Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Making Her Feel Secure 13 Different Ways

I recently asked a very godly woman what makes her feel secure in her marriage.  She shared these thirteen things about her husband:images-5

 

  1. My husband loves and prioritizes God as #1 in his life.
  2. My husband spends time daily with his Savior in the Bible and in prayer.
  3. My husband is committed to me, to our marriage; he speaks this regularly and often tells me that he loves me.
  4. I have a home that is safe for my children, others and me. My husband built this home with his own hands and labor of love and there is a spirit of peace that resides in our home.
  5. My husband has lived by Biblical financial values and made sure that we are not in debt; all the while, investing into our future. Our bills are paid and we have a savings account.
  6. My husband affirms me – my gifts, my passions and my contributions. He affirms my work, my person and my beauty.
  7. My husband has always believed in me, encouraged me and encouraged the gifts that God has placed in my life.
  8. I can truly trust my husband because he incorporates strict codes of behavior and boundimages-19aries concerning relationship with the opposite sex.
  9. My husband is faithful with his eyes – he does not view pornography, but uses self-control and is honorable.
  10. He is really good with people and I trust him to speak life, wisdom and grace-filled counsel.
  11. He prays with me and for me.
  12. He encourages me to hear God for myself.
  13. He encourages me to express my gift of giving.

What would your wife share if you asked her what helps her feel secure within your marriage? Better yet, go out on a date and ask that very question.

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Marriage, Postmarital

In Sickness and In Health…

“In sicimages-2knees and in health…” Remember that statement? Does anyone foresee sickness? They’re just words of tradition, right? Actually they are words spoken as a promise, a vow. But quite honestly, we were young and the young do not get sick or have a frame of reference for a long-term illness. Some of those spoken vows said in our 20’s or 30’s are not tested for another thirty or forty years. When sickness comes, the depth of our love and commitment will be examined.

I have watched many couples struggle through these seasons, some successfully and some unsuccessfully. But the reality of this time depends mostly upon what your reality of marriage is today. Are you building faith, trust, commitment, openness, honesty and love now? Are you prepimages-16aring for the future by growing your marital oneness today, this month, this year?

images-3Determine today to grow old together, because there is only one thing that is greater than young love in a marital relationship and that’s old love.

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Encouragement

Our Narrative – True or False

images“In order for me to feel good about me, I need to know that you feel good about me.”

True or False?

“My self-worth is dependent upon the approval of certain important persons in my life.”

True or False?

“People seem to approve of me when I do well.”

True or False?

“I need to perform, reach certain standards, for the approval of certain others.”

True or False?

“When I fail, I deserve to be punished.”

True or False?

“I am who I am; I cannot change.”

True or False?

Did you experience any “true” answers to the above questions? I hope not, but I also know during periods of my life I would have answered some of them as true…totally. But, we can’t just answer “false” and not have a basis of truth in our lives. How would we answer these questions in light of God’s truth?

images-7For the first two questions the answer is: reconciliation. To reconcile means to go from an unacceptable state to an acceptable state. Christ has done that work by first accepting us. (Romans 15:7)

images-3The next two have an answer as well: justification. Before my performance, I am justified. To be justified means that I am forgiven of my sin; I am free from my shame and my guilt and I am in right standing with God. Again, not because of what I have done or can do, but because of what Christ has done. (Romans 3:21-28; 5:1; II Corinthians 5:21)

images-6We all deserve punishment, however Christ took that punishment for our past, present and future sin upon Himself and that’s called: propitiation. Propitiation is when God placed His Son upon the cross for us to make atonement forever. (I John 4:9, 10, 18)

images-2Lastly, I can change. I am not up for a vote. The answer to change is: regeneration. Robert McGee once said that who you think you should be is less than who you already are. To be regenerated is to become a new creation. To become born again is to get to start over and participate in His divine nature. (II Corinthians 5:17)

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Jesus and Church: Radical and Uncontainable

I have never used another’s blog before, but when I read this I felt like all those who read my blog would truly enjoy this one from the Simple Church Journal.  It is Jesus!  Enjoy and tell us what you think by commenting.

images-3This is a blog about “church,” so-to-speak, but maybe we miss the mark a bit if we don’t keep putting the focus back on the One who precedes the church and everything else. The church is, no doubt, meant to be a much more radical movement than we have understood it to be. How much more important is it for us to see that Jesus, the head of the church, is a far more radical man/God than we can even begin to understand. He is the One we, His church, are designed to imitate. Perhaps if we get Jesus right, and our imitation of Him in keeping with who He is, we will naturally get church right.

Jesus is so… much… more than we can begin to define in a few words, or thoughts, or even a lifetime of both.

He is uncontainable, unpredictable, unorthodox, and unconventional. As soon as someone would try to put Him in a box, He would break the mold. If you thought He was meek, He would pick up a whip. If you thought He was kosher, He would start talking about other people eating his flesh. If you thought He was a paragon of mercy, He would pronounce woes and judgements.

But wait! If you asked Him to condemn a sinful woman, He proclaimed forgiveness and grace. If you told Him a man was a tax-collecting thief, he loved him all the more. If you nailed Him to a cross, He prayed for you.

He was (and is) radically and completely God… living above the expectations of others, the mores of his culture, and the rules of society. Tell Him that the Sabbath was for resting, and He would work. Tell Him not to touch lepers, and He would hold and heal them. Tell him not to socialize with Samaritans, and He would deliberately converse with a Samaritan woman.

He marched to His own drumbeat. He lived with a vision set only on kingdom. He walked out of a perspective that never placed value on temporal things. He was not of this world and every moment that He lived and word that He spoke portrayed this.

Do we really even know who He is, really? How honestly are we willing to look at Him knowing that our calling is to imitate Him and be like Him?images-2

I’m just thinking that if we kept our focus really on Him, every church, house church, simple church, and mega-church would be absolutely, thoroughly, and completely transformed and turned upside down in more ways than we can imagine merely by the irresistible force of the life of Jesus pulsing through His imitators.

– Simple Church Journal

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Marriage, Postmarital, Prayer

Healthy Sex Within Your Marriage Can Help Create a Healthy Prayer Life Together

imagesIn I Corinthians 7:5 the Apostle Paul tells us that abstinence within marriage will distract us from a healthy prayer life as a couple. Many read this verse to mean that having sex as a married couple will actually distract us from prayer, but I believe just the opposite is true.   Author Gary Thomas says it this way, “Use marriage the way God intended it. Meet your sexual needs by making love to your spouse. Then your mind and soul will be more open to prayer.”images-2

 

Our sex drive is biological and our prayer drive is spiritual, but when a couple is unselfishly meeting one another’s sexual desires the intimacy of prayer becomes more inviting, easier to engage in and even more complementary. When the sexual union and the spiritual union are connected in a harmonizing manner, you will find fewer disagreements and fewer attempts at nit-picking with your spouse. Both prayer and sex are gifts from God and that’s why the enemy attempts to inhibit them in marriage. These two areas alone, connected and sanctioned by God, should make the Christ centered marriage even more inviting.images-3

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Protecting Ourselves from Possible Hurt

imagesHow common is it to attempt to protect yourself from pain and hurt? It seems to be a natural human reaction to back away from something that we interpret as painful or possibly painful in the future. It can block us from making healthy decisions for today and tomorrow. Most of us have an aversion to emotional pain, but avoidance may not be the best method for personal growth. As you and I look back over our lives, we often discover that it is the most painful or emotionally difficult times in our past in which we grew the most. And, to avoid these times or to run from them could actually stunt our personal growth.

How so? In the good and trouble-free times we tend to have less dependence upon God. We may even tend to live more carefree, but when we are anxious or worried about something we can begin to tell ourselves inaccurate scenarios and outcomes, e.g., projected thoughts of possible harm. It is at this point where we make a decision to avoid  pain or determine to face the issue(s), trust God and grow through them. Armed with love, compassion and respect for others and yourself, speaking the truth, as you understand it and not backing away from painful situations, will be a far more mature response and guaranteed to create a greater level of personal depth in character and growth.images-4

I encountered a personal situation several years ago where I had the opportunity to avoid (thinking I would avoid any self-projected pain) a tenuous situation or to confront it. The leader would determine the end result in that he could accept or reject my efforts toward reconciliation. I spoke the truth, as I understood it with plenty of questions and ample opportunity for the other party to respond. Instead, he chose to ignore my reaching out to him and not respond. I gave the situation some time and then tried again and once again there was no response. I felt that I did what God required of me by asking for forgiveness of hurts I caused and then chose to let the situation in God’s hands.  The hurt for me was not completely avoided, but I knew that following through with what God expected of me would certainly decrease the possibility of a deeper wound.

(Note: Sending this out a bit early due to the 4th of July holiday.  Have a wonderful weekend!)

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Have You Enlisted or Are You Waiting to be Drafted?

imagesHere in the USA, the military draft ended at the end of the Vietnam War. In some nations around the world, there is a required season of serving in the military for young men and women. I imagine for most it’s not a bad deal, i.e., education, learning discipline, obeying authority and good physical health. I enjoyed much of the process of “becoming a man” in the US military. One of my favorite memories was leading many of the lonely, homesick men into a relationship with Jesus. Evangelism opportunities were everywhere. images-2

The kingdom of God is a 100% voluntary army. Did you enlist wholeheartedly in this army or are you waiting nervously for the draft? Are you voluntarily and willingly seeking God for your next assignment or are you holding back until you feel pressured? Are you responding to God’s still small voice or do you avoid that voice hoping it will soon become silent? Those who enlist are often ‘all in,’ while those who wait for the draft are frequently and silently hoping they’ll be inconspicuous enough to be overlooked. To them, being overlooked is better than taking a risk and living outside of their security level.

There are also those recruits who say, “Anywhere, Lord, but Africa”? They’re truly not enlisting. If they did go to Africa, their heart would not be with the people of Africa. They’ll be waiting for orders to return to their familiar, secure place. But, I choose to be an enlistee…all in…excited about my next orders from heaven and fully trusting my heavenly Father. He knows what He’s doing with my life. After all, He created me, He placed me on the earth for this brief period of time and I desire to fully follow Him. I owe Him my full cooperation and obedience as my Commander.  Consider these verses: Acts 17:24-28

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Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage

Walking in Integrity and Avoiding an Affair

To walk in integrity outside of moral failure has some great benefits to it.  I am not sure if you have ever thought about the consequences of having an affair, but here are a few to meditate on:

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  • Working to rebuild trust and an uninhibited marriage of oneness once again (spiritually, sexually, emotionally)
  • Embarrassing family, losing their respect and trust
  • Having to walk away from a job or ministry position
  • Possibly having to relocate
  • Possibly facing newspaper articles, publicly printed communication and social media about personal failure
  • Facing rumors, gossip and lies
  • Having to face untold and far-reaching negative consequences either based on truth and fact or hearsay
  • Maybe having to face the law or possible law suits
  • Losing or forfeiting many friendships and local church relationships
  • Living with wounds and scars
  • Feeling as though everyone is watching youimages-7
  • Suffering from overwhelming thoughts of failure
  • Continually reliving the past and coming up with regret and loss
  • Living with continual condemnation
  • Struggling to sleep at night
  • Waking up in the morning and wondering how to look forward to a new day
  • Having to be concerned about who one may face or encounter throughout the day
  • Suffering the loss of vision
  • Having to go through biblical discipline and a restoration process
  • Being unable to look at one’s family and all others in the eye
  • Being unable to look at oneself in the mirror without feeling condemnation and feeling like a failure
  • Suffering from an unclear conscience; walking through life feeling a cloud over oneself
  • Feeling the loss of ones peace and joy
  • Suffering through the loss and grief of broken relationship with God
  • Living with the deep hurt and pain you caused the one with whom you vowed a promise of fidelity
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Children, Encouragement, Parents

Celebrating a Graduation

unspecified-2Our younger son, following graduation from college, spent seven years traveling the USA in a rock band, recording two albums in Nashville, getting married, having a son himself all the while also working at a local law firm, has recently graduated from Weidner Law School as valedictorian. He has worked so hard and we are so proud of him as any parent would be. But there’s more to the story and it is this ‘more’ part that causes us to be especially proud – his speech delivered at graduation before his classmates, his professors, guest speakers and the many family members gathered there that day.

Marc congratulated all graduates, thanked his professors and his family and then told us that becoming a lawyer has to be more than making money. He said there has to be a larger cause than just work and stuff. In part he said, “As law students and soon to be lawyers, we are privileged. We are privileged to have attended this school to become lawyers. What will we do with that privilege? When we enter our practice, we must remember the poor, the needy, those who cannot help themselves and the incarcerated. Serve the poor around you and remember as John Bradford said, ‘If not for the grace of God, there go I.’”unspecified-1

It is that heart we are most proud of. It is that heart that our Jesus has shaped and molded in him. It is that heart that occurred through mission trips as a teen, youth group, small groups, family devotions and life experiences. We love You, Father, for birthing that heart in our son. We love you, Marc, for walking in these heart values of your heavenly Father.

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership

Integrity is Not Perfect

images-3Can we maintain integrity even while we are on a mistake-filled journey here on earth? We can, as godly character is grown over time and we realize mistakes are a part of that growth. If we live under strict codes, then all failures are placed upon our permanent record. But in living under grace, we find forgiveness for our failures and an Advocate who comes along side us to reinforce the right responses for future application and personal growth. The journey, while not an excuse for sin, is about growth in the process, not perfection.

Recently, I was traveling over Memorial Day weekend and within a four-hour time span I counted no less than one dozen police officers patrolling along the highway. It was a constant reminder to obey the law or I would suffer the consequences. If I disobeyed or was disobeying, fear would be my response.   If I obeyed the law, assurance of no wrongdoing was my confidence. That’s how the law operates. But God’s grace in the process does not operate that way because “…perfect love casts out fear.” (I John 4:18)images-4

Love accepts that integrity is not perfect. Love embraces the journey. Love forgives the wrongdoing and love promotes more love, not fear. There are plenty of faults to find in the Psalmist David’s life, but in Psalm 41 he wrote, “In my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.” Thank you, Father, for upholding us, building integrity within us and setting us in Your presence!

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