Category Archives: Encouragement

Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Prayer

Worry Less; Pray More – Pray More; Worry Less

There’s a lot to worry about! Everyone worries–right? 

What do you worry about? Your job? Your kids? Your marriage? Your future? Your health?

Why do we worry? What is it about human nature that gives us permission to worry? Is it feeling out of control? Is it overthinking? Or, are we trying to manipulate outcomes in our head? 

Worry is often connected to the future and what hasn’t occurred as yet. Worry can be very self-centered but not always. Worry keeps us clinging onto our own personal control of an issue. Worry carries with it the connotation that I know best or I control my circumstances. 

We all worry. We all live a life experiencing the inability to maintain full control, and that, is worrisome. When we lack control we worry, we obsess, we overthink and we lose sleep. 

Rick Warren says, “[Worry] can’t change the past, and it can’t change the future–but it can certainly ruin the present.” Worry will steal our joy and our happiness. It will rob us of our peace. 

Here is one of the best statements I have read when it comes to worry: “Worry is a conversation you have with yourself about things you cannot change. Prayer is a conversation you have with God about things He can change.” So, yes, prayer is the antidote for worry.

But that’s easier said than done. Worry seems like a natural and a quicker go-to than prayer. Maybe it’s just the way the enemy of our soul wants it because worry negates prayer. Said another way, worry is the opposite of prayer. Worry forces me to work out the situation while prayer puts the pressure upon God to bring the solution. When worrying, we can be attempting to control. When we pray, we can sense contentment as we present our petitions to the Father.

What does the Bible have to offer when it comes to worry? Philippians 4:6 states, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Wow, that seems simple enough–worry about nothing and pray about everything!

And what did Jesus say when it comes to worry? “Don’t worry about tomorrow. After all, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34) 

When we turn things over to God, we are at the same time confessing that we cannot control the situation. We are acting in submission to God and trusting His outcome. We worry about things that are out of our control, while God insists we accept that very lack of control and fully realize His control. Prayer will change your perspective and it will change you. Choosing prayer is letting go of control and trusting God for His outcome, not yours. 

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, In the news, Issues of the Day

Prince of Peace

Over 700 years BEFORE Christ’s birth the prophet Isaiah wrote:

For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)

Handel’s Messiah included these words and choirs have been singing them since the year 1741.

Our English word, peace, has far more meaning than we realize. In Hebrew, the word is “Shalom.” It is often used by Jews and other nationalities as a word of greeting. Shalom has many beautiful and meaningful definitions. In the Hebrew, it is far more than just peace. It can mean completeness, cessation, repose, safety, soundness, tranquility, prosperity, fullness, harmony, lack of worry, and the absence of anxiety. That takes peace to a whole new level!

This peace from the Christ child has amazing meaning for our lives today. It is:

  1. Restorative – Through His peace we are restored to the Father. “For he himself is our peace…He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.” (Ephesians 2: 14-18)
  • Harmony – We can have harmony and peace with all of life’s circumstances and disappointments. When we rest in Him, find our completeness and our fullness in Him, we can be at peace no matter the situation. “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)
  • Reigning – Jesus reigns in peace! He rules in our hearts and His peace is eternal. (See Revelation 21:3-4.) “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3) That word “steadfast” literally means that we can lean into and rest upon His peace!

When someone greets you or signs off a letter with the Hebrew word for peace, shalom, they are repeating what Jesus pronounced while on the earth: 

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)

Many things can attempt to steal our peace this Christmas season. There are wars and rumors of wars, broken relationships, diseases, financial worries and more. But the Prince of Peace has come, has returned to the Father and is coming again. He bids you Shalom.

Glory to God in the highest, 

    And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!  (Luke 2:14)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Marriage Issues are “Our” Issues

Someone recently commented to my wife and I, “Wow, it encourages us to know that Steve and Mary had marriages issues too.” They were reading about our marriage in our book, Staying Together. We laughed as we confessed there is no perfect couple or perfect marriage.

In the book, we describe something traumatic that occurred to Mary, my wife. And in the book, we described how it affected our marriage for several years. 

An issue Mary was dealing with became a marriage issue because we are one. What affects Mary affects Steve; what affects Steve affects Mary. 

I could have gone on in life and lived in a manner that blamed her for the issue. I could have told her to get counseling for herself without me by her side. I could have distanced myself from the issues that were causing other issues and simply said, “It’s your problem; get it fixed.”

But is that the right approach in marriage? Is that showing marital commitment? Is that caring for another’s needs? Husbands and wives take this approach everyday saying, “It’s not my problem.” But if we’re married–if we’re one–then it is not his or her problem, it is our problem. When I make it my spouse’s problem, I am saying that I do not need to change, I do not need to support them and I do not need to be concerned. But, when I make it our problem, we are then walking and working together toward solutions and a better and a stronger outcome.

Marriage is a gift of oneness. There are three mentions of oneness in the scriptures: God the Father, Son and Spirit are one. Jesus and His church are one. A husband and a wife are one. 

As one, individual problems become our problems. So, get in there and fight for and alongside your spouse through each and every life issue. Find solutions together. Walk together and pray together. And to that end, find agreement together over any and all life issues.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Conflict in our Marriages: Why We have Them

Conflict is easy; resolve is hard!

Most of us know how to do conflict, argue, disagree and/or fight, but few of us know how to resolve, come into agreement and heal conflict in our marriages. That’s what this blog is about. So, let’s start with a few facts:

  1. Even in conflict we need to maintain a right attitude toward one another. Conflict is not always detrimental in marriage, but it does test our faith, our patience and our personal level of grace. According to the scripture, it also develops character (Romans 5:3-5; James 1: 2-4). In marriage, we are often “using” one another to help smooth out our character. Our conflicts can be (will be?) deeper because our love is deeper.
  1. James said to let perseverance finish its work so we can mature. The natural response to conflict is more conflict, a desire to win or bailing out, quitting. But when we push through, pray through and persevere through the trial the outcome will be perseverance doing its work. The problem is too many couples quit, give up and believe it cannot be resolved or they want others to resolve it for them. The truth is the more we persevere, the more victory we will eventually have. Ask any couple who fought through financial differences, persevered, stuck to a budget until they saw the reward and you will find a couple who is extremely strong in the financial realm.
  2. Whatever we sow, we reap. Sowing and reaping is at work in our marriages. If we sow the negative, we will reap it. Typically, we sow discontentment and criticism because we’re not getting what we want. The seed of criticism cannot produce the fruit we’re looking for. In the midst of disagreement think about what good seeds you can sow.
  3. Don’t give the enemy a foothold by not coming to resolve (Ephesians 4:26-27). A marriage that holds bitterness, sows negative seeds and criticism, etc. is not doing what Peter said when he told us to be considerate of our wives and treat them with respect so our prayers are not hindered. In other words, prayer will be powerless in the home of disrespect, discontentment and the lack of peace.
  4. Be aware of what Paul called selfish ambition (Philippians 2:1-2). Most of our conflict is over selfish preferences rather than desiring the best for one another. 
  5. As conflicts are resolved, God uses those areas in our lives to help others. I know that sounds far off, but it’s true. We will have authority to speak into that which we have had to grow through and have experienced winning the battles. Believe God for win/wins.
  6. Lastly, we are to love deeply. I Peter 4:8 tells us “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Love often means overlooking, forgetting and not pointing out failures. It’s a “keeps no record of wrong” position. 

God wants you to be able to resolve conflict and I believe He gives us the tools to do so. Obviously, we both need to stick to the plan He gives us and press forward believing by faith for His outcome to our marriage as hard as it is at times. Conflicts are not the problem, we all have them, but not resolving them sure is.

Here’s a possible assignment: Write down the common triggers in your relationship that tend to cause conflict and discuss why and how. Ask God to bring healing to those areas in your lives. Remember, your spouse is not your enemy but rather your life mate who loves you and desires the best for you.

The more healed we become individually, the more healing our marriage will experience. 

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, History, Issues of the Day, Prayer

Thanksgiving, A Time of Hope, Remembrance and Healing

How great is it to have a National Day of Thanksgiving in the USA and many other nations, approximately eleven other nations celebrate a day of giving thanks.

It is thought the first Thanksgiving was celebrated with the Plymouth colonists in 1621. The Native American Wampanoag people shared an autumn feast with the colonists. For the next two centuries, thanksgiving days were celebrated individually by differing colonies in multiple states. Pilgrims were known for days of fasting and prayer along with days of feasting and giving thanks to God.

In the midst of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national Thanksgiving Day to be held in November, but that day wasn’t easy to come by. 

The woman who wrote the nursery rhyme “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” Sarah Josepha Hale, campaigned endlessly with governors, senators and presidents for 36 years. Lincoln headed her request in 1863 with the proclamation for all Americans to ask God to “commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife” and to “heal the wounds of the nation.”

Wow, a day of thanksgiving to heal the wounds of a nation. We live in nations filled with the wounded. We see multiple wars on the earth today wounding so many more. To stop and give God thanks in an effort to bring healing to the many “wounded” around us, well, that’s just amazing and seems only right.

Giving thanks is something God’s word admonishes us to do repeatedly. To have a thankful heart helps us to not dwell on what we feel is wrong, inhibits complaining, releases others from personal judgments, and simply is a healthy way to live our lives spiritually, mentally and physically. So, to help you, here are a few thanksgiving verses:

Psalm 106:1 – Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Psalm 69:30 – Then I will praise God’s name with singing, and I will honor him with thanksgiving.

Psalm 92:1-2 – It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to the Most High. It is good to proclaim your unfailing love in the morning, your faithfulness in the evening.

Colossians 3:17 – And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. 

Colossians 4:2 – Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.

                    Have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!!

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun

Honey, It Lasts Forever and so Does Something Else

Were you aware that honey has an endless shelf life? There was a not-so-scientific test performed on honey that was found in a tomb supposedly 3,000 years old. Yikes! However, it was still good to be consumed and still tasted sweet. 

Apparently, honey has some simple self-preservation qualities. First, it has very minute amounts of water in it. Little moisture means bacteria and microorganisms can’t survive. It’s thickness also means oxygen cannot penetrate it – another obstruction to bacterial growth. Finally, it’s very acidic and contains a special enzyme from a bee’s stomach that is called glucose oxidase. When mixed with nectar, this enzyme produces gluconic acid and hydrogen peroxide, products that kill bacteria. The key to long term shelf life is storing honey in a properly sealed container.

There is something else I found myself thinking about when I read these facts about honey, simply because very few things last a lifetime or anywhere near 3,000 years. That something else is the endless, incomprehensible, ineffable love of God. 

Jeremiah scribed these words inspired by God, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3) And Deuteronomy records these precious words, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Two powerful forever verses speaking to us about God’s love and His continual presence in our lives as we walk with Him in obedience on a daily basis. Be assured of this love, this presence in your life and as you walk with this reassurance, this treasure, voice it to others. Everyone needs this hope today.

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Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Men, Women

So Help Me God!

I am glad our nation celebrates a day every year to honor those who have served our nation through serving in one of the military branches. I can still remember taking that oath in May of 1972, “So help me God!” For me, those words were a prayerful and a bit scary confession. I needed God’s help and His call for the next four years of my life. 

The Bible is filled with stories of military warriors like David, Joshua, Deborah, and many, many more. 

David was a young and simple shepherd boy who ended up in a month-long standoff with a giant. His oath before God and Goliath was, “I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty!” He said that it wasn’t the sword or the spear that would save, but rather the fact that the battle is the Lord’s.

Joshua is well known for his leadership at the battle of Jericho. God told Joshua the battle was already won. God’s strategy? March around the city seven times and then “Shout! For the Lord has given you the city!” (Joshua 6:16)

Deborah was an exceptional warrior. She was a respected judge, prophetess and wife who urged her people to return to their God. In a battle that Barak led with Deborah by his side, the scriptures quote her as saying, “Go! This is the day the Lord has given Sisera into your hands. Has not the Lord gone ahead of you?” (Judges 4:14) 

“Has not the Lord gone ahead of you?” Another great confession from a woman of God recognized for her prophetic wisdom and skilled strategies. 

Lastly, let me add a New Testament example. Paul, in speaking to his spiritual son, Timothy, used some military style words when he wrote:

Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. (II Timothy 2:3-4)

Soldiers give up their civilian life and learn about the military life through boot camp, through discipline, through suffering and by giving up certain rights and privileges. So, thank you to those out there who are serving and have served. Thank you for caring less about yourself and for caring more about others. Pray for our veterans today and be sure to tell them “Thank you.”

Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle; He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. (Psalm 144:1-2)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Women

Missing Ingredients in Marriage

Can anyone out there identify with the following scenario?

Early on we really enjoyed our sexual intimacy, the frequency, knowing one another’s likes and dislikes, the freedom that comes from being committed to one person and having the bond of marriage between us. But in time, we lost something. The relationship outside the bedroom began to diminish in multiple ways. We lost the intimacy of conversation, prayer and worship together, and taking walks hand in hand. And yet, one of us still wanted the perk of sexual intimacy. I felt used and even became angry. I remember thinking, “You want me for this, but not for much else in life.” Resentment grew and feelings were hurt. 

I want it back. I want to be madly attracted to him again. I need the intimacy of conversation with each other and with God. I need him to hear my heart and touch my heart as I long to touch his. I want him to lead me and our family toward Christ’s mission for us.

What’s the impasse about? Where exactly does the silent frustration stem from? Is it purely a sexual need? 

What we want and desire most in marriage is connectedness, oneness toward our co-mission, and concern for one another’s spiritual care. How do I know this? Paul wrote in Colossians 1:28-29 that his biggest concern for his fellow believers and disciples was, “…to awaken hearts and bring every person into the full understanding of truth. It has become my inspiration and passion in ministry to labor with a tireless intensity, with his power flowing through me, to present to every believer the revelation of being his perfect one in Jesus Christ.” (TPT)

When we prioritize building Christ in our mate, we will connect in all the ways we as human beings, husbands and wives need and desire that connection to take place. From the yard to the bedroom, this connection hinges on our spiritual connections each and every day.

Are you praying and worshipping together? As you do, you will connect spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

The Power of Fear

I recently posted a quote from my book, Identity: The Distinctiveness of You, onto Facebook that went like this: “Fear can be very real because the consequences are very real.” Not all fear is bad, but not all fear in our lives is filled with truth either. Often a “truth” we carry is not the truth. 

Fear will enable us to carry thoughts, emotions and reactions to beliefs that feel very real, but are based on lies. For example, if we fear snakes, we will be on the lookout for them as we walk a narrow hiking trail in the mountains. When we come across a brown or black crooked object on the ground, we may think, “SNAKE” and run. But when we take a closer look we discover it’s a stick and our heart returns to our chest. Fear is programed in our minds from a past experience in order to keep us safe from the object we fear. 

But the truth is: most snakes are harmless. However, that doesn’t matter when we fear them. We’ll fear all snakes. 

The scriptures remind us that perfect love casts out fear. (I John 4:18, 19) So, the opposite of fear is love. Let’s consider some everyday fears versus the reaction of love.

Fear requires us to perform. When love is present, we desire to do well.

Fear will not maintain a healthy relationship, while love will be what holds a healthy relationship together. 

Fear will impede your responses. Love will bring you the freedom to respond.

Fear will keep you from taking risks or chances. Love allows the freedom to be a risk-taker. 

Fear will hold you back from maturity. Love is an encourager and promotes personal growth.

When in fear, you will hold back. When in love, you will give away more freely. 

Fear will cause you to lack confidence. Love grows confidence.

Fear can be full of self, while love is selfless. 

Yes, fear is real, but love is far more powerful. Ask God for more of His love so that fear is overwhelmed and has to retreat. “For God has not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (II Timothy 1:7)

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Challenge, Encouragement, History, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

When Leaders Marriages Go Awry and Steps to Maintaining Health

It is a well-known fact that John Wesley married late when he married Molly. John was 47 and Molly Vazeille, a widow with four children, was 41. Their courtship was 16 days long.

Wesley preached sermons the day before and the day after his marriage. Within a week, on a Sunday morning, Wesley referred to his marriage as a “cross” that he had to reluctantly bear. 

Wesley believed his ministry came first and that Molly would simply have to adjust what she desired for his call to ministry. 

Repeatedly, Molly complained that John was insensitive, always traveling, never home and not paying her any attention. John then tried to take Molly with him. Molly didn’t care for traveling hundreds of miles on horseback in the rain or having threats made on their very lives. 

John attempted to repair things, but in the end gave up as ministry remained first in his life. They never divorced, but remained separated. Molly disrespected her husband for his treatment of her both publicly and in the home. 

Lessons to be learned

As a leader, your marriage comes before your ministry. Scripture is repeatedly clear about this. When qualifications are mentioned for church leaders, it is one’s character and one’s family relationships that are highly considered. (See Titus 1:6-9.)

When a leader fails at leadership in his or her home, it will not be long until their public ministry fails also. 

What to do

  1. Be accountable in your marriage relationship with an overseer.
  2. Seek first His kingdom and care first for your marriage and family.
  3. Pursue counsel when needed so your marriage stays on course for the test of time.
  4. Repent quickly of wrongdoing in your marriage.
  5. Forgive deeply.
  6. Attend marriage seminars for challenge and growth.
  7. Read marriage books.
  8. Talk to your spouse and ask them how you can better serve and love them.
  9. Talk to your children about how you can better love your spouse, their parent.
  10. Pray together as a couple. Prayer is the most intimate act within marriage.
  11. Have fun together and take time to laugh regularly.
  12. Vacate everything and everyone a few times a year and spend a weekend dedicated to caring for your marriage.
  13. Daily walk out Colossians 1:28 and Galatians 4:19 and “Build Christ in one another.”
  14. Hold no secrets from each other. 
  15. Seek resolve with every disagreement.
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