Having recently read through the book Song of Songs, I can’t help but notice all the references to the bedroom. So much of what we read today is how good are we outside the bedroom, leading to a better bedroom experience. But enough of that already; let’s take another look inside the bedroom. 

Marriage intimacy is, from every study I read, better than singles’ intimacy for multiple reasons. Sex outside of a committed marriage creates lots of baggage, lots of pain, regrets, stress, and loss, just to name a few. Hollywood movies do not help with the subject and neither does pornography use. In fact, they top the list at fakeries when it comes to the bedroom. But singles seem to care about bedroom capabilities perhaps more than the married. Why?

Are you good in the bedroom? Not a hard question, but rarely would we ask ourselves such a question. I am thinking what that question is actually asking might be: is sex reduced to something mechanical, something uninspiring, something rote and uneventful? The bedroom for singles is a place to perform, one-up the last sexual experience. Intimacy in a committed marriage union is far deeper, far more spiritual, and far more loving than performance. 

Lust is taking while love is giving. To be good in the bedroom, your first thought is how to be loving to your mate, i.e., a determination to be pleasing, giving, and pleasuring. It’s other-centered and not me-centered. It is not taking our spouse for granted because we have “the right,” but rather faithfulness and choosing only them in exclusive commitment. “My lover is mine and I am his…” (Song of Songs 2:16)

Further, your communication in the bedroom is that of encouragement and affirmation, it’s complimentary and loving and it is taking notice of selfless giving. (See Song of Songs 1:15,16; 4:1-7; 5:10 -16; 7:1-7.) Time is your friend in the bedroom, not your hurried enemy. The bedroom is not a “let’s get this over with” effort. It is an unhurried, peace-filled, quiet, uninterrupted moment of close connection and oneness. The bedroom must be a safe place, emotionally connecting, spiritually connecting, and physically connecting experience for both of you.

God generously gave this gift to you. He is not ashamed of your intimacy, He is thrilled with your lovemaking, love-giving, love-receiving, and love-sharing marriage.

But now I have grown and become a bride, and my love for him has made me a tower of passion and contentment for my beloved. I am now a firm wall of protection for others, guarding them from harm. This is how he sees me—I am the one who brings him bliss, finding favor in his eyes. (Song of Songs 8:10 TPT)