This is the third entry in a series of what traits to look for in a life mate. While the following sets a high standard, one that perhaps few will initially reach, each area identified is an important character trait to look for and inquire about as you consider a lifelong marriage partner.
3. Where is this person at with loving and accepting themselves? Jesus told us that the greatest commandment was to love God and the second was to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. How does this person you are interested in love themself? What do they reflect about how they see themself? Does this person constantly compare himself or herself to others? Does he or she perceive themselves as better or less than others? We love ourselves by pursuing a relationship with our Creator, by caring for our spirit, soul and body, by pursuing wholeness in all areas of life and by pursuing maturity. A sign of maturity is being able to identify the needs of others and then how to help meet those needs. Is this person more concerned about their needs or your needs?
Do you get the idea this person is trying to receive their esteem through you or another or through their education or their job? Romans 15:7 reminds us to accept one another just as God has accepted us. You cannot complete another’s identity. You cannot be their esteem or meet all their needs. Listen to the words they use about themself. Are they positive words or are they self-deprecating? As we learn to accept ourselves, as God has accepted us, we can become comfortable within our own skin and then stop trying to change others. (John 8:12-14; Romans 12:3; II Corinthians 10:12,13)