Category Archives: Singles

Issues of the Day, Singles, Small Groups

A New Generation: Drinking and the Questions We Need to Ask

images-5Let’s face it—alcohol is back. No longer is alcohol demonized in Christian circles. We even find churches using beer as a gathering agent during Bible studies in local bars. Is that practice sacrilegious, going too far or taking hold of my liberty and tramping all over yours?

How much alcohol is too much and do we know our personal limits? Just where do we cross the line? Is getting a little drunk a little wrong or simply not a sin? The Bible, our source as believers, gives some very clear guidelines. I’d like to offer you a few more—if you’ll indulge me.

First, in taking a close look at God’s Word, it is absolutely wrong and sinful to be inebriated. Jesus Himself said, “Watch out! Don’t let me find you living in careless ease and drunkenness” (Luke 21:34).*

Apostle Paul warned believers not to participate in wild parties and get drunk (Romans 13:13; Galatians 5:21). Paul said drunkards would not share in the kingdom of God (I Corinthians 6:10). He told the Ephesian church—and therefore that includes you and me—not to be drunk with wine but be filled with the Holy Spirit of God (Ephesians 5:18). Peter stated in 1 Peter 4:3, “those who drink to drunkenness share in evil desires;” and such behavior is to be treated as a sin that we completely eliminate from our lives. He actually called those who participate in drunkenness “godless people.”

I don’t know about you, but I certainly do not want to find myself in eternity and discover that I have been involved in “godless” activity of any kind. I desire to live my life in a way that leads others to my Savior, an attractant, not a distraction from Christ. At this point, you might think that I am against any alcohol consumption by a believer. I am not. That is between you and our heavenly Father. So, the first question is to ask Him: “Father, is it okay with You that I consume alcoholic beverages?” It is important to know God’s will for you. Just because you are of legal age to drink does not mean that you have the liberty to partake. Has your heavenly Father given you permission or do you have some form of conviction in your heart that you are dismissing?

While I was in the military some decades ago, I observed a lot of alcoholism and other addictions. The military taught that alcohol is a drug—the most frequently abused drug in the world. In graduate school, I heard many drug and alcohol counselors say that alcoholism started with one drink, just like drug addiction starts with one joint or pill. Does everyone become addicted? No. Does everyone have the potential of addiction? Yes.

The second question to ask yourself might be, “Does alcoholism exist in my family history?” If it does, the potential of addiction is even greater. Why? That spirit of addiction is already introduced to your family line and may have been part of it for generations. Carefully look at your family history. If you haven’t already, now is a good time to break off any generational spirit of addiction in the name of Jesus.

images-4Third, who are you hanging out with? Are they encouraging you to drink and/or to drink too much? Did you know that Proverbs 23:19-21 admonishes, “My child, listen and be wise. Keep your heart on the right course. Do not carouse with drunkards and gluttons, for they are on their way to poverty.”

Speaking of poverty, how much money does it take to drink alcohol and can you actually afford it? Does the expense of alcohol limit your ability to purchase necessary items? Listen to Proverbs 21:17, “Those who love pleasure become poor; wine and luxury are not the way to riches.” Drinking too much can be a road to poverty, loss and brokenness.

Fourth, are you hurting a weaker brother or sister in the faith? If someone has recently become a Christian and their background was drinking to the point of drunkenness, then part of their freedom might require them to never drink again. Your freedom to drink might offend them; or worse, encourage them to drink again and bring destructive forces back into their lives. Apostle Paul said he would abstain from eating meat and drinking wine if eating or drinking would offend a weaker brother. “Don’t eat meat or drink wine or do anything if it makes another person stumble” (Romans 14:21).images-6

On occasion I have heard Christians boasting about their liberty to drink, freely admit that they drink too much at times but feel no conviction about it. For those who feel this way, please consider the wisdom of Isaiah 5:22, “Destruction is certain for those who are heroes when it comes to drinking, who boast about all the liquor they can hold.” Do not be led astray by these persons because, “Wine produces mockers, liquor leads to brawls. Whoever is led astray by drink cannot be wise” (Proverbs 20:1).

Someone told me that drinking alcohol or offering it to minors is no different than introducing them to coffee or being addicted to caffeine. I have never observed inebriation among coffee drinkers. Can we be addicted to caffeine? Yes. Is it comparable to alcohol addiction and what the Bible forbids in drunkenness? That, to me, is quite a stretch.

On almost every occasion that the subject of alcohol comes up for discussion, someone quickly retorts, “But didn’t Jesus Himself turn water into wine? Wasn’t He by His action an advocate of drinking?”

It’s true, Jesus turned water into wine. Focusing on the subject of the miracle rather than the miracle itself is less about why the story is in the Bible. However, take it a step further will you? Do you believe that Jesus turned the water into wine so that the attendees of the wedding could become drunk and unable to find their way home, commit adultery with another man’s wife, speak crudely or end up regurgitating all over the wedding feast?

We also know Paul told Timothy to have some wine for his stomach’s sake. Are you sick every Saturday night and does your stomach need a little wine? To be fair there is, however, a Proverb that actually encourages a drink for those who are “dying” and those who are in “deep depression” or anguish (Proverbs 31:6).

Here are a few more questions to ask yourself as you personally think about alcohol consumption:

 

  • Has alcohol ever caused you any problems in life such as a DUI, being late for work, a broken relationship, an unclear mind, slower reaction time or influenced you in some way to make a wrong decision?
  • Do you feel the need to defend your actions concerning alcohol?
  • Do you know how much drinking is too much?
  • Have you set a consumption limit for yourself? Have you ever gone over the limit? If so, what have you now changed as a result?
  • Can you afford alcohol?
  • Do you turn to alcohol when you are stressed, worried or can’t sleep rather than turning to God?
  • Is alcohol an answer for anything in your life?
  • Does drinking alcohol (in your mind) help you to fit in, be more social, make you feel older, help you to be less inhibited or more popular?
  • Do you feel that you need to drink alcohol to relax?
  • Is alcohol an excuse in your life for anything?
  • Are you developing a tolerance to alcohol?
  • Does alcohol need to be a part of all of your social occasions? Can you say “no” to a drink when you are with friends and not sense any judgment from them about your choice?
  • How do you relate to/judge peers who have chosen not to drink alcohol?

What if your friend is at your home, your birthday party or your wedding reception and in celebration they drink too much, as you know they have a tendency to do at times. Your friend then hops into their vehicle to drive home. Due to too much alcohol, they have an accident and are killed or kill someone else. Can you control other people’s actions or decisions? Not really, but how responsible might you feel? We can supply an environment to either help or hinder them.

Consider the following if you choose to drink alcohol:

 

  • Set a limit on the number of drinks for yourself. Know your personal tolerance.
  • Set a limit on the frequency of times for partaking.
  • If you are driving and attending an event where alcohol is being served, consider not drinking.
  • If you have friends who drink too much and then get behind the wheel, never ride with them.
  • If you know that you have had too much alcohol and have become giddy or drunk, ask yourself if this is the person of Christ who you desire to represent.

Romans 12:1 clearly discusses how we are to use the body God has given us. We are told to offer our bodies as a “living sacrifice” that is “holy” and “pleasing to the Lord, as an act of worship.” It is amazing to realize that how we treat our bodies, abuse our bodies or care for our bodies can either bring glory to God or be harmful to ourselves and to the cause of Christ. To offer ourselves as a living sacrifice is to worship God. In all environments and in all of our actions, we should desire to bring glory to our Savior.

Finally, consider Paul the Apostle’s advice that he gave to us as a very clear outline for our life and how to live it, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

*All scriptures taken from the New Living Translation, 1996, Tyndale Charitable Trust

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Pornography, Singles

Pornography, a Road to Self-destruction

images-7A number of years ago I conversed with a man who was $32,000.00 in credit card debt. When I asked him what he had purchased as a young single in order to find himself at that level of debt he replied, “Pornography.” I was stunned. Tens of thousands of dollars spent on an addiction and nothing to show for it besides remorse, regret and shame. Proverbs chapters 5-7 speaks so plainly of the adulterous woman and the man who goes astray with her, however consider the following verses in the light of viewing pornography:

With persuasive words she led him astray: she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping onto a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life. Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say. Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths. Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death.

images-2“Many are the victims she has brought down…”  Could those verses be an apt description of a pornography addiction? Under the Law of the Old Covenant, the result of one caught in adultery was death. However under the New Covenant, Jesus was stricter than the Law of Moses. He said that if we look at someone with lust in our heart, we are committing the act of adultery. What if we are held captive by images on a screen…?

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Parents, Premarital, Singles

Pornography and Singleness

images-5Pornography will affect your marriage even if you are still single and waiting for your spouse.  If you start viewing pornography, or when you view it, keep in mind that through mental stamping of the brain (that brain wash of chemicals when viewing porn) you will mentally carry many of those images for the rest of your life. While that may seem like a long time and impossible, I can still remember from my pre-teen years some of the images I saw in magazines that I found along the road while leisurely riding my bike on warm summer days.

If you desire a healthy sex life one day with the man or woman who God so generously gives to you, then stay far, far away from pornography today.  By staying away now, you won’t need to confess involvement to the future love of your life. By avoiding the temptation of pornography now, you begin to establish trust in this area with your future life mate.  Your mind will be more free and far more pure from sexual lust.  You will not have to deal with sexual shame.  Your marriage bed can be free of mental comparisons and images that only bring hurt and damage to your future love-making.  You will live in a greater sense of freedom today and in the future.  And, your future spouse will feel so honored that you chose not to bring destructive thoughts and images into your marriage bed.images-7

I love these verses that Paul writes under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: But since there is so much immortality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each another except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (I Cor. 7: 2-5) Honor God and honor your body for the one that you will one day show honor to.

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Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Pursuing Sexual Wholeness in Marriage II

images-6Viewing pornography opens the door of our soul and spirit to spiritual oppression, confusion, hopelessness, hurt, control and domination in evil ways. Women feel betrayed by husbands who use porn – cheated on really. Women feel as though they cannot compete with the images their husbands are viewing. It is an illusion that says women will do anything to please their man while no woman in real life lives within that kind of fantasy world. It brings insecurities to her and can destroy her esteem. She will question her attractiveness and her adequacy as a lover. She can eventually think and believe that porn is more important to her husband than she is to him, an ultimate sexual betrayal.

Men, however, often view pornography as innocent, a fix for loneliness or not having a sexual partner that agrees with his desires. Men rationalize and justify their behavior by attempting to call it the “normal behavior” of a man who is simply visual. However, the act of viewing pornography is highly addictive in which some psychologist state that it is like a crack cocaine addiction. Over time it does not diminish, but tends to intensify. It can interfere in a man’s ability to function at home with his family, at work and of course in the bedroom.

One thing we know from God, His love is completely satisfying. One thing we know from the evil one is that lust is insatiable and can NEVER be satisfied. Pornography and lust are a drive to serve oneself rather than ones life mate or others. To speak very directly and candidly to the casual or the constant viewer: By viewing pornography and by going to their web sites, you are supporting the industry and you are helping it to grow. The porn industry is supplying what you’re looking for.  You are contributing to the sexual exploitation of victims caught in this world. You are adding to the sin of human trafficking. You are saying ‘yes’ to a multi-billion dollar industry that feeds and preys on innocent women, men and children and can even lead to their abduction or death. You are helping to destroy those trapped in this industry, your marriage, your own family and yourself.images-3 Unbelievably, you attempt to excuse it and rationalize it when I Corinthians 6: 13 says, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord…” v. 18 – “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” Ephesians 5: 3 – “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity…”

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Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Uncategorized

The Ten Commandments of Marriage II

We’ve started a series on the ten commandments of marriage and today we consider numbers three and four.

3. Thou Shalt Love Her or Him and Make Them Holy

images-2Did you know that you could help make your spouse holy? Yep, it’s all right there in the Scripture. I Corinthians seven says that a believing spouse can sanctify an unbelieving one. You can only imagine how a believing spouse can bless, sanctify and edify their believing spouse. When we become our spouses cheer leader, even when they feel as though they are losing the game, we help build them up to increase their faith for a better future. Far too many individuals see themselves as their spouse’s critic and it is killing their emotional connection. Criticism does not motivate, love does. We are called to speak the truth in a love-filled manner with our speech full of grace. Because of who the Proverbs 31 woman was, her husband found himself sitting at the gate, a respected elder. As you reflect God to one other you will build holiness in one another.

4. Thou Shalt Play Togetherimages-3

Can you remember all the fun things you thought of and once did while dating? Are you still laughing together, really laughing? Marriage has to be fun. If it was not meant to be fun, then God would not have created it. What has happened with humor in your relationship? Where did it go since children came along or all the medical bills came due? Boredom is simply unacceptable within marriage. If we can predict a daily routine, then we have lost spontaneity and excitement. We have allowed tedium, dullness and monotony to set in. Break that cycle by bringing home flowers, sending a card to your spouse’s work place, turning the stove off and running out for Chinese or playing a game that is not too competitive. Rent one of your favorite funny movies and laugh again. Regularly search for, listen for and check the Internet for local happenings that you can attend together and have fun again. Recently, we attended a local “bridge bust” and then laughed the whole way home about how it truly was a “bust.”  Finally, make a list of fun and creative things to do together and prioritize them, you’ll never regret it.  Proverbs reminds us that a merry heart has medicinal purposes, so make fun a priority.

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Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Uncategorized

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Starting this week, I am going to create a series of blogs that I am calling The Ten Commandments of Marriage.  I hope you enjoy them and will share them with others.images-6

1. Thou Shalt Love God Above All Else

To love your spouse, your children or yourself above God is simply wrong. Jesus said we were to love God with all of our heart, mind and soul and then love our neighbor as our self. Your closest neighbor is your spouse, but love them next to God. Did you catch that “as you love yourself” part? That means, in order to be able to love another so deeply we must be able to know the love of God for ourselves. Unless we know and fully understand that He is madly in love with us, are fulfilled in His acceptance and know His approval, we will lack in our love toward our spouse. Ephesians says it this way, “…no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.” You cannot hate yourself, while at the same time, claim to love your mate. You are one.

2. Thou Shalt Not be Self-consumed or Walk in Selfish Ambition

Selfish ambition is being filled with immaturity and will kill a marriage faster than anything. Selfish ambition is defined in the Bible as acting on your own for your greater good, not walking in humility, interested only in yourself and, lastly, being filled with vain conceit (Philippians 2:3,4) We are strictly commanded to be like Christ who became a servant and even though He was God, never considered equality with God by giving up His divine privileges (NLT). Are you serving and looking for ways to serve your spouse on a daily basis? There is no 50/50 deal in marriage; it is a one hundred percent devotion to serve and care for the other first. Marriage exposes how self-centered we actually are and can either destroy our relationship or expose our need to change. Marriage is not about me or having my needs met, but rather asking God to help me partner with Him in blessing my spouse.

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Encouragement, Leadership, Marriage, Singles

Doing a One Eighty at Thirty Seven Thousand Feet

Last week I was in the middle of flying out of the country to spend time with several churches that I have the privilege of serving.  We were at 37,000 feet over the Atlantic and almost half way to our destination, having left Charlotte, NC two hours earlier, when the pilot came on the intercom and announced that we would be returning to the states – Miami, in fact.  None of the passengers, including myself, had realized that the plane had already completed its 180-degree turn around and was headed northwest rather than southeast.  This huge plane, a Boeing 757, with every available seat filled to capacity with mostly tourists completely changed directions and no one knew any different.

I got to thinking about that…  Could we be experiencing a 180-degree turn in our marriage and never have a clue?  Could we as believers experience a 180-degree turn in our devotional life or even our faith and not realize it?  Could our nation be experiencing a 180-degree turn away from a biblical truth and we do not know the Word of God well enough to realize what’s happening right before our eyes?  The scriptures tell us that the enemy of our souls…”masquerades as an angel of light.”  He can make something look good or enticing when in fact it is 180 degrees the opposite of the will of God.  Are you headed in the godly direction that you thought you were in every area of life?  “Lord, reveal to each of us the direction of our heart and soul.”

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Marriage, Mission Report, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Addis Ababa and Other Such Places (Part II)

Once landing in Kampala, Uganda it was an amazing time of ministry to children, teens, a local DOVE International church, leaders and couples.  These precious people are both hungry for more of God’s principles, as well as, an encouragement in areas of prayer and faith-filled living.  The Ugandan’s are an industrious people who seem to be working from daylight to after dark alongside a small kerosene lantern in order to provide for their families.  There are literally thousands of little stands selling shoes, meat, handmade furniture, jewelry, etc.  They are not dependent on others for their survival and I never heard them complain about life circumstances.  I was privileged to be spending a week with them.

After hearing a teaching on biblical submission, one precious woman of God commented, “This is so freeing to us as woman and so encouraging for our husbands.”  When I gave the overnight homework assignment of writing their own couple mission statement for their marriages, they returned the next morning with excitement to share their paragraphs.  It was as if new life was breathed into their marriage relationship.  One young pastor asked, “But what do I do if my wife will not agree to my vision?”  I then challenged the personal pronoun of the word “I” and the possessive word of “my” and asked them to think in terms of “our.”  How simple and yet so radically different for him when thinking about future vision with his life partner who he is one with.

Do you have a marriage mission statement for your marriage?  It may just change the way you see submission, which literally means to come under the mission.

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Encouragement, Singles

Living Life as a Single is a Godly Option

Throughout the Old Testament there was no option of living single.  I’ve been told that there was not even a Hebrew word for bachelor.  During this time, young Israelites married early and had children.  It is what was expected.  Perhaps most who married were actually teenagers when they spoke their vows entering into the covenant of marriage.  But, the New Testament provides another option.

One day Jesus was being questioned about divorce and where He stood on Moses allowing divorce.  Jesus replies that divorce was not God’s idea (it was not this way from the beginning), but man’s idea, out of the hardness of his heart.  He goes on to say something extremely radical for those who lived under the law.  Jesus actually provided an alternative to marriage, something that did not exist in Israel.  He said that some would renounce marriage because of the kingdom of heaven (Mt. 19:11,12).  In other words, Jesus allowed singleness for the sake of the gospel of the kingdom.  The Pharisees must have been scratching their heads over that statement.

If you’re still single, you are not a half a person.  You are a whole person dedicated to kingdom building without the distraction of marriage and a family.  Go for it, be mobile, be committed, and be passionate and radical for your King.  If you desire to be married, you desire a good thing, but stay in the game of living for Jesus 24/7 and watch what He does for you.  He is the best matchmaker and He knows far more about you, what you desire and what you need than eHarmony.

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Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Saying,“I do,” What Happens at a Wedding

The mystery of two becoming one begins with a confession of two simple words, “I do.”  After almost 38 years of marriage, Mary and I “still do.”  This past Easter Sunday I watched as my mother and father-in-law held hands to pray over their meal together.  After 71 years of marriage, they “still do.”  Little did we understand those two, almost insignificant, words at our marriage ceremony, but here’s a bit of insight into what they actually mean or will mean when you speak them.

Prior to the wedding ceremony, both the man and the woman are under the authority of another(s) – their parents.  When saying, “I do,” there is an exchange of authority in order to leave and cleave.  The father and mother give their daughter away and there is a name change.  There is an exchange of possessions.  What is his is now also hers and what is hers becomes his.  There is a releasing of singleness so that in mind, body, soul and spirit two become one.  All past dating relationships are left in order to cling to this one and only this one.  There is a new sense of responsibility for another.  There is a new sense of submission and giving of oneself for another.  Two now embrace all expenses and debt brought into the marriage. There are many additional family and friend relationships taken on.  Finally, while perhaps not realized at the time, two very different people will grow and change over the course of time as they live life and walk out those two simple words, “I do.”

Why don’t you send your spouse a card today and let them know you “still do.”

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