Every marriage either promotes security or insecurity; as marriage partners we long for security from one another. Security is a primary human need, and for the most part, a need we are attempting to have met in differing ways. When security is felt, normally honor, trust and respect are also present. When there is insecurity, most likely these ingredients are missing or at the very least, threatened. Further, where there is security, there is intimacy. Intimacy can lead to sex, but is not just sex. In reality, most couples do not have a sex problem, they have an intimacy problem, and that intimacy problem exists because they have security issues.

When we honor, love and respect one another security grows and leads to intimacy. To honor means to serve without expectation, all the while seeing the other as better than yourself. It certainly takes a high degree of maturity to arrive at this place. Immaturity expects an immediate return. In other words, “I do this; you do that.” Is it wrong to expect sex in our marriage? Of course not, but it does depend upon the condition one spouse can place upon the other. As security grows through love, honor and respect, it will have a side effect of growing intimacy. And as intimacy grows, your sex lives will also grow.

Does our marriage have an intimacy problem or a security problem?