Having children to raise, to train and to love is a privilege. Personally, I loved being a parent and still do even though my children are now grown and happily married. But if you’re serious about parenting, you realize at times it is beyond you or more than you think you can handle. At those times, I often wondered if I was raising my children or were my children raising me? Having the responsibility of children is stretching, maturing, tiring and quite often exasperating. My children could bring the best out of me… or the worst. I also discovered that children could help hold you accountable as a parent. What do I mean?

•  Are you teaching your children to resolve conflict in a healthy way with one another, but then you and your spouse regularly experience out of control fights without resolve?                             
• Do you desire your children to love reading and learning? Are you reading to them? Are you a reader?
• Are you training your children to pray? Do they see you having a personal prayer life? Can they catch you and your spouse praying together?
• Do you want them to love God’s word? Do they see you reading it, hear you quoting it and then relating the stories from the Bible to them in practical ways.
• Are you committed as a family to serve together and support your local church? Do you desire your children to love your local church?  Are you enjoying roasted preacher Sunday at the lunch table?
• Are you teaching your children to value giving to those in need? When is the last time you took them to the homeless shelter in your local community to serve?

The very presence of our children will hold us accountable to actually live that which we are speaking to them. That’s a good thing.

I can still remember our first TV as a kid. It was a black and white RCA in a simple wood cabinet. It took a few minutes for the tubes to warm up before viewing. I recall shows like The Three Stooges and I Love Lucy. Bonanza was on Sunday evenings and our family knew that most likely our neighbors, chicken farmers, would show up for a “visit” just as it was about to come on. Leave It To Beaver and Dennis The Menace were full of fun and mischief. There was a talking horse, Mr. Ed. It was a time when most any show being broadcasted could be watched by any age group. There was an air of innocence, as a family, watching and laughing on the grey, itchy and uncomfortable couch. Hollywood hadn’t yet figured out how it could mold and shape the minds of America with its rolling images. There were no studies released on the harmful effects upon children or culture by viewing too much TV versus completing homework assignments or reading a book. In my house, the television came on only in the evening and you could partake if you had successfully proven your chores and your homework were finished.

In the book, Amusing Ourselves to Death, author Neil Postman writes, “It is a wise and particularly relevant presupposition that the media of communication available to a culture are a dominant influence on the formation of the culture’s intellect and social preoccupations.” He makes the argument that the more we as a society move away from the written word, study and memorization, the more illiterate we become by consuming nothing but entertainment through the medium of television. He shares that this medium of communication does not require any form of thinking and in the end television programing becomes the cultures principle way of knowing about itself.  (Written in 1985, I wonder what the author might say about the internet today?)

Current statistics tell us that children spend more time with the television than they spend in school. This certainly wasn’t true when my wife and I were raising our children and I hope it’s not true for your home. Turn it off, play a game, read a book, put a puzzle together, help your children learn something new by telling stories and interacting with them. You will never regret it.

Yes, you read that title correctly. Taking your children out on a date is extremely special for the two of you. It communicates so many positive messages to them. Those messages can include revealing your heart for your child and that one on one time with them is a priority to you, as well as, the fact that you desire to hear their heart. I loved those times and would often ask my children how I am doing as a dad and as a husband, am I home enough or at work too much? I would ask them about school and about their relationships. I loved the question, “What’s the best thing about life right now for you?” And of course, I would ask about the most challenging things in life too. While they would respond differently according to their personality, they were assured of my love and approval of them keeping communication channels open and honest.

I can still remember my first date with my daughter. We went to a local restaurant for breakfast.  She was a bit young and found it difficult to sit in one place on the huge, vinyl, blue booth seat. She kept dropping her silverware on the floor and was under the table as much as she was on her seat. But, I forged ahead and asked her those daddy and husband questions. Her answer? “Daddy, these questions are stupid.” Right, note to self, be age appropriate. An unexpected and unplanned side benefit was that dating my children helped them to understand why I would desire to take their mother on dates. They understood.

Take a moment to watch this video and catch a vision for dating your children.

Recently my daughter sent me an email in which she proceeded to thank me for “building a wall and not a door” in her life. The reference was out of Song Of Songs 8: 8,9. The young girl who is a door does not know who she is, her worth, or her value, she lacks faith, depth, astuteness and wisdom. But, the tower of self-worth, self-confidence, self-respect, strength of character, integrity, honesty and humility protect the daughter who is like a wall. She knows whose she is and she knows her father’s love, acceptance and approval. She has value from godly training through her family and good judgment of the opposite sex.

She knows that she is “a catch,” a reward, gifted, intelligent and beautiful. Her strength is her confidence in her Savior and she need not take a second look at any unsuitable suitor. Neither does any young godly man intimidate her so she doesn’t need to dumb herself down in order to be led spiritually. In fact, she does not need to do or be anyone else other than who she has been created to be. She knows that she changes for only One, her Lord. Her father will not need to intimidate the young man who comes calling because she will have chosen wisely as her own dignity does the job. Frequently tell her she is beautiful, a gift from God, loved just as she is and continue to build the wall of Christ in her life. Neither she nor you will ever regret it and one day a young man of God will express appreciation too.

Keeping with the theme of raising children, natural or spiritual, what do you think is the number one inhibitor of growth in a child’s life? What do you think is the number one killer of creativity? What do you think is the number one limitation placed on vision, hope and dreams? The answer, I’ve been told, is critical judgment. Imagine a parent consistently providing negative judgment and criticism toward a child especially after the child feels he or she has done their best. When wrong or harsh judgment is cast upon another human being, that person begins to suffer a creativity and an identity crisis. Teachers can identify those children who continually suffer from words of critical judgment with their heads bowed down and their insatiable need for encouragement.

Adults who have suffered from ongoing critical judgment lose creativity and pursue acceptance in every means possible. The life is often sucked out of them and they will gravitate toward any form of attention, especially the negative. They align themselves with lie-filled thoughts based upon what has been spoken over them. They believe these thoughts and grow up only to pass critical judgment upon themselves, continuing to reinforce everything negative. The Bible is clear that we are to judge sin and not one another (Romans 14:13; James 4:11,12) As parents ask the Lord to help you see the positive, to operate out of a spirit of praise and encouragement and to heap words of life upon your children. God knows they hear enough of the negative throughout their day from the world around them.