Author Archives: calledtogether

Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital

Finding Our Co-mission as a Couple

This past weekend, Mary and I had the privilege of installing a godly couple into the position of lead pastors at a church in Massachusetts.  As little as a year ago, they might not have seen themselves in this position, but that’s the “amazing race” our Father can have us on if we are listening to Him.  They are so excited to see what God will bring about through their leadership together.  Up to this point, they have served in numerous roles within this same local church for many years in whatever area of service they could.  Imagine if they would have refused serving in a co-mission capacity along the way.  Would they have been given the greater responsibility now before them?  As we are faithful in little…

Marriage is a oneness that trumps personal selfishness.  Agreement in our mission together is vital to a long-term, successful and fulfilling marriage.  While I am not called to everything my wife is, we have found specific areas where we serve together in our co-mission.  We have written those areas down in our “marriage mission statement.”  And for 2014, this past weekend was a part of fulfilling our mission together.  How about you and your spouse?  Do you have a written marriage mission statement?  It may help you to discover the reason(s) you are married.  Next week we will look at how to build your very own personal marriage mission statement.  Until then, begin making a list of all the things you are presently involved in as a couple.

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Marriage, Postmarital, Uncategorized

Marriage, It’s a Team Effort

God loves teams.  The very first team was the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.   Adam and Eve were created to be a team of two and then as children were born, a family team.  God encouraged teams to help Moses of tens, hundreds and thousands.  Jesus had a team of twelve and an even closer team of three.  Many of us love team sports.  Teams work together for a common goal through common values, common methods and a common plan.

When a team begins to fight with or pick on one another, they defeat themselves.   Something I call the Terrell Owens Syndrome is when a team member begins to see himself as more valuable than his teammates.  These types of thoughts eventually lead him to feeling superior by thinking the team needs him, but he doesn’t need the team.  Team members watch each other’s backs. (Think Michael Oher when he was learning the game of football portrayed in the movie Blind Side.)   All teams have their internal differences, but they cannot hold on to these or use them against team members or they will eventually defeat themselves.

If your marriage were a professional doubles tennis team, what would need to change in order for you to be in sync on the court?  If you were a professional dance team, how would you anticipate your partner’s next move in order to move with him?  Surely two minds are better than one and couples who have successfully incorporated common values, methods and plans will realize a greater sense of team.

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Encouragement, Prayer

Are You Overconfident in Your “Sinlessness?” III

For over 15 years I worked in the area of marriage and family counseling.  I loved the willingness of the counselee’s to receive God’s principles of relationship in marriage and in family, which would frequently extend to work, local church, etc.  Often the issue was history or a fear of the future.  During that time, I came across some powerful written prayers and recently found myself praying through them once again.  Below are just two paragraphs of those prayers, consider making these words your prayer as we each deal with our own confession of sinfulness.

Dear Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that there is only one true and living God, who exists as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  I recognize Christ Jesus as the Son of the Living God, the Word that became flesh and dwelt among us.  Jesus, You are worthy to receive glory and honor and power, for You have created all things and in You, all things have their being.  Father God, You have proven Your love for me, because when I was still in sin and rebellion, Your Son, died for me.  Jesus, You forgave me all my sins and redeemed me from the kingdom of darkness.  All charges that were against me have been nailed to the cross and cancelled; therefore, the devil has nothing with which to accuse me.  I can do nothing apart from You, Jesus, and I declare my dependence on You.

 Father, I choose to give up all attempts to run my own life, putting no confidence in my flesh and I now submit to You.  I trust myself to Your care, as much as I can at this time.  Holy Spirit please reveal to me every area of my life that has been given over to the enemy.  I chose to crucify my flesh and walk by Your guidance, Holy Spirit, not giving in to the desires of my flesh.  I will present my body as an instrument of righteousness, a living and holy sacrifice, which is my spiritual duty.  I choose to humble myself and ask You to guide me to all truth and empower me to live above sin, in Jesus’ name.  Amen.

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Encouragement

Are You Overconfident in Your “Sinlessness?” II

Recently I have been finishing up reading through the New Testament.  It was actually the book of First John that provoked the topic of “sinlessness” in my life and for this blog.  John, in the first chapter writes, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”  I just sat there thinking, “Am I deceiving myself in any way?”  And then I wondered just how much personal soul/heart searching am I actively involved in?  Verse ten then adds, “If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.”  That’s a scary thought…

I know theologically my sins were forgiven on the cross over 2000 years ago: past, present and future.  It is by the grace of our Lord that we now walk in forgiveness.  That grace, however, does not grant me permission to freely sin.  But, I also know my potential.  I am imperfect.  I am in the world.  I am saved by grace.  These are important things to be reminded of, i.e., our humanness.  Thanks be to God I John also tells us this truth:  We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin, the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him.  We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.  We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true.  And we are in him who is true – even in his Son Jesus Christ. 

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Encouragement

Are You Overconfident in Your “Sinlessness?”

Have you robbed a bank or committed adultery lately?  Have you committed murder or been arrested for a DUI?  Do you lie to your boss about the hours you work or help yourself to the petty cash kept on hand?  These are all examples of “big” or obvious sins and when you and I walk through life for a long time not committing any of these acts but reading about others who do, we can become numb to our own sinfulness.  I know I can.  We might even be lulled into thinking we’re actually a pretty good, sin-free believer.

But wait just a minute.  Has everything you’ve said recently been 100% the truth without minimizing or exaggeration?  Have you stolen from your employer by checking your Facebook account three or four times a day?  Did you correct the store clerk when he made a mistake in your favor?  Have you thought any thoughts today that are less than honorable?  Sin is falling short of God’s ideal and desire for us and unless we actually catch that shortcoming and repent of our wrongdoing we are overconfident in ourself.  Remember that overconfident disciple who said he would never deny his Lord and a few short hours later claimed to not even know Him?  Jesus gave His life for the obvious and the not so obvious sin.  “Lord, help us to see both and respond to You quickly.”

The word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing souls and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  (Hebrews 4: 12, 16)  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other… (James 5:16)

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Encouragement, Leadership

Finishing the Year with Vision for 2014

The year 2013 is about to come to a close.  What were your highlights from this past year?  Do they out number the lows?  It’s easy to be thankful for the highlights, but a bit tougher to “give thanks in all things” for the lows.  Someone said if you get your eyes on what you feel God hasn’t done, you’ll lose your thankfulness, but if you keep your eyes and heart on what God has done you’ll maintain a heart of praise and a spirit of joy.

Before we enter 2014, I want to encourage you to take some time to evaluate 2013 and consider what you have learned, how you have grown as a person, what did you needlessly worry about, what financial decisions were right and which ones were wrong, how did you do with dating your spouse and children, and perhaps consider what you would have done differently now that you have the hindsight?  Then turn the corner and ask God for the vision He has for you in 2014.  What three or four goals would you like to see accomplished spiritually, emotionally, educationally, financially and physically?  Consider writing down the vision along with steps to take in order to reach your vision.  When you come to the end of 2014, you’ll have more to rejoice about as you discover many of the goals written twelve months earlier are accomplished.

Write down the vision and make it plain on tablets…  (Habakkuk 2:2)

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Encouragement, Prayer

Ending the Year With Forgiveness

Throughout 2013 you and I experienced perhaps numerous disappointments, letdown and unmet expectations.  We had opportunity to respond in anger, pick up an offense, grow cold toward someone or simply pretend it never happened.  How we responded or reacted was up to us.  In thinking back over the year 2013, I had one of the most personally challenging and difficult life situations.  Some days I felt freedom and many other days I felt defeated, unable to change the situation.  I know it affected me emotionally and it affected my thinking.  While I guess I’ve had a lifetime to prepare for such situations, I found myself very unprepared and trying to find some sanity in it all.  I forced myself to spend more time in God’s word and in prayer looking for answers (the opposite of what my flesh wanted to do).

After months of this turmoil, I read two verses of scripture that helped me immensely.  Of course I’ve read them many times before, but for that morning they were brand new once again – written just for my specific situation.  Colossians 3:13 & 14 state, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”  The lesson?  As we look back over 2013 there is so much to be thankful for and there is so much to forgive yourself and others for.  Do not carry un-forgiveness, anger, offenses or a cold heart into 2014.  It will only hurt you.

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Encouragement, Prayer

Jesus is the Best at Everything

This past summer I was talking to a friend in New Zealand and he had an apartment to sell in Auckland.  Another friend was telling me of an upside down house investment he had and needed to sell the home as soon as possible.  While in Barbados this year, a businessman told me he had to sell a 37-foot fishing boat.  Someone else had shared with me about a legal issue they were in the middle of.   Still another told me about a need to purchase a home.  One young man was sharing about his need and desire for a wife and ministry partner.  As well, a young married woman was sharing with me about her need for marriage counseling.

My answer was similar in each and every situation.  Jesus is the best banker, the best real estate agent, the best salesperson, an amazing lawyer, a matchmaker since Genesis two and one of His names is The Counselor.  Christian Mingle or Match.com cannot possibly do what Jesus does in finding a life mate even though one in five singles are now finding relationships on-line.  His bank will never run dry of funds.  He owns the cattle on a thousands hills.   And, speaking of real estate, He owns it all!  His law degree is not from Harvard, but He created law and government.  Jesus is not only the Christ child, the Son of Man and Savior, He IS the answer.  Check out James chapter four, verse two.

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Marriage, Mission Report, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Addis Ababa and Other Such Places (Part II)

Once landing in Kampala, Uganda it was an amazing time of ministry to children, teens, a local DOVE International church, leaders and couples.  These precious people are both hungry for more of God’s principles, as well as, an encouragement in areas of prayer and faith-filled living.  The Ugandan’s are an industrious people who seem to be working from daylight to after dark alongside a small kerosene lantern in order to provide for their families.  There are literally thousands of little stands selling shoes, meat, handmade furniture, jewelry, etc.  They are not dependent on others for their survival and I never heard them complain about life circumstances.  I was privileged to be spending a week with them.

After hearing a teaching on biblical submission, one precious woman of God commented, “This is so freeing to us as woman and so encouraging for our husbands.”  When I gave the overnight homework assignment of writing their own couple mission statement for their marriages, they returned the next morning with excitement to share their paragraphs.  It was as if new life was breathed into their marriage relationship.  One young pastor asked, “But what do I do if my wife will not agree to my vision?”  I then challenged the personal pronoun of the word “I” and the possessive word of “my” and asked them to think in terms of “our.”  How simple and yet so radically different for him when thinking about future vision with his life partner who he is one with.

Do you have a marriage mission statement for your marriage?  It may just change the way you see submission, which literally means to come under the mission.

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Encouragement, Mission Report

Addis Ababa and Other Such Places (Part I)

Addis Ababa, ever been there?  Me neither, with one exception.  Over a week ago my plane landed there (Ethiopia) after twelve hours at 39,000 feet.  Sitting at the gate for my next flight to Kampala, Uganda I do not recognize a single word around me.  Foreign has a way of taking on even more foreign when the sites, smells, dress, heat and language are unrecognizable.  One can feel a bit insecure, anxious and excited all at the same time, but it’s another day in the kingdom of God full of anticipation.   It becomes a reality that my security is not found in where I am or whom I am with.  Native faces turn with each passing white face, while comments follow.  I find myself imagining that the conversation is about where this “foreign” person is headed on this African continent.

Vacation it is not.  I am here to serve the DOVE International family in the nation of Uganda.  The leaders have requested that I come to share on principles of marriage.  My prayer has been, “Lord, help me to be sensitive culturally, while at the same time remaining biblical.”  Further, “Help me to humbly remember that I am a foreign guest.”  While I do not desire to offend in any way culturally, worse would be to stray biblically.  I truly believe that God’s word transcends culture.  I am so pleased, so honored to have this opportunity before me.  “Foreign” is a feeling that every believer should feel on this earth anywhere they live or travel.  The Scriptures reveal that we are simply passing through this world into the next one.  If we begin to feel too comfortable, maybe we’ve become too familiar with our surroundings and our too normalized life.  Perhaps it’s time to ask your heavenly Father for an assignment that feels insecure, uncomfortable, stretching and foreign.  It’ll grow your faith and trust in Him.

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