This is the third entry in a series of what traits to look for in a life mate. While the following sets a high standard, one that perhaps few will initially reach, each area identified is an important character trait to look for and inquire about as you consider a lifelong marriage partner.
3. Where is this person at with loving and accepting themselves? Jesus told us that the greatest commandment was to love God and the second was to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. How does this person you are interested in love themself? What do they reflect about how they see themself? Does this person constantly compare himself or herself to others? Does he or she perceive themselves as better or less than others? We love ourselves by pursuing a relationship with our Creator, by caring for our spirit, soul and body, by pursuing wholeness in all areas of life and by pursuing maturity. A sign of maturity is being able to identify the needs of others and then how to help meet those needs. Is this person more concerned about their needs or your needs?
Do you get the idea this person is trying to receive their esteem through you or another or through their education or their job? Romans 15:7 reminds us to accept one another just as God has accepted us. You cannot complete another’s identity. You cannot be their esteem or meet all their needs. Listen to the words they use about themself. Are they positive words or are they self-deprecating? As we learn to accept ourselves, as God has accepted us, we can become comfortable within our own skin and then stop trying to change others. (John 8:12-14; Romans 12:3; II Corinthians 10:12,13)
One thought on “Finding a Life Mate: The Character Traits Worth Looking For #3”
I would like to explore the question: God works within me, but how much am I responsible to do myself? To me, the very accepting of Christ speaks to my mind of a decision regarding change. You go on: While love is not blind, it accepts what cannot be changed and gives grace for what can be changed. Romans 15: 7 says, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” How do I, following upon Christ’s example, give such grace? Do I just live and let live, with no concern regarding what brings praise to God and what doesn’t? Again you say, let Him do the changing. Does this mean I do nothing about what needs changing? I actually believe, according to what I’ve read in the Word, that the Holy Spirit, like a wife, is a helper i.e. you have to be open to/willing to accept change in an active mode/approach, such that God is only then able to bring about the change. Hence if I see no need to/for change or resist it it speaks directly to my “love” of God, as He says clearly If you love me you will obey me. Finally, I believe the whole point of man not being alone/fellowship with others is that we may challenge and uplift each other to grow as God designed. Hence I see this as the whole reason He brings me into other’s lives and them into mine. And on that note, I look forward to your response. God bless.