Author Archives: calledtogether

Issues of the Day, Singles, Small Groups

A New Generation: Drinking and the Questions We Need to Ask

images-5Let’s face it—alcohol is back. No longer is alcohol demonized in Christian circles. We even find churches using beer as a gathering agent during Bible studies in local bars. Is that practice sacrilegious, going too far or taking hold of my liberty and tramping all over yours?

How much alcohol is too much and do we know our personal limits? Just where do we cross the line? Is getting a little drunk a little wrong or simply not a sin? The Bible, our source as believers, gives some very clear guidelines. I’d like to offer you a few more—if you’ll indulge me.

First, in taking a close look at God’s Word, it is absolutely wrong and sinful to be inebriated. Jesus Himself said, “Watch out! Don’t let me find you living in careless ease and drunkenness” (Luke 21:34).*

Apostle Paul warned believers not to participate in wild parties and get drunk (Romans 13:13; Galatians 5:21). Paul said drunkards would not share in the kingdom of God (I Corinthians 6:10). He told the Ephesian church—and therefore that includes you and me—not to be drunk with wine but be filled with the Holy Spirit of God (Ephesians 5:18). Peter stated in 1 Peter 4:3, “those who drink to drunkenness share in evil desires;” and such behavior is to be treated as a sin that we completely eliminate from our lives. He actually called those who participate in drunkenness “godless people.”

I don’t know about you, but I certainly do not want to find myself in eternity and discover that I have been involved in “godless” activity of any kind. I desire to live my life in a way that leads others to my Savior, an attractant, not a distraction from Christ. At this point, you might think that I am against any alcohol consumption by a believer. I am not. That is between you and our heavenly Father. So, the first question is to ask Him: “Father, is it okay with You that I consume alcoholic beverages?” It is important to know God’s will for you. Just because you are of legal age to drink does not mean that you have the liberty to partake. Has your heavenly Father given you permission or do you have some form of conviction in your heart that you are dismissing?

While I was in the military some decades ago, I observed a lot of alcoholism and other addictions. The military taught that alcohol is a drug—the most frequently abused drug in the world. In graduate school, I heard many drug and alcohol counselors say that alcoholism started with one drink, just like drug addiction starts with one joint or pill. Does everyone become addicted? No. Does everyone have the potential of addiction? Yes.

The second question to ask yourself might be, “Does alcoholism exist in my family history?” If it does, the potential of addiction is even greater. Why? That spirit of addiction is already introduced to your family line and may have been part of it for generations. Carefully look at your family history. If you haven’t already, now is a good time to break off any generational spirit of addiction in the name of Jesus.

images-4Third, who are you hanging out with? Are they encouraging you to drink and/or to drink too much? Did you know that Proverbs 23:19-21 admonishes, “My child, listen and be wise. Keep your heart on the right course. Do not carouse with drunkards and gluttons, for they are on their way to poverty.”

Speaking of poverty, how much money does it take to drink alcohol and can you actually afford it? Does the expense of alcohol limit your ability to purchase necessary items? Listen to Proverbs 21:17, “Those who love pleasure become poor; wine and luxury are not the way to riches.” Drinking too much can be a road to poverty, loss and brokenness.

Fourth, are you hurting a weaker brother or sister in the faith? If someone has recently become a Christian and their background was drinking to the point of drunkenness, then part of their freedom might require them to never drink again. Your freedom to drink might offend them; or worse, encourage them to drink again and bring destructive forces back into their lives. Apostle Paul said he would abstain from eating meat and drinking wine if eating or drinking would offend a weaker brother. “Don’t eat meat or drink wine or do anything if it makes another person stumble” (Romans 14:21).images-6

On occasion I have heard Christians boasting about their liberty to drink, freely admit that they drink too much at times but feel no conviction about it. For those who feel this way, please consider the wisdom of Isaiah 5:22, “Destruction is certain for those who are heroes when it comes to drinking, who boast about all the liquor they can hold.” Do not be led astray by these persons because, “Wine produces mockers, liquor leads to brawls. Whoever is led astray by drink cannot be wise” (Proverbs 20:1).

Someone told me that drinking alcohol or offering it to minors is no different than introducing them to coffee or being addicted to caffeine. I have never observed inebriation among coffee drinkers. Can we be addicted to caffeine? Yes. Is it comparable to alcohol addiction and what the Bible forbids in drunkenness? That, to me, is quite a stretch.

On almost every occasion that the subject of alcohol comes up for discussion, someone quickly retorts, “But didn’t Jesus Himself turn water into wine? Wasn’t He by His action an advocate of drinking?”

It’s true, Jesus turned water into wine. Focusing on the subject of the miracle rather than the miracle itself is less about why the story is in the Bible. However, take it a step further will you? Do you believe that Jesus turned the water into wine so that the attendees of the wedding could become drunk and unable to find their way home, commit adultery with another man’s wife, speak crudely or end up regurgitating all over the wedding feast?

We also know Paul told Timothy to have some wine for his stomach’s sake. Are you sick every Saturday night and does your stomach need a little wine? To be fair there is, however, a Proverb that actually encourages a drink for those who are “dying” and those who are in “deep depression” or anguish (Proverbs 31:6).

Here are a few more questions to ask yourself as you personally think about alcohol consumption:

 

  • Has alcohol ever caused you any problems in life such as a DUI, being late for work, a broken relationship, an unclear mind, slower reaction time or influenced you in some way to make a wrong decision?
  • Do you feel the need to defend your actions concerning alcohol?
  • Do you know how much drinking is too much?
  • Have you set a consumption limit for yourself? Have you ever gone over the limit? If so, what have you now changed as a result?
  • Can you afford alcohol?
  • Do you turn to alcohol when you are stressed, worried or can’t sleep rather than turning to God?
  • Is alcohol an answer for anything in your life?
  • Does drinking alcohol (in your mind) help you to fit in, be more social, make you feel older, help you to be less inhibited or more popular?
  • Do you feel that you need to drink alcohol to relax?
  • Is alcohol an excuse in your life for anything?
  • Are you developing a tolerance to alcohol?
  • Does alcohol need to be a part of all of your social occasions? Can you say “no” to a drink when you are with friends and not sense any judgment from them about your choice?
  • How do you relate to/judge peers who have chosen not to drink alcohol?

What if your friend is at your home, your birthday party or your wedding reception and in celebration they drink too much, as you know they have a tendency to do at times. Your friend then hops into their vehicle to drive home. Due to too much alcohol, they have an accident and are killed or kill someone else. Can you control other people’s actions or decisions? Not really, but how responsible might you feel? We can supply an environment to either help or hinder them.

Consider the following if you choose to drink alcohol:

 

  • Set a limit on the number of drinks for yourself. Know your personal tolerance.
  • Set a limit on the frequency of times for partaking.
  • If you are driving and attending an event where alcohol is being served, consider not drinking.
  • If you have friends who drink too much and then get behind the wheel, never ride with them.
  • If you know that you have had too much alcohol and have become giddy or drunk, ask yourself if this is the person of Christ who you desire to represent.

Romans 12:1 clearly discusses how we are to use the body God has given us. We are told to offer our bodies as a “living sacrifice” that is “holy” and “pleasing to the Lord, as an act of worship.” It is amazing to realize that how we treat our bodies, abuse our bodies or care for our bodies can either bring glory to God or be harmful to ourselves and to the cause of Christ. To offer ourselves as a living sacrifice is to worship God. In all environments and in all of our actions, we should desire to bring glory to our Savior.

Finally, consider Paul the Apostle’s advice that he gave to us as a very clear outline for our life and how to live it, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

*All scriptures taken from the New Living Translation, 1996, Tyndale Charitable Trust

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

What Does it Take to Reach Forty Years of Marriage and Beyond? II

In the last blog entry, we shared the first five of ten priorities in our marriage developed over the last forty years. Here are the remaining five for your consideration.

1. Love trumps all. We discovered that when there is any level of fear in the marriage relationship love has decreased in some way. Where there is love, fear will not be present.  We learned to keep loving even when we were scared of something negative going on in our relationship. Love grows security while fear breeds insecurity.

2. We chose each other. We didn’t wake up one day and find ourselves married. We made a choice to get married; we were not forced into the decision. We spoke vows of promise by our own free will. Through the worst of times, no matter how angry or disappointed we may become with our mate, we must remember that this is the person I chose to become one with and becoming one is a life long journey.

3. We will not be victims and blame each other. We must take responsibility for our own actions toward change. Victims look for someone to blame rather than take the more difficult road of life change. I cannot change my spouse; I can only change me. We chose to never be victims by blaming the other for our personal issues.

4. Sex is loving; lust is taking. We call it “love making,” not “love taking.” Lust is insatiable while love satisfies. Being sexual as a married couple not only provided intimacy, it also provided physical, emotional and spiritual bonding for us. Sex within the boundaries of marriage is a bonding agent as we serve our mate in meeting their sexual desires.

5. It’s all His. We are stewards of everything we own including our savings account, our 401k’s, our car and our home. Being a steward means we hold it lightly, it’s not ours. All we have belongs to God; therefore, we can also give freely. We are givers because we have received so much. We are blessed because we have never been able to out give our God. We have continually maintained a budget and moved in agreement to eliminate debt from our union.1C6A0369

Bonus: Tell her/him that you love them in every email, every text message, every phone conversation, every morning and every night. Keep buying greeting cards, sending love notes and finding small gifts to share. Keep holding hands, hugging and kissing. Forgive quickly.

Steve and Mary

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

What Does it Take to Reach Forty Years of Marriage and Beyond?

Now that you know Mary and I have celebrated 40 years of marriage, we have asked ourselves how we got this far. Of course, it goes without saying it is totally the grace of God. That realized, let us give you ten priorities (five per week) that to us were/are non – negotiable after saying “I do.”

1. We determined to never and I do mean never mention the ‘D’ word. Divorce was determined to not be an option for us. We decided that there wasn’t anything that we could not work through with some help from others.

2. Our first love and our first priority was to love God with all of our heart and soul and then love one another. He would give us the ability to love our life mate in a way that our flesh and soul was not capable of doing.

3. Our marriage would come before our children, our ministry, our jobs and other life commitments. We would continue to date, take weekends away and not allow the oneness of marriage to be stolen from us.

4. We would have fun and keep laughing with one another. Humor is a medicine to relationship. When we stop having fun we can begin to take our career, our finances, our goals and ourselves too seriously.1C6A0380

5. We would keep prayer and communication as a priority. Nothing is more intimate than praying together. When you pray, you reveal your heart and when you reveal your heart, you are communicating your deepest feelings to God and one another.

Bonus:  Having less materially and being content is true wealth in life, love and relationship!

Next week we’ll give you five more priorities plus a bonus one.

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Marriage, Postmarital

Getting Married and Hot Times

It just had to be the hottest day of the spring of 1975. Sweating in my long sleeve shirt, rented navy blue suit jacket and bow tie in the non air-conditioned church building was an obvious concern.  I was 20 years young and she just turned 21. My father was against this union while her father gave us his blessing and approval to marry. Of course, he wanted hIMG_1105is daughter to finish nursing college, as did I for different (financial:) reasons. The wedding ceremony started, my bride, so lovely in her high neck gown, came down the aisle toward me. And then it seemed the ceremony might not end anytime soon as the preacher decided to take advantage of the many relatives and attendees who perhaps looked like they needed a Savior. Finally we spoke our vows and had ceremonially become one.

I truly do not remember much else from that day. The fresh fruit salad, potato salad and lunchmeat were pretty good, as the older church ladies who tend to do such things prepared it. The basement where the reception was held was a bit cooler. We had already lost a number of our guests from the heat of the unrelenting sermon spoken by the gray-haired pastor and the temperature in the sanctuary. The two combined were just too much for some, like one of my work mates who was on a lot of illegal drugs at that time. But what I do remember on that May 24th of 40 years ago was that I knew that I knew I was to marry my soul mate, Mary Elizabeth Mohr. I had not one single doubt that this decision was led by God and that I was obeying God by saying “I do” that day. As we soon celebrate our 40th anniversary, I still do, Mary.

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Encouragement, Marriage

Marry a Prostitute?

You fall in love with a prostitute. Well, not exactly. You just happen to bump into her on the street, no, not that way either. Actually, you have been actively rebuking the voice that keeps telling you to take the woman not of your dreams and marry her. She is a prostitute, an “adulterous” wife who will have “children of unfaithfulness.” Ridiculous? I think so, but God didn’t when He told Hosea to marry this woman of the night, Gomer, and have children with her. Gomer even continued to remain unfaithful while in the marriage. Perhaps she was a temple prostitute for a foreign god, but now she finds herself on the auction block. Most likely she is sick and no longer beautiful or desirable, a throw away. Her life is wasting away and it is a more than obvious, and legal, time for a divorce.

images-16Unbelievably Gomer’s husband hears of her plight, gathers some money and some extra grain for good measure and heads down to one of the worst places in his city, where slaves are auctioned like farm animals. This faithful husband buys back his unfaithful, adulterous and most likely diseased wife for 15 pieces of silver. At this point we could stop and say what an amazing love story, the stuff Hollywood movies are made of (remember the movie Pretty Women?). But it’s not a Hollywood movie, it actually happened and is recorded in the book of Hosea in the Old Testament.

This story, this amazing picture is about how much God loves us even when we are “adulterous” and unfaithful to Him. In His mercy He implores us to come to Him for healing as He binds up our wounds and restores us (Hosea 6: 1,2). Even though prostitution (unfaithfulness) and arrogance is in our heart, He loves us and longs to walk with us. He sent His Son to purchase us back from slavery and to forgive us of our sins as we turn away from those sins.  Have you sinned against your heavenly Father or your spouse? Know that forgiveness awaits you.

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Children, Marriage, Parents, Prayer

Growing in Values and Co-vision as a Couple

images-15Mary and I were in our first year of marriage and I don’t think either of us had a huge burden for un-churched or underprivileged children. One day our pastor asked if we would like to start a bus ministry. Once he defined it for us and we received training, we were sold as to its value. Reaching a child had the potential of changing a life forever, not to mention touching a family.

After filling several buses with some amazing but wild city kids, we fell in love with the whole ministry. Their needs were huge but they were being touched through an excellent children’s program coupled with our love as we also visited them every Saturday morning. It didn’t take long until we figured out how valuable children are to our heavenly Father, and from the vision of another, our hearts were hooked. We went on to eight years of missionary work with adjudicated delinquent teenage males and then several years of social work in foster care. As our heart grew, we found ourselves developing a deep value for reaching children, teens and their families.images-13

How about you, have you discovered your heart being enlarged by the Lord for some form of ministry only to have it become a deep value for you as a couple? If not, ask Him to show you His co-vision for the two of you.

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Encouragement, Prayer

An Amazing Circuit Rider and a Nation Called America

images-19Francis Asbury preached more than sixteen thousand messages before he died in March of 1816. At about the time of the American Revolution, there were approximately 5,000 Methodists churches and Asbury, an Englishman who never married, had a direct effect upon changing that figure. This circuit rider who is said to have traveled over 300,000 miles on horseback was out to grow the church. By the end of his life there were 200,000 Methodist churches all across America. Asbury slept in barns and wood sheds, was ill much of his life, dealt with depression and doubt, but he took seriously the task God had assigned him.

Father, may Your kingdom come and may Your will be done in this great nation called America. On this National Day of Prayer we remember men like Francis Asbury who gave their lives for Your gospel of freedom to come and to change lives. May we continue to fight the fight, preach the gospel and see souls made new. We ask You for miracles, signs and wonders to follow the teaching of Your word and we humbly ask for a spirit of repentance to come and a great awakening to follow. In Jesus’ name.

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Marriage, Postmarital, Prayer

Seven Secrets to Save Your Marriage

  1. images-9Keep dating. Just because you have said, “I do” does not mean the dating scene for you as a couple is over. Keep the fire lit by spending time alone doing what the two of you love to do together. Continue having fun!
  2. Get a weekend away. Once a quarter or at the very least, twice a year take a weekend away together. Travel a short distance and get away from your home, the kids and your local environment by staying at a hotel or a bed and breakfast. It will help the two of you to get back to the two of you.
  3. Drink coffee. A pastor friend of mine once told me, “Coffee saved our marriage.” Wondering what on earth he meant he went on to explain that taking time together over coffee to simply listen to one another was a marriage lifesaver. Their short coffee dates provoked the kind of communication and connection they needed.images-10
  4. Stay sexual. Do not allow busyness, children, jobs or ministry to steal intimacy from you. Stay sexually connected because it is unhealthy to do otherwise. If you need to, make a schedule for sex and agree to frequency. A schedule will actually bring freedom to both of you. Why not, you schedule everything else in life. (I Cor. 7:3,4)
  5. Pray together. In our book, Called Together, we state that the most intimate thing you can be involved in with another human being is to pray together. When we pray, really pray, we reveal our hearts to each other. To reveal our heart to God and one another on a regular basis is to remain spiritually connected. Nothing says oneness like prayer together. (Matthew 18:19)
  6. Praise in public; construct in private. Speak words of life and affirmation to your spouse, especially when in public. Let the world around you know that this person is the one (the only one) and that you are madly in love with him/her. When we have constructive words to share keep them full of grace while maintaining a position of humility, always speaking them in private.images-11 copy
  7. Respect one another. Disrespect is rampant in our culture and it’s unattractive and ungodly. To show respect is literally to show honor and who on this earth does not want to feel honor, especially from the one they love?

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife [spouse] of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18)

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Encouragement, Marriage, Parents, Postmarital

Oh, Those Cutting Remarks

I heard a pretty humorous story that went something like the following. A wife was begging her husband to take her to her High School reunion of 25 years. Reluctantly, he finally gave in to the idea that he also knew was going to be a bust for him. After meeting a few of her friends and former classmates, he just sat at the table yawning, alone and bored to death. Pretty soon the band hired for the evening cranks up and a few persons are beginning to dance. But there is this one character that is on the dance floor just living it up large, break dancing, moon dancing, back flips…the works. Soon his wife returns to their table, sits beside her husband, leans over and says, “See that awesome ‘life of the party’ guy up there?” “Well, 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” Abruptly her husband turns to her and quips, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!images-8

Funny? Yes, but cutting. How often have you used humor to bring some kind of indirect and at times hurtful message to your spouse? I have been guilty of it I’m sorry to say. When you make fun of or put down your spouse, you are making fun of and putting yourself down. You are one. There are plenty of hurts already coming from relatives, the work place and others. You and I do not need to “pile on.” Cutting remarks do not change anyone, they are embarrassing, belittling and are words of death. Jesus said it this way, “The Spirit gives life…the words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.” Speak words of life today to your spouse, to your children, to your co-workers and to your neighbors.

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Encouragement, Mission Report

Our American Culture has an Infatuation with Self-care

How many self-help books would you say are on the market at any given time? Department stores cry out to the new image found as the latest fashion is purchased. One local insurance company in my community has a tag line that reads, “It’s all about you, you, you.” Self-care topics on health, personal happiness, self-fulfillment and self-actualization in the United States must be at an all time high. We can get lost in our television and see ourselves dancing with the stars or one of America’s talents. Culturally somehow we are so easily obsessed with ourselves. In all this our Lord said that the greatest commands ever were to love God and love your neighbor as you love yourself.

I just returned from a developing nation where simply surviving is a daily task. People asked me for money while others wanted to do a small job so that I would pay them. The end goal was to eat and somehow meet the needs of life for today. School, jobs, health care, books, a computer all out of reach for many of these persons. Once again, I was reminded to my very core that life is not just about me. I felt so selfish and self-protective at times. I felt anger that I lacked compassion at other times. I was concerned about the loss of water and the inconvenience of no electrical serviceimages-6. I once actually found myself thinking about how far behind I will be with email once I return home.  Really, Steve?

We [I] have got to stop making ourselves [me] the center of attention. We show love for God by loving others. In the parable of the Great Banquet Jesus said to go find and invite the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame. Who are you called to love today?

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