yet it can.

When did you first view pornography? Was it with friends or were you by yourself? Was it planned or did it happen inadvertently? Did you then desire to look again and again and again?

Viewing pornography repeatedly causes one to lose control. Control of what?

  • Control of our thought life.
  • Control of our eyes.
  • Control of the spirit of lust.
  • Control of the lies one uses to cover up the practice.
  • For some, the loss of financial control. 
  • Control of our sexual lives.

Do you really want to lose control over your life through an addiction? Do you really want to destroy your marriage? Do you want to open the door to porn use for your children? 

When we allow a perversion into our home, we give the evil one freedom to destroy our home. We will be opening the door to ruined relationships and quite possibly a ruined family. 

Confess your need for help to your pastor or a counselor and receive intervention. Pornography is not something God hands you; it is something the devil himself hands you. 

The ongoing viewing of pornography will not take you where God desires you to go. God treasures your heart; He wants to dwell there and remove the trash the enemy has handed you. Pornography viewing is beneath who you are and Whose you are.

Please see a comprehensive article I wrote on pornography here.

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