If you are married any length of time, you quickly discovered that this person who you thought was just like you was in reality quite different from you. In fact, you may have wondered where this new person came from and where your former husband or wife went. Counselors will tell us that most couples know how to fight, but what they do not know how to do is resolve their conflicts. We’re good at stating our cause, defending our side and being right. But, if the goal is being right, then one of you has to admit being wrong. We all know how hard that confession becomes.
One day I was complaining to God about how often I have to apologize to my wife. So, I asked Him why is that so frequently the case. His answer? Because I was the one who was so often wrong – ouch. James 4 asks an interesting question, “Where do fights and quarrels come from among you?” Great question wouldn’t you say? What’s the answer? “Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but you don’t get it.” Think of your last fight or disagreement. You wanted one thing and your spouse wanted another. Maybe both of you wanted something good, but it turned into a “who is right” rather than doing what James further encourages us to do.
“You quarrel and you fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.” Rather than fighting, God wants us to ask Him – pray together. After all, what’s more powerful than disagreement? Agreement.