Category Archives: Leadership

Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Men, Parents, Prayer, Training, Women

Finding Your Happy Pace

It is said that not everyone is a goal setter. There are those who live day-by-day; what will come will come and somehow get away with it. They specialize in not having a plan, being primarily spontaneous, and perhaps generally lacking or maybe even avoiding order. 

Then there are those who not only have a plan and goals, but they also have a list–a daily list. They love their list and especially enjoy crossing off those tasks completed. They feel productive and useful. And when they complete their list, only then can they rest. 

I personally fall into the latter group. I have lists for daily jobs, blogs I want to write, work I want to accomplish, and sermon messages I want to share. Checking off an accomplishment from my list gives me certain satisfaction. At the same time, I feel like I’m not missing things I should not miss. My lists are a reminder. While I am not driven by them, they help me find my pace.

If I don’t get through my list, then the items simply go to another day–no worries. I do not fret over my list if not every line item is accomplished. But I have a secret that I am going to let you in on. 

I start every day with God. I do not begin any list before I spend time with my Friend, my Savior, my Boss, and my Pace Setter. I want my list to honor Him first. And I want Him to be honored before my list. My priority is to “seek first the kingdom of God” and then knowing He will help me accomplish my list. 

The only way to really know someone is to spend time with them. The only way to have true direction is to hear your Father’s voice. He’s waiting to spend time with you, to speak to you, to love you and to share His thoughts so that your daily pace is directed by Him. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is a time for everything.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, In the news, Insecurity, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Singles, Training, Women

Maintaining Sexual Boundaries Within our Marriages and Ministries

It’s easy to cross a line today that should not be crossed, but has anyone ever sat you down and told you what some of those lines are? Most likely not. 

This blog is directed toward the male* leader who finds it confusing when complimented on his looks, clothes, his message or his ministry. Or who is responsible to provide counsel and input to such persons? How does one respond to such persons that offer compliments, especially if they are coming from an attractive woman? How can you not be drawn toward or read more into those words that are so flattering and meant specifically for you? 

(*Note: If you are a female pastoral leader to whom these principles will also apply, feel free to substitute the opposite gender references in this article.)

Let’s discuss some boundary lines that will provide wisdom and direction for you.

  1. Meeting alone with a woman in your office: I do not care how professional you think you are, no one is above being tempted by the evil one. Your heart and the heart of your counselee may be perfectly pure, but the enemy of your soul is fully impure. And for the other side of things… all she needs to do is leave your office and claim inappropriateness. You’ll fully understand the saying, “Guilty until proven innocent.” It can end your ministry. Require your female counselee to bring a friend, a female leader in her life or grab a coworker from your office (that she is comfortable with) to sit in with you.
  2. Do not ready yourself for that appointment. This means how you are dressed, how much cologne you wear, and what language you’ll use. All of these can be subtle messages.
  3. Touch means something. Do not hold her hand, stroke her arm or hug her to “comfort” her. Even teenage woman can be confused by your touch. Yes, people need touch and yes, they need hugs, but not in this environment of vulnerability. 
  4. Do not allow yourself to be cornered in a building or a room alone for a private conversation with the opposite sex. This too is dangerous for you and her. Make sure others are around and you both are visible. 
  5. Do not visit an opposite sex congregant alone. If visiting and you discover her husband or her roommate is not there, do not enter the threshold of that house.
  6. Do your best to not ride alone in a car with a woman who is not your wife or your relative.
  7. Watch your compliments. Compliments about hair, clothing, her recent diet and/or her appearance (especially her shape) in general should be refrained from. Compliments to a child or a senior can be appropriate.
  8. Do not fantasize or dream about woman who you have contact with. These imaginary contacts can actually prepare you for your next connection in a very unhealthy way. 
  9. When you are approached and complimented by that certain woman politely thank her and move on from the conversation. Do not probe further into why she is complimenting you or how she feels about you. When that compliment turns into something like, “Oh, pastor, you’re looking good today” or “Have you been working out lately?” laugh it off and change the subject as soon as you can. Do not acknowledge her compliment or agree with her. 
  10. If you find yourself attracted or see signs of attraction, move away from the situation spiritually, emotionally, and physically. As a leader, you are more than your feelings and thoughts; you are committed to righteousness. Maintain an accountability partner that you can confess to and pray with. Pursue integrity and a proper fear of God. 

Psalm 19:14 is your prayer. “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

You are complete in the Lord (Colossians 2:10) and do not need another opposite sex relationship in your life to bring security or esteem to you. 

You have a two-fold focus when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex: God and your wife (if married). The book of Proverbs reminds us to drink water from your own cistern (Proverbs 5:15). 

As we walk in the proper fear of God, we will only desire to obey Him and be faithful to our spouse. 

  • Proverbs 1:7:

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

  • Proverbs 9:10:

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

  • Proverbs 14:26:

“In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge.”


I’ve told you this ahead of time, before it happens, so that when it does happen, the confirmation will deepen your belief in me. I’ll not be talking with you much more like this because the chief of this godless world is about to attack. But don’t worry—he has nothing on me, no claim on me. But so the world might know how thoroughly I love the Father, I am carrying out my Father’s instructions right down to the last detail. “Get up. Let’s go. It’s time to leave here. (John 14:30 The Message)

I love how in this passage Jesus was confident that the enemy “has nothing on me.” May the enemy of your soul have nothing on you as you determine to walk in integrity, high moral character, accountability, the fear of the Lord and eyes only for one woman–your wife!

(Thanks to Joe McKeever for inspiration on some of the thoughts above.)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Training, Women

Is Marriage First or Is Ministry First?

Church planting and/or pastoral ministry is a huge undertaking, and it is not a 9-5 job. Pastors serve congregants all hours of the day and night. There is a high expectation placed upon a pastor’s life and schedule.

There are births, deaths, weddings, counseling, hospital visits, family visits all beside sermon prep, teaching, preaching and oversight of multiple ministries within the local church. It certainly can be overwhelming and far more than normal fulltime employment. 

For most, pastoral ministry is a calling and a passion. 

However, pastors have a marriage and children who can often feel as though they come after the ministry. Learning to put marriage before ministry can be a daunting challenge. I Timothy 5: 8 reminds us of a biblical priority, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Here are some helps to keep pastoral ministry and marriage in their proper perspective:

Love your spouse more than your ministry. If you have a congregation of 100 persons, you will never please everyone. But you do need to please your spouse. If you are prioritizing the needs of your congregation above the needs of your family, you are already missing the mark biblically. Your first church is your marriage and your children.

    Attempting to gain the approval of 100 persons is impossible, but it is not impossible to gain the approval of your immediate family. And here’s something to commit to memory: another can pastor your congregation, but no one else is called to lead and care for your marriage and family. (See Ephesians 5: 25-28.)

    • Pursue intimacy from your marriage and not your ministry. Your ministry is not the one that you are called to romance. Many pastors’ marriages have fallen to pieces because ministry was their mistress. Your spouse is more important than any one congregant and she/he should feel that. If your spouse observes that you’ve been out too many nights, listen and ask what a better balance might be. Specifically talk about evening ministry versus daytime ministry. 

    Create a regular date night and take a weekly family day. When ministry does take the priority and interrupts your marital priorities there will be more understanding given to you from your family. 

    • Pastors have marriage issues just like anyone else. Do not sell yourself short in realizing that your marriage needs marriage retreats and seminars. Do not avoid counseling. If there is a need in your marriage, then lead by example and find appropriate input and help. 
    • Pastors frequently deal with conflicts arising within their church family and are often expected to help resolve issues. That said, you dare not enter the threshold of your home and sink into an easy chair avoiding your own family’s issues. If your family is dealing with a conflict, then you are part of the solution as well. Just because you have heavy situations within the church does not mean you receive a pass from directly dealing with home issues. 

    Dealing with conflict among others means you must develop the skill of listening. That skill is needed in your home also. Do not turn a deaf ear to the cries of your spouse.

    Making sure that your heart is in your home as well as your ministry will serve you well. More than likely your marriage was before your ministry. And your marriage will remain after your ministry, so keep it the highest priority. Your spouse and your children will love and respect you for it. 

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    Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Politics, Training

    Social Media Dissension and How You and I Are Part of the Problem

    If you are like me, you’re tempted to cast your vote toward the negative side when there is a social media post about someone you dislike, someone who pushes the values you do not stand for or someone who does not speak for you. And yet, their platform might be larger than yours or mine. It’s a challenge when every known opinion is exposed today for all to read. The sad fact is though, it may not be the truth or the whole truth. Unfortunately, we can get caught up in reacting to a post that may or may not be accurate. (It is well known now that even “fact checkers” can stand with one side.)

    You cast your opinion for all to read on social media. You gain a few likes. It comes and goes with each new day, but your words remain on that page. Now others see how to identify you or how to characterize you. It’s a sad reality of social media and the freedom we have in expressing our opinion on any matter, often of which we have no power or purpose to change.

    When you and I express a strong opinion to which some of your personal relationships disagree with, you have now effectively isolated yourself and/or placed an enmity between you and your friend. At the very least, an antagonism or an animosity to avoid. Even writing this blog forces me to face that reality.

    You have the freedom to speak against anyone including the president of the United States, but is it the right thing to do? You have the freedom (in this nation) to express your opinion about any authority you disagree with. 

    Along those lines, I desire to provide for you some scriptures to reflect upon, to consider before you write that next post. For the believer, there is a different standard than the world. For the Christ follower, our speech is to be reflective of our Lord and His love. When we forget this, we easily entertain the flesh and what feels right rather than what is right. 

    First, always maintain a position of honor toward authority (words in bold for emphasis of the point):

    I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. (I Timothy 2:1-4)

    Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, 2 to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. 9 But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. 10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. (Titus 3:1-2, 9-10)

    Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience. 13 Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy.(Romans 13:1,5,13)

    • What is dissension? The Greek word translated as “dissensions” in the New Testament is dichostasia, which literally means “standing apart” or “division.”
    • Dissensions are presented as a negative force that disrupts relationships, creates factions, and hinders the progress of God’s work.
    • Dissension is purposefully creating division and disagreement among relational connections and scripturally determined to be ungodly or sinful.

    Dissension in the scriptures:

    29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.(Ephesians 4:29-32)

    14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

    16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

    19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

    22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:14-23)

    7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Galatians 6:7-10)

    I learned a long time ago there are three sides to every story of which our media today nor social media present in any unbiased fashion. Those three sides are: your side; the other side and the truth. Unfortuanately, we are inundated with one-sided information today. 

    Remember: In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines. (Proverbs 18:17)

    Thank you for hearing God’s heart, identifying with his word and truly desiring to honor His word with your speech. May all we say, may all we write and may all the ways we influence others bring glory to God!

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

    Does Going Through a Rough Patch in Our Marriage Disqualify Us from Ministry?

    Every marriage has it challenges and some more than others. Does that disqualify us from ministry in our local church or elsewhere? The answer? Yes and no.

    The first step is assessment. How long have we had this struggle? Is it a repeated struggle? Have we sought counsel for this particular issue? Do we avoid finding solutions? Are we actively trying to find solutions? Are we being stubborn and refusing personal change? Are either one of us in active sin? Are we blaming our spouse solely for the struggle and not taking any personal responsibility? 

    The answers to these questions can help us determine whether we should be involved in ministry during this season of our relationship.

    We recently experienced a couple sharing with us they feel disqualified for entering a couples’ ministry at this time because they are attempting to work through some of their own marriage issues. I asked them if they ever struggle raising their children or have they made huge mistakes in parenting. They said, “yes.” I then asked them if they should stop parenting or perhaps consider adopting out their children. As ridiculous as that sounds, sometimes it’s just as ridiculous to think disqualification from ministry over aggressively pursuing marital healing.

    You must know if you can minister to others while experiencing conflict yourself, but neither does the conflict always disqualify you from serving others. It is out of our own pain sometimes that we learn to help others. And healed people can bring healing to many!

    The key is, after assessment, chase healing. Give it everything you have and pursue growth in your marriage and in your individual lives. As we heal individually, our marriage will also experience healing. There is no perfect marriage, but we serve a perfect Savior who possesses all the answers we need for our daily life challenges!

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    Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Training, Women

    Can Divorced Persons Serve in Church Leadership?

    I have been asked this question multiple times. I am not the final authority, but one thing I know for sure is that not every divorce is sinful, but most are the result of sin. 

    “Not every divorce is sinful.” Does that statement in and of itself leave room for the divorced to be placed in local church leadership? I believe it does and here’s why.

    Historically divorce was rare in the United States, and it was easy to simply say that divorced persons could not serve in leadership. In other words, in the rare case of divorce, denying leadership responsibilities was easy, quick and involved far less discussion and prayer. But that position can be punishing and made more so out of tradition.

    With the changes in divorce proceedings and forced divorce, i.e., no-fault divorce, we are left with multiple interpretations of scripture. Also, one must decide if they desire to be led by feelings and culture or scriptural precedent. As a counselor, I often heard the following, “How can it be so wrong if it feels so right?”

    Well, lots of things can be wrong that feel right. So, leaving selfishness behind, let’s delve into the question. 

    First, divorce in and of itself is bringing trauma to the family. It rips apart two adults who have become one in covenantal relationship, and it is devastating to children. Kids do not care about 2 +2 if mom and dad are ending their marriage and affecting all the security they need, know, love and crave. As churches desire to be “relevant to culture,” they will cave to the feeling side of divorce. Church leaders in an effort to not offend will compromise the scripture. 

    But God “hates” divorce (Malachi 2:16) because He knows what it does to individuals, families, extended families and ultimately to culture. I love when leaders are compassionate to those who have experienced the trauma of divorce, but that compassion dare not lead to an unscriptural view. 

    Many who experience divorce would tell me that it occurred before they were Christians. However, marriage is not a Christian act; it’s a creation act of God. That means that any and all marriage vows are spoken to God until death do we part. 

    Timing in divorced leaders is important. If the divorce was a year ago or even three plus years ago, there needs to be time, a season to observe the prospective leader’s character and integrity. How have they grown through what occurred them? What was the cause of the divorce and was it scriptural to divorce?  Has there been a remarriage of either party? Was there repentance and ownership taken for their part in the marriage ending? Have they received counseling for the wound(s) of divorce on the soul and spirit?

    Paul told Timothy (I Timothy 3:2,12) that an elder must be the husband of one wife. Did that mean one wife versus multiples wives (polygamy)? Did that mean only one marriage partner for life? Or did that mean the divorced and remarried person is simply disqualified since they are now living with a second wife or husband?

    The literal Greek translation was “one-woman man.” This meant a man who walks in integrity with eyes and faithfulness toward one woman and one woman only–his wife. The focus was and is moral purity. 

    My personal reasoning behind this is that scripture did allow divorce for marital unfaithfulness and for abandonment. The church must focus on Christlikeness in character, longstanding integrity and godly leadership. Why? Because leaders are to be an example to the body of Christ–ones to emulate. 

    Divorce is not God’s plan, and it will never be. With that clearly stated, we live in a fallen world and divorce is a part of it just as multiple other fallen nature things are. Redemption has come through Christ and He redeems the whole of man, not just partial aspects of mankind. We live and we walk in His redemption, through His shed blood and by receiving the forgiveness of our sin. (Ephesians 1:7)

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    Challenge, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Politics

    When Political Leaders Disappoint Us

    So many Americans (and persons from other nations) have become disappointed in their political leaders, especially in the last several decades. There has been a lot of discouragement with government figures and that goes for any side of the aisle you find yourself on. 

    And it’s not just their political decisions, but their integrity as well. There has been enough lying going around, scandalous affairs, stealing, misappropriation of funds and the like to become disillusioned with almost all politicians. It’s heartbreaking really. Who can we trust? 

    A major result of all this is voters become apathetic and stop trusting anyone who runs for office. We lose faith in their vision and in the leaders themselves. Another result is that we tend to give our favored candidates a pass or the benefit of the doubt, even when doing wrong (which we purposely fail to point out). To the opposing side, we let them have it on social media and anybody who will listen. We can be so busy tearing them apart that we don’t know how to speak words that affirm.

    Here’s a truth: wrong is still wrong and right is still right. There is no double standard. When politicians say wrong things publicly, they should be held accountable publicly. When they take wrong action, their party should hold them accountable. It is as simple as that. Instead, each party defends the wrong in their party and then accentuates the wrong they identify in the opposing side. 

    Losing faith in leadership is detrimental to the good of our or any nation.

    What do we do?

    For those of us who follow a Savior, we must get back to putting Him first. We must look to Him before we look to a politician. He is “the author and finisher of our faith.” (Hebrews 12:2) Jesus is The Leader, our leader who first cared for us. No politician can save you, only Jesus. 

    Secondly, season with salt your conversations. I frequently travel to a nation where it is illegal to criticize the government. How do believers respond to this requirement? They stick with Jesus. Our nation could use some of that wisdom. (See Colossians 4:6.)

    Third, please remember we are light because He is Light and light dispells darkness. You cannot be light and at the same time offer snarky, meanspirited, dark answers about political persons or those who support them. Let your conversation be seasoned with salt AND light. (See Matthew 5:13-16.)

    Lastly, pray for your leaders. If you pray in one breath, it is pretty difficult to criticize with the other. If you take issue with a certain position, feel free to write a letter to the appropriate person, but then pray. (See I Timothy 2:1-4; Romans 13:1.) Your critical attitude helps no one. Your prayerful attitude blesses everyone.

    Politics has become extremely divisive, but you don’t have to be!

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    Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Insecurity, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Training

    Critics, We All Have Them

    Writing anything and then publishing or posting online places you in a position for targeted criticism. What you write will most likely be helpful for many (if that’s your aim), but there are those who were born to be your personal critic. 

    I wrote an article on pre- and postmarital counseling for a national magazine once and the following month the only letters to the editor they printed about my article were negative ones. I asked the editor of the magazine if there were any positive or affirming letters about the article and they replied, “Oh yeah, but that doesn’t sell magazines.” Thanks!

    Write anything on social media and you’ll have the critic police letting you know everything you said was incorrect and you should be stopped immediately. Never mind that they are under the delusional thought they’re always right and their opinion is the only one that counts. 

    It’s disheartening to work so hard on something, to be assured that your facts are straight and noted and that you incorporated multiple pre-readers only to have someone tear it all to pieces. 

    And reviews? Forget about it! Having books listed on Amazon opens you to all kinds of inaccurate cruelty. I once received a one-star rating on a book because they looked at one appendix and then judged the whole book on why you shouldn’t buy it based on that information only. And there is no chance of fighting with Amazon about misleading reviews. Seems they love the controversy as well. 

    Jesus was criticized once for healing a man with a withered hand on the Sabbath. They said He was “working” on the Sabbath. No matter what you do you’ll find critics. Even if you change something to suit them, they will find something else to criticize. 

    I have some good news for you. You do not need their approval. You are not required to change for your critics. Can there be some truth in what they say? Yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are not your cheerleaders. Keep your focus on what God has called you to and work as unto Him.

    Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23 (NIV)

    Everyone has a right to their opinion, and you have the right to either listen to it or not.

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    A Message to the Newly Married or the Soon to Be Married

    In another two months my wife and I will be married for 50 years. I hope that counts for something. 

    When we look back, it’s easy to identify multiple mistakes that we made. It’s as well, easy to identify those decisions that worked. Taking responsibility for our decisions and their outcome is a major step toward maturity in a marriage relationship. Good decisions reap good outcomes and bad decisions reap a consequence that we both must own and then grow from. 

    So, those thoughts lead me to pen some advice from an older married couple. Here goes:

    • Stay away from major discussions or decisions if you’re hungry or tired.
    • Treat your spouse the way you desire to be treated. (Luke 6:31)
    • Place your spouse ahead of yourself (Philippians 2:3-4).
    • Never leave or return home without finding each other and sharing a kiss and an “I love you.”
    • Make each other laugh. Have fun. (Proverbs 17:22)
    • Your most intimate connection is praying together (Matthew 18:19).
    • Do not look for 100% agreement in everything. Accept that you will always enjoy some personal differences. They’ll make you a better team.
    • Realize that agreement is greater than disagreement (Amos 3:3).
    • Conflict is inevitable and part of a close relationship. Conflict is not wrong, however; conflict without compromise and then finding a resolve is wrong.
    • Build a livable, agreeable budget and stick to it.  
    • Always have a short-term savings and a long-term savings.
    • Do your best to stay out of debt (Proverbs 22:7).
    • Never maintain a credit card balance (Psalms 37:21).
    • Give one another a monthly spending allowance.
    • Doing without lots of things can save your marriage.
    • Hold hands…a lot.
    • Write love notes and send cards in the mail to one another.
    • Bring home surprises for each another.
    • Date your spouse and when children arrive, date your children.
    • Check your pockets before putting your clothes in the wash.
    • Men, put the toilet seat down.
    • Divide cleaning responsibilities along with other household duties.
    • Take lots of time to talk and enjoy conversation.
    • Keep the TV and other devices out of or turned off in your bedroom.
    • Make your bedroom a special place where you end your day and then begin your day together.
    • No kids in your bedroom.
    • Remember that romance is not over once you’re married; it just began.
    • Always have at least one meal together every day, two if possible.
    • Keep complaining to a minimum; keep praise to a maximum.
    • Sit on the porch or deck together. No porch/deck? Build one.
    • Learn the skill of listening, not just talking.
    • Always construct in private.
    • When children arrive, remember they will be one of your most important contributions to your world; so treat them with love, respect, provide life-giving correction and don’t give them to someone else to raise.

    There are more, but that’s for another time. 

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    Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Prayer

    Does Your Serving Jesus Get in the Way of Your Knowing Him?

    After a week of rest at a retreat center, I found myself hearing and thinking lots of different thoughts. I have been winding down my full-time work with DOVE International and was taking the time to ask God what’s next. The following are some of my interactions with Him.

    Doing has always been important to me. I love work and I, for one, am grateful that God gave us the gift of work. I love labor and the results thereof. I love ministry and its results. I love fulfilling God’s call on my life. But sometimes, I am His “helper.” This week He revealed He already has a Helper, Holy Spirit. 

    I can be driven, especially with labor. My wife tells me all the time, “Steve, stop, you’ve done enough for today.” And I just want to finish one more thing. Am I driven or am I drawn when it comes to my relationship with my heavenly Father?

    Sometimes I need to remind myself that Jesus had 12 disciples and then He had 11. In Mark chapter six, Jesus sent His disciples out to do ministry, to preach the kingdom. Upon their return His counsel was, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” He must have seen the weariness in their eyes.

    Matthew 13:1 records a habit that I believe Jesus walked in, “That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake.” Jesus, the Son of God, took time with His Father and sat by a body of water to refresh Himself, His spirit, His soul. I asked myself this week what refreshes me, what rejuvenates me?

    You and I need a constant sabbath. God rested from creation as an example to us. We are each capable of a lot, but are we called to always say “yes?” I heard someone say this week, “Sometimes the word ‘no’ is a complete sentence.” My Lord was always active in doing the Father’s will, but He never seemed to be in a hurry. He labored out of rest. 

    Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me–watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. 

    (Matthew 11:28-30 The Message version)

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