Category Archives: Encouragement

Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital, Prayer

Try Taking Your Marriage for a Walk

Are you finding it difficult to secure a time to really communicate with your spouse on a regular basis?  Have you been challenged to locate a prayer time together?  Are you avoiding exercising?  If your answer is “yes” to any of the above then I’ve got a solution for you?  Try taking your marriage on a walk.  Start by mapping out several courses around your neighborhood.

For example, Mary and I have our “short walk” which is a little less than a mile.  The short walk is for when it’s getting dark, we have a short window of time or it’s too cold for a longer walk.  Our next walking route is 2.8 miles.  This is the one we really aspire to do as often as possible (2-3 times a week).  And our final course is 3.2 miles.  The latter one is for those “perfect” times, i.e., the weather is right, there is plenty of time and daylight.  During these walk times we take turns openly communicating with one another and then with our heavenly Father.  All the while, we’re enjoying some needed exercise and intimacy.  Try taking your marriage for a walk this week; you’ll feel better as you connect with each other and with God.

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital

Is it my Job to Change my Spouse?

Should it ever be your goal to change your spouse?  Most of us are married long enough to realize that my weaknesses are often my spouse’s strengths and my spouse’s weaknesses are often my strengths.  If that’s the case, why do we feel it’s necessary to make our spouse like us?  The truth is, you are in a partnership with your heavenly Father to bring a revelation of His love to your spouse.  It is that love that will actually bring about the necessary changes.   Have you ever heard someone say, “I just loved him through it?”   That phrase is both a confession (I can’t change him so I simply chose to love him.) and an action statement (To love is never a form of inaction.).

We marry because we love, but then we begin to realize a love deficit in our life or the life of our spouse.  An unhealthy remedy for this deficit becomes crossing the line into trying to change our spouse in an effort to receive more love.  If you are making frequent demands of your spouse – you have a love deficit.  If you are constantly pushing your spouse to change something – you have a love deficit.  If you find yourself frequently comparing your spouse with others – you have a love deficit.  If you find yourself angry with your spouse a lot of the time – you have a love deficit.  And if your spouse feels as though they cannot please you – you have a love deficit.  Take a moment to ask your heavenly Father for a revelation of His love and seek first His kingdom, as He will add these things (love) to you. (Matthew 6:33)

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Encouragement, Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Silence is Not Always Golden

James tells us that the tongue can be a fire.  He says it can corrupt our whole person.  The tongue can praise or it can curse.   But there is something else it can do – it can be silent.  There are times in marriage when silence is as wrong as speaking curse-filled words.  It is evil when we are avoiding speaking good toward another or we are avoiding communication altogether, causing our spouse to suffer through the awkwardness of silence.   You know in your heart if your silence is meant to be malicious.  It is one thing to retreat and not speak so that healing can take place, but it is another when we selfishly refuse to speak.

I discovered during my pre-engagement years with Mary that she was a communicator; she loved to talk and relate to people.  I, on the other hand, would rather let others do the talking.  After marriage in my immaturity and my selfishness, I discovered that I could use silence to hurt her if I felt wronged.   I knew Mary needed me to talk and if I didn’t respond it would frustrate her.  To grow up and change I had to study her and enter into her world of communication.  I had to discover her frame of reference.  I had to receive the revelation that my silence was selfish manipulation and not godly leadership.  Today we have found that balance of talking and listening and honoring one another in our differences.  And today, at times, I might use as many words as she does.

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Children, Encouragement, Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Quick to Listen and Slow to Speak

We are told that we can speak 125 – 150 words a minute, but typically we think around 300 words a minute.  Those numbers themselves provide an inward conflict with the act of listening.  High school and college campus’s run courses on public speaking, but when is the last time you had the opportunity to sign up for a public listening course?  Most of us want to talk and be listened to rather than take the concentration needed to stop and really hear someone.  I heard someone say recently that hearing is a function of the ear, but listening is a function of your will.

When we listen we are exercising an expression of love.  We are saying this person is important enough to me to be listened to.  Proverbs has a way of cutting to the chase when it says, “ He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.”  (Proverbs 18:13)  If we are constantly interrupting our spouse in order to interject our “important” thought, we have stopped listening and are thinking about our reply.  Do you realize people pay counselors $150.00 and more for fifty minutes of their time and feel better when leaving their office?  Some even fall in love with their therapist just because they feel validated and cared for.  What was the therapist’s secret?  He/she listened.  James admonished us to be quick to listen and slow to speak…pretty good advice for 2013.  Try it; you’ll be amazed at the results.

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Encouragement, In the news

Gun Control or Heart Control?

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Who will take responsibility for the violence in our nations?  Is it the government’s job?  Is it the school’s job?  Is it the video game creators?  Is it the church’s job or the parent’s job?   Do we need more gun control or less?  There are very good arguments on both sides.  Surely an object has no mind, no will of its own and while we may look to our politicians to tighten the law and our police departments to enforce the law, no law will change the condition of the heart of man.  If Adam and Eve lived in a world of perfection and their minds strayed away from God’s direction for them, what could become of us?

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Truly the change our nations need is a soul-by-soul “heart control.”  When a heart is submitted and controlled by the Spirit of Christ, the weapons of our warfare radically change.  When a heart is given to God, that heart is under the control of a renewed mind, a mind that thinks the thoughts of God…”we have the mind of Christ.”  (I Cor. 2:16)  Romans reveals to us that, “The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life…”  If we live according to our sinful nature, we will have our minds set on what that nature desires.  If we live according to the Holy Spirit within our spirit, we will set our minds upon what the Spirit desires.  As we have opportunity to touch lives in 2013, keep in mind that each of us has the potential of seeing a life radically changed by the Spirit of Christ.  A new believer will experience a renewed mind through Jesus’ process of heart change.

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Encouragement, Marriage

Happily, I am Married to a Christmasaholic

Do you remember anxiously anticipating marriage so much that you prayed for the Lord to delay His return until you had the chance to find your true love and tie the knot?  You knew marriage was a great plan from God and you couldn’t wait for the opportunity, even if you felt totally selfish or guilty.  Now I always enjoyed Christmas while growing up, the lights, the decorations, the Christmas Eve service at our church and of course the gifts.  However, marriage, having a way to make all things better, has increased my joy and anticipation of this wonderful celebration due to the fact that I married a Christmasaholic.  I’ll prove it.

For Mary, purchasing gifts begins almost a full 12 months earlier at the post Christmas sales (even if she can’t find some of those gifts when the next Christmas rolls around).  It’s pretty normal for me to start hearing Christmas music played from the kitchen around the end of September.   By October, one of our bedrooms becomes commandeered as the official “Christmas room” with every square inch covered in boxes, bags, ribbon, bows and wrapping paper.   In November, fall decorations disappear to make room for Christmas…stuff.  In December, the tree is decorated and the outside lights make their debut including my favorite, the Moravian star.  Fortunate for my wife and unfortunate for others, Hallmark begins showing nightly (or what seems like every two hours) those, all too similar, B-rated movies with those D-rated actors.  Finally, Christmas flowers are blooming and cookies are baking.  Yep, that’s the gal I married and I love it because Christmas has become even more anticipated, fun and joyous.  And why not, having Jesus come from heaven to earth should be an over the top celebration.  And to add to the excitement of Christmas 2012, this morning at 8:01 AM, December 17th, Roman Philip was born to our son Marc and daughter-in-law Danielle.  A very merry Christmas to the Prokopchak family!

(Thanks to all who have followed or who read this blog on a regular basis.  It’s been a great year and I appreciate you listening.  I hope in some small way something said has been a help to you.  Have a wonderful Christmas.  I look forward to getting back at this early in the New Year.)

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital

Be Your Spouse’s Cheerleader (for women only)

Most men enjoy some type of sporting event and at most any level of competition, men appreciate cheerleaders.  Cheerleaders cheer on even if the score is totally lopsided in the opponents favor.  Cheerleaders keep the crowd aroused in favor of their team.  Cheerleaders never have a negative remark in their cheers unless it’s meant for the opposition.  Cheerleaders are not critical of the team they represent.  Cheerleaders are dedicated and stick with their team even when it’s a losing season.  Finally, most cheerleaders are female.  Men simply love women cheering them on.  A man can be involved in the most mundane and boring task, but if his wife offers a word of encouragement and praise for a job well done, that boring task takes on a whole new meaning and his attitude can change immediately .

The Proverbs 31 woman operated in this manner.  Her husband has full confidence in her.  Why?  Verse 12 says that she brings him good, not harm for all her days (she was his cheerleader).  In verse 23 the scripture states that her husband is a respected elder and sits at the city gate (she made him look good by speaking good of him).  Proverbs 31 directly infers that because of his wife he is at the gate of leadership, respected by his community.  While at this gate, not only do her children sing her praises, her husband blesses and praises her (v. 28).  She has sown those seeds and now she is reaping praise in return.  Ladies, be your husband’s cheerleader and not just  their critic.

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital

The Ten Most Important Lessons after 37 Years of Marriage

Number ten: Evaluation

 

Most persons dread evaluation time at their work place.  The whole concept has a negative feel to it.  However, it doesn’t have to be negative when it becomes life-giving.  What do I mean?  Once a year, Mary and I take off for our evaluation weekend.  It is normally at the end of the year or in the very beginning of a new year.   We locate an inexpensive place to stay and we gather together our goals and vision for the present year, our marriage mission statement, our budget, check books, savings account and our schedule books.  Throughout the first afternoon and evening we review our past year, e.g., our jobs, our volunteer organizations, our finances, our mission statement, our goals, our children, our home projects and our schedules.  We simply talk about what was and how we are presently doing.  We review our personal lives and our lives as a couple, i.e., date nights, family gatherings, roles and responsibilities.  We then go out for a nice meal together and continue the discussion as is necessary.  The end the evening with giving thanks to God for all He has done in our lives.

The next day we begin our projections for the year ahead.  We review and re-write if necessary our mission statement.  Over the years our couple mission statement changes as our children are raised or as we reach financial goals.  We re-write our goals for the coming year.  We re-work our family budget.  (One year we had to reduce 7.5% of our income from our budget.  I was dreading this piece of the weekend, but with appropriate evaluation, prayer and communication we did it in one painless effort.)  Prayerfully we consider our schedules for work and ministry together, our trips and weekends away together.  Together we make necessary budgetary changes.  We reflect on questions like, “Do we need to save a bit more or adjust our giving?”  We take the time to pray over every area of our lives and together dream about our future.  When we leave this place, we leave on the same page, hand-in-hand and united for the year ahead.

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital

The Ten Most Important Lessons after 37 Years of Marriage

Number nine: Be Thankful

 

Does your spouse care for your wash?  Who maintains your car?  Which one of you mows the lawn?  Who cleans the bathrooms?  And whose job is it to balance the check book and pay the bills?  These are a few of the mundane, everyday, thankless and boring duties of life.  When is the last time you thanked your spouse for doing one of those jobs?  I mean really and truly went to them and said, “You know, I never run out of socks because some how they go from the wash basket back into my drawer clean and smelling fresh.  I do not know how you keep up with it all, but thank you.”  Or, “I am so thankful that you take the time to maintain our vehicle.  Today I saw someone along the road broken down and thought of you.  I need to thank you for that.”

When discontent surfaces in our lives toward our spouse we lose thankfulness.  We begin to focus on the things he or she is not doing and forget to give praise for the things they are doing.  Our expectations are unmet and we let them know it.  Why do we measure personal contentment in our life by what we expect from others?  For example, I have heard couples make statements like, “I’ll be content when he starts listening to me” or “I’ll be content when she begins to appreciate what I do for her.”  I Timothy 6:6 states, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”  We will never be content when _________ happens, but we can choose to be content now even if what we expect is not happening.

If I am thankful for my wife and the many things she does to care for our marriage now, then I will not waste time in discontent and thanklessness, both of which are extremely unproductive.  Thankfulness in our marriage is actually contagious, especially when expressed for the many daily and routine tasks.  By the way, thank you for taking the time to read this.  :)

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Encouragement, Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Ten Ten Most Important Lessons after 37 Years of Marriage

Number eight: Every Marriage Needs a Mission

God gave Adam and Eve a mission, to tend the garden together.  He gave Nehemiah a mission to rebuild destroyed and burnt walls.  He gave Peter and Paul a similar mission to two different people groups.  Jesus had a mission to fulfill from His Father and then He asked us to join Him in the great co-mission.  Wouldn’t it seem reasonable that God has a mission for every married couple?  Unfortunately, many marriages today lack a cooperative mission.  The husband is doing his thing with a teen boys Sunday school class and his wife is meeting with the woman’s missionary support team.  However, if God has called you together, He has purpose and mission in that call.  Even to operate a small business, a couple must be in agreement and flow together in a cooperative mission.

That is where Ephesians 5 comes in when it tells us to submit to one another and then for wives to submit to husbands.  That word submission in the Greek is Hupo Tasso and it means to arrange under toward a mission.  We know the prefix “sub” in the word submission means under, i.e., under the mission.  So, the question one must ask when it comes to wives submitting is: what’s the mission?  What is she submitting to?  It is certainly not every selfish wish and whim of the leader.  Let me paint a picture for you as I see it.

Every train has and is in total need of a track.  Which one is more important, the track or the train?  Neither is more important, the one fails without the other.  The train’s mission is completed by the direction and support of the track.  Mary and I first wrote our own mission statement for our marriage and family more than 15 years ago.  We have seen many areas fulfilled and have rewritten our statement numerous times, but our mission statement for our call together still exists.  We totally and fully believe that every marriage needs a mission.  Do yourselves a favor and write your marriage mission statement together as soon as you can, pray over it and review it at least annually.  When you find this agreement in couple mission, you’ll also realize agreement in many other areas of marriage.

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