Category Archives: Training

Challenge, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Singles, Training, Women

Time or Money, Which is More Valuable?

Do you value money over time or time over money? Perhaps an illustration would help.

Let’s say you are building a new home, and a generous friend offers you $5,000.00 toward the cost of the house build. Then let’s say someone says to you, “I don’t have money to give you, but I can help you build your new home.” Which offer are you more inclined to take, the one who offered financial help or the one who offered free labor?

Someone who offers us their time and talent speaks of a willing commitment toward you and your personal goal. We tend to find that level of commitment of greater value than someone handing us funds. Why? Because money is of relative value. For example, if I offer a twelve-year-old $100.00, they’re going to think they won the lottery. If I offer a wealthy businessperson $100.00, they might laugh at me. 

If we waste our money we can always earn more but having only 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week, we cannot get that back. When we waste time, we waste a valuable commodity that cannot be returned to us, i.e., we simply cannot create more time. 

I have the privilege of attending my grandchildren’s baseball, football, and soccer games and I often observe parents on the sideline with their eyes glued to their cell phones. When their children see them do you think those kids feel valued? That time for the child and the parent is wasted, and they’ll never get it back.

It is said that you can’t buy love. Money won’t and gifts won’t. Love grows because you are investing time into a relationship. Giving our time to serve others is far more meaningful and relationship building than giving our money. While it’s valuable to support a mission team with finance, it’s far more valuable to you and others to actually go and serve on that mission team. 

Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. (Matthew 25:40)

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. (Hebrews 13:16)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Training, Women

Is Marriage First or Is Ministry First?

Church planting and/or pastoral ministry is a huge undertaking, and it is not a 9-5 job. Pastors serve congregants all hours of the day and night. There is a high expectation placed upon a pastor’s life and schedule.

There are births, deaths, weddings, counseling, hospital visits, family visits all beside sermon prep, teaching, preaching and oversight of multiple ministries within the local church. It certainly can be overwhelming and far more than normal fulltime employment. 

For most, pastoral ministry is a calling and a passion. 

However, pastors have a marriage and children who can often feel as though they come after the ministry. Learning to put marriage before ministry can be a daunting challenge. I Timothy 5: 8 reminds us of a biblical priority, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Here are some helps to keep pastoral ministry and marriage in their proper perspective:

Love your spouse more than your ministry. If you have a congregation of 100 persons, you will never please everyone. But you do need to please your spouse. If you are prioritizing the needs of your congregation above the needs of your family, you are already missing the mark biblically. Your first church is your marriage and your children.

    Attempting to gain the approval of 100 persons is impossible, but it is not impossible to gain the approval of your immediate family. And here’s something to commit to memory: another can pastor your congregation, but no one else is called to lead and care for your marriage and family. (See Ephesians 5: 25-28.)

    • Pursue intimacy from your marriage and not your ministry. Your ministry is not the one that you are called to romance. Many pastors’ marriages have fallen to pieces because ministry was their mistress. Your spouse is more important than any one congregant and she/he should feel that. If your spouse observes that you’ve been out too many nights, listen and ask what a better balance might be. Specifically talk about evening ministry versus daytime ministry. 

    Create a regular date night and take a weekly family day. When ministry does take the priority and interrupts your marital priorities there will be more understanding given to you from your family. 

    • Pastors have marriage issues just like anyone else. Do not sell yourself short in realizing that your marriage needs marriage retreats and seminars. Do not avoid counseling. If there is a need in your marriage, then lead by example and find appropriate input and help. 
    • Pastors frequently deal with conflicts arising within their church family and are often expected to help resolve issues. That said, you dare not enter the threshold of your home and sink into an easy chair avoiding your own family’s issues. If your family is dealing with a conflict, then you are part of the solution as well. Just because you have heavy situations within the church does not mean you receive a pass from directly dealing with home issues. 

    Dealing with conflict among others means you must develop the skill of listening. That skill is needed in your home also. Do not turn a deaf ear to the cries of your spouse.

    Making sure that your heart is in your home as well as your ministry will serve you well. More than likely your marriage was before your ministry. And your marriage will remain after your ministry, so keep it the highest priority. Your spouse and your children will love and respect you for it. 

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    Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Politics, Training

    Social Media Dissension and How You and I Are Part of the Problem

    If you are like me, you’re tempted to cast your vote toward the negative side when there is a social media post about someone you dislike, someone who pushes the values you do not stand for or someone who does not speak for you. And yet, their platform might be larger than yours or mine. It’s a challenge when every known opinion is exposed today for all to read. The sad fact is though, it may not be the truth or the whole truth. Unfortunately, we can get caught up in reacting to a post that may or may not be accurate. (It is well known now that even “fact checkers” can stand with one side.)

    You cast your opinion for all to read on social media. You gain a few likes. It comes and goes with each new day, but your words remain on that page. Now others see how to identify you or how to characterize you. It’s a sad reality of social media and the freedom we have in expressing our opinion on any matter, often of which we have no power or purpose to change.

    When you and I express a strong opinion to which some of your personal relationships disagree with, you have now effectively isolated yourself and/or placed an enmity between you and your friend. At the very least, an antagonism or an animosity to avoid. Even writing this blog forces me to face that reality.

    You have the freedom to speak against anyone including the president of the United States, but is it the right thing to do? You have the freedom (in this nation) to express your opinion about any authority you disagree with. 

    Along those lines, I desire to provide for you some scriptures to reflect upon, to consider before you write that next post. For the believer, there is a different standard than the world. For the Christ follower, our speech is to be reflective of our Lord and His love. When we forget this, we easily entertain the flesh and what feels right rather than what is right. 

    First, always maintain a position of honor toward authority (words in bold for emphasis of the point):

    I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. (I Timothy 2:1-4)

    Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, 2 to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. 9 But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. 10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. (Titus 3:1-2, 9-10)

    Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience. 13 Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy.(Romans 13:1,5,13)

    • What is dissension? The Greek word translated as “dissensions” in the New Testament is dichostasia, which literally means “standing apart” or “division.”
    • Dissensions are presented as a negative force that disrupts relationships, creates factions, and hinders the progress of God’s work.
    • Dissension is purposefully creating division and disagreement among relational connections and scripturally determined to be ungodly or sinful.

    Dissension in the scriptures:

    29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.(Ephesians 4:29-32)

    14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

    16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

    19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

    22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:14-23)

    7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Galatians 6:7-10)

    I learned a long time ago there are three sides to every story of which our media today nor social media present in any unbiased fashion. Those three sides are: your side; the other side and the truth. Unfortuanately, we are inundated with one-sided information today. 

    Remember: In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines. (Proverbs 18:17)

    Thank you for hearing God’s heart, identifying with his word and truly desiring to honor His word with your speech. May all we say, may all we write and may all the ways we influence others bring glory to God!

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    Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Training, Women

    Can Divorced Persons Serve in Church Leadership?

    I have been asked this question multiple times. I am not the final authority, but one thing I know for sure is that not every divorce is sinful, but most are the result of sin. 

    “Not every divorce is sinful.” Does that statement in and of itself leave room for the divorced to be placed in local church leadership? I believe it does and here’s why.

    Historically divorce was rare in the United States, and it was easy to simply say that divorced persons could not serve in leadership. In other words, in the rare case of divorce, denying leadership responsibilities was easy, quick and involved far less discussion and prayer. But that position can be punishing and made more so out of tradition.

    With the changes in divorce proceedings and forced divorce, i.e., no-fault divorce, we are left with multiple interpretations of scripture. Also, one must decide if they desire to be led by feelings and culture or scriptural precedent. As a counselor, I often heard the following, “How can it be so wrong if it feels so right?”

    Well, lots of things can be wrong that feel right. So, leaving selfishness behind, let’s delve into the question. 

    First, divorce in and of itself is bringing trauma to the family. It rips apart two adults who have become one in covenantal relationship, and it is devastating to children. Kids do not care about 2 +2 if mom and dad are ending their marriage and affecting all the security they need, know, love and crave. As churches desire to be “relevant to culture,” they will cave to the feeling side of divorce. Church leaders in an effort to not offend will compromise the scripture. 

    But God “hates” divorce (Malachi 2:16) because He knows what it does to individuals, families, extended families and ultimately to culture. I love when leaders are compassionate to those who have experienced the trauma of divorce, but that compassion dare not lead to an unscriptural view. 

    Many who experience divorce would tell me that it occurred before they were Christians. However, marriage is not a Christian act; it’s a creation act of God. That means that any and all marriage vows are spoken to God until death do we part. 

    Timing in divorced leaders is important. If the divorce was a year ago or even three plus years ago, there needs to be time, a season to observe the prospective leader’s character and integrity. How have they grown through what occurred them? What was the cause of the divorce and was it scriptural to divorce?  Has there been a remarriage of either party? Was there repentance and ownership taken for their part in the marriage ending? Have they received counseling for the wound(s) of divorce on the soul and spirit?

    Paul told Timothy (I Timothy 3:2,12) that an elder must be the husband of one wife. Did that mean one wife versus multiples wives (polygamy)? Did that mean only one marriage partner for life? Or did that mean the divorced and remarried person is simply disqualified since they are now living with a second wife or husband?

    The literal Greek translation was “one-woman man.” This meant a man who walks in integrity with eyes and faithfulness toward one woman and one woman only–his wife. The focus was and is moral purity. 

    My personal reasoning behind this is that scripture did allow divorce for marital unfaithfulness and for abandonment. The church must focus on Christlikeness in character, longstanding integrity and godly leadership. Why? Because leaders are to be an example to the body of Christ–ones to emulate. 

    Divorce is not God’s plan, and it will never be. With that clearly stated, we live in a fallen world and divorce is a part of it just as multiple other fallen nature things are. Redemption has come through Christ and He redeems the whole of man, not just partial aspects of mankind. We live and we walk in His redemption, through His shed blood and by receiving the forgiveness of our sin. (Ephesians 1:7)

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Singles, Training, Women

    Do You Punish Your Children or Do You Correct Them?

    Honestly, one of the most difficult times while raising children was when I had to enforce a boundary as their father. Providing the appropriate discipline in the appropriate manner was often a challenge. You see, children have this uncanny ability to bring the worst out of you as the parent. At my worst, I might have over-corrected or when angry dished out punishment rather than correction. Is there a difference? Yes, there is.  (And by the way, seeing your “worst” is not such a bad thing.) 

    Punishment has to do with me preserving my right to be angry with my child and keeping my posture as the one in charge. It says that my child must pay for what he or she did wrong. Punishment is often done out of anger lacking any training toward change, put simply, a more powerful parent enforcing his or her will upon the weaker child. Punishment is more about inflicting shame and pain for wrongdoing. Further, fathers who are into punishment rather than correction of our sons and daughters might ultimately cause our kids to view God as a punishing God.

    Correction, on the other hand, is not just about reward and punishment; it is more about challenging actions and shaping a will in a life-giving method. It is training out of a spirit of love. It is more about guiding and forming the spirit of the child rather than reinforcing the will of the parent. It is less about anger and more about what’s best for the child. 

    Correction takes time to administer because it includes instruction toward a different and healthier life pattern and future. Punishment on the other hand is normally abrupt, more about reaction and often with little thought. Proverbs 29: 15 says that the rod of correction imparts life – correction imparts life!  Job 5:17 tells us, “Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.”

    Take the time to administer correction and instruction vs. abrupt punishment that might wound more than heal. Be sensitive to age levels. The older the child the more reasoning capacity they have, so keep your words to a minimum especially when they’re under age 10. You are not trying to convince them, manipulate them or even come to agreement. You are showing them a better way with better consequences. 

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    Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Training

    Trusting God for Vengeance or Justice?

    Should we ever desire revenge? 

    I can still vividly recall the counselee who confessed to me of being repeatedly molested by her father from childhood into adulthood. She was longing for answers, for freedom, for forgiveness to come and for hope. I can also remember how tense and tight (from anger) my body would become as she painfully shared her experience encompassing years of sexual abuse. And I, as well, remember her question of where was God?

    Counselors are not to be the answer, but rather to help the counselee arrive at answers. However, as the counselor, I was fuming, struggling with what I felt her father deserved. But I wasn’t just having an emotional response; my emotions and my physical being, along with my spirit, were reacting to evil.

    One thing I also remember from this time was that this precious woman did not seek God for revenge, but rather, justice. What’s the difference?

    Revenge is pursued by a victim, but justice is provided by someone other than the victim. Revenge says that when I am hurt, I want to hurt back. Revenge is power over the offender. Justice is someone above the victim and the offender who takes the victim’s side and executes impartial righteousness. My counselee wasn’t asking that her father pay for his crimes against her, but rather, she was seeking justice from her heavenly Father. 

    Christians are not to become professional victims. Christ brings far more justice and freedom than that. All His holiness reveals to us that His anger is just: “He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.” (Deuteronomy 32:4)

    I share this story because I believe there are times that all of us desire revenge. We long for someone to pay. Truthfully Someone has and His name is Jesus. Please consider Romans 12:17 and 19 which says, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone…. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.’” 

    Where was God? While we desire immediacy, God does not, but His justice will follow, and He will have the final word. 

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    Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day, Training

    Intimidation

    The dictionary says that intimidation is an act of forcing action by inducing fear. What intimidates you? Is it sickness, the fear of major loss, your boss, a teacher, a bully, or a neighbor?

    The Bible does deal with this subject when it states, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (II Timothy 1:7) God has not given us a spirit of intimidation. In other words, intimidation is not from God.

    I was in my teen years and hearing a military drill sergeant scream and yell profanities along with multiple threats in boot camp for the first of many times. I am not going to lie; it was intimidating, and it was purposefully meant to be. Fear was used as a weapon for personal change. We were leaving civilian life behind to enter into military life. 

    In time, however, I discovered it was all a bit of a game. Intimidation was used excessively, but I can still recall the conversation that same drill sergeant had with us after successfully graduating from the torture of “becoming an airman.” He said, “Our training was all very calculated. We knew how far we could push you in order to create the soldier we were looking for.”

    How far have you allowed the enemy of your soul to intimidate you? Has he said this sickness will kill you? Has he spoken that you’ll never reach your boss’s expectations? Has he used intimidation to keep you from fulfilling God’s purposes in your life? 

    “Don’t be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by God himself.” (Phillipians 1:28 NLT) 

    Our confidence and our outspoken boldness is through the power of God who is not and will not be intimated by anyone or anything. Keep your head up and walk in His truth!

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Pornography, Training, Women

    Dear Parents (An Open Letter to Parents of Young Children)

                                                             

    Dear parents, I recently wrote a booklet about the inordinately high use of pornography within our culture. It was a summarization of a lengthy, thorough and statistically backed (all noted with resources) online article that I wrote. You can access the first of this two part article here.

    Part of what provoked the booklet and the article was the story of a friend of mine. He first encountered pornography at age 7. By age 12 he was acting out what he saw in the magazines with female friends in his tree fort. 

    It’s startling, but for most boys’ pornography exposure occurs around age 11. By age 17 they are the highest users of porn – 85%. Unfortunately, in recent years young girls are also increasingly using porn. In that same age group, nearly 57% of young girls are viewing pornography. While boys are visual, girls are turning to porn so they can learn what boys desire of them sexually. Pornography is a 12-billion dollar industry in the United Staes. Eleven thousands “adult” films are produced per year. That is twenty times the number of regular media films produced in Hollywood!

    Children cannot process what they are seeing and reading. They do not understand the real gift of sexuality and so they are being inundated with false images of something that is not real and not connected to any sense of love, commitment or marriage. Pornography is a counterfeit, a fake, a lie. Its images are addictive and the more one feeds themselves porn, the more they desire. 

    When I was a counselor, it was not abnormal for me to see clients whose brothers or father abused them sexually when they were young girls. Pornography was typically a part of that abuse. 

    I once worked with a private school where a teacher was touching his students inappropriately. I frequently heard clients’ first sexual encounter was with their cousins in sexual exploratory games. Just last week, one of the leaders I oversee asked me for help. A close friend of his just found out that his fourteen-year-old son has been molesting his younger female cousins for several years.  I had a pastor’s daughter in my counseling care who was date raped on her college campus. I have dealt with multiple leadership failures in which there was adultery. And I am presently serving on a team that is helping to provide care and input to an organization in which the leader was sexually abusing woman for over 40 years. I would guess that in most cases pornography was a part of each of these horrific stories. 

    So, I am asking you to be vigilant and protective of your children. Do not leave them with persons who could be unsafe. Do not openly and without caution trust any adult in their life, even their teachers. Do not give them free rein with cousins and friends without warning them of the possibility of abuse, pornography and childhood sexual exploration. 

    Sadly, you must even be aware of library books these days. Material that is X-rated, explicit, that promotes unhealthy same sex, opposite sex and deviant relationships is finding its way into our public libraries, public grade schools, middle schools and high schools today. This is an evil, grooming tactic to expose our innocent children to explicit material and to sexual acts which they are not mature enough to engage in or are even capable of understanding. 

    Protect your children by telling them and reminding them often of the “bathing suit” rule. No one touches them, asks to see or exposes oneself in these private areas. They will understand that language and you will be equipping them with a vital and useful tool.

    Do your best to help your children stay pure and innocent. Today’s phone technology provides easy and immediate access to soft and hardcore pornography. With the push of a few buttons, they can have access to unspeakable images. It’s almost unimaginable, but there are over 400 million pages of pornographic material available on over four million websites. Having a phone without data access is a help as are software programs like Covenant Eyes which allows you to see every website they access.  

    In today’s highly sexualized culture, it is possible to help maintain your child’s innocence and not have them exposed to explicit sexual material. They will trust your caution. Remember, sex in and of itself is not a dirty word or act. Within the right context of marriage, it is a wonderful gift from God and your children need to have full knowledge of God’s goodness found within this gift. 

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    Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Singles, Training, Women

    What Are You Devoted To?

    Devotion is a positive attribute. It comes with commitment to something or someone. Being devoted means you are being loyal. 

    We can be devoted to many things these days: a certain restaurant, a car company, a computer company, our children, and even ourselves. But can we be overly devoted? I mean, can we be giving misplaced devotion to something or someone that or who does not deserve our devotion? 

    The short answer is yes – we can. Romans 12:10 says, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”  This scripture relates that our true devotion belongs more to God and others than things or ourselves.

    Do you remember reading in the Old Testament about the soon-to-be king David, and the current King Saul? Saul was chasing David in order to kill him. Even as Saul showed total disregard for David, David showed honor and devotion to his king. Respecting others is easy when they respect us, but it sure can be difficult when we feel no respect. 

    Do you have a “Saul” in your life? Someone who is treating you with disrespect or treating you unfairly? Become that person of integrity and devotion to the truth of God’s word found in Romans 12. As you treat others with honor and respect, God will honor you!

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    Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Training, Women

    The Surprising Changes in the Beliefs and Boundaries of Marriage Today (Part 2)

    What’s faith have to do with marriage stability?

    Young men and women with an active faith in God and His word, the Bible, are long-term men and women who take saying “I do” seriously. They share similar moral beliefs and deeply held values. They possess a higher commitment to sexual fidelity. And those who regularly attend church have about a 40% less likely chance of divorcing. (See this Harvard study.)

    Marrying when young often means less relationship baggage primarily because there are less exes. Maturity in a relationship is not measured in chronological age. Maturity is measured in one’s ability to think of their spouse or future spouse first and not themselves. 

    Cohabitation is precarious, uncertain and shaky because it undermines the quality of your marriage commitment. While marrying Corrine, you may find yourself thinking about your years with Heather and then comparing your new wife’s sexual responses to Bekah’s. It will increase the instability of your marriage foundation. Cohabitation is pretending to be married with a widely open back door. There is no need for commitment in sickness and in health; there are no vows spoken to one another and to God. There are no community of believers helping you to remain committed to each other without the bond of a legalized marriage.

    And then this

    In a Wall Street Journal article dated Saturday, February 5, 2022 Lyman Stone and Brad Wilcox wrote, “[In surveying] 50,000 women in the U.S. governments National Survey of Family Growth, we found that there is a group of women for whom marriage before 30 is not risky: women who married directly, without ever cohabitating prior to marriage. In fact, women who married between 22 and 30, without first living together, had some of the lowest rates of divorce in the National Survey of Family Growth.” Now that says something which majorly contradicts the former conventional wisdom of trying it to see if you like it.

    One of the reasons couples are marrying later today is hope against hope that they will not encounter divorce. They are vying for a lower risk rate. But along the way as they give themselves freely to various sexual partners and/or cohabitate they are actually decreasing their chances of marriage without experiencing divorce. Research is now growing and concluding that to cohabitate prior to marriage and to experience multiple sexual partners, couples are less likely to be happily married. The pretest thought simply does not work. 

    It has been God’s word of truth

    The word of God has revealed this truth for centuries. Social science is now only catching up to the truth written in the Bible about relationships and marriage. God’s word is more current when it comes to marriage and pre-marriage than tomorrow’s scientific study found within academia. 

    For example, did you know that sexual pleasure between husband and wife was God’s idea? Solomon wrote these inspired words, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer–may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” (Proverbs 5:18, 19) 

    Paul the Apostle wrote:

    But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (I Corinthians 7:2-5)

    God is not embarrassed by sexual intimacy, He is not a prude or naïve when it comes to His wonderful gift, but He did place very strict, very safe and very loving boundaries around it. Paul also clearly warned us when he wrote, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” (I Corinthians 6:12)

    Sexual pleasure is God’s intent for marriage and procreation is not the only purpose of sex, but sexual fulfillment within marriage is a process, a learned experience. 

    Concluding with married sex is better sex

    Married couples have better sex for numerous reasons. They are committed to one another. They desire to please one another and give versus taking to meet a need. Intimacy is not filled with lust, but rather love. The married partners are monogamous. Sex within marriage is the safest sex. It is sex without worry, without thought of being caught, without fear of disobeying God’s command and sex within marriage is the best sex because you know the desires of your life mate. 

    For all of these reasons and more we can conclude that God was right all along. His written word and His commands were all for our good and our pleasure. Boundaries are an important part of life and so it is also true of sexual boundaries. May you find this truth for yourself and then experience the pure joy of obedience and God’s gift to you.

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