Category Archives: Encouragement

Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Training, Women

Developing Family Rhythms

Professionals are telling us that family rhythms are missing in today’s households. What are family rhythms? Those things that your family does to build relationship, maintain consistent values and grow in family sharing and caring. 

Family rhythms cause us to connect with each member of the family. Everyone is important and everyone gets to be heard. Rhythms create space for valuing, teaching and training. Rhythms help create family culture, the ‘who’ we are as a family. 

What are family rhythms? Let me list a few:

  • Having a meal or two together every day
  • Taking a weekly family sabbath
  • Establishing a game night
  • Enjoying a BIG breakfast Saturday mornings
  • Dating your children and your spouse
  • Family worship
  • Reading a book together that all can enjoy
  • Quarterly get-aways for a day or overnight
  • Weekly small group connections or youth group
  • Family work time, e.g., cleaning the house or mowing the yard together
  • Annual family vacations
  • A monthly movie night with popcorn
  • Celebrating birthdays wholeheartedly

Before we’re called to save the world we need to save our families, the God-created foundation of our world. What do you desire your children to say about their upbringing one day? Plant those seeds now in their lives. Give them every reason in the world to love their family and to make their friends jealous. 

Speaking of their friends. Our children often invited their friends on our family vacations. We loved that! It told us our kids thought enough of our family time together to invite their friends so they too could enjoy that time together. And enjoy those times we did.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

Some Important Questions to Consider for the New Year

Have you evaluated 2024 with your spouse as yet? I mean, have you gone back over your year and discussed what you loved, what you missed, what you added, what you gave, what you received, what you grew in, what you failed in? Evaluation is a great way to end your year together.

Have you taken the time to share words of thanks with one another and to God? What are you thankful for? What can you thank your spouse for? Thankfulness blesses others and keeps our hearts from personal judgments. 

After considering those ideas, consider some questions that will help you to look forward to a brand-new year. Questions like:

  • What vision do we have for our marriage and family in 2025?
  • What exercise do we want to participate in together?
  • What rhythms will we continue/discontinue?
  • How can I help my spouse grow in their relationship with God?
  • How can I be a reflection of God to my spouse?
  • What couples or persons in our lives can help us to grow in our marriage?
  • How can we better participate in a sabbath?
  • What can increase our affection toward each other?
  • How can we maintain our sexual intimacy?
  • How can we grow our prayer intimacy together?
  • What are some healthy marriage maintenance moves we can make in 2025?
  • What spiritual goals can we create?
  • What financial goals can we create?
  • How can we make regular deposits of love in each other’s life?
  • What marriage book can we read together?
  • What marriage conference can we participate in?
  • How can just the two of us vacate together?

Looking back, giving thanks and then looking ahead can be a tremendous value to your marriage relationship. It can give you focus, bring correction and provide unity in direction. Marriages that make it 40 or 50 years are marriages that take seriously personal and couple change to become more loving, more giving, more complimentary, more forgiving and more generous.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, History, Issues of the Day

The Purpose of Christmas 

Christmas is not random and neither is it simply another work holiday. Billy Graham said, “The very purpose of Christ’s coming into the world was that He might offer up His life as a sacrifice for the sins of men. He came to die. This is the heart of Christmas.”

We will gather around a tree and open presents to hopefully create smiles and the joy of laughter. Unfortunately, not everyone has that privilege. I think of the homeless, the marginalized, and those suffering from insufficient resources. 

But I also think that Mary and Joseph would identify with those who struggle at Christmas. They were not wealthy and their first Christmas was a tough one. How so?

Caesar Augustus ordered everyone to register for a census of the “entire Roman world” from their hometown. Mary and Joseph, who were “pledged to be married,” lived in Nazareth and had to travel to Bethlehem. Mary was nine months pregnant and the trip to their hometown was a very distant and grueling 90 miles! Can we even relate to a ninety-mile trip, being almost ready to deliver a baby, on a donkey or a horse through rough and dusty terrain? 

When they reached Bethlehem, there were so many people that all the inns were booked to capacity. Where would Mary be giving birth? Someone offered them a stable, a barn or the lower part of a home. Yikes, a filthy, germ infested, smelly and unsanitary animal stable!

Jesus is born and some shepherds, considered the lowest class of workers, notice a star, a very bright star. They show up to see the miracle Christ child after the angel said to them, “Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.”

The Gift arrived. The final sacrificial Lamb of God. No more bloody altars of sin offerings. Jesus would be God’s sin offering for all of mankind into the ages to come. 

Have you opened this Gift? 

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Prayer

Does Your Serving Jesus Get in the Way of Your Knowing Him?

After a week of rest at a retreat center, I found myself hearing and thinking lots of different thoughts. I have been winding down my full-time work with DOVE International and was taking the time to ask God what’s next. The following are some of my interactions with Him.

Doing has always been important to me. I love work and I, for one, am grateful that God gave us the gift of work. I love labor and the results thereof. I love ministry and its results. I love fulfilling God’s call on my life. But sometimes, I am His “helper.” This week He revealed He already has a Helper, Holy Spirit. 

I can be driven, especially with labor. My wife tells me all the time, “Steve, stop, you’ve done enough for today.” And I just want to finish one more thing. Am I driven or am I drawn when it comes to my relationship with my heavenly Father?

Sometimes I need to remind myself that Jesus had 12 disciples and then He had 11. In Mark chapter six, Jesus sent His disciples out to do ministry, to preach the kingdom. Upon their return His counsel was, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” He must have seen the weariness in their eyes.

Matthew 13:1 records a habit that I believe Jesus walked in, “That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake.” Jesus, the Son of God, took time with His Father and sat by a body of water to refresh Himself, His spirit, His soul. I asked myself this week what refreshes me, what rejuvenates me?

You and I need a constant sabbath. God rested from creation as an example to us. We are each capable of a lot, but are we called to always say “yes?” I heard someone say this week, “Sometimes the word ‘no’ is a complete sentence.” My Lord was always active in doing the Father’s will, but He never seemed to be in a hurry. He labored out of rest. 

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me–watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. 

(Matthew 11:28-30 The Message version)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Parents

Practicing Thankfulness

Thankfulness is encouraging, attractive, and it will spread to others when used regularly. 

It’s so easy to find yourself in a conversation of grumbling, judging or discontent. It’s easier to frown than smile. Physiologically it takes fewer muscles to frown, but spiritually, it takes more maturity to practice thankfulness.

Immaturity complains–a lot. For example, ever encountered an unhappy, not very thankful teenager? 

For a season in my life, I regularly visited someone who complained constantly. They were rarely thankful and viewed themselves as superior. When I left those visits, I felt like I needed a shower. I could even find myself becoming negative or unthankful. 

When visiting a thankful person, you leave uplifted, encouraged and full of hope for them and yourself. Thankfulness is a medicine for your spirit and for the spirit of others. Thankfulness will keep your hope alive and your faith intact. Thankfulness breeds thankfulness. 

A spirit of gratitude helps us to not focus on painful issues from our past. The American Heart Association says that practicing gratitude can, “…improve our sleep, mood and immunity, and can decrease depression, anxiety, chronic pain and disease.”

The University of Utah health research studied expressing gratitude and its effects on us. They found “it boosts dopamine and serotonin…improv[ing] your mood…giving you positive feelings of pleasure, happiness, and well-being.”

The Bible was right all along. Colossians 3:16 states, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.”

I am thankful that you took the time to read this blog. Feel free to comment. Happiest Thankgiving ever to you and yours!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Goals for Our Marriage

We have personal goals, work goals, financial goals and spiritual goals. What are the goals for your marriage? Where is your marriage going and how will you get there?

Sometimes in our marriage we are so today-focused that we do not take the time to think about tomorrow. Where do you desire your marriage to be in a year, five years, or ten years? 

Key: If you do not plant those seeds today, you will never reach your desired “harvest” or goal tomorrow. 

I know, I know, not everyone thinks in terms of goals, especially goals for your marriage, but this blog is written to every marriage out there. You never reach a goal without planning and taking steps toward the goal. 

Mary and I desired to retire our mortgage within ten years. We prayed. We placed extra money on the principle every month. We placed windfalls, tax returns, every extra dollar we could to reach that goal. Month after month and year after year we worked hard and in agreement toward the goal of paying off our home. Did we reach our goal in ten years? No, but that didn’t stop us or discourage us. We plugged away at it and not long thereafter reached our goal. 

For many years we loved taking our family vacations with our children. In time, our children were all married, but they still desired to do a family vacation. We made that happen as often as we could, but at the same time realized we had no personal vacation planned as a couple. 

Our goal became planning a year ahead for a week of vacation by ourselves. We have been doing so ever since. This goal helped us to have a loving, intimate and separate time together without caring, cooking and cleaning for others. 

When you create goals for your marriage, you’ll find yourself identifying areas that need strengthening. As a goal is communicated, prayed through and acted upon, your marriage will grow in connection. Goals for your marriage will keep you focused toward a future desire that will also build intimacy and commitment. 

Set aside some time at the local café and discuss a goal or two for your marriage. You will never regret it!

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Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Politics

Did Your Favored Presidential Candidate Win or Lose?

In every election and every sporting event there is a winner and there is a loser. It’s inevitable. You chose your team, you cheer and you campaign, but you know from the start there is a winner and a loser. You hope and pray for the win, all the while knowing you and your choice could suffer a loss.

Perhaps your candidate lost the election or maybe your candidate won. Think about the fact that for many people, too many people most likely, the candidate they voted for won, but that candidate was not who they felt fully represented them or their personal values.

However, here is a key factor: how do you respond when you lose and how do you respond when you win? Do you go on social media and rub your win in the face of others? Do you whine and complain that the other team cheated or the officiating was terrible? Your response is up to you and you alone. No one cares for sore losers and no one really embraces those who loudly and obnoxiously brag about their win. 

Do you wear that win or loss on your sleeve? In other words, are you angry, depressed, silent or are you boastful and loud, arrogant and taking to the streets with an, “I told you so” attitude? Winning is fun, adrenalin-filled and there is an amazing comradery with those you aligned yourself alongside in a win. Losing is hard, frustrating and sometimes emotionally draining. If a loss is determined to be someone/something significant enough, we can lose sleep, we can look for someone to blame or we can even give up hope for a future win. It’s all up to us and what we tell ourselves. 

What is the solution? We need to place those wins and those losses into their proper perspective. Is losing the game worth being angry about? Is it worth writing a letter to the editor of the sports column? Is it worth higher blood pressure or is it really of a lesser life value than we are making it ? 

Here is a very important question to ask ourselves: what impact does the winner (of this election) have on me personally, i.e., what God has called me to do for Him?

Going forward with a perspective from God’s word

Isaiah wrote these amazing words: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” We love those words, but did you know earlier in chapter 40 of Isaiah it states this: “He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. To whom will you compare me?” Elections can go either way, but it is God who raises up or reduces.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21)

If losing separates you from those who won or vice versa, you have effectively allowed the results to determine your mindset rather than allowing love to prevail. We must continue to, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ” (Luke 10:27)

And finally, with your whole heart pray for your leaders (I Timothy 2:1-2). Prayer will keep your heart, mind and attitude in a better place. When you do not agree with or even like your boss, you are still submissive to their leadership and their requirements. 

“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended.” (Romans 13:1-3)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Training, Women

Wearing Multiple Hats

How many hats do you wear? Let’s see: there’s our work hat, our husband/wife hat, our mother/father hat, our hobby hat, our grandmother or grandfather hat – you get the picture. We all wear multiple hats. A problem can arise when we are walking into our kitchen at home while still wearing our work hat. Or, we’re wearing our father hat in our work meeting, treating our staff like our kids. 

How do you successfully change from your work hat to your spouse/parent hat before walking in the door? I served as a marriage and family counselor for over fifteen years. I struggled listening to marital issues or abuse issues all day and then arriving home ready to be a father and husband. Some days I felt overwhelmed with other people’s problems and could be guilty of “carrying” them home with me. It is not a good scenario for anyone. What to do…

  • First, I had a 35 – 40-minute drive between my home and my office. I began to use it to decompress. We need space between our work and our home so we can successfully change hats. I feel for that farmer who walks into his kitchen directly from his barn where he had to deal with an uncooperative milk cow. Intentionally take the time to pray and to give your day to God. Give each person, each issue, your boss and coworker to God. Hand over your client’s issues or your congregant’s needs to your heavenly Father. You cannot carry them through the threshold of your residence or your mind will not arrive with your body. 
  • Secondly, give God thanks for your job, the problems there and those persons you work with. Have a thankful heart even in the midst of stress-filled days. 
  • Further, change focus by beginning to think about the needs of your spouse and your children. Doing this will move your thoughts from work or wherever you are coming from to your family.
  • If there were major issues that will carry over to the next day, ask God for solutions and then expect to hear from Him. When you hear, write them down and then leave them on that piece of paper until tomorrow. 
  • Stay off of your phone and give your attention to your family. Give your full attention so your spouse and children know you’re not at work, rather you’re fully engaged with them. 

Lastly, while it might seem counterproductive to what you have just read, do allow yourself to share an issue from your day at dinner around the table with your family. They do not need the names or the details, but they do need to hear that your workplace is not perfect and there are issues to discuss. That way your children will not just shrug their shoulders when asked to talk about their school day; they’ll follow your example of sharing in a vulnerable way.  

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Women

You Have Only Three Minutes to Say Goodbye!

There’s a new sign at the Wellington, New Zealand airport, “It’s hard to say goodbye, so make it quick. Max hug time three minutes.”

Not sure what you’ve observed at airports, but you can see almost every emotion, e.g., frustration, joy, sadness, tears, laughter and outbursts of anger. But when it comes to saying goodbye, apparently there’s a limit. The news article did not say how this new policy will be enforced. Will there be an airport guard with a stop watch? And who hugs for three minutes anyway? That feels awkward. 

It has even been voiced by the airport officials that if you desire a longer farewell you need to take it “outside the terminal.” The reason? “Lingering goodbyes cause traffic jams.” Oh, so that’s the problem!

We’ve been told that hugs and affection release oxytocin and serotonin along with dopamine. Hugs are actually good for us. We need the human connection.

What’s this blog really about? I want to remind you to frequently hug and hold her, kiss him and whisper in his ear. Hug your children and grandchildren, no matter how old they are. Tell them they are your favorite eleven-year-old and you love them unconditionally. Tell your spouse they are beautiful or handsome. Compliment them frequently. 

It’s fall in the northeastern U.S. Tell your spouse that no one rakes leaves as well as they do. Their leaf raking will take on a whole new meaning. Remind your spouse how much you appreciate them cleaning the house, scrubbing the bathroom, doing the wash, washing the car and shopping for groceries. It’s those mundane things we do daily that need noticed and encouraged. Imagine if these routines were never accomplished. Yuk!

Every day you have options to think of new ways to express thanks and speak encouragement over your life mate. Sow those seeds today, and tomorrow you’ll reap the benefits.

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Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Prayer, Training

Praying for Your Nation (Part II)

Praying for our nation is a biblical mandate! Let’s be faithful and faith-filled as we pray.

We wage war not against flesh and blood

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (II Corinthians 10:3-5)

As an active body of believers and those who do not shy away from warfare, we do wage war against the evil one. It is right and it is appropriate to use our authority given to us by the Holy Spirit to demolish strongholds along with anything that sets itself against the knowledge of God!

Pray for peace-filled elections and God’s mercy

We do not have to accept turmoil, rioting and civil unrest. God is bigger than that. We can lean on the faithfulness of God along with His mercy; it’s new every morning. 

Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23) 

Pray for the integrity of our elected leaders

Pray for leaders who realize they cannot do what they are elected to do without the grace and mercy of their God. Pray for their salvation and for a revelation of the love of God for them, the office they hold and the nation they serve. 

There is no perfect leader and there is no perfect nation. Without God at the center, imperfection reigns. We each need to search our own heart and allow God to test us. Integrity starts with you and me.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

Pray in the Spirit

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. (Ephesians 6:18)

When we pray in the Spirit and in our prayer language, the enemy is unknowing to our prayer, to our intercession, our groaning for our nation. God will direct the heart of those we are praying for. Pray Proverbs 21:1.

In the Lord’s hand the king’s heart is a stream of water that he channels toward all who please him.

Prayer is NOT inaction

Prayer is literally turning things over to God. It is saying we can’t handle it all. Prayer is walking away from worry and anxiety and putting our future into the hands of our living and loving God. Prayer is faith in action. Prayer is grappling with all of our concerns and then personalizing those concerns into a petition directed by Holy Spirit to our heavenly Father. Prayer is confessing our inability while at the same time confessing His ability in each and every situation.

  • We are to pray about everything (Philippians 4:6). 
  • We are to pray at all times (I Thessalonians 5:17). 
  • We are to confess out sins and pray for one another (James 5:17). 
  • We are to not be anxious, but pray (Philippians 4:6). 
  • We are to pour our hearts out to God (Psalms 62:8). 

Here is one of the best statements I have read when it comes to worry vs. prayer: “Worry is a conversation you have with yourself about things you cannot change. Prayer is a conversation you have with God about things He can change.” (source unknown)

Most times when we are praying, we are praying for our needs and our desires. We ask God for a lot of things. When is the last time you prayed asking God what He wants from you? How would He direct you to pray for your nation?

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