I have a theory and I believe the testimony of hundreds of married couples backs up this theory. The theory is the more sex you have outside of marriage, the less sex you have within marriage.
My wife and I have the privilege to speak with many couples each year and we have never heard one of them remark anything remotely close to this statement, “We’re so happy that we engaged in premarital sex.” As well, we’ve never heard, “Premarital sex helped us prepare for marital sex.” What we have heard is that sex before marriage actually stole intimacy from their marriage. Sex was no longer special, awaited and neither did it gather the excitement anticipated.
Premarital sex is titillating, full of emotion and coated in brain chemicals that run amuck. It’s also full of the fear of being caught, and overcome by having, no, taking what does not belong to you. Once married, that anticipation diminishes to the point in which some couples are not engaging in sexual intimacy on their wedding night. Even further, we often hear the expression that sexual intimacy is rarely occurring now that they are married. Imagine, this divine gift given to us by God, now stolen from us because of lust-filled desires.
Now, hearing from those singles who have waited, saved themselves for the one they will spend the rest of their lives with…never have we heard one single word or expression of regret, bemoaning the fact that they were inexperienced. To discover this world with one another was a huge part of the gift itself. Encountering one another sexually, within godly boundaries, literally helps to carry intimacy throughout the marriage, all the while maintaining their vows spoken before God.
Anytime we violate God’s principles, we also violate human value, respect and honor. Sex outside of marriage is a sin against our body (I Corinthians 6:18) and a violation against our future marriage. Because marriage is sacred, as is the act of marriage, we break covenant with God through immorality (I Corinthians 6:9). We disrupt His desire and design for our future. When we worship the created more than the Creator, we have convinced ourselves that our will and our desires, not God’s, are best for us.
Have you succumbed to sex outside of marriage? You can be forgiven of your sin and be renewed in your commitment to purity before God. He longs to give to you a fresh start, but you must be serious about that commitment. His Spirit dwells within the Christian to not sin because, “…you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (I Corinthians 6:19 & 20)
“The truth is, I never loved her.” Unfortunately, I’ve heard these words more than once. Since I probably never have been totally honest in my response, I’ll be honest with you.
We make a personal choice with whom we marry – no one forces us. Do you want to stay in love? Then love your spouse with all your heart. Do you want to be happy? Then work toward making your spouse happy. Ask God to show you all of your personal selfish desires so that you can continue your love commitment through every stage of your marriage.
Recently while in the nation of New Zealand, a friend pointed to a fellow teacher and said, “See that older gentleman?” I assured him that I did. He went on to explain, “I am younger than him and I am retired from teaching.” I asked why he chooses not to retire figuring the conversation was leading that way. My friend replied, “He tells me he wants to continue teaching because it is far better than going home and living with his critical wife.”
In God’s word, Ephesians chapter five is where we often find ourselves concerning the husband and wife relationship. We tend to quote those parts that we like in these verses, but often fail to remember the parts that require effort from us. For example, what man doesn’t like the fact that God requires a woman to respect her husband? And, what woman doesn’t like the part that asks a husband to love his wife?
Steve Prokopchak 