Category Archives: Encouragement

Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Training, Women

Wearing Multiple Hats

How many hats do you wear? Let’s see: there’s our work hat, our husband/wife hat, our mother/father hat, our hobby hat, our grandmother or grandfather hat – you get the picture. We all wear multiple hats. A problem can arise when we are walking into our kitchen at home while still wearing our work hat. Or, we’re wearing our father hat in our work meeting, treating our staff like our kids. 

How do you successfully change from your work hat to your spouse/parent hat before walking in the door? I served as a marriage and family counselor for over fifteen years. I struggled listening to marital issues or abuse issues all day and then arriving home ready to be a father and husband. Some days I felt overwhelmed with other people’s problems and could be guilty of “carrying” them home with me. It is not a good scenario for anyone. What to do…

  • First, I had a 35 – 40-minute drive between my home and my office. I began to use it to decompress. We need space between our work and our home so we can successfully change hats. I feel for that farmer who walks into his kitchen directly from his barn where he had to deal with an uncooperative milk cow. Intentionally take the time to pray and to give your day to God. Give each person, each issue, your boss and coworker to God. Hand over your client’s issues or your congregant’s needs to your heavenly Father. You cannot carry them through the threshold of your residence or your mind will not arrive with your body. 
  • Secondly, give God thanks for your job, the problems there and those persons you work with. Have a thankful heart even in the midst of stress-filled days. 
  • Further, change focus by beginning to think about the needs of your spouse and your children. Doing this will move your thoughts from work or wherever you are coming from to your family.
  • If there were major issues that will carry over to the next day, ask God for solutions and then expect to hear from Him. When you hear, write them down and then leave them on that piece of paper until tomorrow. 
  • Stay off of your phone and give your attention to your family. Give your full attention so your spouse and children know you’re not at work, rather you’re fully engaged with them. 

Lastly, while it might seem counterproductive to what you have just read, do allow yourself to share an issue from your day at dinner around the table with your family. They do not need the names or the details, but they do need to hear that your workplace is not perfect and there are issues to discuss. That way your children will not just shrug their shoulders when asked to talk about their school day; they’ll follow your example of sharing in a vulnerable way.  

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Women

You Have Only Three Minutes to Say Goodbye!

There’s a new sign at the Wellington, New Zealand airport, “It’s hard to say goodbye, so make it quick. Max hug time three minutes.”

Not sure what you’ve observed at airports, but you can see almost every emotion, e.g., frustration, joy, sadness, tears, laughter and outbursts of anger. But when it comes to saying goodbye, apparently there’s a limit. The news article did not say how this new policy will be enforced. Will there be an airport guard with a stop watch? And who hugs for three minutes anyway? That feels awkward. 

It has even been voiced by the airport officials that if you desire a longer farewell you need to take it “outside the terminal.” The reason? “Lingering goodbyes cause traffic jams.” Oh, so that’s the problem!

We’ve been told that hugs and affection release oxytocin and serotonin along with dopamine. Hugs are actually good for us. We need the human connection.

What’s this blog really about? I want to remind you to frequently hug and hold her, kiss him and whisper in his ear. Hug your children and grandchildren, no matter how old they are. Tell them they are your favorite eleven-year-old and you love them unconditionally. Tell your spouse they are beautiful or handsome. Compliment them frequently. 

It’s fall in the northeastern U.S. Tell your spouse that no one rakes leaves as well as they do. Their leaf raking will take on a whole new meaning. Remind your spouse how much you appreciate them cleaning the house, scrubbing the bathroom, doing the wash, washing the car and shopping for groceries. It’s those mundane things we do daily that need noticed and encouraged. Imagine if these routines were never accomplished. Yuk!

Every day you have options to think of new ways to express thanks and speak encouragement over your life mate. Sow those seeds today, and tomorrow you’ll reap the benefits.

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Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Prayer, Training

Praying for Your Nation (Part II)

Praying for our nation is a biblical mandate! Let’s be faithful and faith-filled as we pray.

We wage war not against flesh and blood

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (II Corinthians 10:3-5)

As an active body of believers and those who do not shy away from warfare, we do wage war against the evil one. It is right and it is appropriate to use our authority given to us by the Holy Spirit to demolish strongholds along with anything that sets itself against the knowledge of God!

Pray for peace-filled elections and God’s mercy

We do not have to accept turmoil, rioting and civil unrest. God is bigger than that. We can lean on the faithfulness of God along with His mercy; it’s new every morning. 

Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23) 

Pray for the integrity of our elected leaders

Pray for leaders who realize they cannot do what they are elected to do without the grace and mercy of their God. Pray for their salvation and for a revelation of the love of God for them, the office they hold and the nation they serve. 

There is no perfect leader and there is no perfect nation. Without God at the center, imperfection reigns. We each need to search our own heart and allow God to test us. Integrity starts with you and me.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

Pray in the Spirit

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. (Ephesians 6:18)

When we pray in the Spirit and in our prayer language, the enemy is unknowing to our prayer, to our intercession, our groaning for our nation. God will direct the heart of those we are praying for. Pray Proverbs 21:1.

In the Lord’s hand the king’s heart is a stream of water that he channels toward all who please him.

Prayer is NOT inaction

Prayer is literally turning things over to God. It is saying we can’t handle it all. Prayer is walking away from worry and anxiety and putting our future into the hands of our living and loving God. Prayer is faith in action. Prayer is grappling with all of our concerns and then personalizing those concerns into a petition directed by Holy Spirit to our heavenly Father. Prayer is confessing our inability while at the same time confessing His ability in each and every situation.

  • We are to pray about everything (Philippians 4:6). 
  • We are to pray at all times (I Thessalonians 5:17). 
  • We are to confess out sins and pray for one another (James 5:17). 
  • We are to not be anxious, but pray (Philippians 4:6). 
  • We are to pour our hearts out to God (Psalms 62:8). 

Here is one of the best statements I have read when it comes to worry vs. prayer: “Worry is a conversation you have with yourself about things you cannot change. Prayer is a conversation you have with God about things He can change.” (source unknown)

Most times when we are praying, we are praying for our needs and our desires. We ask God for a lot of things. When is the last time you prayed asking God what He wants from you? How would He direct you to pray for your nation?

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Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Prayer, Training

Praying for Your Nation (Part I)

                                   

There is a uniquely interesting scripture located in the book of Luke, chapter eighteen. It begins with an amazing promise and ends with one of the scariest questions from the Bible. 

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2 He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. 3 And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

4 “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, 5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

6 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7 And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8 I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

Persistent prayer is the theme that Jesus was teaching. But He ends with a question and that question is a frightening one, a daunting one: will He find faith on the earth when He returns? Faith for what? For this article, our topic will be be faith and hope for our nation. 

It is being reported by Time magazine there are something like 64 nations which will have elections this year, along with the European Union representing 49% of the world’s population. Elections can change the course of a nation for years to come. These national elections can be polarizing, create disunity governmentally and in our communities. Even families today are not immune from political separation. It can be devastating to relationships at so many levels.

So how do we know that God is hearing our prayer for our nation? Have you read Psalm 2:8? “Ask of Me, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for your possession.” All we have to do is ask, just like the persistent widow asked.

The scriptural mandate of prayer for our nation

I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior… (I Timothy 2:1-3)

As His church, we release the power of God to our nation in prayer. This scripture states that praying in this way pleases God our Savior. In other words, He desires us to pray in this way. In our intercession we pray God’s word and we release the Spirit of God to do what He does so well. We declare the truth of His word in our prayers by Christ’s name, in His authority.

Praying for our nation or the nations is a macro level prayer effort. We are looking beyond our region, our city and our neighborhood. We are compelled to seek a higher ground in prayer in order to “see” and then petition our Father for what He sees. 

Prayer keeps our heart right

You cannot speak against your nation if you are at the same time praying for your nation. You cannot speak ill will of a political candidate if you are praying for him/her. Prayer keeps our heart right. 

Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper. (Jeremiah 29:7)

Pray even if you do not know what to pray

The Spirit of God will guide you. 

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. (Romans 8:26)

It’s simple to realize that the immediate response from heaven is not, “Okay, now that you have petitioned Me, let’s bring the answer to that prayer.” Perhaps it’s more like our faithful and faith-filled consistent prayer along with others joining us which weakens the enemy and strengthens the resolve of God. As more and more people are praying, more and more is stirred up in the heavenlies. 

We are longing for, praying for repentance

I have listened attentively, but they do not say what is right. None of them repent of their wickedness, saying, “What have I done?” Each pursues their own course like a horse charging into battle. (Jeremiah 8:6)

There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. (Proverbs 14:12)

Our nation needs an awakening. Our hearts and our minds need cleansing. We need to pound heaven with our own repentance and request that of our nation beginning with our national leaders. Pray for public repentance, house to house repentance and an unveiling of what is holding people back from confessing their sin to God. 

Further, ask God to bring godly sorrow to repentance. 

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. (II Corinthians 7:10)

Please stay tuned for part II of this important message next week.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Pornography, Women

What Makes Sex Intimate?

Sex is often touted as the most intimate act of marriage. So, what makes it so intimate, especially for those married couples out there? 

Here’s a blog about making sure sex is an act of intimacy with your spouse. 

In order for sex to be intimate, there are a number of ingredients. Let’s list ten of them.

  1. Sex is not saying “I want sex;” it’s saying “I want you.”
  2. For sex to be intimate, pornography must be absent in your relationship. 
  3. Sex is knowing the preferred love-receiving, love-giving desires of my wife or husband. 
  4. Sex held within the boundary of our marriage is saying “I choose you, only you.”
  5. Sex is not “getting my needs met,” but rather meeting my spouse’s needs. 
  6. Sex is not just about a man or a woman’s physical release; it’s more about giving love to one another. 
  7. Sex is a physical, emotional and spiritual connection with your spouse.
  8. Sex is about feeling valued by another expressed through love, honor and respect. 
  9. Sex is never forced on another.
  10. Sex that provokes feelings of displeasure, distatefulness or embarrassment is not intimate.

Sheila came to us and shared that sex for her was her husband meeting his needs and then going to sleep. There is no intimacy and no emotional connection in a situation like that. For years she felt like an object. She preferred her marriage to be sexless vs. what she was enduring. 

It doesn’t have to be that way. Make a commitment to take time to evaluate your sexual intimacy. Listen to one another and hear what the other is feeling about your sex lives. Then make a commitment to change or talk to someone you would respect in this area. Do not allow one of the most intimate acts of marriage to be stolen from you. 

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Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Politics, Women

The U.S. Elections and the Rhetoric We Are Having to Endure on Social Media

It is exhausting reading ridiculous comments, seeing memes that are utterly ludicrous, red hats, blue maps, movie stars bizarre comments about leaving the country (of which none ever do), one-sided news reports, critical judgements, spiteful words and extremely distasteful posts void of truth, love, or grace. 

I have read posts from those who now distance themselves from “conservatives” and/or “liberals” because of a candidate they support or don’t support. Their personal judgements of others leave them at odds with those they do not agree with. Parents and adult children are being affected in a negative way. Families cannot gather without a fight over which political candidates they despise and far worse, not seeing how it’s tearing them apart. 

I also witness people from other nations who are engaging in the exact same tactics over U.S. politics. They are jumping on the bandwagon of name-calling, character assassinations and spewing harsh words often at Christ’s church in America because of who they suppose the church is supporting.

If you are a part of this style of communication, I urge you to please STOP. You are NOT changing anyone’s mind with your snarky attitude, your posts, and your “truth.” Instead, you are falling right into the enemy’s hands and have become his mouthpiece for he is the one who has come to steal, kill and destroy (divide). You are attempting to intimidate and control others with your personal political agenda. I want to urge you to stop being a part of the problem so that you can start being a part of the solution! 

Being a part of the solution means that you can speak the truth in love, void of critical judgements, negative overtones, intimidation, and that you can disagree while still being in relationship. You must decide that your relationship is more important than the political disagreement. Why? Because your disrespect of others and their beliefs will not cause them to respect you and your beliefs. You may get a few stray “likes” from those who always agree with you, but is that worth the loss of your friends who think or believe differently than you?

Jesus loves His church; He does not hate His church. He is not angry with His church. He died for that politician who you may strongly disagree with. The presidential candidates running for office in the U.S. are loved by Him and one of them will be placed into office. Remove the names and you have two persons Jesus gave His life for. Is He not capable to massage the heart of the one He allows in office?

If you are unable to honor the position of president and/or the one in office, how can you honor the King of the kingdom of God (See John 18:36.)? The Bible challenges us by stating, “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.” (I Peter 2:17; See also Romans 13:1.)

Peter would deny His Lord not once, not twice, but three times. Jesus warned him of this denial and yet our Lord loved him, did not reject him, call him names, or ridicule him. He would in fact use him mightily in spite of his personal shortcomings. Catch these verses: 

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22:31)

Satan was using Peter, but he would “turn back.” Satan wants to use you in the same way. Stop being distracted by all the political rhetoric. There is no joy, no peace and no life in it. You and I are called to rise above the fray, the noisy nonsense and ‘see’ (pray toward) what our Father is actually doing in the midst of a chaotic election season. We are called to pray for the nations and their leaders. You and I are here to support His church, to build His church, to speak life over His church. We are not here to tear it down or to tear it apart. 

We are building an everlasting kingdom, not the kingdoms of this world. Let’s stop speaking, writing, and arguing like we have the final word. We do not; He does.

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” (John 13:34)

“If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar.” (I John 4:20)

Note: Please watch for several future blogs about how we can engage in prayer for our nation and its leaders.

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Challenge, Encouragement, History, Training

How Radioactive Are You?

Maria Salomea Sklodowska was born in Warsaw, Poland in 1867. She and her husband, Pierre Curie, discovered polonium in 1898 and they named it to honor their home country of Poland. However, what she is most known for is her discovery of radium.

Ninety years later Marie Curie’s notebooks are still radioactive! Not knowing its danger, she carried radioactive elements in her pockets and she enjoyed the fact that these particles looked like “fairy lights” around her home. The consequence of her actions was that her clothes, her furniture and even her books will be radioactive for the next 1,500 years.

Curie died in 1934 of aplastic anemia due to her prolonged exposure to radiation. Curie gave her life in pursuit of the science she loved.

As I read this bit of history, I was struck by several probing questions:

  • What do I carry around with me thinking those things are harmless but are slowly hurting me and perhaps others? 
  • How “radioactive” am I? 
  • What am I giving my life to?

I have discovered that God wants to take our past wounds and turn them into victories. As we process those hurts with Him and receive His healing, He brings wisdom from wounds for future situations. 

Second, I want to be a positive, life-giving influence to others. That’s the radioactivity that I seek, that I long to carry. Who and what am I influencing for His glory?

And third, if radioactivity can be around for 1,500 years, how long can my influence be around? How long can what I have spoken, counseled, written or encouraged others in be active and continuing to influence lives even though I have left this earth?

And what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also…who will teach others…who will teach others. (II Timothy 2:2)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Women

Marital Differences Can Strengthen Us

We can hardly wait until we without reserve or hesitation speak those two words, “I do.” And, it’s not long thereafter that we figure out we married someone different from us in both good and not so comfortable ways. How do we face those uncomfortable times as reality sets in?

Let me give you a truth. Your marriage in and of itself is not the problem and never has been. Truthfully, it’s the two individuals in the marriage who create the issues. The problem is US.

Differences in marriage can follow us long term. We must endeavor to make those marriage issues/problems our strength. Easier said than done. Let me give you a few steps.

  • Recognize that when two persons become one there are parts of both that must die.
  • Recognize and confess the problem(s). Put it out on the table. 
  • Remember, you are seeking a win-win and not a win-lose scenario.
  • Determine that differences are in certain ways a good thing that can be used to your advantage. Differences force us to see the advantage or disadvantage of another side.
  • Determine who has a strength in the particular area and who may be a bit weaker. (For example, finances. Which of you has a better sense or stronger desire to maintain the budget?)
  • Determine how both sides can serve as a greater strength to the whole. In other words, how can our difference eventually become a strength?

Early on in our marriage, we ran into a major financial values issue. Mary loved to spend our money and I loved to save our money. Both were necessary, but we strongly disagreed on the correct process for us. As we placed the issue on the table (stopped dancing around it) and faced it openly and prayerfully, we realized two very important parts that we were missing. Mary was not a spender; she was a giver. Steve was not just a tightwad saver; he was investing into the future.

In actuality, we had the best of both worlds in our differing views. We needed to save more so that we could give more.

How about you? How can your weak areas become a strength in your marriage? 

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun

Not Enough?

I work hard, but I do not work hard enough.

I make sacrifices, but I do not sacrifice enough.

I earn a living, but I do not earn enough.

I give of my time, but I do not give time enough.

I support others activities, but I do not support enough.

I love with all of my heart, but I do not love enough.

I am doing my best, but my best is not enough.

He came to earth from heaven, but a God man was not enough.

He was One of miracles, but miracles were not enough.

He gave Himself to the common man, but a friend of sinners was not enough.

He sacrificed His life a ransom, but a crucifixion was not enough.

Resurrected and a Savior to all mankind.

Jesus, You are more than ENOUGH!

Jesus, You are MY ENOUGH!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Men, Parents, Training, Women

Raising Your Pain Tolerance; The Good Part of Pain (Part III)

We were created to feel pain. Pain in our body is an indicator, a warning that something needs medical attention or intervention. Pain is often a danger signal. It forces a response from us. 

Unfortunately, most persons fear pain, especially emotional pain. Think of losing that loved one, the engagement breakup, or the loss of a job. Often we try to avoid pain; it’s just too, simply put, painful. Perhaps God desires to take us through it? 

Is it really the fear of what happens in our life or is it the fear of the pain that follows significant and pain-filled life experiences that we would rather avoid? 

In this blog, I want us to consider how pain helps to build some very important things in each of us and how it requires our attention. 

God never wastes pain in our lives: Every leader in the Bible went through traumatic and painful experiences. Think of Joseph, Job and Daniel. No Christ follower was or is exempt of pain. God uses it to build us spiritually, emotionally and physically. He builds character through pain-filled life experiences. He often allows tests through those areas where we are weak. Pain produces in us more self-awareness and self-knowledge. If we listen to it, we will learn and grow. Why? Because pain is a strengthener. Seasoned leaders have learned to use the pain in their lives to strengthen their leadership abilities. 

Pain is a strengthener: Pain makes us stronger and tougher. Think of the weightlifter. As they push against the pain, they are building muscle mass. Resistance is a strengthener.  Pain is a precursor to healing. We tend to push against pain, but the pain we can tolerate will strengthen us for the next painful situation we find ourselves in. When we persevere, endure and grow through the pain, it is strengthening us. You will handle pain more effectively in the future. You will handle life challenges more efficiently. 

Pain keeps us humble: It builds humility in us by causing us to be less prideful and more real. We often tend to think well of ourselves and sorry for that poor person who is suffering. Pain lets us know it CAN happen to us. It CAN be a reality check. Pain in our lives will help to build compassion and empathy for others. It hopefully builds a greater sense of love for others and what they go through in life. Often we are looking for empathy because we want significant persons in our lives to know we’re in pain. We need them to notice and to “give us a break.” But God is working humility in our lives.

Pain can be self-inflicted: If it is self-inflicted through our reckless mistakes, then we suffer the consequences and learn from those mistakes. But sometimes pain is self-inflicted because we need to recover from surgery, lose weight or grow in more grace-filled responses. This self-inflicted pain for growth is a positive pain that produces a greater good in our lives. 

Pain teaches self-discipline: We need discipline in our lives. We need boundaries. If we suffered from the lack of control in some area of life, the pain of self-discipline can get us back on track. When we fail in a life discipline or goal, it is not a bad thing to suffer pain. This form of pain can teach us to readjust or plan another strategy. 

Pain grows leadership qualities: The more pain we work through, the greater level of pain tolerance we will experience. The greater level of pain tolerance we grow, the greater level of leadership capacity we will grow. Low tolerance…the lower level of leadership.

Pain draws boundaries: When someone is abusing you, it is appropriate to draw a boundary. Pain inflicted upon us for selfish gain or gratification should cause a healthy reaction of setting a boundary from that unhealthy person. Pain will sharpen your senses and cause a greater alertness to yourself and to others. 

Further, to go through personal pain we will appreciate the non-painful times more. We will appreciate pleasure and happiness more. When we suffer the pain of heartache, we will appreciate even more the deep and joyful feeling of love. If we go to great lengths to avoid pain, we might miss what God is wanting to build in our lives. 

Take responsibility for the pain in your life. Long-term victims remain long-term victims by blaming others for their pain. While others have inflicted the pain, at some point we will have to face it and mature through it rather than blaming others. The longer we blame others for our pain, the longer we can stay stuck in our pain.

One day there will be no more pain. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

Until then, “…We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope.” (Romans 5:3)

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